Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

**AweShuksan** · 01-13-2015, 12:52 AM

Originally Posted by GPP33

I was a little confused by "placenta print". Even though I thought I knew what it meant I thought no way anyone would do that.

http://www.portlandplacentaservices....keepsakes.html

I wonder if it's still safe to feed it to your dog after it's been used to make a print?

**Aus George** · 01-13-2015, 12:59 AM

Originally Posted by GPP33

I was a little confused by "placenta print". Even though I thought I knew what it meant I thought no way anyone would do that.

Google delivered. And by god it looks like a tree. That's some weird shit.

http://www.portlandplacentaservices....keepsakes.html

This made me physically ill. Thanks for that, just what i needed for my morning start!

**Shadam** · 01-13-2015, 10:21 PM

just found this on my fone ...

shit we laughed when we saw this ... canadian tire around $100 ...

**old goat** · 01-14-2015, 10:46 AM

Since we're talking placentas--woman comes in to delivery her baby with her boyfriend and his friend. After the baby is delivered the doc puts the placenta in a bowl and shows it to the boyfriend and the friend. Friend passes out. The nurse calls a Code 1 (someone has fainted) and a bunch of people rush in, throwing open the door, which hits the passed-out friend in the head, causing a traumatic brain injury. Friend sues, and settles for $10,000. In case you were wondering what a brain is worth. True story.

**hawkgt** · 01-14-2015, 11:10 AM

this lady walking down under the challenger lift at the jane couple weeks ago during deep freeze. SCREAMING at some unlucky soul about how fucking cold it is that her tits are frozen and that snowboarding is a bunch of bullshit

**MagnificentUnicorn** · 01-14-2015, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by californiagrown

yeah, this might be news to you but people that you don't pay for sex tend to care if you smell like ass.

I recently moved cities and jobs and my new coworker was chatting me up about skiing and buying ski boots. I told him to just go to a good bootfitter and be totally honest- what you ski, how aggressivly, how you want to progress etc. and then just go with what the bootfitter says from there on out. Coworker procceeds to talk about how fast he skis, and the terrain he skies super fast. mind you he is 5'9" 150lbs. I tried to explain to him what aggressive meant etc without sounding like a total brobrah.

I went up with him and his wife the other weekend, and while waiting for them to finish breakfast in the lodge i was asking how she liked her new skis and he liked his new skis and boots. He says he thinks his new 130 flex langes will really allow him to ski as hard as he wants now. first lift ride up(new mtn for me so im not leading the group haha) he leads me and his wife past a blue groomer because the "entrance was too steep" and ended up above a pretty mellow, black diamond mogul bowl. He procceeds to say its is way above his ability level and him and his wife get into an argument...directly infront of the drop in for a traverse across the bowl. i try to tell them they should move over a little, but he just screams "NOT NOW". Mind you he is wearing a too small windbreaker and too small snowpants.

While they are loudly arguing, ski patrol rolls up and tells them to move. Im trying to help by pointing out the shortest way down to the groomer below, but they are both having none of it, so i just go lay down on the other side of the catrack and admire the awesome view(may or may not be stoned). after 5 more minutes of arguing they tell me to just go off by myself. Apparently, they hiked back up the catrack 1/4 mile to the gondola and took that down...then stayed in the lodge till noon...then went home.

They will be out in Colorado this week/weekend. Good luck guys.

I think the funny part was supposed to be that a 12 yo was talking about "getting some".

Your story is hilarious.

**east or bust** · 01-14-2015, 08:04 PM

Found this posted on epic, in the "hardest trail in the east" thread.. I almost pissed myself reading this.

"There is absolutely no doubt that the hardest lift serviced trail In America is the Goat at Stowe. The goat goes from almost the top to the bottom. The goat is 10 feet wide. The goat has only one line on it and you better know how to ski it. There is absolutely no way out of it when you at in it. The Goat is so steep and twisting and has mixed fall lines. The Goat has no sun. The goat is solid ice most of the season. Do not ski on this trail unless you have a death wish. The payroll is going to take forever to get you down and has to use 3 patrollers to do it. You can not have your girl friend watch you die. It is not a cool thing to do to her.
The point of all this is not to try to ski the toughest trail as a goal but to be able to ski when you are 72. Just tell your macho friends you skied it 2 years ago. You will still be alive. Then go out and have some fun doing the greatest sport ever invented. I have lost friends. Do not fuck with the Goat ever."

**mall walker** · 01-14-2015, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by east or bust

Found this posted on epic, in the "hardest trail in the east" thread.. I almost pissed myself reading this.

"There is absolutely no doubt that the hardest lift serviced trail In America is the Goat at Stowe. The goat goes from almost the top to the bottom. The goat is 10 feet wide. The goat has only one line on it and you better know how to ski it. There is absolutely no way out of it when you at in it. The Goat is so steep and twisting and has mixed fall lines. The Goat has no sun. The goat is solid ice most of the season. Do not ski on this trail unless you have a death wish. The payroll is going to take forever to get you down and has to use 3 patrollers to do it. You can not have your girl friend watch you die. It is not a cool thing to do to her.
The point of all this is not to try to ski the toughest trail as a goal but to be able to ski when you are 72. Just tell your macho friends you skied it 2 years ago. You will still be alive. Then go out and have some fun doing the greatest sport ever invented. I have lost friends. Do not fuck with the Goat ever."

lol I bet this daredevil is a joy to ski with

**PlayItLeo** · 01-14-2015, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by east or bust

Found this posted on epic

Is a pretty good one in and of itself.

**zartagen** · 01-14-2015, 09:57 PM

Courtesy of Dunfee:

cringe

**peds** · 01-15-2015, 02:37 AM

^^ Well, I quite enjoyed that. But I am European, I suppose.

**goldengatestinx** · 01-15-2015, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

A good one is too hold down the bar a little longer than is comfortable.
Oh did that say prepare to unload?
Oh does that say tips up?
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, now.

Keep your skis on the footrest as the 'raise bar here' sign goes by...especially if it's a high speed chair and sense the panic in them as the terminal is blasting towards them...feet off just as you get into the terminal and the chair slows...although they'll not get the point...

Fun to watch.

**TahoeJ** · 01-15-2015, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by east or bust

"There is absolutely no doubt that the hardest lift serviced trail In America is the Goat at Stowe. The goat goes from almost the top to the bottom. The goat is 10 feet wide. The goat has only one line on it and you better know how to ski it. There is absolutely no way out of it when you at in it. The Goat is so steep and twisting and has mixed fall lines. The Goat has no sun. The goat is solid ice most of the season. Do not ski on this trail unless you have a death wish. The payroll is going to take forever to get you down and has to use 3 patrollers to do it. You can not have your girl friend watch you die. It is not a cool thing to do to her.
The point of all this is not to try to ski the toughest trail as a goal but to be able to ski when you are 72. Just tell your macho friends you skied it 2 years ago. You will still be alive. Then go out and have some fun doing the greatest sport ever invented. I have lost friends. Do not fuck with the Goat ever."

I'm pretty sure that was written as a joke - poking fun at a particular Stowe skier on that forum with a severe east coast bias.

**yeahman** · 01-15-2015, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by peds

^^ Well, I quite enjoyed that. But I am European, I suppose.

I'm with you, man, I thought that was hilarious. Can't believe it has 87 likes and 436 dislikes! lol

Edit: Watch it twice and you see a lot of things you missed the first time.

**bikeorski** · 01-15-2015, 05:43 PM

Ok so a couple years ago my buddy and I were sitting on either side of this homie from Oklahoma, and as we got to the top of Peruvian I started to raise the safety bar up so we could unload. Our new friend proceeded to slam the bar down as hard as he could and shout into our faces, "What the fucking hell are you doing? Do you want to die? Haven't you ever seen one of these lifts emergency stop?"

We rode the lift all the way to where the chair detaches and then the lifty at the top came out and shouted for us to put the bar up so we could unload. The Oklahoman agreed, but only if they would slow the lift down so he could unload.

After we had unloaded from the chair our friend approached us again and began to speak to us.

"If you woulda tried to pull that bullshit on me when I was drunk I would have knocked your teeth out!"

I didn't listen to another word he said and proceeded to get myself to the other half of the mountain.

**pipedream** · 01-15-2015, 06:44 PM

Originally Posted by hawkgt

this lady walking down under the challenger lift at the jane couple weeks ago during deep freeze. SCREAMING at some unlucky soul about how fucking cold it is that her tits are frozen and that snowboarding is a bunch of bullshit

LOL. Should've goaded her on to dump 'em out!

Saw a pair of very inexperienced skiers hiking back up the top few hundred feet of a blue run at Stevens last weekend. They proceeded to download the chair with their gear in their arms and caused minutes of stoppage for those (un)fortunate enough to be on the lift.

**yeahman** · 01-15-2015, 06:48 PM

Candide Thovex is a gaper.

**DropCliffsNotBombs** · 01-15-2015, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by hawkgt

this lady walking down under the challenger lift at the jane couple weeks ago during deep freeze. SCREAMING at some unlucky soul about how fucking cold it is that her tits are frozen and that snowboarding is a bunch of bullshit

Bitching about being cold while not wearing anything on your head and sporting a half unzipped jacket is so gaper-ific!

**GPP33** · 01-15-2015, 08:47 PM

Originally Posted by east or bust

Found this posted on epic, in the "hardest trail in the east" thread.. I almost pissed myself reading this.

"There is absolutely no doubt that the hardest lift serviced trail In America is the Goat at Stowe. The goat goes from almost the top to the bottom. The goat is 10 feet wide. The goat has only one line on it and you better know how to ski it. There is absolutely no way out of it when you at in it. The Goat is so steep and twisting and has mixed fall lines. The Goat has no sun. The goat is solid ice most of the season. Do not ski on this trail unless you have a death wish. The payroll is going to take forever to get you down and has to use 3 patrollers to do it. You can not have your girl friend watch you die. It is not a cool thing to do to her.
The point of all this is not to try to ski the toughest trail as a goal but to be able to ski when you are 72. Just tell your macho friends you skied it 2 years ago. You will still be alive. Then go out and have some fun doing the greatest sport ever invented. I have lost friends. Do not fuck with the Goat ever."

Are you kidding me? Goat is such an easy run. I mean I basically skied it 5 times today. Didn't fall once or even felt remotely scared. Heck, I didn't even get cold fingers and I was wearing jeans and no gloves.

POVs on you tube count right? I just had to google such a terror.
Looks like it could be fun with a western snowpack.

**old goat** · 01-15-2015, 09:02 PM

Originally Posted by hawkgt

this lady walking down under the challenger lift at the jane couple weeks ago during deep freeze. SCREAMING at some unlucky soul about how fucking cold it is that her tits are frozen and that snowboarding is a bunch of bullshit

If her tits are cold instead of her ass she's doing it wrong.

**skimaxpower** · 01-16-2015, 09:57 AM

Absolutely. No one but a gaper would post a POV of them going the wrong way on a chairlift exit ramp. Someone needs to teach that jong how to ski.

Originally Posted by yeahman

Candide Thovex is a gaper.

**nj315** · 01-17-2015, 06:36 PM

At Targhee I was on a cat track and I turned to avoid hitting a little kid and a snowboarder almost nail me and yells "learn how to f...ing ski down the hill"

**old goat** · 01-18-2015, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by nj315

At Targhee I was on a cat track and I turned to avoid hitting a little kid and a snowboarder almost nail me and yells "learn how to f...ing ski down the hill"

Absolutely hilarious

**bikeorski** · 01-18-2015, 06:16 PM

I was in line for the Tram at Snowbird once and these guys (not sure they qualify as gapers but whatever) in line behind me were having an exceptionally interesting conversation.

Man #1 "Dude I saw you put your Armadas for sale online, what gives?"

Man #2 "Oh yea I just need some extra cash flow right now."

"Huh well no ones gonna buy them, you trash all your shit. Why do you need extra cash anyways?"

"Well you know how I just switched houses like a month ago? My old landlord found all that shit from work I buried in the backyard and he wants my security deposit back. But I already spent all the money on weed."

"That blows man"

^ yes this was a legit conversation