Kirkweed - January 19, 2006
By popular demand, and the sheer number of blackmail messages and threats of grievous bodily harm, and threats to blow up my local Castro hangout (The Moby Dick), here is a chronicle of Thursday, January 19th 2006.
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I knew it was going to be The Shit when the Caltrans chain control chumps set up shop way before the 4000' elevation marker during the late night run from the Castro to South Shore.
Pic: NO... SLEEP... TIL... KIRKWOOD!!!
http://tetongravity.com/usergallerie...l_Image105.jpg
The Dirty Aussie roused me from his ratty couch at 6am. He and his KW instructor cohorts are off today so we had an instant crew. Contrary to my suggestion, I'd like to point out that they DID NOT wear their instructor jackets so we COULD NOT use the Ski School line. Now where's that 'Troller jacket in Gear Swap again?
Unfortunately, between a combination of my incredibly shitty piece of shit Sony 4.1 megashitfucked Cyber-Shit that had batteries dying when it gets nipple-hardening cold, and the Dirty/Crazy Aussie's impatience and unwillingness to cooperate when it comes to setting up shots, or waiting 2 seconds for me to pull out the camera, you won't see any skier666-quality photos.
For what it's worth, here's the Punani-eye version of today's shits and giggles.
I rocked up at the KW lot around 8:30 and it was fucking full already. Scrambled into my shit and joined the Aussie crew in line. It was a mad shitfight for the chair as the clueless crop of JONG lifties had no fucking idea on how to deal with the powder morning stampede. (I'd like to send a sh0ut 0utz, yo, to the random snowboarder who enquired about my gonorrhea outbreak as I was hustling for the 50th chair. Was that you BLOODSWEATSTEEL?)
Forget about the proverbial kid in a candy store. The ride up chair 6 made you feel like a Pimp about to check in on his fresh crop of bitches. You'd drool everywhere you look, and you don't know what to hit first.
Pic: Pondering the Insanity and Master-debating which lines to hit first.
http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50857.jpg
When we reached the top the slowboarders had raped and pillaged all lines that didn't require the dragging of knuckles. We turned left, tucked the ridge and made a beeline for a still-untouched Funnel. The Dirty Aussie drops in and powder billows up like smoke from a Cheech & Chong film festival. For a split second I thought of getting the camera out, but fuck this. I am not gonna sacrifice pow time just to make a bunch of internet nnnNNNERRRRDS jealous. I picked my line and find that the funnel air had shrunken to a mere 10 footer. Pointed it. WHOOOOOOOOMPH! Took the runout through the trees and followed the lone traverse track into OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! It was knee-thigh deep blower and face shots all the way down. I wish I had worn my adult diapers because I simultaneously creamed and shat my pants by the time I got to the drain.
10 was not spinning so we piled onto 6 again. Rinse, Repeat. Same funnel lines, same blower pow, same face shots. 10 starts spinning. line builds up. not loading. Do we line up or do we hit 6? Ah fuck! Decisions decisions. We hit 6 again. It was just too good. The ridge had more people on it but the pockets of goodness were still to be had on the trees.
After 6 laps of 6 I was getting pretty bored of tracking shit up and fantasized about being back in my office printing out covers for my TPS reports. Just when I was about to give up in disgust and go back to my truck to get my laptop, we catch a glimpse of the first carcasses being loaded. Straightlined down to 10.
Pic: The view from 10 shortly after 10. Note that fresh pow had been eaten out more times than a nymphomanic lesbian.
http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50868.jpg
I had my eye on Once Is Enough. Strangely, I could see people checking it out from the top then walking away. Hmmmm....
Here's a view of the Wall before my batteries died in the fucking arse for the 10th time. http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50870.jpg
Then we realize that Beagle Bowl* (*Name changed to preserve anonymity) closed signs had been flipped and it was open for Bidness. Me and Skip took the high T out, then dropped into knee-thigh deep sickness all completely untracked. Multiple ejaculations shot in my now-sticky pants. I then straightlined the Warriors chute and pointed it all the way back to 10.
Met up with the Crazy Aussie and the Dirty Aussie whom we lost for a couple of laps. High T out again. I follow the Dirty Aussie and launch mini-Kodak (skiers right of dead-tree) while the Crazy Aussie launches off Big Kodak without hesitation, and without waiting for me to whip out the camera. Fucking non-photosluts! It's as if he believes that taking a picture of him would captue part of his soul. I think they've been hanging around too many Aborigines.
By 11am the Kirkweed grapevine says that the backside is running, so we piled onto chair 2. Here's the view of the sickety sick goodness of the Cirque.
Pic: HEYYYY! I can see my line from here!!!
http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50871.jpg
I love the Cirque so much that here's another shot. If you look closely, you will find a couple bombholes under Kodak. [Punani Editorial] Remember the Kirkweed ads from a few years ago that had a photo of the Cirque, along with the caption "Believe Everything You Hear"? What a load of FUCKING BULLSHIT using a permanently closed ski area to showcase the resort! Talk about false advertising. That's like a Strip Club using a hot underage chick to bring people in. In either case, if you do it you'll be in trouble....unless you get caught. [/Punani Editorial]
http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50872.jpg
We reach the backside and headed on over to the Thunder Saddle area (Cue AC/DC "Thunderstruck": THUNDER...Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-NA...THUNDER....).
The Crazy Aussie Launches into it, and at the runout narrowly avoids a collision with Mrs Dirty Aussie, who was straighlining the adjacent face. I followed the Dirty Aussie's straightline on skiers left of Soulsearcher (Scene of the AKA carnage earlier this season) and find buttery silky knee-deep blower all the way down. Hit the handrail, and back up the slow-ass 2-4 circuit.
Pic: Looking down. Crazy Aussie and Mrs Dirty Aussie in the lower left exchange a couple of harsh words after the near-collision.
http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50873.jpg
On the ride up 4 I see a group scoping out Pencil chute. There was a track going in it. The next rider was Kooky the Swede, a bouncer at an all-night disco in South Lake Tahoe ...Look at that speed coming out of this chute. Look at him Go! Go! Things will get interesting as he doesn't seem to be aware of the sudden change in transition at the runout right about...NOW! Oh and he THROWS IT! Look at that beautiful shoulder drive through the snow. Yes! I like this kid, I like his savvy, I like his spunk! I think we'll see him again on Wheel of Destruction!
Pic: Moments before the carnage:
http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50874.jpg
Back to the top. We head over to Big Danger Cliffs. The Crazy Aussie, again, refuses to wait two seconds for me to pull out my camera and hucks his meat. I managed to get him about 2/3 of the way down:
http://www.biglines.com/photos/norma...ines_50878.jpg
----To Be Continued----
(Edit- JEEEZUS:
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