The Unsolicited Advice Thread

[irul&ublo]

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.


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[jma233]

Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.

[boarddad]

Plastics.

[jma233]

I don't know why they call pooping #2 because its easily my favorite.

[Peruvian]

Its all ball bearings nowadays.

[jma233]

Concerning dead hookers, its always better to seek forgiveness rather than ask for permission.

[Timberridge]

He's specifically addressing black people, but this seems to be good advice for all colors of people.

[DBdude]

buy low sell high

[TBS]

Don't buy sex toys from thrift shops
or anal beads from telemike

[jm2e]

I would just go with what feels good. If your gut tells you it's good, rip 'em out like you're starting a Husqvarna.

[jma233]

Never hire an accountant who insists on being called 'Sneaky Pete'

[Vassal]

Don't eat the brown acid. Or the yellow snow.

[~mikey b]

Brown acid is so 70's.

Let's go to the 90's.

Don't eat the blue unicorns. This Bart Simpson is good though. Here have a tab.

[HansJob]

Sometimes it's OK to just not give a fuck. Jus'ayin

[jma233]

Money is good for bribing yourself through the inconveniences of life.

[guroo270]

I went here...


(Cummins Falls State Park) ...and I saw two fat, white trash ladies with about 12 children in tow - little girl in the group, right in front of said fatties, takes her socks off and tosses them in the river. There's a crossing where our paths will intersect, so I walk up to the lady that saw it and said, "You know, if your kids are going to throw trash into this beautiful park it is at least your responsibility to let them know that it's wrong. I just saw her take her socks off and throw them in the river."

Got the ol', "No she didn't, she's not even wearing socks." No shit Sherlock, she just tossed them in the river. "Even if she did it's none of your fucking business." I said it's everyone's business as the park is for everyone. I was really hoping a cottonmouth would make a timely appearance and relieve our species of her presence. Worst thing about Cummins Falls becoming a state park in 2012.

[jma233]

You give out a fake number make sure its a working number. That way at least somebody answers.

Burning a match is a surprisingly effective method to cover the smell of a bowl movement.

Over medium means that the yolk won't run when you cut the egg with your fork.

If it's a large dinner party, say more than 15 people, then its a good idea to ask about peanut allergies before setting out a bowl.

If you're moving a chaise lounge on a pool deck then lift the entire apparatus and carry it. Don't drag.

Although its not absolutely required, its customary to ask the father's permission before asking for his daughter's hand in marriage.

Technically, bicycles have the same rights as cars on single lane roads and you could occupy the middle of the lane buts its customary to ride as close to the shoulder as feasible.

When attempting to kill a fly by clapping your hands together, try to aim a significant distance above the fly because this is usually the direction it takes to evade.

[guroo270]

Burning a match is a surprisingly effective method to cover the smell of a bowl movement.


If it's a large dinner party, say more than 15 people, then its a good idea to ask about peanut allergies before setting out a bowl.

After asking about peanut allergies, do I light a match?

[riser4]

I would just go with what feels good. If your gut tells you it's good, rip 'em out like you're starting a Husqvarna.

Or the more gentle touch of a Stihl? NM WTF am I saying, I flog away at that thing.

[KQ]

You can never have enough underwear

[gaijin]

Shake salt on your watermelon slices.


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[chunder]

<p>
When you clean a vacuum cleaner you become a vacuum cleaner</p>

[dan_pdx]

When you're signaling turns on a bike, just point in the direction you're going. Seems like a big chunk of people don't know the traditional hand signals, specifically the raised left hand to indicate a right turn.

[J. Barron DeJong]

When you&#39;re signaling turns on a bike, just point in the direction you&#39;re going. Seems like a big chunk of people don&#39;t know the traditional hand signals, specifically the raised left hand to indicate a right turn.

Absolutely.

The traditional hand signals are because you can not get your right arm out the passenger-side window. Not a problem on a bike!

No one knows the hand signals because signal lights on cars work 99.99999999999% of the time these days. Drivers using them on the other hand...

[Danno]

The problem with using the "wrong" signal for a right turn is that if you're on a bike riding on the shoulder, using your right arm to signal a right turn is harder for a car behind you to see. I'll stick with the standard signal if needed.