Busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Maybe they're analogies, who cares, what's your favorite?
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Busier than a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Maybe they're analogies, who cares, what's your favorite?
dude gets more ass than a toilet seat (I know, I know, lame, but trying to get the ball rolling for the really funny mags)
If i had your money, I'd burn my own
Overheard this one at a kid's birthday party (8 y/o) this summer:
My kid pulls more tail than a retard at a petting zoo.
I get more bumper than a tow truck.
Doesn't really work with today's type of tow trucks though.
Hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock.
I'd eat a mile of her shit to see where it came from.
I'd crawl over a mile of razor blades to smell her snatch through a screen door.
^^My old, southern boss was full of these when I was a teen. I'll have to try and remember some more.
^OMG I forgot about this. I worked with a guy who told me one once. We were at an airport waiting for a flight and this is what he said after the bartender took our orders.
"I would drag my balls through a mile of hot coals just to jerk off in the shadow of the guy that is fucking that".
I seriously couldn't keep my shit together. His dry look on his face all the time and direct attitude is what completely sold it too. This one has to be my favorite.
I believe the term is idiom. A euphemism is a term used to descried something better than it actually is. Example: Calling a garbage man a sanitation engineer.
I'm kinda drunk so I'm trying not to sound like a dick.
I think southerners have a way with these sayings that no one up north can even fathom. With straight faces at that.Quote:
Originally Posted by zion zig zag
A couple more come to mind:
That girl/dude looks rode hard and put away wet.
Working with ______ is like trying to push molasses through a screen door in January. In Vermont.
An idiom is when you use a common phrase that isn't predictable based on the normal use of those words. i.e. it's cold as a witch's tit outside.
This thread has me thinking of quotes from the Naked Gun movies, even though they aren't quite the same. Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes. Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.
"like a one legged cat trying to bury turds on a frozen pond."
he was born on third base and acts like he hit a triple.
(too may of these type douches in this town)
Son, you'd rather jack off a mountain lion with a burr in each hand than fuck with me...
As ugly as ten miles of bad road.
As ugly as a lizard on a mud fence.
she fell out of the ugly tree,
and hit every branch on the way down
Only time there's not two sides to a story is when there's three.
[awkward guy] looks like a monkey fucking a football.
Hes gayer than a pink fart.
Busier than a brick layer in Baghdad
i dont know whether to shit or go blind
That's a sore pecker deal. Can't beat it.
drier than a popcorn fart.
It'll shine like a diamond in a goat's ass!
he's more useless than 22 tits on 11 nuns.
I could shit through a screen door from 30 yards and nothing would stick.
I'd rather jump ass first into a dildo factory than _________
Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra.
...from an SC boy.
He could fuck up a two car funeral
Busier than a one-armed paper hanger with the itch
Worthless as tits on a bull
From my father in law (RIP). Flippin' goldmine for stuff like this
Worthless as tits on a duck.
That was either the prettiest monster or the ugliest woman I ever saw.
So cold it'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
Well, it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. (said about something that sucks pretty hard)
That there is bout as much fun as pullin a porcupine outta a mailbox!
When watching something that can only be described as a clusterfuck,
"It's like watching a pack of baboons trying to fuck a beach ball"
Faster'n a dog shittin' tacks.
Ya can't polish a turd.
I'm sweating like a lesbian at a cock-fight.
Colder than titty-fucking a dead witch.
I'd rather have a bottle-in-front-of me, than to be kicked in the balls by a mule.
Slicker than a puddle of piss on a parquet floor.
Uglier than a bucket of assholes.
I'm out like a blind kid in dodgeball.
I'd rather have a bottle-in-front-of me, than a frontal lobotomy.Quote:
Originally Posted by TeleHoar
Tighter than a 12 year old.
My Dad (an old rancher) has a shitton of great ones. Recently was talking to him on the drive home, I could no more do that than throw a bull by the balls. I told him I remember once about 30 years ago when he steer wrestled a cow that was charging him in the middle of a pasture. Yeah, shit. That happen to me now that bitch'd knock the bones right out my mouth.