Help me kill a shit-ton of gophers

[Flyoverland Captive]

And no, not Minnesota athletes...

Since my last dog died, the gophers have infested my field, and are encroaching on my yard. I want to keep the little fuckers from getting into my garden. I’ve tried a few poisons , but nothing seems to slow them down. I don’t want repellent, that crap doesn’t work; I want them to die.

What works? And no, I’m not getting a Jack Russell.

[neufox47]

Garden hose down the hole and a pellet gun or shotgun always worked for me. Try to find all the holes and block all but two. One for the hose, another for the gun.

[dannynoonan]

It's easy, you just have to think like a gopher

https://youtu.be/GvdHXnuaho4

[Flyoverland Captive]

Garden hose down the hole and a pellet gun or shotgun always worked for me. Try to find all the holes and block all but two. One for the hose, another for the gun.

Find the holes? Fuck, there are hundreds; where to start?

[LongShortLong]

I'd try dry ice in the holes. Displaces the oxygen, they go gently to sleep, long sleep. In theory. Makes Peta upset, so probably works. When driving it home, keep a window cracked.

Or this looks more fun

[liv2ski]

Hmmm, seems like a quick way to turn your soil if needed.

[Cono Este]

Same thing happened to me when my dog died. You can’t win, trust me I’ve tried everything, including flooding the entire yard, booby traps, etc

Get the solar stakes that vibrate. Send them to your neighbors yard. They work.


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[Core Shot]

You can’t kill golfers!

[fhw]

They're tunneling in from the construction site over yonder. You should slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin.

[Timberridge]

Google Beruit. Gopher free since Mon.

Haven't we been down this road before? or was that wasps?

[BmillsSkier]

Google Beruit. Gopher free since Mon.

Haven't we been down this road before? or was that wasps?

Yep, and I’ve been Yellowjacket free since last year.

And my yard didn’t burn down.

Win - win.

[Timberridge]

Nice. Use explosives and flammables judiciously. Being overzealous is a recipe for disaster.

What about contacting the CDC and asking them to send you a gopher specific pathogen? They probably have something left over from the Plum Island days.

If that fails I'm sure the Chinese can cook something up.

[east or bust]

Hire some boogaloo boys?

[Peruvian]

Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. A man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit -- ever. They're like the Viet Cong -- Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.

[KQ]

Put up some barn owl boxes and get some cats

[The SnowShow]

You can’t kill gapers!

[papapoopski]

I'd try dry ice in the holes. Displaces the oxygen, they go gently to sleep, long sleep. In theory. Makes Peta upset, so probably works. When driving it home, keep a window cracked.

Or this looks more fun

This works.

And yes, if you drive with it in the car, open a window or you can suffocate inside your car.

[Skistack]

Rodent smoke bombs. Same idea as the dry ice, removes all the O2 from the burrows. They’re pretty cheap.


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[Buster Highmen]

Use several small plastic bottles, cram them down the burrows.

[hutash]

You can’t kill golfers!

You can if they don't replace their divots, or drive onto the greens. They are more destuctive then gophers.

[Marshall Tucker]

A man, free to kill gophers at will.

we don't even need a permit for that

[hutash]

For large areas, this is the best way to go.

https://gopherx.com/gopher-x-pest-control-devices

Friend of mine runs landscape maintenance for dozen of large Palm Springs projects and swears by this. Not cheap, but effective. Cheaper version are available, but a hose attached to the exhaust of a leaf blower or lawn mower would probably work. Just don't do it too close to houses as the CO can travel throughout the burrow and possible come up in 90 year old Aunt Matilda's bedroom, which is not necessarily a bad thing if you are in her will.

[hutash]

Mr Gopher meet Mr Bunny...no, he's not plastic explosives.

[stayhighstaydry]

Find the holes? Fuck, there are hundreds; where to start?

Start with the ones you know. Cover / fill them in, then use a non lethal smoke bomb to find the ones you don't.

22 longs work great. Never tried dry ice but it sounds a lot better then poisons.

To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit -- ever. They're like the Viet Cong -- Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.

You need a multifaceted approach. And they will try to come back. After you kill them all the deterrence phase kicks in.

Put up some barn owl boxes and get some cats

[Danno]

Has anyone yet told you to hire Carl Spackler? Because that's what you should do.