WWMD?? Major family Issues

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Originally posted by iceman
I guess my advice would sorta depend on whether you think you're still in the will.

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Yep...take em for all they got laser...and try to save your brother. He might still have a chance. As for your sis and P's, you can't let the sickness of fear that prevents them from being happy affect you. Don't take their problems personally as you are only responsible for your own happiness in this life. You can't fix em and you should not pity them. Everyone has control over what suffering the choose to accept in life. When you try to fix someone or pity them you begin a process of control and it never ends well. Let it go.

Laser - this whole deal sucks. Family drama is the worst. Had some of it when I got married, but luckily enough we have managed to work through it.

I would write a letter to your parents very nicely explaining how you are feeling. Tell them how happy you are with your life, your job, and with where you are at. Explain that social status does not mean much to you etc. Do not accuse them of anything - just explain your feelings.

I would let them know that their actions are making it difficult to maintain a relationship, and that it would be a shame if they never really got to know their grandchild because of it. I am not advocating anything sneaky or underhanded, but you need to let them know that their behaviour could very possibly effect their relationship with your child.

Good luck dude - I hope that all works out for you.

Adjust rear view mirror, proceed with life. You've got it going on. 24, on your own, happily married, kid on the way, own house. Your parents should be honored to be related to you. The fact that they peer down their noses at your life is their problem, not yours. Hopefully they will realize that family is more imortant than appearances. Your brother will be fine once he gets away from them to school. Your sister should get new bindings. You should concentrate on your growing family. Don't go ballistic on them. Have a discussion, keep it civil. And remember, weddings are stressful events for everybody, even well adjusted families that all get along. Talk about everything that bothers you, ask them why they appear to not like your new wife and lifestyle. Ask direct questions, make them twitchy and uncomfortable, those types never like to talk abut anything messy. Put them on the spot. Keep your cool. Next time you plan a ski trip, take maggots along instead. Perhaps the brother needs to log in here. Cheers to Vince for popping the question at what seemed like the perfect time!

Good luck.

laser,
as others have said, definitely do what you can to save those worth saving (your brother). Even though you think he is too young, try and explain the things that you have learned in your years over him. So at least he will be able to see the light and play your mother's games and make it out alright. No need to drop the bomb. Just dont call or contact anymore and watch how things will change when there is a grandchild in the picture (congrats). As soon as your child is born you will have all the leverage in the world. Not to use your child as leverage over your parents but, you'll see. It is hard to say "stop caring so much" they are your family, but if all they are doing is causing grief, get far away. Best of luck brother.

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Originally posted by Aldo
Your brother will be fine once he gets away from them to school. Your sister should get new bindings. You should concentrate on your growing family.

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lol on the bindings!

And Aldo should be a therapist. I like his response, it's sensible and good. I would still go ballistic though. But that's just me.
Sprite

I'm with Geoff and Sprite on this one. Being tied to a will likely only make you come across as contrived around them and exasperate your situation. I think that your mother's incorrigible- I know her kind. She may mellow with age, though. Can't say about your old man.

You need your freedom to operate...to live. If you have pent-up feelings, it's best to get them out, preferably in such a way as to not require the wearing of a nuclear meltdown suit. Don't cut ties, just maintain a happy distance.

I like the idea of your brother moving in with you. If he's good enough to get into Renssalier, he should be able to find a scholie and not have to rely on the folks for funding. Of course, if you "steal him away from them" you should expect some major dookie to come down.

I have a similar situation going on with my dad. He's always expected me to live for him and this has resulted in considerable tension between us over the years (since my early teens). I won't share most of my life with him, he doesn't care and will even dismiss my accomplishments. He is always ready to remind of all the ways that I've let him down, however.

Damn you, Laser! Now you have me ranting. :D

Your sister doesn't know jack ... , granola and duct tape is where it's at. :)

Congrats on the marraige and child, just wait a few years, skiing with your kids is great fun.

Sounds like you've got a level head and make good decisions, proceed forward. Drop the wedding gift rant, you sound like a whiney rich kid. Get over it and don't fall into any traps where you are strung along to get it. Realize that nobody owes you anything, then when something comes along, its a nice present. Good luck.

Hard to say with only hearing one side, but assuming your side is accurate I would say try to keep just a cordial relationship with your parents nothing too personal until something changes. In other words keep in touch with your parents on important stuff like the welfare of your little brother, but stay at arms length on personal issues like choosing a new job, name for the baby and of coarse choosing a new pair of skis (which is very personal). Too personal of a relationship is causing you a lot of grief which could affect your relationship with you wife and you child and none of you deserve that.

I don't advocate cutting off all ties with your parents, because that seems too spitefull and would be dropping down to your mother's level. Besides I do think your child should still have a chance at a relationship with his or her grandparents even if yours is not on good terms. Just look at your relationship with your grandmother. Would you have had that type of relationship with her if your parents cut off contact with her?

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Originally posted by laseranimal

OK THATS ENOUGH RANTING FROM ME, I just wanna know what would the maggots do in this situation?? I've had it with my parents, I'm almost 24 years old, I have a job, a mortgage, a wife, and soon a kid, I feel like I'm doing what I love and I really could care less about them and their thoughts and opinions, and I really don't want to subject myself, my wife, OR ESPECIALLY my KID to their fucking crap anymore..................What should I do????

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You answered your own question. You are your own man. If they want to be part of you and your families' life, make it clear its on your terms. To the extent you can, just ignore the bullshit. If you can't, then blow them off.

"We're sorry, but this phone number has been disconnected. If you feel you have reached this number in error, you are wrong. Have a nice day."

Find out when they're going on vacation, rent a U-Haul, and steal all their oriental rugs, those things are worth money.

With regard to family, I know that twisted angry feeling, dood. Let it go.
Your parents and sis should be ashamed.
You have a lot to be proud of. Follow your muse and breathe deep. The perceptive will come around.

I totally agree with Buster, but get the rugs too.

Your baby will reveal your parent's true nature.

See how they react to their first grandchild. They may turn and start to be supportive. But if the same stuff keeps going on get the hell outta there. If they have grown attached to the child this will really stick it to them.

Although this could create more problems. You might want to cut ties and move on now as you've suggested so you don't subject your wife and child to any negative vibes.

Yeah, get the rugs and go.

So I missed it, what's wrong with your family?

I really don't know how to deal with my mom, except I know it never feels good to hurt moms feelings, no matter how out of her mind she gets. However, it might be best to simply explain your position in a civil manner Keeping in mind that your own family is your priority now and she doesn't get any say in how you raise it. Be honest, but not mean or nasty and you will be a better person for it. And remember when she gets nuts simply tell her she misunderstood.

Keeping in mind I cant even get the upper hand with my own mom, and she's not even rich.

Just my.02

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Originally posted by iceman
Find out when they're going on vacation, rent a U-Haul, and steal all their oriental rugs, those things are worth money.

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This confirms my suspicions all along that Iceman is not only everybody, but also Jack Handy...thanks for the laughs Val. I'll see you on the eagerly antcipated India story conclusion thread...