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The AA thing worked for me. Found a not super religious group, 30 meetings in 30 days and then weekly, more as nec. The support and understanding were indispensable and the lack of bullshit…everyone’s been there and knows a load of crap when they hear it.
We are here for you. Fully commit to be radically honest w yourself. Once you step through that you are on the right path.
You are exactly where I was, and we all were. We all have the same story. Millions of us. You are in good company.
Pm me I'll tell you my story.
Admit to yourself and everyone else in your life you are an alcoholic and cannot manage your drinking. Do the work. Join us. We are legion!:)
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Or, you could just stop drinking without any admissions or guilt, fuck everyone else, it’s your path and yours alone. It’s not some huge accomplishment to quit, you just do it and live without. Life is way easier without.
That is a bit how my story was. Crashed a car at 22, not too bad. Did random stupid shit here and there, and as a husband and father was generally pretty good, but sometimes would drink too much and it was not good. I did go to a couple aa meetings, and while I stopped at that, it was a reality check that people can lose it all pretty easily if they don't stop. So I stopped, and that was it. I just stopped. Been like 6 years now. You like drinking or you like your family? Once you realize they are incompatible, you have a choice to make. Make your decision. Know what's at stake.
It's not always that easy. Substance abuse is a strange thing. When I worked offshore we are always high and half in the bag. It was a tough adjustment to come ashore and lead a normal working life when you are always used to being fucked up and living in a vacuum. People need help with this and its not an admission of guilt its an admission of needing help tackling a problem that affects everybody around you. Most guys I worked with, including myself, went to treatment and counseling. Some guys died from drugs and drinking and some wound up in jail. This was twenty years ago and I have a good friend who is getting ready to get out of prison in New Hampshire next year. He's been in jail for almost twenty years.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttahflake
My father drank himself into the hospital when I was a freshman in high school. He tried the AA thing and it wasn't for him. He made sobriety happen but he also starts drinking non alcoholic beer every morning at 6:30. He's 80. When I was in treatment he told me that alcohol should be a reward and not a punishment.
In closing, I want to disagree with what you said about this being somebody's path alone. That rarely works. In my case I needed the help of the people that were most negatively affected by my substance abuse. They could see through the bullshit when I couldn't.
Buttcake is fine w being a drunk asshole to everyone is his life and not apologizing. What a guy.
To BF: it’s the destination that matters way more than the journey taken to get there. Positive vibes from one non-drinker to another.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttahflake
To others who care about a random perspective from someone who doesn’t share much on webz:
We all do it for different reasons and California sobriety seemed to work great for me. I debated that with AA folks and committed 2 of 5 meetings I attended (if you exclude the meeting I listened cowardly from the door at 10 years before I was ready to stop). So we don’t all need AA to reach the conclusion you reached - even though I believe I saw you chose to cut out MJ too - different than me. I’m a stupid contradictory cunt on a lot of things but am in favor of whatever works creates the outcome you’re after - so that’s how I rationalize it - FWIW.
I’m Kali sober, still like THC gummies.
Thanks! I will PM you. Seems I may have a chance of saving things with my family but she is dubious. Appreciate being able to chat on here. Fucking nasty sleeps and night sweats this week.Quote:
Originally Posted by byates1
Thanks! I will PM you. Seems I may have a chance of saving things with my family but she is dubious. Appreciate being able to chat on here. Fucking nasty sleeps and night sweats this week.Quote:
Originally Posted by byates1
Sounds like you need to get your shit together.
Brilliant observation Watson;)
Plea to Ullr thread is flying flag upside down.Quote:
Originally Posted by el hefe
I don't count but do have a sobriety counter app that does when I'm interested.
638 days Alcohol Free.
No AA for me. Used science based information to change my subconscious mind that was creating my mental addiction to Alcohol.
If you are interested look up
This Naked Mind.
Science based on how we can reprogram our brain permanently.
Its works with all mental addiction s.
Life changing in more ways than just Alcohol addiction.
Then you can start your Recovery.
Thats a totally different issue thats stored in our subconscious mind.
Its the reason we wanted to sedate our brain in the beginning.
Find those reasons and you get your answers on what the hell is going on in your brain.
Its amazing once you get these two things done ? Sobriety then Recovery.
^^^ great thanks, I will look it up. Is it a book? I am assuming the sober app is easy enough to find on an app store?
Hang in there. I don’t post much but read this thread and the first edition when I was trying to sort my problems initially. Found some really helpful stuff here.Quote:
Originally Posted by el hefe
Your family is worth doing anything for.
I hope you can become a student and figure out what works for you.
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Damn, jefe, hope you can save this. From the outside you seem to have a great life.
Thankfully I haven't dealt with this personally, but sobriety is probably a lot like losing weight. There's a thousand different diets and they all work equally well in a controlled setting. But, people don't get to live in a diet study (i.e., rehab) forever. In the real world what matters is adherence. A multitude of studies have proven that the diet people stick to long term is the one that leads to meaningful sustained weight loss (i.e., food sobriety) and otherwise the type of diet chosen is irrelevant. For a variety of reasons some work better for some people than others.
So, evaluate the strategies available to you and pick the one you think you can do consistently. You may find you need to try another plan and that's OK.
^ This. There are different strokes for different folks. A friend has had good luck with Dharma Recovery because the AA thing turned him off.
Plus upvote for this naked mind.
If you are sciency it’s a great read to understand how your stupid brain is working against you.
Yeah. It’s a book. But if you don’t like meetings and confessional it helps you understand brain chemistry. And how to fight it.
This thread is what keeps me still clicking on TGR even with all the other occasional bullshit slinging and downright idiocy. So much good in it, both advice and empathy.
Life has always been great except for this little dark man that comes out randomly when I am drunk. It is like russian roulette and totally not worth it anymore. Some days/nights are great and totally fine and others I am a complete zombie asshole who doesn't remember anything! So frustrating.....Quote:
Originally Posted by Dantheman
But this week has been good so far. Wife gave me a big hug, I know she loves me and we have been best friends for 25 years now ( I am only 44). No more night sweats and a solid sleep, been to the gym every morning. Things are looking up.
Now it is about the social aspects with my buddies who like to drink (they can handle it fine) have a big couple of events coming up.
Big thanks to byates1 (Bob) for a great chat yesterday, our paths have been very similar. Thanks for the support!
Certainly worth fighting for
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Any possibility of one of your buddies joining you on this path? A good friend of mine had to make this choice and I joined him just so he wouldn't feel awkward around all of our other boozy friends--I've always been able to quit alcohol at will, so no big whoop on my part.Quote:
Originally Posted by el hefe
Before you say no, maybe ask. They might surprise you. Now my buddy hasn't had a drink in a year and a half. And FWIW, he is doing absolutely phenomenally.
I guess maybe the danger is that a sobriety partner caves down the road? Definitely some better experts in here.
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And, at least in the short term, consider the social engagements optional? It may be the lesser of two evils to just not go. Everyone is different but the alcohol culture, party, small talk thing is pretty toxic for me. One think that helps for me is just to stay for a couple of hours then leave.
If I don't feel like drinking while out socially or for work I usually have a couple alcohol free beers then do the Irish GoodbyQuote:
Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles
Its a bit different for me. I'm just introverted and social anxious. Its taken me a lot time to realize that drinking as a coping mechanism, even just a couple, isn't healthy for me. I'm down to a couple drinks a week and I've really been doing better rising to my challenges.
It's a book written by Annie Grace.Quote:
Originally Posted by el hefe
William Porter also has a book called Alcohol Explained.
A great read on exactly what we are doing to ourselves drinking ethanol.
Just if you do go to the events keep strong and do Mocktails or order juice or sodas even. It could be non-alcoholic beers also if they have them. I ask sometimes and if they do not or if they only have O'Doul's then I ask for a Ginger Ale or 7-Up or something like that if nothing else to have something in my hand. The times that everyone wants to do a round of shots, I just decline... Easy to say you are driving (if you are in fact driving home) and your not going to drink for the the night and risk any DWI or DUI.Quote:
Originally Posted by el hefe
If they are true friends and you can be honest with them- tell them you are no longer drinking alcohol for a very valid reason- to save your beautiful relationship with your wife and family!!
Word. I often drink soda with a lime just so people don't ask. And it's surprisingly delicious, even without vodka!Quote:
Originally Posted by RShea
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That's my usual. It's a good thirst cutter too.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater
Occasionally in college I'd go to a party and not want to drink; drinking water out of a red solo cup was always a great way to avoid any inquiries.
^^^ love the end of this. Because friends and family are the ones who will ask. Just be straight with them. Be straight with yourself too.Quote:
Originally Posted by RShea
I also do the soda water with lime so people don't ask as much, but, if people do ask, I am straight with them I say I don't drink. With friends and family you might need to add "anymore" because they know you. I don't say I am not going to drink because I'm the driver and I don't want to risk a DUI, it's not true. I think one of the reasons I've been able to not drink the last 6 or 7 years, (lost track now) is because I've internalized it. It's not that I don't drink at an event, it's that I don't drink.
For a the first while after I quit, I was asked more about it than now, and I would usually give some variation of yeah, I just decided I didn't want to anymore. Most of the time it was fine, and sometimes I would drink too much and regret it so I stopped. And that is pretty much the truth. The response was almost always positive and chatter would quickly move on. But to try and pretend to people, oh, I can't tonight I'm driving, you are lying to them and lying to yourself. And that reduces your likelihood of success for long term sobriety. In my humble opinion.
I wish all success with their efforts.
Like.Quote:
Originally Posted by basinbeater
Orange Juice and club soda, Cranberry juice and some clearer soda or club soda if wanted some fizz, Pineapple Juice.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater
7-Up and any twist- lime, lemon, ginger ale, Coke or Pepsi most any of the traditional mixers used.
Mocktails have all sorts of things that would be some juices and mix with a fruit slice or cherry, etc.
A standard refresher in our house is seltzer water, cranberry to taste and a lime. I like it on the splash of cran side. Other folks like it more juicy. Organic cranberry sweetened with other fruit juices only.
I drink shit loads of LaCroix. Pamplemousse and pasteque are my favorites. I also like the cucumber blackberry I think it is.
Had a great weekend, big party on friday, was a bit socially anxious at first but ended up being fun. Bocce a good distraction.
Sat went camping with friends and family, was great again. Drinking "bubbly juice" (flavoured carbonated water) as my kids call it mixed with lime and salt. Also had some yerbe mate to mix in, was tasty.
Feeling good, wife is super happy. I think she was trying to scare the shit out of me and it worked. Thanks again for the support! Talked to a couple buddies who live close doing the sober life. Good local support and its amazing how passionate they are about it. Lots to look forward to.
++++.
Good to read about others AA experiences and alternatives, especially just community.
^ I look at aa as a community. Not a heavy god thing. Good on ya hefe. I want the water I am on in my little boat to be as quiet as possible. No more self induced storms and rough chop. Just quiet will do.
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Some years ago, there was a bit of animosity concerning my doubt of AA and how it hadn't worked for some close to me.
Not saying it can't ever work, just that there's other ways of managing the situation.