Sounds a little like a friends mom that got water on the brain either due to a fall or the start of Alzheimer’s. It came on rather fast as her brain had basically started shrinking. Hope that’s not the case here but it sounds kinda similar
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Sounds a little like a friends mom that got water on the brain either due to a fall or the start of Alzheimer’s. It came on rather fast as her brain had basically started shrinking. Hope that’s not the case here but it sounds kinda similar
Art -
I read MRI -
cranial ? ??
old terminology, but I remember hearing about a neurologist evaluating CT scans for evidence of brain activity ( colors, Good colors )
If it was a cranial MRI, I'll Be quiet.
( but If you don't have cranial imaging I would ask about that... )
(( my other thoughts are not optimistic - Except a page up, several say, when the end comes, let it be short.
( Dad lived with dementia for at least six years ( eleven by his assessment ) ))
with love, Art -
skiJ / tj
That would be obvious on an MRI of the brain, which I believe she's had.Quote:
Originally Posted by mcski
Thanks skij and others. It was a brain MRI and that didn’t bring up any red flags.
And definitely no falls, mcski. I suppose Alzheimer’s but it really does seem out of nowhere.
OG, on the list for a full neurology appointment now too. Did have neurologist check out MRI but it was part of the whole circus of scatter shot tests and maybe not a deep dive.
Thanks again Gents
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Took my dad to a doctor that specialized in old people when dad started having trouble walking without falling down. After a few written tests and seeing dad lose his balance when he moved a certain way the medical advice he gave was ALWAYS use a walker and get rid of the car because cognitively, he was thinking like a teen ager. And like a teenager he drove his car 200 yds to the end of the street and back that night out of spite. I had to disable it. I saw dad fall putting him into the nursing home when he went to get the mail after saying he didn't need a walker for that.
Any elder care specialists in your area?
When my friend took away her father's car under doctor's orders he was so pissed that when he got home he drove ever piece of farm equipment around the farm like a mad man.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cisco Kid
It's hard watching them age.
I lost my Dad early this year and although my Mom seems to be doing great, these memory lapses scare the hell out of me. She refuses to lay off the sauce, too. I wouldn't call her a big drinker, but she's the kind of gal that can seem pretty drunk after one drink sometimes. Unfortunately that doesn't stop her from having two more. She called me yesterday in regards to some pretty important business stuff. We had chatted real briefly while she was at a party, I could detect a slight slur, almost just told her to have fun and hang up, but we were on a tight time frame. Told her to simply send me a certain document as an email. She calls at 9 AM the next morning and has zero recollection of the whole conversation.
The funny thing is that she was working full-time with a Master's degree when she had me, had been married for 5 years, already had my sister 17 months earlier, and was 26 years old. So weird sometimes to think of her only being that much older than me. I pray I make it to 73 and have my faculties.
My dad said the hardest thing he ever had to do was take his dads keys away (in his late 80s), so my dad gave it up on his own when he turned 80 even though Inyold him he was still fine to drive at that point, but he stuck to it
Got to get her to stop. Maybe have her doctor counsel her? My mom's doc told her it was okay to drink which totally pissed me off. Why would he tell a 90yo who is on all kinds of meds that? Just like driving I think there is a time to stop drinking.Quote:
Originally Posted by lowsparkco
My mom was drinking on the sly because she knew I would dump if I found it and I was right because drinking is what lead to her fall and pelvic fracture and this current nightmare I'm living.
Cleaning out her apt I found half gallons of vodka stashed everywhere.
Vibes.
Once I'm past 75 or so if anyone tells me to stop drinking/smoking weed/etc. I'll ignore them. If they tell me again I'll tell them where to go. I mean really, at that point you've earned a few more good buzzes.
That implies you don't ignore them now, which means that when you're 75 there won't be any reason for them to tell you to stop.Quote:
Originally Posted by gravitylover
That's fair so long as you don't ask them to help you when you fall and break a hip.Quote:
Originally Posted by gravitylover
Risk management benefits you and your loved ones.
My 90 year old Mom drinks, still drives, and is on a lot of meds. So far so good but she's not allowed to drive my kids anywhere as of 2 years ago and that really pissed her off.
Also she gave her SS# to someone calling from Malaysia last month and now thinks she never got her $45k inheritance from her Dad in 1998 and she is trying to track it down. God help me.
Anyone have a parent have a knee replacement? I'm guessing it's going to be a huge ordeal for her. She is very out of shape and has congestive heart failure, among other issues, so rehab is not in her vocabulary or a real ability of hers.
Had a parent replace both knees (separately) and two aunts who replaced them both at the same time. With a good group it’s surprisingly uneventful. Get them to rent an ice machine.
90 year old TKR?! That’s pretty extreme for that age but I guess if she’s otherwise healthy. My brother in law had it in his early 70s. Surgery was ok but the knee hasn’t been great for him. I know other people that have had them and the anecdotal satisfaction rate is about 50% among the ones I know. Ymmv
I know at least 12, everyone is happy, age 65-80
I just had a TKR @ 65 and I’m doing great. But still have a lot of pain and sleep does not come easily. Not sure I’d recommend it for a 90 year old.Quote:
Originally Posted by dunfree
We’re visiting my 93 year old FIL in Chicago.
He was a dishwasher at the Red Onion in Aspen in 1954. Brought his little girl up skiing
and he did a great job. We love him dearly.
He’s wealthy, healthy and we have a a lot of resources in the area, so he can still live at home alone currently. But he’s really starting to suffer from dementia and we’re here exploring options.
The amount of chat bot phishing calls on his home phone is ridiculous. I’d like to get rid of it, but he’s old and wants a landline.
PSA: Do everything you can to convice your older relatives that it is their best interest to take care of things like downsizing and choosing a retirement community while they can still make the choice themselves otherwise it will be done by someone else, stressing them because of lack of control as well as burdening family esp. if they don't live close. It's the kindest thing they can do for themselves and their family. They must put their pride aside. No one is going to be young and spry forever and there is no shame in moving into this stage of life.
When choosing a retirement community, if they don't have an assisted/nursing section make sure they allow for outside care to come in - not all do.
Remind them that they are only one fall away from a nursing home and studies show that falls in the elderly greatly increase cognative decline. To that I can attest.
Mom is finally doing better after 3wks back in her retirement community. She is in the assisted section now but still has access to the entire complex. It's a lovely place and I'm grateful that she can be there. That said I can tell you that with each move, from the intial fall, to the hospital, then to rehab and finally back to the retirement living facility she suffered mental and physical setbacks that caused her to stop eating and contributed to irrational fear. It took her a min. of 2wks to recover from each move and during those times it seemed like she might not make it.
At this point I feel like I could write a handbook on how to navigate this whole process as well as where and what to buy to outfit a safe & comfortable assisted living apt. Maybe I should ditch the "Ask KQ Claus" thread and start a "KQ the social worker for elderly" thread.
Sorry KQ
With my FIL any interruption to his routine screws him up for a few days. Yesterday as we walked in to visit him for a few minutes the doctor had just gotten there and spewed a bunch of shit ending up with the old guy headed to the hospital in an ambulance. After 4 hours or so with me sitting in the car with the dog they decided to release him but we couldn't get him into my minivan. We tried to get him a ride back in an ambulette or something but his med ins. declined it :mad: We went home and got a lower car that we could get him into and brought him back to his place. He didn't get any of his mid-day meds and didn't eat so he was angry and his sugar went nuts. Today he was mumbling and nearly incoherent because they screwed up the morning meds. Such a fucking mess and we get the privilege of paying through the fuckn nose for it. My dad has similar but less dramatic problems with his place and getting his meds at the right time too making it 4 assisted facilities that we've dealt with now that suck.
I really want my fil and my dad to pass at this point, it really will be the kindest and best thing for both of them :(
So sorry! Yeah... have to take Mom in the Subie. No way she's getting in one of my trucks.Quote:
Originally Posted by gravitylover
I am so grateful for the retirement community where my Mom lives. The staff is wonderful and she had finally settled in and is happy with her new studio (she was in a 1br/den apt in the same community).
I get you on the "wishing they would pass." Ain't no shame in wanting a peaceful end. During this whole ordeal everytime my phone rang I thought for sure it was going to be someone telling me she'd passed. Got a call from the retirement home the other day and the first thing they said is "this is not an emergency."
Hang in there. I've finally stopped crying for the most part after 2 months and almost feel human again. I hope you too can reach a point of rest and ease.
Thanks for any advice KQ. My sister is flying to us in January and we are going to do the "what retirement place" talk with my Mom. The awkward part will be when she asks "why can't I live with one of you instead?"
And then we have to figure out if we all can afford what she wants, since she is running out of money in about 4-5 years.
++++
My partner is still taking care of her 95 yo dad and 93 yo mom in the house in which my mil was borne. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, appointment driving and she comes home wasted virtually every night. It's sucked. Her dad makes Archie Bunker look like a girl scout. Then there's feeding the 10 pasture horses, 1 remaining dog and 4 cats.
And now we have covid with no real backup.
WQuote:
Originally Posted by Buster Highmen
T
F
I’m so sorry.
That sucks. I've heard of more than a few sad tales of nonagenarians behaving as domineering narcissists. And from your spot nothing you can do but offer support and advice. Sell the horses?
"You'e one fall away from a nursing home" was what the doc told my 86 yo dad. Dad agreed but said he had always been lucky. "I fell on the bed the couch and my chair. I'll be fine". Doc was right and I was lucky to be there when he fell at the mailbox and hit his head on the street. Went from ER to the nursing home. I saw it as a part of the process and a blessing as now he wouldn't be sitting home all day every day living on cashews and milk.
Money or lack there-of is a deal breaker in these situations but there are some work arounds without resorting to home care which can be exhausting and impossible for the family and not always the best choice for the elderly relative depending on the level of care needed. Having my mother remain in her retirement community is a huge peace of mind for me. They order and administer all her meds. They can get her to the hosp. if necessary or Dr. appts. They provide all her meals, housekeeping and laundry and assist with bathing/physical therapy/socializing. I don't have to worry if a snow storm makes me homebound or I can't get to the pharmacy etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by muted reborn
If you can find a close enough place in a more rural area you may find better prices with just as good care as a big city. I'm sure the cost of my Mom's care would be double in Seattle compared to Walla Walla. Fortunately my Mother has a realtively good pension and SS though she has no savings left. I do have to bridge the gap but it's not unsurmountable at this point.
Once your Mom is out of money and if it's not possible for you to supplement, Medicaid will kick in. There are things you can do to bring her assets down but you need to start before you need Medicaid because there is a look-back period.
Wow... I can't imagine. Your wife is going to need some serious support herself. There were points where I was seriously broken and spent the day in bed crying and I wasn't the one caring for her though I will concede that this whole episode opened the doors to pain I'd buried for years after the deaths of my brothers and the 10yr decline/death of my father. The though of losing my last family member brought it all home. Someone posted in this thread that the saddest thing for them was seeing the life of their father (FIL?) reduced to a pile of boxes set out by the dumpster and I have to agree. Cleaning out my mother's apartment was emotional wrenching.Quote:
Originally Posted by Buster Highmen
Have you looked into working with an equine rescue to find homes for the horses? There are several in your area that I can send you links to - they might not take them in but they can help by getting word out to their community of followers that the horses need homes. They will make sure they are good homes. I got my donkeys through a donkey rescue that acted as a facilitator for an elderly couple who could no longer care for them.
I do what I can by taking care of all the food and most of the cleaning at home. Plus being sure to exert extra care and support when she walks in the door. She is just incredibly tough.Quote:
Originally Posted by KQ
Not going to happen, the horses are boarded and income for my inlaws. Thanks though.Quote:
Have you looked into working with an equine rescue to find homes for the horses? There are several in your area that I can send you links to - they might not take them in but they can help by getting word out to their community of followers that the horses need homes. They will make sure they are good homes. I got my donkeys through a donkey rescue that acted as a facilitator for an elderly couple who could no longer care for them.
Oh... thought the horses where theirs. As long as they are boarders horses and care is covered, no need to worry about them. If needed you can turn the place into a co-op with each boarder taking on their own stall cleaning but still have someone feed and water - possibly a boarder who pays reduced board.Quote:
Originally Posted by Buster Highmen
They're just pastured, no stalls or barn. But the water tanks need scrubbing and this time of year they have to be fed.
We got the 2am call that he fell and was on the way to the hospital with a bloody head, 4 hours later and another interesting car ride back to his place and I'm going back to bed. Fuck
+++Vibes+++Quote:
Originally Posted by gravitylover
Went through this with my dad and both of my in-laws.
My Dad wiped out twice in the last month, he lives alone in Florida. First one was middle of the night and he spent like three hours on the floor until he finally made it to the phone. We got him the life alert necklace after that and he already had to use it. Nine staples in the side of his head from hitting the TV. Fuck is right
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All I have to offer at this point is to be sure your parents will/Trust is updated and PERFECTLY clear and that every beneficiary has seen it in advance (and they will still bust the executor's balls). Cause my mom's former partners family has been a total PITA and I have had to tell them they are not beneficiaries under the Trust so to fuck off.
I have avoided posting about this but my brother and I both haven't talked to our dad in about six months after begging him for years to get any of his legal documents in a row. We told him no more phone calls until he can get his shit together because it's too frustrating listening to him complain about unemployment, brag about buying a new toy, and then complain that he doesn't have enough time to complete basic tasks. He started escalating in the past few weeks calling names and passive aggressive texts but so far we are being resolute. We have no other ideas about how to coax him from out of state, he is losing out on time getting to know his grandson but seems unperturbed. It is so upsetting.Quote:
Originally Posted by liv2ski
Quote:
Originally Posted by gravitylover
Quote:
Originally Posted by ticketchecker
++++Vibes++++Quote:
Originally Posted by ghosthop
Tough times when it's hard to believe "this too shall pass."
We're here for you whenever you need to talk.
I went through 5 or 6 similar events, except my dad was passing out from blood loss due to stomach lesions that came from too many blood thinners. I went rounds and rounds with his doctors and with him. I never once got a call. Fortunately (?) my mom had had dementia for years and it was her care givers that happened across my dad passed out on the floor. They lived in FL I live in WA and the amount of guilt trips laid on me by others, not my dad, was a travelogue. My dad wanted to be left alone and told me so several times.Quote:
Originally Posted by ticketchecker
So, all the love and support and madness, it sucks, but things will shake out for the best.
Thanks - I've hear rumors that spots in good retirement homes are scarce and there aren't enough workers for daily home care. I suppose a bit of local sleuthing will calm my fears or escalate them.Quote:
Originally Posted by KQ
Good luck with your Mom.
At least he used the phone and the life alert. Olds are stubborn af when it comes to that. My dad lived in our in law apt downstairs and would fall and never call out or anything. Can not even count the number of times I’d go down to check and find him on the floor and he’d say “I’m fine”Quote:
Originally Posted by ticketchecker
Finally added a couple cameras so i could check in on him without barging in all the time. Worked great
NOT reassuring.Quote:
Understaffed and neglected: How real estate investors reshaped assisted living
Surveillance video captured a 97-year-old woman’s death outside the locked doors of a high-end Colorado home, a symptom of deeper problems in the $34 billion industry
By Douglas MacMillan
LOUISVILLE, Colo. — Lavender Farms, an upscale assisted-living facility in the Boulder suburbs, promised “24/7 on-site care” in its marketing materials. But managers at its operating company, Balfour Senior Living, worried deeply about their ability to care for the elderly residents who roamed the farmhouse-chic corridors at odd hours and sometimes wandered outside unnoticed, documents and interviews show.
Balfour managers proposed raising wages to hire and retain more and better caregivers to improve resident safety. But to do that, the managers said, Balfour needed the approval of Welltower, the $40 billion investment firm that owned Lavender Farms.
Executives at Welltower balked.
“Their position was: We are trying to increase our profitability,” said one former Balfour executive, speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss internal matters. “Care is an ancillary part of the conversation.”
Advertisement
For two decades, Balfour has been a star of the senior-housing industry, marketing its properties like boutique hotels, replete with high-end furnishings, fine dining and concierge services. But as Welltower and other professional investors have acquired the buildings where Balfour operates, waves of cost cutting have left it unable to meet the basic needs of many residents, according to interviews and documents obtained by The Washington Post.
Last year, resident Mary Jo Staub, 97, died after banging repeatedly on the locked doors of Lavender Farms in subfreezing temperatures. Her death was among at least 20 incidents of neglect, missing people or avoidable deaths cited by state inspectors at Balfour’s Colorado facilities since its founding in 1997. Since Balfour sold its properties to corporate investors in 2014, the vast majority of citations have indicated problems with staff.
Failures at Balfour facilities are symptoms of deeper problems in the $34 billion market for assisted living and memory care, a growing industry that now provides care and housing for more than a million Americans, according to industry estimates.
Conceived about 40 years ago to give seniors more freedom in their final years of life, the assisted-living industry has been reshaped by real estate speculators looking to cash in on an aging nation. They were aided by Congress in 2008, when a new law gave certain investors the ability to hold senior-housing properties tax-free while also taking a slice of their annual income.
As a result, many facilities across the nation are now held by investors under pressure to produce profits for shareholders. In some places, a bare-bones approach to staffing and pay has produced a chaotic environment where medications are missed, falls and bed sores go unnoticed, residents are abused and confused seniors wander away undetected, according to a review of 160,000 state inspection reports and interviews with more than 50 current and former employees of assisted-living businesses and relatives of current and former residents.
In the past five years alone, nearly 100 residents have died after wandering away from these facilities or being left unattended outside, a Post investigation found. State regulators investigating these deaths frequently cited limited staff, poor training or neglect.
Business leaders acknowledge struggling to find workers, a problem they blame on a nationwide labor shortage that worsened during the pandemic. Companies have had to adjust by “asking current staff to work extra shifts, hiring agency staff, or limiting new admissions because they refuse to compromise care,” Rachel Reeves, a spokeswoman for the American Health Care Association/National Center for Assisted Living, an industry lobbying group, said in an email.
.Quote:
‘I am exhausted’
But data and interviews suggest these facilities are losing staff because they don’t pay a competitive wage.
Nationally, assisted-living aides make an average of $15 an hour, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics — less than most Starbucks baristas. Yet these employees are tasked with bathing, toileting, medicating and safeguarding a population growing increasingly frail and likely to suffer from dementia or Alzheimer’s.
When staff is limited, one caregiver may assume responsibility for two dozen residents. Last year, in a national survey of 120 facilities by the National Center for Assisted Living, 98 percent said they asked staff to work extra shifts to make up for staffing shortages.
“Of course the care is going to suffer. Because I am exhausted,” said Amanda Matthews, 46, a longtime caregiver and manager of memory-care facilities in Colorado.
Neither Balfour nor Kisco Senior Living, the Carlsbad, Calif.-based company that combined with Balfour in October, responded to numerous requests for comment. A Lavender Farms manager declined to answer questions from a reporter who visited the facility. A Welltower spokesperson also declined to comment.
Even as workers struggle and some residents suffer, many businesses are thriving.
Long-term investors in senior home real estate, which includes assisted living, receive returns of nearly 9 percent a year on average — more than double the yield for offices and hotels, according to the National Council of Real Estate Investment Fiduciaries.
Investors prefer to buy the buildings that house senior homes — instead of buying equity in the businesses — because they gain rental income and valuable property portfolios without being directly exposed to the legal risks of caring for a fragile population. Typically, a real estate owner will approve a detailed business plan that sets out budgets for labor and care, and pay a management company a fee to run the facility according to plan.
Residents may never know the names of the investment firms that own their buildings, but these firms typically collect about 30 percent of their monthly rent checks, according to commercial real estate researcher Green Street. In a typical arrangement, about 65 percent of income goes to cover costs such as labor, marketing and supplies, while 5 percent goes to a management company, such as Balfour.
Locked out
The night of Feb. 25, 2022 — long after Lavender Farms managers had raised concerns to Balfour executives about wandering residents — Mary Jo Staub left the facility wearing pajamas and a robe in 15-degree weather. After breaking her ankle and realizing she was locked out, she used a broom to bang on a door next to the nurse’s station for 30 minutes, according to security-camera footage obtained by The Post through an open records request. No one came to help.
A lawsuit brought by Staub’s family alleged that the two staff members on duty — women who made around $20 an hour — had been in the third-floor theater room when they were supposed to be checking on Staub, who had been flagged for close monitoring because of confusion and hallucinations.
Near 6 a.m., one of the women finally found Staub outside, unresponsive on the pavement. Her walker was stuck in the snow and a trail of blood traced her path to the door she had desperately tried to reenter, according to videos, photos and records provided by police.
Balfour notified residents that someone died “after leaving the building on her own and experiencing a fall outside.” The company has repeatedly declined to comment to media about Staub’s death.
In legal filings, Balfour’s lawyers denied claims by Staub’s family that the company’s negligence resulted in her death, and that its marketing of exceptional care and safety amounted to fraudulent misrepresentation.
Staub’s death shocked relatives of Lavender Farms residents who demanded to know why the facility had not hired more staff or done more to ensure that nighttime caregivers were monitoring the exits. “How did this happen?” said Shari Edelstein, whose mother lived in Lavender Farms until her death earlier this year. “This is one of the most expensive facilities in Boulder.”
But to people who have worked in assisted living, Staub’s death was another data point in a pattern that has unfolded across the industry. Hundreds of properties change corporate owners every year, and staffing and pay are often the first expenses trimmed by investors focused on profits, according to interviews with industry experts and current and former employees at multiple companies.
“These companies come in and purchase communities and say they are going to make everything better,” said Matthews, who has worked for several senior-care companies, including Balfour. “The reality is, being somebody in the trenches, it doesn’t get better. The pay doesn’t change. The expectations are: ‘Now you are going to do more, for the same amount of money or less.’”
EDITOR’S NOTE
Viewers may find the following video disturbing. The Post reviewed 34 hours of video and carefully selected footage with an eye toward balancing sensitivity to the viewer and accuracy in portraying the final hours of Mary Jo Staub’s life. The Post concluded that allowing the public to witness these events firsthand provides a deeper understanding than words alone can convey.
Mary Jo Staub froze to death outside Balfour at Lavender Farms, an assisted-living facility in Louisville, Colo., on Feb. 26, 2022. (Video: Joy Yi, Douglas MacMillan, Sarah Hashemi/The Washington Post)
Assisted living got its start in the 1980s, when pioneers drew inspiration from nonprofit and faith-based “board and care” homes to develop for-profit options for older adults who needed help with daily activities but were not sick enough for nursing homes. These businesses arrived as women increasingly entered the workforce, leaving two-income families in a quandary over how to care for elderly parents.
“Along came assisted living, in a Victorian mansion, with a chandelier and a curved staircase,” said Bob Kramer, who co-founded the National Investment Center for Seniors Housing & Care, or NIC, a nonprofit research group, in 1991.