I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

My family is sick. Wife, toddler, myself all very sick. Wife says she is thinking about making pizza for dinner and i knee-jerk say no fucking way do i want to clean up that mess as i feel like shit (i clean dishes and kitchen regardless of who cooks... usually me). I tell her to just get something from the grocery store deli like a fried chicken meal or something that is zero cleanup, and she grudgingly agrees.

What does she come home with? Pizza dough and 10 fucking toppings. She flours the fucking countertops to spread the pizza dough, does zero prep or dish cleanup, leaves the kitchen a disaster and then whines that im not helping her watch the sick toddler after dinner while im spending 20 minutes cleaning up. JHC!

Still lover her though.

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Originally Posted by seano732

I casually say you’ve had ten years to go through all of that and here we are…

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Sure, she’s steaming a little, but now she may think about it next time.
And talking facts is always safest instead of sarcastic/angry retorts.

^^ I find they really appreciate a good PowerPoint or at least to white board your arguments.


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Yer gonna die.

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Doing my normal routine tonight of cleaning up after dinner, putting away dry dishes that I cleaned from previous meal, loading the dishwasher from the last 2-3 meals of dishes that piled up in sink, picking up all the random dirty dishes sitting near the sink because the sink is too full to even wash the dirty pots and pans, and then finally start working on pots, pans and cutlery once there’s actually room to work in the sinks.

Can’t find the sink stopper anywhere so after a few minutes and to confirm I’ve not lost my mind, I ask her (man I love my wife and all, but JHC) “have you seen the sink stopper?”

“Oh yeah, I put it away in this drawer to get it out of the way”

Holy shit, it’s a small disc that is no larger than an inch tall and maybe 3.5 inches in diameter. It’s never in the way of anything. Meanwhile I’m looking across the counter top and there is shit everywhere, literally in the way. 5 minutes ago there was a counter full of dirty dishes. There’s stacks of her notes, mail, a sewing kit, random stuff from the grocery store that has yet to make its way to the pantry, but the fucking sink stopper was what had to be hidden away in a drawer. In 15 yrs living in this house we have never put a sink stopper in a drawer, so she’s definitely just fucking with me right?!?

I feel better venting. Maybe I’m way off base.

A sink stopper in a drawer? That's disgusting. That drawer needs to be doused with alcohol and lit in fire.

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Originally Posted by present tense

Doing my normal routine tonight of cleaning up after dinner, putting away dry dishes that I cleaned from previous meal, loading the dishwasher from the last 2-3 meals of dishes that piled up in sink, picking up all the random dirty dishes sitting near the sink because the sink is too full to even wash the dirty pots and pans, and then finally start working on pots, pans and cutlery once there’s actually room to work in the sinks.

Can’t find the sink stopper anywhere so after a few minutes and to confirm I’ve not lost my mind, I ask her (man I love my wife and all, but JHC) “have you seen the sink stopper?”

“Oh yeah, I put it away in this drawer to get it out of the way”

Holy shit, it’s a small disc that is no larger than an inch tall and maybe 3.5 inches in diameter. It’s never in the way of anything. Meanwhile I’m looking across the counter top and there is shit everywhere, literally in the way. 5 minutes ago there was a counter full of dirty dishes. There’s stacks of her notes, mail, a sewing kit, random stuff from the grocery store that has yet to make its way to the pantry, but the fucking sink stopper was what had to be hidden away in a drawer. In 15 yrs living in this house we have never put a sink stopper in a drawer, so she’s definitely just fucking with me right?!?

I feel better venting. Maybe I’m way off base.

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This sounds very similar to my situation. Love my wife...but she insists on putting my car keys in one of three drawers throughout the house because they're "in the way" yet piling up literal garbage in the sink along with 10,000 dishes while more spill out on the counter is not problematic to her. 😂 One a day at least I say "where the fuck are my keys" in the kindest way possible

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Originally Posted by Rideski

A sink stopper in a drawer? That's disgusting. That drawer needs to be doused with alcohol and lit in fire.

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C'mon man. No half measures. You know the answer. NFOBTR.

I often iterate to my wife, to her rolling her eyes at me— Tell me you’ve never worked in a restaurant without saying you’ve never worked in a restaurant.

Yesterday I was doing the dishes mid-meal because our dishwasher broke. I wanted to keep it simple by cleaning as we go.

“Sit down and eat. I’ll do them later.”

“Restaurant.” Is all I have to say now. It’s a married-couples’ joke at this point.

She has quit soaking sharp knives in the soapy pots now, though. So progress is being made.


By the way— I miss old-school mechanical, heavy duty dishwashers. Now they all have sensors that fail and software that can’t function after a sensor fails. Couldn’t even shut the thing off. Opening it didn’t even stop it.

Say Smart Appliance one more time!

This one isn’t even smart. It’s just digital and dumb.

“Introducing the new Smart Refrigerator.” That’s gonna be a hard NO.

Dumb is interrupting a meal with your wife to do dishes. Dumb is the nicest word I could muster. You might as well take some phone calls while you are at it.

Dumb. Ha.

This is a family of 5. Kids aged from 9-14. What do you think this is, Breakfast at Tiffany's? Cleaning the kitchen is part of eating on a school night.

This wasn't an anniversary dinner.

The dishwasher is broken. What's the solution? Light a candle and wait for tomorrow?

It's go-time. That kitchen is going to be spotless when we wake up at 6 am and have to feed the kids before they go to school.

Fight me.

Because I'm a pro at this not-romantic/delivering-meals/father-of-the-year award BS.

Romance is out the window once the robots go out of order. Now I'm the fucking robot.

/said the most romantic husband ever.

Dude Listen to mtm. He's a marriage counselor at burning man.

Saturday was a beautiful day outside, so we "Deep Cleaned" (her favorite) our bedroom for half the day before a 2pm appointment with a window salesman who quoted us $14k for 4 windows that we don't fucking need. I agreed to it to shut her up. She talked to her mom who said that's dumb. Now she canceled the order. So I'll probably have to do it all over again. Sure am glad I didn't do anything else with my Saturday like go skiing and drink beer or anything.

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Originally Posted by gaijin

Dumb. Ha.

This is a family of 5. Kids aged from 9-14. What do you think this is, Breakfast at Tiffany's? Cleaning the kitchen is part of eating on a school night.

This wasn't an anniversary dinner.

The dishwasher is broken. What's the solution? Light a candle and wait for tomorrow?

It's go-time. That kitchen is going to be spotless when we wake up at 6 am and have to feed the kids before they go to school.

Fight me.

Because I'm a pro at this not-romantic/delivering-meals/father-of-the-year award BS.

Romance is out the window once the robots go out of order. Now I'm the fucking robot.

/said the most romantic husband ever.

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As a father with adult children, why couldn’t you do the dishes after dinner? I clean as I go when I cook(pots and pans) and I was the person cooking when my girls were home. Sitting down for a meal with your family isn’t just about the food it’s about quality time spent with loved ones. The kitchen will still be spotless when you wake up at 0600 if you do the dishes after dinner even if it’s your wife doing them. You can have a digestif and tell them how great you are.

Your post probably belongs in the “I love my husband but his neurotic and OCD behavior drives me crazy” thread.


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Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

As a father with adult children, why couldn’t you do the dishes after dinner? I clean as I go when I cook(pots and pans) and I was the person cooking when my girls were home. Sitting down for a meal with your family isn’t just about the food it’s about quality time spent with loved ones. The kitchen will still be spotless when you wake up at 0600 if you do the dishes after dinner even if it’s your wife doing them.

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Agreed with everything except the last part. I cook 75% of the time, and do the dishes/cleanup 95% of the time, but i clean as i go during cooking and then immediately after dinner... Dinner time is for family time. However, if i let my wife cleanup the kitchen at the end of the night 1/2 of the dishes will be cleaned, 1/4 will be unnecessarily left to soak for me to clean and put away at 6am the next morning, and the other 1/4 will be my dishes from work that she typically blindspots and leaves in the sink, and not a single surface in the whole kitchen will have been wiped down. Its a theme in her life that her own family gives her shit for- she thinks the job is done/work stops once the creating is done and never concerns herself with cleanup. It was incredibly frustrating and a cause of many arguments our first few years together, but i have now just accepted that if i want a clean kitchen, i have to do it.

funny enough, i was sick over the weekend and asked her to take care of the dishes/kitchen so i could just go to bed early. She made a big deal about how she would be happy to, and that contrary to my past feelings of resentment she was totally fine to take care of the dishes for me. of course when i went downstairs the next morning at 6am to get ready for my kids wakeup, i spent the first 15mins doing dishes she left and wiping down the kitchen so juniors seat at the counter wasnt covered in dried meatjuice and crumbs. SMH.

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Originally Posted by californiagrown

Agreed with everything except the last part. I cook 75% of the time, and do the dishes/cleanup 95% of the time, but i clean as i go during cooking and then immediately after dinner... Dinner time is for family time. However, if i let my wife cleanup the kitchen at the end of the night 1/2 of the dishes will be cleaned, 1/4 will be unnecessarily left to soak for me to clean and put away at 6am the next morning, and the other 1/4 will be my dishes from work that she typically blindspots and leaves in the sink, and not a single surface in the whole kitchen will have been wiped down. Its a theme in her life that her own family gives her shit for- she thinks the job is done/work stops once the creating is done and never concerns herself with cleanup. It was incredibly frustrating and a cause of many arguments our first few years together, but i have now just accepted that if i want a clean kitchen, i have to do it.

funny enough, i was sick over the weekend and asked her to take care of the dishes/kitchen so i could just go to bed early. She made a big deal about how she would be happy to, and that contrary to my past feelings of resentment she was totally fine to take care of the dishes for me. of course when i went downstairs the next morning at 6am to get ready for my kids wakeup, i spent the first 15mins doing dishes she left and wiping down the kitchen so juniors seat at the counter wasnt covered in dried meatjuice and crumbs. SMH.

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That’s a bummer. If I’m cooking sweetbippy has the kitchen spotless after dinner


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Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

That’s a bummer. If I’m cooking sweetbippy has the kitchen spotless after dinner


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Firehouse rules: the cook doesn’t clean. Home rules: whatever mother fucker, you’re doing both. Ask me how I know.

For people who are cooking and cleaning how is the rest of the house work divided up?

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Originally Posted by Supermoon

For people who are cooking and cleaning how is the rest of the house work divided up?

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Funny, my wife grew up with maids, I didn't, so ya, I do the cleaning unless my youngest roles in. She is more fastidious than me. Earlier this evening my wife asked if I could replace my Klipsch Forte's with something smaller. I reminded her of why that will never happen and she is behind multiple closed doors. :D

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Originally Posted by Supermoon

For people who are cooking and cleaning how is the rest of the house work divided up?

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It's the other way around. Both my wife and I love cooking so we discuss who gets to cook dinner any given evening. If there's a big birthday party, we'll literally schedule the times during that day that we're allowed to be in the kitchen. Cleaning dishes are just a part of the cooking process so we don't really consider it a trade-off in chores, per se. And I was being fairly facetious in my story about "restaurant." It's a cute-couple's thing. Sometimes we kick each other out of the kitchen so we can have our meditation time. Other times we brainstorm recipes throughout the week while we're prepping something. And we constantly remind our kids how good they have it growing up under two parents who truly love the kitchen.

BUT-- we do assign the kids as many chores as possible just so they learn how to do them. But no allowance for chores. Instead, they get allowances for high test scores, or good performances in sports. Chores are how you survive. Studying hard and training hard are how you advance and earn a living. It's a good system, they're good kids so far.

As for MagUni-- we're both neurotic. She has rules about the towels and I have rules about the knives. We're comfortable with each other so we can call out each other's neurosis in a playful manner. The kids laugh, too.

Like the cat food bag. She cuts the corner, but the top of the bag, the cutoff part, is still attached to the bag... which blocks the flow of the cat food out of the bag. "Why don't you just cut that piece off and throw it away?" "Because then I have to open the garbage can." Now she does it on purpose... just like the mom in A Christmas Story used up all the glue on purpose.

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Originally Posted by Supermoon

For people who are cooking and cleaning how is the rest of the house work divided up?

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Neither of us particularly mind cleaning or chores, so we both do what’s in front of us and honestly don’t spend a lot of time keeping score. It tends to divide up along fairly traditional lines when there’s a lot to do, like if there is mowing or snow removal or something “handy” that needs doing. And she’s firmly in charge of laundry though I’ll pitch in and fold a basket or two when that’s what we’re doing. Works well when you aren’t using it to gather ammunition.

We don’t really assign the kids much in the way of chores, outside of keeping up their own personal spaces. It’s a near useless exercise when they’re here half the time, and I can’t say I really learned anything meaningful by doing chores myself when I was a kid. Instead we try to model what keeping up a home looks like and what taking care of your family and loved ones looks like. Maybe they’ll be useless creatures when they move out on their own, but I suspect they’ll figure it out just fine and have some standards to hit.

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Originally Posted by gaijin

It's the other way around. Both my wife and I love cooking so we discuss who gets to cook dinner any given evening. If there's a big birthday party, we'll literally schedule the times during that day that we're allowed to be in the kitchen. Cleaning dishes are just a part of the cooking process so we don't really consider it a trade-off in chores, per se. And I was being fairly facetious in my story about "restaurant." It's a cute-couple's thing. Sometimes we kick each other out of the kitchen so we can have our meditation time. Other times we brainstorm recipes throughout the week while we're prepping something. And we constantly remind our kids how good they have it growing up under two parents who truly love the kitchen.

BUT-- we do assign the kids as many chores as possible just so they learn how to do them. But no allowance for chores. Instead, they get allowances for high test scores, or good performances in sports. Chores are how you survive. Studying hard and training hard are how you advance and earn a living. It's a good system, they're good kids so far.

As for MagUni-- we're both neurotic. She has rules about the towels and I have rules about the knives. We're comfortable with each other so we can call out each other's neurosis in a playful manner. The kids laugh, too.

Like the cat food bag. She cuts the corner, but the top of the bag, the cutoff part, is still attached to the bag... which blocks the flow of the cat food out of the bag. "Why don't you just cut that piece off and throw it away?" "Because then I have to open the garbage can." Now she does it on purpose... just like the mom in A Christmas Story used up all the glue on purpose.

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I see you’re in your manic phase


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Originally Posted by Supermoon

For people who are cooking and cleaning how is the rest of the house work divided up?

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I cook and clean, and am teaching the offspring that half of cooking is the cleanup. I clean while I cook.

Other housework is for the nanny my wife hired [emoji2955]

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Originally Posted by gaijin

BUT-- we do assign the kids as many chores as possible just so they learn how to do them. But no allowance for chores. Instead, they get allowances for high test scores, or good performances in sports. Chores are how you survive. Studying hard and training hard are how you advance and earn a living. It's a good system, they're good kids so far.

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This reminded me that my mom had us 3 kids doing 'Kitchen Police' (KP) duty 2 nights a week each, before homework or playing after dinner. It was a solid routine and there was no slack. It was good training for the restaurant dishwasher job I had.:wink:

Edit: Pro Tip for knives and silverware. Keep a dedicated soaking container next to the sink with soapy water to the height of steak knife blades.