Alright folks let's bring this in for a landing and get our next prospect on the table. I have some metrics that might interest our development team.
Alright folks let's bring this in for a landing and get our next prospect on the table. I have some metrics that might interest our development team.
I think it's time for the maggot brainfart to come up with some new business phrases. Suss 'em out here, then start slipping them into business meetings, telecons, powerpoints and water cooler chat and see what takes hold.
clitoris roar instead of bottom line?
"So the ability to remotely troubleshoot, configure, and update these computers can improve the clitoris roar by reducing costs."
I really like this idea..it would be fun to see what we can make stick.Quote:
Originally Posted by splat
I'm going to replace " think outside the box" with " we need to think like Blurred's hose". I'll report back on progress.
Call in MRA to spin the spillQuote:
Originally Posted by Scotsman50
I was in a meeting today about being less corporate. Irony everywhere.
One guy was killing it. Used "leverage" 10 times. "Vertical solution strategy" was good. "10 year Crystal Ball" was particularly nice. But the cherry was "streamlining efficiency models to accelerate productivity."
I actually wrote these down during the meeting.
Reminded me of another one today.Quote:
Originally Posted by mtnwriter
"Run that one by your collaboration environment." If it wasn't in an email I would've been forced to laugh in the guy's face.
"Touching Code"Quote:
Originally Posted by MTT
Holy hell, I am done now. Gotta stop reading everyone's posts.
"Let's hose it down Blurred-style"Quote:
Originally Posted by Scotsman50
I like that...
OH..that's even better. Done and done..I'm going to use it tomorrow on my impressionable junior engineers and see if I can get it to stick.Quote:
Originally Posted by splat
i'll hire you under one condition young lady:biggrin:
Nobody likes clitoris roar?
Maybe I'll save that one for a punk song.
Really? Even with the current push for a "more professional" military, I haven't heard any of this shit. We're still working on getting the usage of fuck below every third word.Quote:
Originally Posted by Benny Profane
Quote:
Originally Posted by unitofstuff
Not the troops. Try pulling up a report from some pentagon planner or program manager though and you'll be yelling bingo within a few minutes. One recent example: "network-centric warfare".
Um, yeah. If you could be a fly on the wall at some high level soiree in the Pentagon, you would hear shit that would make everything else in this thread sound like the work of rank amateurs. Even George Orwell and Joe Heller would be furiously taking notes.Quote:
Originally Posted by wcf3
not high level (for the pentagon) you need the middle level pentagon careerists or, better, one of the office towers in crystal city/alexandriaQuote:
Originally Posted by Benny Profane
internally/externally facing
Eeeewww.....just caught this on the NYT, speaking of sedated militaristic jingoisms...
“ ‘Ally’ is a legal term of art,” said Tommy Vietor, a spokesman with the National Security Council.
Just heard "information silos." Fuck I hate that term.
"Moving forward, we plan to spirally integrate these assets as the technologies reach maturity"
Sent from my net-ready man-portable communications asset while I shit on company time
Effective imediately, we are relpacing the term "captive" with "Global Inhouse Center" GIC is much friendlier to remotely located employees.
That is all.
And finally someone came up with a generator.
http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html
compellingly engage sticky networks
professionally strategize future-proof e-tailers
completely reconceptualize bricks-and-clicks interfaces
efficiently streamline granular networks
I think this topic has legs, so at a high level going forward lets circle back and make sure we are all on the same page before we are out of runway.
YES YES YES.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hugh Conway
Sustainably develop streamlined customer-engaged gravity delivery sustainable snow sliding mechanisms sustainably in an environmentally-responsible sustainable modality
"social business provider"
what?
Even worse than the biz speak is when someone misuses a word over and over and over. Had a guy several rungs up from me (hard to believe they exist, no?) use the work "inadvertent" instead of "inverted" in front of a major customer the other day. Same guy also pronounces "button" as "buh- in".
The look the guy gave me was priceless.
^In the same vein... my first boss out of college used to use a phrase all the time incorrectly. He used to say "for all intensive purposes" in person and email at least a couple times a week. Drove me bananas.
We didn't have any discontinuing expenses.
Get it, Hahahaha!
Just got an email and this was the closer....
"Finely, I need you to do this, blah blah blah"
Got this email this morning:
Good Morning- I want circle back with you regarding...
Uh, no. We are not 'circling back'. That's why I didn't respond to your last cold call email.
An ex-MBA colleague posted this today on facebook:
"Good point on keeping promisses, strong activator for your base line driver called congruency. ''when you promise something to your kid and don't do it, a fairy will die''-Brendon Burchard."
Someone passing by my office wondered why I banged my head on the desk a couple of times.
Well, I'm glad this discussion has been tabled.
In casual conversation with an elected official at a fundraiser buddy used the term "Organic " process which I was unfamiliar with so I asked, he replied " all fucked up " ... he got the check
The dumb hookers they hire to pretend they know fuck all about mining use "organic growth" as a buzz word to describe our exploration. The irony is that the rock we mine is older than any life more complex than algae.Quote:
Originally Posted by systemoverblow'd
News announcement in my local business paper ... gold.
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Sutherland Global Services Inc. late Monday night announced it has agreed to acquire India-based Apollo Health Street Ltd. to boost Sutherland’s health care business.
The deal is expected to close in February. Apollo Health, a subsidiary of Apollo Hospitals Group, provides strategic and technical support to more than 150 health care partners through United States and has 10 global operation centers.
The acquisition is to add 3,200 employees to Sutherland.
Officials from Sutherland said Apollo Health will be integrated into Sutherland’s business. Sutherland plans to combine Apollo Health’s technology and global resources with Sutherland’s secure and scalable global infrastructure.
“We have been extremely impressed by Apollo Health Street’s deep domain understanding and world-class platform based delivery capabilities,” said Dilip Vellodi, CEO of Sutherland, in a statement. “With this acquisition, Sutherland addresses the central challenge facing major North American and European health care providers and payers: to provide exceptional service to patients in a cost-effective manner.
“Apollo’s expertise, combined with our proven capabilities, strengthens our portfolio of payer, provider, and health IT solutions in driving significant value to our client base.”
Sutherland, based in Perinton, ranked second on the Rochester Business Journal’s most recent Private Companies list, with 2,600 local employees.
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I'm guessing that this year's retarded bizspeak is going to be all about "leadership." I just sense it will be this year's main theme. Not that any of the speakers will actually know a goddam thing about leadership.
Clearly just a re-printed press release, but how is "provide exceptional service to patients in a cost-effective manner" anything like biz-speak? Seems pretty straight-forward to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by huckbucket
Sounds a lot better than "bend over we've skimped on lube," no?Quote:
Originally Posted by Tippster