Just another rant

Fuck everyone that tries to tell us how, when, and where we should get married. Fuck the wedding industry for making everything so god damn expensive. Screw family members. This is directed at my dad now twice divorced who is convinced that love, happyness, etc is a complete load of crap and now he is sure to tell me about that and how I am just making a mistake and setting myself up for a huge let down. Then there is my Grama who keeps insisting the we have a church wedding, and who since we initially said we where looking at July 11th will not change any of her plans if we move the date. All I want is for Ashley to have the day that she wants, but that seems to be too much of an inconvience for most people. Ok I am better for now, atleast till tomorrow when we have to go through the same shit yet again.

Remember, it's your day. Fuck everyone else. Too many people forget this, and most weddings turn into a lot of pomp and circumstance and not a lot of substance.

All I gotta say is fuck people who think everyone will travel to all reaches of the Earth for THEIR DAY. Fuck off people. I just got an e-mail from my second cousin saying she wants me to make plans for her wedding in Jamaica. My friend wanted me IN his wedding in Greece. Why Greece, well his relatives are from there but he is not.

FUCK OFF PEOPLE! I am not made of money and would much rather spend said money on something other than your POS wedding. Plus, I am 29 y/o. Do you know how many goddamn weddings I have been to lately and will go to more in the future? All my friends are getting married and if they don't have the common decency to make it convenient for the majority of the people they are inviting, they should expect it when someone tells them to piss up a rope.

Do w/e you want and ignore everyone else. Its about you are your bride, not anyone else. Also, sorry to get off the topic, but advres....you're sig is pretty f'ed up :.P

My dad didn't come to my wedding, fuck him for that but oh well in general...

about a week before he died he whispered that missing his oldest son's wedding was his biggest regret in life.

I whispered back, holding his hand, "yeah well you shoulda fuckin been there then."

Hey the truth is the truth.

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Originally Posted by advres

All I gotta say is fuck people who think everyone will travel to all reaches of the Earth for THEIR DAY. Fuck off people. I just got an e-mail from my second cousin saying she wants me to make plans for her wedding in Jamaica. My friend wanted me IN his wedding in Greece. Why Greece, well his relatives are from there but he is not.

FUCK OFF PEOPLE! I am not made of money and would much rather spend said money on something other than your POS wedding. Plus, I am 29 y/o. Do you know how many goddamn weddings I have been to lately and will go to more in the future? All my friends are getting married and if they don't have the common decency to make it convenient for the majority of the people they are inviting, they should expect it when someone tells them to piss up a rope.

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I agree. That is why we initially wanted to have the wedding in Michigan where most of my family is. Well that didn;t work out. So then we looked around Jackson where she is from and where her parents live. But that isn't working so well either. SO then we looked at out in Lake Tahoe, but that is looking like it is going to be a butt load of money. So basically we are still at square one after being engaged for 4+ months. And the only people that we expected to be there where imediate family but that seems like a reach. SO sorry we had to inconvience one weekend of your life.

Odd that my three brothers never got married, eh?

And only one of my three sisters.

Well anywhere in the continental US shouldn't be that much of an inconvenience, IMHO. I didn't mean to cunt up your thread I was just using it to vent about my current situation because I sure as shit wasn't starting a new thread about it. :)

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Originally Posted by advres

All I gotta say is fuck people who think everyone will travel to all reaches of the Earth for THEIR DAY. Fuck off people. I just got an e-mail from my second cousin saying she wants me to make plans for her wedding in Jamaica. My friend wanted me IN his wedding in Greece. Why Greece, well his relatives are from there but he is not.

FUCK OFF PEOPLE! I am not made of money and would much rather spend said money on something other than your POS wedding. Plus, I am 29 y/o. Do you know how many goddamn weddings I have been to lately and will go to more in the future? All my friends are getting married and if they don't have the common decency to make it convenient for the majority of the people they are inviting, they should expect it when someone tells them to piss up a rope.

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Sometimes people just do this to be polite.....
I mean how can you expect a ski bum to drop all his new skis and come to the Mediterranean? jeez!

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We're flying to Hawaii for a friend's wedding. It is but 1 day out of a 7 day vacay, and we know only the bride. I have to side with Advres on this one.

Any situation where a lot of people have input into your plans is destined to cause stress and piss you off. hang in there.

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Originally Posted by Donkey Punch

I agree. That is why we initially wanted to have the wedding in Michigan where most of my family is. Well that didn;t work out. So then we looked around Jackson where she is from and where her parents live. But that isn't working so well either. SO then we looked at out in Lake Tahoe, but that is looking like it is going to be a butt load of money. So basically we are still at square one after being engaged for 4+ months. And the only people that we expected to be there where imediate family but that seems like a reach. SO sorry we had to inconvience one weekend of your life.

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Most of my family that have had weddings lately have had a small ceremony in the city the bride's family is in and one where the groom's family is. Just pick one for the big ceremony if you want to go that route and have a small ring ceremony and reception in the second city. It's more planning but it will force you to simplify the plans which will give you fewer things that can go wrong.

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Originally Posted by iceman

Odd that my three brothers never got married, eh?

And only one of my three sisters.

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What were your parents, fukin' rabbits or something?

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Originally Posted by Cliff Huckable

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sorry, just had to reply.......basically for the cool colors...............and you're right too.

These guys are right. It's your day...ignore the fam! Remember, speak now or forever hold your peace. How you behave now will set the tone for how the family treats you as a couple from here on out.

Let them know you want your wishes/decisions/viewpoints to be respected. Sure you're going to deal with a little grumbling initially but they'll get used to it, and you'll be happier in the end.

Gosh, planning weddings would be so much funner if people butted the fuck out! :mad::mad:

But don't worry, you & Ashley will have a great day. Stand your ground!
:)
Sprite

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Originally Posted by snowsprite

Remember, speak now or forever hold your peace. How you behave now will set the tone for how the family treats you as a couple from here on out.

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quoted for truth.

There are worse places in the world to be 'forced' to go to than Greece, Jamaica or Hawaii. Stop being pessimists. Use any excuse to go to new places, see new faces, do something different.

I'll go back to Greece again for a party. Feel free to send an invite my way for Jamaica or Hawaii also.

The best advice I can give (having paid for 2 weddings - mine and my stepdaughter's) is save your money, go to vegas and have some fun, and buy something nice for the two of you. The wedding industry is such a load of bullshit, and you won't remember anything about the day in 10 years.

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Originally Posted by bklyn

quoted for truth.

There are worse places in the world to be 'forced' to go to than Greece, Jamaica or Hawaii. Stop being pessimists. Use any excuse to go to new places, see new faces, do something different.

I'll go back to Greece again for a party. Feel free to send an invite my way for Jamaica or Hawaii also.

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quoted for truth as well. Travel is expensive and if you can't make it don't feel bad about it. But don't miss an excuse to travel for a party. My best friend from high school got married in Argentina in August and I missed it because of another wedding and family stuff, both of which I could have skipped. I still regret it because now a summer trip to argentina just to go skiing is a lot harder to convince my wife of than a trip to my best friends wedding with some skiing afterwards.

And good luck donkeypunch. I just got married and I can tell you the planning sucks, just keep looking towards the honeymoon.

Thanks everyone for the ideas/support. I hadn't thought about the whole stand our ground now thing but it makes perfect sence. I knew there would be no way to make everyone happy with all of our decisions but I was hoping they would atleast be supportive or understanding about them, oh well. One of my best frineds is flying in tomorrow AM then my sister tomorrow afternoon and we will all get to hang and drink and ski till Monday. How could it be much better than that.

I basically agree with most of what was said (and goddamn ice, way to hold a grudge! Rontal should be-ware):

Step ONE: Decide what kind of wedding you and your wife want.
Step TWO: Plan that wedding.

Don't let this get all complicated and shit. And if you want a small wedding just have that small wedding and tell anyone who gives you shit that the space is really small and that you had to be really brutal with the invite list.

I agree with advres for the most part, except that if someone invites you to the bahamas for a wedding I HIGHLY SUGGEST GOING.

That is all.

Correct wedding planning in a nutshell:

Money talks. Everyone else is a freeloader at YOUR party, fuck them and their opinions. And honestly, the details don't matter, they will be lost in the fog of the day. If you are planning an exotic location, get the wedding party on board with it before planning it and don't expect many guests to come. If you want a lot of people to attend, get an accessible location and go to the exotic location for the honeymoon (that's why you have one).

Get a good dj that can effectively shuffle people around, and a good photog. Other than that, save your $$$. Food/centerpieces/flowers are quickly forgotten (unless they are awful) and a huge waste.

Something to add: Fuck people who choose to get married on a holiday long weekend. I had a wedding on Memorial Day & Labor day this year, last year one on Memorial day & the 4th of July and the 4th the year before. I mean what the fucking fuck?

Personally, I LOVE to travel and LOVE an excuse to create a long weekend by taking a day off work. Holiday weekends are mine, not yours. They are for my selfish plans with the people I want to hang with, not your drunk uncle who tells my girlfriend she has a great rack all night (true story, this happened at the Labor day one..)

It sounds great in theory: "Honey, let's do it on Labor day, everyone already has the day off and won't have to take a vaction day!!"

"Oh pookie, you are so smart!! That is the best idea ever!! Done and done, now let's choose more worthless crap we will never use for our registry like 8 different muffin tins or a can-opener, because our's isn't made of paltinum and costs $100!"

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What were your parents, fukin' rabbits or something?

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They were Catholic for sho', it explains so much.

Let me guess ICE, you're Irish Catholic, you're father's a drunk, you love the Sox, and you're a writer to boot.

You're like a walking cliche, and I mean that in a good way.

My wife and I, who are both in our mid-30's, got married last summer in Mexico. We invited around 150 people and 70 made the trip. It was exactly the day we wanted to have for our wedding. Do it how you want it and just know that some people won't be able to make it. We were disappointed that some were unable to make the trip, but our immediate family and closest friends made it, and now we are known for having one of the funnest weddings ever. We have even been receiving requests to renew our vows in 5 years so everyone can make the trip again.

My point is make it the day you want, everyone else can be there if they choose.

You're dad is right you really shouldn't get married, expecially after just a 4 month engagement, I don't know your situation, but you need to live together for a few years to make sure you can cohabitate.
50-60% of marriages end in divorce. Divorce can ruin you financially, listen to your dad.

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Originally Posted by Boomer28

...not your drunk uncle who tells my girlfriend she has a great rack all night (true story, this happened at the Labor day one..)

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Can you back that claim up? I think you should provide pics to prove your girlfriend has a great rack! :D

[QUOTE=Boomer28;1543033]Something to add: Fuck people who choose to get married on a holiday long weekend. I had a wedding on Memorial Day & Labor day this year, last year one on Memorial day & the 4th of July and the 4th the year before. I mean what the fucking fuck?

Another angle on the holdiay weekend thing - since we paid for everything when we got married we chose Labor Day weekend on purpose to weed out freeloaders - if you didn't care enough about either one of us to burn a 3-day to come to the wedding then you probably didn't really need to be there. But, and this was the beauty of the whole thing, we could still invite you (which was in no way trolling for presents, we didn't send anybody who we didn't really want to come an invite, and no hard feelings at all if somebody didn't show).

All 6 of us had a great time ... :rolleyes2

Best Wedding Ever (mine, of course):

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...t=baja+wedding

It's what we both wanted. Best of luck in coming to a decision on yours.

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Originally Posted by CountryFunk

Another angle on the holdiay weekend thing - since we paid for everything when we got married we chose Labor Day weekend on purpose to weed out freeloaders - if you didn't care enough about either one of us to burn a 3-day to come to the wedding then you probably didn't really need to be there. But, and this was the beauty of the whole thing, we could still invite you (which was in no way trolling for presents, we didn't send anybody who we didn't really want to come an invite, and no hard feelings at all if somebody didn't show).

All 6 of us had a great time ... :rolleyes2

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Not many people I know are worried about "weeding out freeloaders"...Personally I would never even consider inviting someone I would consider a "freeloader", sorry you had that problem....

Of course you or your family pays for everything but call me "old fashion", I usually pay for my plate and that of my date at any wedding, usually in cold hard cash of $200+ each, not to mention bachelor parties, engagement party gifts, travel, etc.

Let's tally up a rough cost:

Bachelor/ette party:
Local Dinner/Drinking/Whoring: $150-$250
Vegas/Other Travel Bender: $800+++++

Engagement Party:
Travel + Gift: $50-$150

In the wedding party?
Him: Tux rental $75-$150
Her: Seafoam dress you'll never wear again: $200-$600

Travel to wedding?
Car: 100 R/T: $40, go up from there
Plane: $250-$500 domestic, $500-$1200 international
Hotel: Minimum of $100/night so let's say $200-$500

Gift:
Solo: $150-$500 or even more depending on who it is and who you are
w/ Date: $300-$500

Misc:
Money spent on lunch, coffee, asprin, hookers, blow: $100 minimum pp for a 2-night wedding depending on where you are.

So on the low end I am spending >$600 if I am in the wedding, not flying, staying only 1 night, giving a modest gift, rolling solo and doing the bachelor party festivities.

On the high end its well over $1,500 if you are traveling for the wedding + bachelor party, brinding a date and giving a nice gift at the engagement party and wedding.

Now let's weight that vs.
Open bar: 4 hours of BOOZIN' $80-$100 for me, $30-$50 for date
Cocktail whore-derves: $15
Filet Mignon/Seafood Dinner: $30

So let's say my max benefit is $200 worth of food & booze if the wedding is top notch. Either way, I'm not seeing the financial benefit to going to a wedding unless you are a total dirtbag-cheap-as-fuck ass clown, which in that case I probably wouldn't invite you in the first place.

**Keep in mind this example is for the typical cookie-cutter boring as fuck wedding every girl dreams of from age 3.

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Originally Posted by Jax

Best Wedding Ever (mine, of course):

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...t=baja+wedding

It's what we both wanted. Best of luck in coming to a decision on yours.

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Well played man, that looked amazing. Way to think outside the wedding box and do something that reflected you and your wife.

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Originally Posted by Boomer28

. Way to think outside the wedding box and do something that reflected you and your wife.

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Strike that... reverse it.

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Originally Posted by Boomer28

Gift:
Solo: $150-$500 or even more depending on who it is and who you are
w/ Date: $300-$500.

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Either I'm a total cheapskate or your friends and family have a hell of a lot more money than I do.

All my friends are dirtbag-cheap-as-fucks, but only an ass clown would give me a $500 wedding gift

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Originally Posted by Boomer28

Way to think outside the wedding box and do something that reflected you and your wife.

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I AM the wife. :D

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Originally Posted by Donkey Punch

... All I want is for Ashley to have the day that she wants...

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That's it. That's all you need to do. Yes it's expensive, yes you can't afford it, but if you succeed in doing that the rest of your lives will be a whole lot easier. If you scrimp and sacrifice to make everyone else happy your lives will be a living hell because SHE didn't get what she really wanted. Bottom line is it's her day. You'd be surprized how little even your attendance is necessary.

One other thing to think about - we planned our wedding so it was convenient for us. We took a long look at the list of invitees and identified how many were "locks" to be there. 60% of THOSE people were actually there. Turns out that's about normal for any wedding. Why twist your life inside-out for the 40% who aren't going to show up anyway? FWIW, 100% of the people that did go to my wedding had the time of their lives - just as we had planned.

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Originally Posted by CountryFunk

All my friends are dirtbag-cheap-as-fucks, but only an ass clown would give me a $500 wedding gift

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Originally Posted by The AD

Either I'm a total cheapskate or your friends and family have a hell of a lot more money than I do.

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I usually give between $150/$250 myself for a wedding gift if it is a very good freind/family, but at least $100 to pay for my plate at a "traditional" wedding.

Up this with a guest and I don't feel this is out of line exorbinant.

There have been a few occations where I have given a gift of $400+ and it was for people that have done more than I could have ever expected for me in my life and I feel getting them the super nice knife set or a fat check is a small token of grattitude.

Now keep in mind I'm in my late 20's, have a good job and so do most of my friends. If i was getting married and I had a friend who was not as fortunante as me come, I would of course not get pissed if they only gave me a smaller gift, I'm not a complete dick.

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Originally Posted by danimal's dead

You're dad is right you really shouldn't get married, expecially after just a 4 month engagement, I don't know your situation, but you need to live together for a few years to make sure you can cohabitate.
50-60% of marriages end in divorce. Divorce can ruin you financially, listen to your dad.

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Well your half right if we had only been dating etc for four months you would have hit the nail right on the head. However we have been "engaged" for four months, and dating for 4.5 years and living together for 4.25 years. So I think we are good to go on that front. My dad is just a cynic who hates life.