Kirkweed - January 19, 2006

[Superstar Punani]

By popular demand, and the sheer number of blackmail messages and threats of grievous bodily harm, and threats to blow up my local Castro hangout (The Moby Dick), here is a chronicle of Thursday, January 19th 2006.

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I knew it was going to be The Shit when the Caltrans chain control chumps set up shop way before the 4000' elevation marker during the late night run from the Castro to South Shore.

Pic: NO... SLEEP... TIL... KIRKWOOD!!!



The Dirty Aussie roused me from his ratty couch at 6am. He and his KW instructor cohorts are off today so we had an instant crew. Contrary to my suggestion, I'd like to point out that they DID NOT wear their instructor jackets so we COULD NOT use the Ski School line. Now where's that 'Troller jacket in Gear Swap again?

Unfortunately, between a combination of my incredibly shitty piece of shit Sony 4.1 megashitfucked Cyber-Shit that had batteries dying when it gets nipple-hardening cold, and the Dirty/Crazy Aussie's impatience and unwillingness to cooperate when it comes to setting up shots, or waiting 2 seconds for me to pull out the camera, you won't see any skier666-quality photos.

For what it's worth, here's the Punani-eye version of today's shits and giggles.

I rocked up at the KW lot around 8:30 and it was fucking full already. Scrambled into my shit and joined the Aussie crew in line. It was a mad shitfight for the chair as the clueless crop of JONG lifties had no fucking idea on how to deal with the powder morning stampede. (I'd like to send a sh0ut 0utz, yo, to the random snowboarder who enquired about my gonorrhea outbreak as I was hustling for the 50th chair. Was that you BLOODSWEATSTEEL?)

Forget about the proverbial kid in a candy store. The ride up chair 6 made you feel like a Pimp about to check in on his fresh crop of bitches. You'd drool everywhere you look, and you don't know what to hit first.

Pic: Pondering the Insanity and Master-debating which lines to hit first.


When we reached the top the slowboarders had raped and pillaged all lines that didn't require the dragging of knuckles. We turned left, tucked the ridge and made a beeline for a still-untouched Funnel. The Dirty Aussie drops in and powder billows up like smoke from a Cheech & Chong film festival. For a split second I thought of getting the camera out, but fuck this. I am not gonna sacrifice pow time just to make a bunch of internet nnnNNNERRRRDS jealous. I picked my line and find that the funnel air had shrunken to a mere 10 footer. Pointed it. WHOOOOOOOOMPH! Took the runout through the trees and followed the lone traverse track into OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! It was knee-thigh deep blower and face shots all the way down. I wish I had worn my adult diapers because I simultaneously creamed and shat my pants by the time I got to the drain.

10 was not spinning so we piled onto 6 again. Rinse, Repeat. Same funnel lines, same blower pow, same face shots. 10 starts spinning. line builds up. not loading. Do we line up or do we hit 6? Ah fuck! Decisions decisions. We hit 6 again. It was just too good. The ridge had more people on it but the pockets of goodness were still to be had on the trees.

After 6 laps of 6 I was getting pretty bored of tracking shit up and fantasized about being back in my office printing out covers for my TPS reports. Just when I was about to give up in disgust and go back to my truck to get my laptop, we catch a glimpse of the first carcasses being loaded. Straightlined down to 10.

Pic: The view from 10 shortly after 10. Note that fresh pow had been eaten out more times than a nymphomanic lesbian.



I had my eye on Once Is Enough. Strangely, I could see people checking it out from the top then walking away. Hmmmm....

Here's a view of the Wall before my batteries died in the fucking arse for the 10th time.


Then we realize that Beagle Bowl* (*Name changed to preserve anonymity) closed signs had been flipped and it was open for Bidness. Me and Skip took the high T out, then dropped into knee-thigh deep sickness all completely untracked. Multiple ejaculations shot in my now-sticky pants. I then straightlined the Warriors chute and pointed it all the way back to 10.

Met up with the Crazy Aussie and the Dirty Aussie whom we lost for a couple of laps. High T out again. I follow the Dirty Aussie and launch mini-Kodak (skiers right of dead-tree) while the Crazy Aussie launches off Big Kodak without hesitation, and without waiting for me to whip out the camera. Fucking non-photosluts! It's as if he believes that taking a picture of him would captue part of his soul. I think they've been hanging around too many Aborigines.

By 11am the Kirkweed grapevine says that the backside is running, so we piled onto chair 2. Here's the view of the sickety sick goodness of the Cirque.

Pic: HEYYYY! I can see my line from here!!!


I love the Cirque so much that here's another shot. If you look closely, you will find a couple bombholes under Kodak. [Punani Editorial] Remember the Kirkweed ads from a few years ago that had a photo of the Cirque, along with the caption "Believe Everything You Hear"? What a load of FUCKING BULLSHIT using a permanently closed ski area to showcase the resort! Talk about false advertising. That's like a Strip Club using a hot underage chick to bring people in. In either case, if you do it you'll be in trouble....unless you get caught. [/Punani Editorial]


We reach the backside and headed on over to the Thunder Saddle area (Cue AC/DC "Thunderstruck": THUNDER...Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-NA...THUNDER....).

The Crazy Aussie Launches into it, and at the runout narrowly avoids a collision with Mrs Dirty Aussie, who was straighlining the adjacent face. I followed the Dirty Aussie's straightline on skiers left of Soulsearcher (Scene of the AKA carnage earlier this season) and find buttery silky knee-deep blower all the way down. Hit the handrail, and back up the slow-ass 2-4 circuit.

Pic: Looking down. Crazy Aussie and Mrs Dirty Aussie in the lower left exchange a couple of harsh words after the near-collision.


On the ride up 4 I see a group scoping out Pencil chute. There was a track going in it. The next rider was Kooky the Swede, a bouncer at an all-night disco in South Lake Tahoe ...Look at that speed coming out of this chute. Look at him Go! Go! Things will get interesting as he doesn't seem to be aware of the sudden change in transition at the runout right about...NOW! Oh and he THROWS IT! Look at that beautiful shoulder drive through the snow. Yes! I like this kid, I like his savvy, I like his spunk! I think we'll see him again on Wheel of Destruction!

Pic: Moments before the carnage:


Back to the top. We head over to Big Danger Cliffs. The Crazy Aussie, again, refuses to wait two seconds for me to pull out my camera and hucks his meat. I managed to get him about 2/3 of the way down:



----To Be Continued----


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[Superstar Punani]

We slay Big Trees down to the bottom and back up again we go. By this time the Aussie crew needed their Vegemite sandwiches so they bailed. As I am poking around the Saddle I see the all-too-familiar Ferrari-red pants favored by AKA.
"Hey! Go to Tremann's!"
Sweeeeet! One of my favorite lines in Kirkweed is finally doable.

Pic: Me looking at AKA through Tremann's before I went in there and absolutely ripped the fucking shit out of it


I finally caught up to AKA, Brooks, Haskins and Lou.
"G'Day mates! Crikey! Wheh ahe we skiing todie? Strewth! Somebody grab me a Fostahs!"
"Uhhh...who the Fuck are you?"
Ooops. At this point I pointed out to them that with my dual Aussie/US citizenship comes my dual Aussie/American accent which comes out depending on: 1) How much I've had to drink and 2) The number of Aussies in the immediate vicinity. After a few laughs we head on down to Handrail and back to the frontside for 6 and 10 laps.

We check out Upper Cham which had a line through it. It looked GNAR. We looked long and hard at it:



"You know how I know you're gay? You won't ski upper Cham now"
"Oh yeah? You know how I know you're gay? You drive a purple Dodge Neon!"
"Oh yeah? You know how I know you're gay? You have a bumper sticker that says 'I love it when hairy balls bounce off my chin!"
"Oh yeah? You know how I know you're gay? You once tried snowboarding!"

"Uh-oh Plake's looking at us"
"Yeah but Craig's there. He'll see my red pants and will think- Oh it's only Anton. Nahhhh. he's not gonna ski that!"

With our tail between our legs, we scooted away from Upper Cham and joined the Little Jim's Huckfest led by the Mohican Terrorist, Original Bad boy and star of Maltese Flamingo, a low budget dirtbag ski movie. Unfortunately, I didn;t whip out my camera fast enough to get him. I did get Craig though:


The remainder of the runs were spent on the usual Ooops-LowerOoops-Dan Cliffs lines before AKA and co bailed around 2. Lou and I skied Norm's and a couple laps on Wagon Wheen still finding some soft tracked up fun lines. Lou then found his buddies who had snowboarded into the creek underneath 1 then took some rides with them while I spent the last hour of the day hitting up Palisades and uhhh, tracking up the Forbidden Pleasure Zone that Skier666 had introduced me to.

Shit's gonna go off when they open up the boundaries. I can imagine what West Shore, CA chute and Thunder Bowl would be like when the signs get flipped anytime soon.

So that's about it. Here's a parting Shot of the Spur on my way back to the Castro.


Time to enroll myself in the 666 school of picture-taking. I hope you're fucking happy now!!! Fuckin TR junkies!!!!

[runethechamp]

CHAMP!!!

[Julio]

Good thing this didn't get done last night...i don't think I would have been able to sleep. Nice work.

[bklyn]

Yeah Daddy!
Bring it!

[lemon boy]

Wow, I think once putinanny gets a better camera (or some extra batteries) he's gonna be a solid contender on the TR front.

Still waiting on a micronesia tr though

[Superstar Punani]

Still waiting on a micronesia tr though

Ok here's the story...I was paid a lot of hush money by a surf photog to not post any pictures on any website until the mag comes out anytime now.

[lemon boy]

tell it to the hand.

[Greydon Clark]

Sounds like it was a good day. Glad to see Crazy Aussie is back in action. Also, maybe you should spend less money on blow and more on cameras that work.

[Lostinthetrees]

In your TR you wrote;

"Pic: Me looking at AKA through Tremann's before I went in there and absolutely ripped the fucking shit out of it"


You mean you dropped into that crack in the wall and tore up the ski w/ the teton sticker on it (i.e. the right ski pictured) ?


Nice TR. Enjoyed reading and giggling.
Also, thanks so much for annoucing "Pic: ...".
I am always unsure in cyberspace if what I am looking at is a photo or a digital composite both colorized and pixel manipulated.

[skier666]

Looks like Sat morning will be BC gates only....

....maybe all of Sat.......

[skimoore]

that was the best TR with the fewest action shots and most scenery shots ever. definitely got me stoked for the weekend...if the boundaries open...it's on...ah fuck it, it's on anyways.

[Skidawg]

A Punani TR as only Punani could tell it. Classic!

[hop]

thank you.

[Steven S. Dallas]

Wow, I think once putinanny gets a better camera (or some extra batteries) he's gonna be a solid contender on the TR front.

I don't know, this is a big step up from the camera phone.

[Tippster]

"Note that fresh pow had been eaten out more times than a nymphomanic lesbian."

-an excerpt from the Book of Pu

[Arty50]

Once again, the master shows us all how it's done. Nice work, Pu!


Will someone please tell AKA to stop sideslipping the entrance and just take it from the top like a man.

[Lou]

Nice TR Pu.
I am a lousy photographer. Maybe using something besides my phone would help.
You summed it up pretty well. We must have been half a chair ride off you guys all morning.
Good skiing anyway. That is all.
Lou

[StroupSkier]

Wow! How wide is the choke in Tremann's?

[Superstar Punani]

Wow! How wide is the choke in Tremann's?

It varies from lift-up-one-ski wide, to about 3-4 feet wide. The sketchy part is fucking up and pinballing off the walls. There's two options. The dog-leg, or you can just go straight and send the fucker.

Here's a shot that Rune had posted from a couple weeks ago looking up:

[jed peters]

Solid.

Thanks for taking the time.

[lph]

That is the stuff right there! Nice, SP.

I guess some action shots would be asking too much on such a stellar day.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

('bout time)

[ridefree]

I am the random snowboarder who know about your gonoreia. Not in the biblical sense but thorugh the intergeeknet. And unfortunately or fortunately in my case, the boundries were open first thing this morning!!
But it really wasn't that good so I really wouldn't worry about it. Fresh untracked blower is really overrated. See you tommorrow morning!!!