Yikes.

I have a new roommate.
She is a girl.
I just got home from work and there were two dozen Hershey Kiss wrappers on the coffee table, and she was curled up on the couch under a blanket watching snow on the TV.
Then she asked me to play with her.
Then she started complaining about how she was getting fat.
Then she started skipping around the apartment.
Then she started crying.
Then she started laughing hysterically about the fact that she was crying.
Then she ran into my room and started talking about something that I ignored at about 100 mph.
I think it may be her time of the month.
Or she is insane.

That is all.

Oh God. I think I hooked-up with a few girls like that back in High School. Run for the hills.

Move. Now.

she's not on the lease is she?

Unless she's on some great illicit drugs and is willing to share them:

You're fucked.

Sounds like a kooky chick to me. (Stay away)

Is she all hippied out? Like a space-brain weirdo type?

Yeah, she's on the lease. She's acctually been a really good roomate, but she kind of looses touch with reality every once in a while. I guess Aunt Flow must really put her off her rocker.

did you play with her?

i hear chocolate is an aphrodisiac.

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Originally posted by basom
did you play with her?

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A real gentleman never takes part in a tea party and tells.

Okay, Duder is a little slow today or something...

"Aunt Flow"????

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Originally posted by Duder
Okay, Duder is a little slow today or something...

"Aunt Flow"????

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Uh....yes?

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Originally posted by Iceman:
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:D

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edit: c'mon, duder, work with me here.

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Originally posted by iceman
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:D
:D
:D
:D

Ah yes, I'm an idiot.
Thanks for the clarification.

Bwaaahhhhh!!!

:D

Quote:

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Originally posted by Duder
Ah yes, I'm an idiot.
Thanks for the clarification.

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Still doesn't get it, me thinks. :D

What is this, the fuckin' school yard now??

If this were the school yard and we were just playing dodge ball, you'd be the fat slow kid.

:D

Good One HF, I guess you got me.

fuckin cuck norris
http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.../dodgeball.jpg

Alright, stoke up the fire.

First off, you need to get the hell out. I'm talking De Niro in Heat, get the fuck out. This girl that sub let my room in Chicago was exactly like this.

I was flipping because I was running out of time and had to move back to CO, so I did the craigslist thing and some other assorted roomates dot com shit. Well this girl, we'll call her Alabama, calls up and says she's interested. She's a psychiatrist at one of the university hospitals and is about to move back out to LA, but needs a place for three months. My roommates are going through the roof for a girl. The amount of smut in that 3BR apartment would do a Phunk avatar proud. Anywho, she calls again and explains her life history. Grew up in Manhattan, went to Mrs. Porter's. Columbia undergrad, UCLA post, and Doc.

In the back of my mind I'm questioning why this girl wants a piece of this. Well, 1.5 hours later she shows up. I talked her in like Cougar. Basically the Addison stop on the Brown to Sedgwick. Meet her. She's a decent looking girl. could lose a few, but in all not bad. she stays for 2 hours.

comes by the next day and the roommates meet her. she yaps a lot, they play the prep school name game and she leaves. My roommate utters words he'll regret forever "Look, do we say yes to Pocahantas, or do we keep interviewing every vagar that answers an e-mail?"

So I give the thumbs up. she goes out with us on my last night out and begins to reveal what a slut she is. I mean this in what I thought at the time was a good way.

I pack up and leave for CO with this girl owing me a half month's rent. Check is apparently still in the mail.

This however, is where it gets good. I've started my new gig. Skied two times since being back, good times. second week of work hate mail of all forms is inundating me, voice, e-, and snail.

My ex-roommates are en fuego. This girl won't shut up. Drinks like a Puerto Rican on payday. Won't shut up. Is constantly bringing guys back and then does the cigarette out of mouth walk of shame, multiple times a week.

I fend them off and apologize for the next month or so. Then I get this e-mail "SHE HAD A FUCKING MISCARRIAGE ON MY MOTHERFUCKING COUCH!!!"

One of my ex-roommates likes to put a second coat of paint on some stories. I e-mail back that again I'm sorry, but to lay off a little. My other roommate chimes in that the above really did happen.

True story. Slut didn't even know she was pregnant or whom she was impregnated by.

thats not Auntie flow thats GRANDMA FLOW

Whoa! Gnarly!!!

Another yikes roomate story....

Last year around Thanksgiving time, I had one roommate move out. When informed by my landlord that she would still have to pay rent unless she found someone to sublet, she flipped out. After about 2 weeks, she found a subleaser, problem was she didn't bother to tell the landlord, myself or the two other people living there. She just gave the guy a key and had him sign a handwritten (in pink pen!) subleasing form.

Anyways, coming back to school after Thanksgiving weekend, just we found this guy in our house. First, we're college students all either 21 or 22 and he was about 30 years old. Second, he seemed a bit slow... After talking to him for about 5 minutes, he openly informed us that he had had two strokes. Both had been cause by overdoses (one cocaine, don't remember the other). He also informed us that he had a drinking problem and got kicked out of his Moms house because he had been in a fight with his girlfriend (who we later discovered lived in a 1989 Chevy Lumina). Turns out that his mom's house was actually a retirement community and in the fight, he had suffered a concusion because as he was chocking his girlfriend she hit him in the head with a bat. Needless to say, after 10 minutes of conversation we were all freaked out.

After we got away from him, we hid in a bedroom and called our landlord, only to find the she was still out of town from Thanksgiving. Unsure of what to do, we went out of the bedroom (at this point, we all had some sort of concealled weapon) and he began talking to us again... This is where things got really wierd.

That night, we learned that he was a "tribal historian" for a local Indian tribe and he was searching all around the community (hicksville Wisconsin) for the "5 Crystals of Light" that would lead him to the ancient Indian ruins of his Indian tribe (he wasn't actually Indian he was "adopted" by the tribe). He had found 4 of the crystals and only needed one more. While he was showing us the crystals he had, he began to talk in some crazy jiberish that apparently was engraved on his crystals. To me, the crystals just looked like pieces of rock, but apparently said if you polished them you could read them better. After more stories like this, we told him that we needed to go to bed because we had to get up early for school (it's about 8:30 pm). He went into his room and I snuck out to inform our neighbors to keep an eye out because we had a super-freaky person in our house.

To cut a long story short, the next morning, we were able to get a hold of our landlord and she talked with him and explained that he needed to vacate the house because he didn't have her permission when the sublet contract was signed. After speaking with her, the guy broke into tears and ran into his room. Completely freaked out we started to head next door to sit in a friends house so we could watch ours while he left... Thankfully, the guy left without any trouble.

After he left, we found he's left the handwritten sublet contract on the table an out of curiosity we looked at his Wisconsin court records. Drug arrest, assults, disorderly conduct, etc. It was easily the scariest day or two in my life.

Sorry for the hijack...

HA HA!! Fuck Ya! GNARLY!!

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Originally posted by mr_gyptian
Alright, stoke up the fire....
"SHE HAD A FUCKING MISCARRIAGE ON MY MOTHERFUCKING COUCH!!!" ...

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Dude, I've got nothing to worry about. I think she's on the pill and I need a new couch anyway. ;)

That is a crazy story.

dude if she said " Im on the pill" I hope you still used a condom.

who needs a roommate when ya have a baby's momma!

Alabama made similar claims

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Originally posted by Woodsy
dude if she said " Im on the pill" I hope you still used a condom.

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Whoa there....
I wasn't implying that I banged her. That's not gonna happen. Don't want to deal with the drama.

I've actually known this chick for quite a while and she's not dangrous/scary crazy, just a bit nutty/goofy at times. Great roomate though and very responsible. Pays her bills on time, cleans the place more then me, and can even be fun to hang with. She just has a nutty outbreak every once in a while, which is usually more amusing then scary. She does talk about sex more then most guys I know, but hey, I'm not gonna complain about that. Certainly nothing like the roommate stories above.

All in all, she's one of the better roomates I've had.

I have sort of a story... it was recent, too... happened just under 2 weeks ago....not nearly as dramatic as crashed or egyptian's stories... this is more of a rant then a story...

Let's start about a month ago. The new roomate moved in. Let's call him "Shithead." Our landlord met Shithead and thought he'd work out ok because he works the night shift and Saturdays. I didn't really like Shithead from the start, but thought it would be alright so long as I'm relatively friendly and respectful... i.e. let Shithead do his thing and I'll do mine.

This same month, my landlord said the rent was either going to go up or we could pitch in with the landscaping. She used to do most of it, but it was getting too much for her so she said she'd either hire a gardner or get us to do it. To keep costs down, we all agreed to do some of the landscaping.

Things were going along swimmingly for a couple of weeks - the three of us (me, Shithead and my original roomate) would spend all day Saturday in the yard as well as several hours after work during the middle of the week. However, Shithead inappropriately snapped at me a few times for some relatively minor things - leaving a box of cereal out one day by accident and for leaving my shoes by the door, which he tripped on. Oh well...

Then, I got sick of the landscaping. I live on a large property with more landscaping then meets the eye. I wasn't prepared to spend 5-10 hours a week on this crap when I signed up. My first mistake was agreeing to the work. I should've just bowed out or something. My second mistake was slacking off on it. I don't have any excuse for it ... I got lazy. I went out of town two weekends in a row and didn't make up for it during the week.

So a week ago last Saturday, I wake up, no one else is up yet. I fix myself breakfast, and bring it into my room because I know Shithead will be up soon and I'd just as soon avoid him. Well, Shithead goes over to my room and starts yelling about my "mess."

While I'm holding my food in my hand, he points to a little bit of food in the sink (not a speck outside of it) and an out of place sponge (also in the sink). I thought he was joking, except he was full-on yelling at me.

Then he goes into a tirade - yelling at me for trivial and non-sensical things for about 10 minutes straight. I was like a deer caught in headlights. Here's a partial list of what pissed him off so much:

• It pissed him off that I left out a swimsuit and towel hanging on a lawnchair by the swimming pool overnight. I have no idea why it would... pretty standard, normal thing to do...
• He yelled at me for not picking up something that got knocked over somehow. When I said I had no idea what he was talking about, he yelled at me because he believed that if I did see it, I would have not picked it up. That was just plain off the wall.
• He yelled at me again for the shoes, even though I had since stopped leaving them anywhere near the door or anywhere where he would normally be walking.
• He yelled at me for not doing the share of the landscaping work that I said I would do. That much I can understand and appreciate, but I didn't deserve to be yelled at for it, let alone all the nit-picky bs that he also yelled at me for.

In addition to a number of uncalled-for insults, he ended up yelling at me for a solid handful of other wierd-ass nit-picky things that I didn't think would bother anyone in the world, but they bothered Shithead for some reason. After a while of this, I realized I wasn't dealing with someone who was rational, so I told him I wasn't going to argue with him and just walked out of the room. That pissed him off, of course.

It's a shame... I really like the other roomate, one of the best I've had. I wish I could kick him out, pay the extra money and be done with him, but it's not that simple....

It's funny... He doesn't yell at her when she leaves her stuff out or dirties up the kitchen (because she's a cute girl and I'm just some dumb-ass guy...). The other roomate's constantly has multiple towels out by the pool for days and days on end, and she's left out plenty of crap by the kitchen.... In fact, Shithead's even left out piles of dirty dishes in the kitchen for days, yet he yells at only me... what a hypocrite!

So now, I'm moving into a new place at the end of the month... Good riddance, Shithead!

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Originally posted by mr_gyptian
Drinks like a Puerto Rican on payday.

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Quote:

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Originally posted by Ubersheist
but it's not that simple....

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It seems pretty fucking simple to me. Punch the fucker in the teeth... hard. Then tell him he's got 2 minutes to pack and fuck off or you'll do it again.
Seems like you're being shat on sunshine:rolleyes:

omg, I'm so over roommates... I can't believe most of you even still put up with that shit. its not freakin' worth saving a few hundred bucks.

having a place of my own is gonna be so good for a change.

had a crazy nutjob roommate in college, so she probably turned me off to living with anyone more than living with the bf did - still not nearly as crazy as some of your stories.

junior year my roommate (from AK) & I decided to get out of the dorms & into a place 2nd semester, so we started asking around, found out these 2 other girls (jen & monica) wanted to sublet out, but sara still would stay. we went over there, met the girls moving out, sara - all seemed cool -in fact, the girls moving out would hang out with us later -

turns out sara was fucking lying about going to class all along, even though her mom did work for umass - she could have been going for free. at one point, she did claim she was pregnant & supposedly got some money from a friend (not us) and had an abortion - we actually have no idea if that was true or not, b/c we didn't go with her - but we guess that it wasn't really true.

shortly thereafter we found out she hadn't been paying her portion of the rent for several months to the complex, so it finally got up to around 12 to 1500 or so - and we notified we were on the verge of eviction if we didn't pay up- she promptly disappeared.. clothes off her back, pretty much that was all - left everything else - except she took the AK roommates' ATM card & Got the max withdrawl out of it (later returned by bank)

Tried calling her family in town for any sign of her, no go - they didn't speak to her anymore. turns out she'd written/stolen lots of bad checks, done some other similar shit.

so after many go rounds with the complex (AK's dad was a lawyer) - which included arguing to them that sara didn't have the immense pain in the ass background checks that we had to go through to sublet -because she clearly wouldn't have passed. so the two of us, and the jen & monica, the girls who sublet to us, all were liable for her portion of the rent - so we all had to pay up. sucked the big one.

monica later moved back in to take sara's spot, so that made things somewhat better.

but I'd never move in again with someone random that I didn't know.

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Originally posted by skiguide
omg, I'm so over roommates... I can't believe most of you even still put up with that shit. its not freakin' worth saving a few hundred bucks.

having a place of my own is gonna be so good for a change.

had a crazy nutjob roommate in college, so she probably turned me off to living with anyone more than living with the bf did - still not nearly as crazy as some of your stories.

junior year my roommate (from AK) & I decided to get out of the dorms & into a place 2nd semester, so we started asking around, found out these 2 other girls (jen & monica) wanted to sublet out, but sara still would stay. we went over there, met the girls moving out, sara - all seemed cool -in fact, the girls moving out would hang out with us later -

turns out sara was fucking lying about going to class all along, even though her mom did work for umass - she could have been going for free. at one point, she did claim she was pregnant & supposedly got some money from a friend (not us) and had an abortion - we actually have no idea if that was true or not, b/c we didn't go with her - but we guess that it wasn't really true.

shortly thereafter we found out she hadn't been paying her portion of the rent for several months to the complex, so it finally got up to around 12 to 1500 or so - and we notified we were on the verge of eviction if we didn't pay up- she promptly disappeared.. clothes off her back, pretty much that was all - left everything else - except she took the AK roommates' ATM card & Got the max withdrawl out of it (later returned by bank)

Tried calling her family in town for any sign of her, no go - they didn't speak to her anymore. turns out she'd written/stolen lots of bad checks, done some other similar shit.

so after many go rounds with the complex (AK's dad was a lawyer) - which included arguing to them that sara didn't have the immense pain in the ass background checks that we had to go through to sublet -because she clearly wouldn't have passed. so the two of us, and the jen & monica, the girls who sublet to us, all were liable for her portion of the rent - so we all had to pay up. sucked the big one.

monica later moved back in to take sara's spot, so that made things somewhat better.

but I'd never move in again with someone random that I didn't know.

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Wanted - Roommate in Salt Lake City to play with.

hey skiguide, when were you at the zoo?

i was there from 86-90

ok, here is my favorite roommate story.

when i first moved to slc, i knew no one. not a soul. had a phone number of a guy who was the cousin of a friend of a friend. he let me crash on his couch for a couple weeks, first of many very cool UT ski bums i would meet. I landed a job at the Aerie at snowbird and started to look for a job.

About this time i got a call from my friend Stevie, we had been buddies at UMass and got along well. He had gotten into some trouble in Bongmellow and needed to leave New England for a while. I said, sure, come on out. I'll start looking for a place for us. I found a 3br duplex on vine near highland (?). But the rent was a little steep so we started looking for a roommate. We found one somehow, im not sure where he came from but Jay was this shit talking guy who managed a snowboard rental shop.

two things i didnt know at this point. Steve had gone from being an angry hippie to being a gun nut, a well armed angry hippie. And Jay had a significant love of cocaine.

Since Steve didnt ski, and his job doing the night audit at the Days Inn near the airport only kept him so entertaiined, he started visiting any gun show he could. He picked up an impressive arsenal over time.

One night, late, Jay and a bunch of his friends had come home from the bar and were doing lines in the living room. Talking and bullshitting like only coke heads can. About 4am, my girlfriend and I were trying to sleep, i hear a banging on the door. I get up, grab a robe and open the door.

There, standing there in front of me is steve, a skinny little blond haired kid with a combover and a sunken chest. wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. he has a smith & wesson police issue riot shotgun in one hand, a AK-47 in the other and a .45 auto hanging in the waist band of his boxers, damn near pulling them off him.

me: what the fuck is going on?
steve: i need your help.
me: um, ok, whats up?
steve: i left my pipe and bag of weed on the end table and they are gone now.
me: ok, um, what are we doing about that?
steve: (thrusting the AK at me) just hold this and stand behind me.
me: ok, is it loaded?
steve: of course it is, you never point an unloaded gun at someone!!
me: um, ok. (checks the safety)

the house we lived in was a split level type deal, steve and I lived in the upstairs, there were a couple bedrooms and a bathroom up there. down a flight of stairs was a big living room. there was a balcony on the upper level above the living room. another flight of stairs led to the basement where the kitchen and Jay's room was.

so steve walks out onto the balcony, grabs the shotgun by the slide and cycles it. that unmistakable sound of a pump shotgun chambering a round.

steve: ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!

now any of you who have bothered to read this far, and have ever 'experimented' with cocaine probably know that the place pretty much emptied out, like cockroaches when the lights come on.

Except for Jay.
He wanted to argue.

Jay: Hey man I live here too, I can have friends over if I want.
Steve: YOU DONT LIVE HERE ANYMORE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW!!!
Jay: But what about my stuff?
Steve: YOURE STUFF WILL BE IN THE DRIVEWAY IN THE MORNING, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!

And that was the last we saw of Jay. We woke up early and moved his stuff out into the driveway, watched him pick it up, and started looking for another roommate.

And of course ended up with a psycho girl roommate because she was cute.

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Originally posted by SinistrMinistr
Wanted - Roommate in Salt Lake City to play with.

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aw, too bad... I'm planning on moving to Park City by October. looking at online classifieds now for something good to come up - a 2br too... but the other one is for the rottweiler;)

Fez- that story's fucked up. we've totally hijacked the thread now..

i was in amherst 95-99, the complex was the boulders.

First place I lived in Canmore, had to find a place fast so I moved in to a place with a roommate/landlord who seemed a bit strange.

Six days later I was watching TV when he came into the room, looked me staight in the eyes and said "you know I ve killed 6 people." I made some sort of a you had a bad day then comment and he says "no one believes mebut I can tell you how I killed them and where the bodies are" his eyes are all weird and staring. Then he starts asking who I am an agent for and going on about some secret agenda to destroy the world.
While this was going on I was slowly backing towards the door.
He made a lunge at me at one time saying that he wanted to hug me because we were both going to die tonight.
Then he said he had to go get something and told me to wait there. I said yes and he went into the back of the house.
I had left my pack by the door with my wallet in it so I grabbed that and my boots and left fast!

It was way below freezing and I did a big loop down a creek and through the woods incase the psycho was following. Luckily I had my work phone list in my pack and someone from work was home and came and picked me up.

Been in a lot of crazy situations but that guy really scared me!