Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

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08-11-2021, 10:27 AM
Meadow Skipper

A lot of negative nancys and debbie downers in here trying to talk our guy out of this. STFU

Don’t listen to them SUF. YOLO, you’ve got this.
08-11-2021, 10:29 AM
BmillsSkier

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art Shirk

I may have told this story before but its appropriate here as I have some anecdotal input, the lifeblood of TGR. In college, my sophomore dorm roommate and then later my housemate for Junior and Senior year, was the son of one of the richest men in Central America. So weird shit happened once in awhile with too many stories to tell there. One of them involved a monkey.

My buddy woke me up one morning and said we had a meeting to go to at the airport. He liked to be cryptic because it was fun to fuck with us. Most good stories with him started with a vague request for accompaniment, so I knew I should go. So we head to the airport and basically get waived through to the tarmac and some little warehouse where a guy meets us and hands my buddy a cage with a fucking monkey in it. I later learned it was a pretty run of the mill spider monkey. They probably were pets for some Californians, I dont know, but the way this went down led me to believe this thing didnt have its fucking shots.

He lived in our dirty college house. He sat on the couch, he ate from the fridge (mainly eggs and fruit), he slept in a cage but he was out a lot. For the human-like things he did, we couldnt get him to stop shitting everywhere so he wore a diaper. The point is that we interacted with this guy and for a small dude, he was strong as shit. Just trying to wrestle things away from him could tell you everything you need to know. If you magnified this guy by 5-10X, into chimp form, he'd rip your arms off and beat you with them with a smile on his face.

End of the story isnt good. He got into the freezer and ate frozen melon balls we had soaking in booze. We thought for sure he had alcohol poisoning. My buddy took him to some sort of Dr. Nick vet for final accommodations and was told that his stomach actually froze. Poor Tonio.

Damn, Art.

Tonio died doing what he loved I'm sure though, right?
08-11-2021, 10:49 AM
ötzi

That monkey's a role model. I too hope to die with a full belly and drunk off my ass.
08-11-2021, 10:54 AM
Art Shirk

Quote:

Originally Posted by BmillsSkier

Damn, Art.

Tonio died doing what he loved I'm sure though, right?

For all the horrible things that could happen to a monkey in a college house, we really did look out for him. Never indulged in any cruel party antics with him at all. But I can't say he didnt get a taste for the remnants of bygone "empties." It was just too hard to make sure there weren't random left over cans here and there and he did get a taste for beer. And he fucking loved fruit, so naturally the melon balls were perfect. So yes, he must have been loving his first 10-15 melon balls.

The fridge had a child lock on it but not the freezer. What would a monkey want with frozen chicken breasts we thought?
08-11-2021, 10:56 AM
riser4

I'll take the pcp if y'all don't want it.
08-11-2021, 11:04 AM
BmillsSkier

Quote:

Originally Posted by riser3

I'll take the pcp if y'all don't want it.

I feel like this is where STFU&GBTW would chime in.

Also, does the chimp have representation in this thread? Maybe someone can ping Jer?
08-11-2021, 11:07 AM
Bunion 2020

Quote:

I did wake up naked in the bathroom later that night after partying, though, but that's another story.

Ya still have all your internal organs?
08-11-2021, 11:37 AM
Timberridge

Quote:

Originally Posted by riser3

I'll take the pcp if y'all don't want it.

I always thought that was a drug you took and either ended up getting shot by the cops, or found naked in a dumpster. It didn't strike me as a VT drug, more a FL drug.
08-11-2021, 12:01 PM
PNWbrit

Could this be moved to the bull fighting forum?
08-11-2021, 12:04 PM
BmillsSkier

Is there a bull involved now?

So far I have the following players:

SYF;
a Chimp;
a Gorilla;
a Pangolin;
a Hydraulic Alligator Snapping Turtle;
some PCP; and
a Heron.
08-11-2021, 12:13 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by BmillsSkier

Is there a bull involved now?

So far I have the following players:

SYF;
a Chimp;
a Gorilla;
a Pangolin;
a Hydraulic Alligator Snapping Turtle;
some PCP; and
a Heron.

and a goose.
08-11-2021, 12:24 PM
Viva

1 Attachment(s)

Quote:

Originally Posted by stealurface831

and a goose.

Now we know you're gay.

Attachment 382043
08-11-2021, 12:25 PM
Core Shot

So now we have the answer. No need to cut off and season your hands with poison.

Frozen
Alcoholic
Melon Bombs

OK. Now that I know the secret bring the chimp!!
08-11-2021, 12:26 PM
BmillsSkier

Goose was married to Meg Ryan, not buying that.
08-11-2021, 12:42 PM
abraham

Quote:

Originally Posted by waxman

And I believe Red Dawn too? WOLVERINES!

How about a wolverine?
08-11-2021, 12:43 PM
Meathelmet

Quote:

Originally Posted by Core Shit

So now we have the answer. No need to cut off and season your hands with poison.

You could also shit on 'em. Chimps hate moist and watery...things.
08-11-2021, 12:46 PM
riser4

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timberridge

I always thought that was a drug you took and either ended up getting shot by the cops, or found naked in a dumpster. It didn't strike me as a VT drug, more a FL drug.

I traveled a bit for a while.
08-11-2021, 12:47 PM
riser4

And for the record I always thought of PCP as a DC or Oakland drug.
08-11-2021, 12:59 PM
BmillsSkier

Quote:

Originally Posted by abraham

How about a wolverine?

Wolverines?

Quote:

Originally Posted by riser3

And for the record I always thought of PCP as a DC or Oakland drug.

I'm just gonna go on record as saying Florida is pure bath salts country /timallenvoice
08-11-2021, 01:19 PM
ZomblibulaX

Quote:

Originally Posted by BmillsSkier

Is there a bull involved now?

So far I have the following players:

SYF;
a Chimp;
a Gorilla;
a Pangolin;
a Hydraulic Alligator Snapping Turtle;
some PCP; and
a Heron.

That's Gil Scott Heron.

And pre-ER Anthony Edwards, apparently.

New strategy, SUF: throw Goose at the gorilla and hope the turtle can fuck up that chimp.
08-11-2021, 01:26 PM
Core Shot

What about mini bears?
Or a mini Ditka?

3:30 for the mini bears ditka reference

https://youtu.be/B9NO24hbe8Q
08-11-2021, 01:53 PM
m2711c

All right, if this fights gonna happen, you’re gonna need to get your ass in fight form. Check out these training videos…. start with the smaller mammals and then work your way up to the fucking chimp.

This dude got some good techniques, you should probably watch it twice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=CGE6uiaT0-Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=a7yKXvBWs2Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=W1M5d065Xpo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8fUZw6er0Eg

he ain’t been back since he got punched by carl…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=75aA4Lg-NXI

can you take carl?
08-11-2021, 02:18 PM
bennymac

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...ec95eb4678.jpg
08-11-2021, 02:44 PM
Falcon3

Thread is giving me strong vibes of this vid https://youtu.be/OA3AZ59Zk_I

Also, fucking thread drift. The question is a gorilla, not a chimp. And obviously nobody is taking a gorilla.

So maybe the question is how many humans would it take to kill a 200-lb gorilla? Bare hands no bats.

I’m saying five.
08-11-2021, 02:45 PM
Viva

Quote:

Originally Posted by Falcon3

And obviously nobody is taking a gorilla.

Taking it where?

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