The year Secret Santa was asked not to return...

..for if he did his body would burn.

It was the night before work
he was building a gift, the gift of a jerk
A low hum rung through the house
it was subtle, like an anus wrapped mouse.

He went to the store and shopped with care
Hoping to find a gift that would scare
When much to his surprise
an electric toothbrush called to his eyes

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3562

It's buzzing vibration caused quite a clatter.
Would giving it to a female co-worker matter?
A pink tip and toilet paper roll would be just the thing
to help make this giant vibrator sing.

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3563

He'd wrap it with tape and set it to "on"
That'd keep things moving for this plastic dong.

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3564

Covered in paper and shaking with glee.
The innocent toothbrush prepared it's comic decree.

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3565

Um, yeah, so I suck at rhyming, but I have a feeling the secret santa lunch tomorrow is either going to be really funny or really awkward. The poor girl has to open this thing in public while we're out at lunch and it will be shaking.

Pure evil. I love it!

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaahahahahaha!!!!

Love it, MD. :FIREdevil

1,000,000 points to the man in the sheep suit....baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

You outdo yourself occasionally and this is one of those occasions.

HOLY SHIT!!! Best...gift...evar!!!!

That's pure brilliance. What else is there to say?

"...and that's how I got fired from my job and asked to go back to Utah."

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Originally Posted by The AD

What else is there to say?

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Oral fixation, perhaps.

Taped delivery of said gift could give you an extra billion points or so in addition.......


Me digas.

Wish my office party was litle more like that, I would be canned for sure. :biggrin:

Omfg....yep that one would have some heads spinning in my office. Nicely done!

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Originally Posted by phUnk

"...and that's how I got fired from my job and asked to go back to Utah."

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Win win deal.

:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

I'd pay to see that gift exchange.

I'll play the nancy boy here, but that is a tough gift to give. Not great to get the "gag" gift when everyone else is getting normal stuff. I know that I wouldn't want to get a penis enlarger at the company holiday party.

You're kind of getting into sexual harrassment terrain here.

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Originally Posted by Stu Gotz

You're kind of getting into sexual harrassment terrain here.

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Dude, it's a toothbrush.

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Originally Posted by iceman

Dude, it's a toothbrush.

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Exactly. It' an innocent gift. ;) Besides the whole point behind our Secret Santa thing is to be funny.

A couple of years back we had a secret Santa and a guy in our office (who was always rather inappropriate) bought a female member of staff a vibrator. Our boss, a born again Christian who has had a rather sheltered upbringing, picked it up and started fiddling with it. After looking at it in a puzzled way for a few minutes, he asked whether it was a torch.

I had to feign a trip to the gents at that juncture.

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Originally Posted by iceman

Dude, it's a toothbrush.

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True.

"Besides the whole point behind our Secret Santa thing is to be funny."

Ahh, I missed that point. You cannot imply with me. I have no funny bone.

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Originally Posted by bad_roo

A couple of years back we had a secret Santa and a guy in our office (who was always rather inappropriate) bought a female member of staff a vibrator. Our boss, a born again Christian who has had a rather sheltered upbringing, picked it up and started fiddling with it. After looking at it in a puzzled way for a few minutes, he asked whether it was a torch.

I had to feign a trip to the gents at that juncture.

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Nice.

One year I wrapped up various left-over meats (hamburger, sausage, etc...no plastic wrap or anything) in wrapping paper. This particular Secret Santa thing was one where the gifts go around like musical chairs. The person who got my gift opened it up and held the various pieces of meat bare handed in some weird state of shock, trying to figure out just what they were and how they worked together. Everyone else in the room was just as confused. Meanwhile I'm laughing my guts up in the corner with meats of evil.

Meat, the gift that keeps on giving.

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Originally Posted by meatdrink9

The person who got my gift opened it up and held the various pieces of meat bare handed in some weird state of shock, trying to figure out just what they were and how they worked together.

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:biggrin: Priceless...this keeps getting better and better.

I'm guessing that the folks in his office already have a good fix on MDs patented brand of humour and that an electric toothbrush to vibrator is par for his tenure.

Excellent gift, BTW!

Does the Batman electric toothbrush have that gum stimulator thingy too?

That's the funniest sh1t I've seen in a long time. Have to remember that for next year...

I hope you work in a very open minded office! My whole group was almost fired at my last job when a new woman didn't like our jokes. We had even toned it down big time when she was hired but what we thought was nothing set her off.

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Originally Posted by Keoni

Does the Batman electric toothbrush have that gum stimulator thingy too?

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This question seems to come with some experience in this matter...

It's not quite as bad as a vibrator/toothbrush, but we're a bunch of engineers.

We had a white elephant gift exchange last year, and my boss picked up some will-writing software for the exchange. The recepient didn't find it nearly as funny as the rest of us.

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Originally Posted by AntiSoCalSkier

It's not quite as bad as a vibrator/toothbrush, but we're a bunch of engineers.

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http://www.varietyclubofmanitoba.ca/Ed%20mcMahon.JPG

YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!

Well it's done. One guy gave another dude some sort cream to rub on his balls that was supposed to be steroids. My boss gave the other account girl a pair of underwear with a forged signature from Danny Hinote and a photoshopped picture of him in the underwear. The joke behind this is that a few weeks ago in Aspen the account girl woke up with Dan Hinote half naked in her hotel room. Apparently the girl she was sharing a room with brought him back that night.

And for my gift: It sat there shaking while everybody laughed. The girl was really cautious to pick it up and unwrap it. It took awhile to unwrap and she was blushing pretty bad. When she finally saw what it was she started laughing and then threw the wrapping stuff at me. Then they stuffed the egg/cardboard thing in the Dan Hinote underwear.

Ok so for my secret santa this year, it's this guy who just broke up with his wife, and he's been screwing another one of our co-workers for a few months now. I was thinking of getting him a bunch of maxim/stuff magazines, or that new Heidi Klum book (he's that kind of guy...male pig type, although he's generally really nice...). What should I get him?

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Originally Posted by divegirl

Ok so for my secret santa this year, it's this guy who just broke up with his wife, and he's been screwing another one of our co-workers for a few months now. I was thinking of getting him a bunch of maxim/stuff magazines, or that new Heidi Klum book (he's that kind of guy...male pig type, although he's generally really nice...). What should I get him?

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How about a box of jimmy hats and a book on workplace ethics?

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Originally Posted by divegirl

Ok so for my secret santa this year, it's this guy who just broke up with his wife, and he's been screwing another one of our co-workers for a few months now. I was thinking of getting him a bunch of maxim/stuff magazines, or that new Heidi Klum book (he's that kind of guy...male pig type, although he's generally really nice...). What should I get him?

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Condoms and Spanish Fly.

Oh: and the ten commandments stencilled on a rock.

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Originally Posted by meatdrink9

Well it's done. One guy gave another dude some sort cream to rub on his balls that was supposed to be steroids. My boss gave the other account girl a pair of underwear with a forged signature from Danny Hinote and a photoshopped picture of him in the underwear. The joke behind this is that a few weeks ago in Aspen the account girl woke up with Dan Hinote half naked in her hotel room. Apparently the girl she was sharing a room with brought him back that night.

And for my gift: It sat there shaking while everybody laughed. The girl was really cautious to pick it up and unwrap it. It took awhile to unwrap and she was blushing pretty bad. When she finally saw what it was she started laughing and then threw the wrapping stuff at me. Then they stuffed the egg/cardboard thing in the Dan Hinote underwear.

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Awesome. But who the hell is Dan Inote?

Professionally Hockey Striker er... I mean Player. Plays for the Avalanche.

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Originally Posted by Tippster

Oh: and the ten commandments stencilled on a rock.

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With a new eleventh commandment added: Thou shalt not dork thy co-worker.

What, nobody's given a chin-strap yet?

Best chin strap story ever...

I dated a girl a long time ago who had a 7 yr old brother. She also had a 13-14 yr old brother who played baseball. Of course he wore a cup to practice. The 7 yr old was always a little intrigued by the whole ball cover. He'd mess w/ it on occasion, punch his brother when he had it on, the regular stuff.

So for x-mas he wanted the football outfit that every kid wants, the hutch helmet and shoulder pads w/ the jersey. X-mas finally comes and he rips into the presents. He rips one open and immediately goes to the next one looking for the football uniform. He finally gets ahold of it and lays in. As soon as he has the paper off he rips into the box. He starts pulling everything out, pants first, shoulder pads, then the helmet. He looks inside the helmet and gets REALLY excited... "awesome, look, it has a DINK PAD" as he holds up the chin strap. Needless to say everyone started laughing.

Hey J,

What can I say but this just goes to prove that the entire fabric of the space time continum is not only curved,but in fact is totally bent!

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Originally Posted by Lurch

I hope you work in a very open minded office! My whole group was almost fired at my last job when a new woman didn't like our jokes. We had even toned it down big time when she was hired but what we thought was nothing set her off.

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Fuck her & that Self righteously indignated hypocritical B.S.!