Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

[guroo270]

From Epicski

"I'm too busy staring at women's knees to notice the boob jobs. "

[bendtheski]

St Anton/Ski Arlberg last weekend; Tigger and I think Fozzie Bear buckling his boots.
Guys were Britts from the sound of it, and not terrible skiers. Maybe this is some new-fangled Euro fartbag?

[TahoeJ]

From Epicski

"I'm too busy staring at women's knees to notice the boob jobs. "

I believe he's a knee doctor and that's his bread and butter. Not really a gaper quote in that context. Unless I'm mistaken.

On the other hand, that video you posted was pure gold. I'll give the guy credit for not giving up, although perhaps he should.

[masaraksh]

As for the fartbags... I recently saw a crocodile one in Chamonix. Pretty awesome!

[DickMerkin]

So...after lurking this thread (and board) for way too long, I think I have a funneh that does not involve water skis, deer/elk, or Texans...

On a gondola, me + College guy and gal + old dude:

Gal to Guy: So, you wanna hit the back side?

Guy to Gal: Hell yeah!

Me: Facepalm

Guy: Wide eyes, stifling laugh.

Gal: Beet red

Old Dude: Shakes head.

Silence the rest of the way.

Yeah, I know. I'm an old creep

[yahs]

Gaper-ific!



http://www.facebook.com/ruroc/map?ac..._id=1333239318

[SkeezeBall]

At the end of the TGR movie premier in NYC a few years ago my friends GF (now fiancé) turns to Dana Flahr and says "WOW! That was the best Warren Miller movie ever!"

I would tell that story at their wedding but sadly I don't think most people would get it.

[KenJongIll]

Gaper-ific!



http://www.facebook.com/ruroc/map?ac..._id=1333239318

I want one in White.
That's some StormTrooper shit.

[admx]

Yesterday at Breck a couple were skiing peak 8 area and the male figure heard the runs off t-bar were nice.

He then try to convince his female counterpart to join him.

"Adam I'm not going to compete with your head phones."

"You'll be fine just sit on the bar, besides I only have an ear bud in one ear!"

She huffs and then promptly gets in line only to not only fall but then get run over by the pair of skiers behind her.

I'm sure he put the other ear bud in after the meltdown she had....

[old goat]

Riding the poma up to lookout at northstar and the liftie is telling every rider to stand up straight, don't sit down. And of course every rider tries to sit down. Makes sense if you know Northstar. Surface lift riding is a lost art. Hell, even fixed chairs are a lost art--over the holidays at Alpine Scott chair was stopping about every other chair for someone falling getting on or getting off. Snowboarder next to me approaching the off ramp, tells his buddy "I'm 2 for 5." I gave him a wide berth getting off--he stopped by going up the rise opposite the ramp and sliding back down. (Didn't I post that one already? Getting old.)

[jefffski]

Today at Blackcomb my partner and I boarded a lift with a guy and girl. After the lift was past the last roller, I called out "bar down" and proceeded to slowly lower the bar.

Guy says "We don't do bar."

I replied "Well, we do."

After some struggle and arguing, the bar came down.

I have never encountered this in 51 years of skiing. What a douche.

[old goat]

http://www.epicski.com/t/117528/what-is-good-grooming

And another one stolen from epic:

"We were at a local ski place yesterday for a quick half day of skiing. I wanted to play golf later in the afternoon. We headed to the backside where the "black" runs were located, as we figured few people would be over there in the morning. The slopes are shaded in the morning, and generally icy. The day was low light and flat lighting conditions. We skied over to that area, and took the lift up to the top of the "expert" black diamond run. As we rose, we saw a college age kid coming down at a high rate of speed. He drifted over to the edge below the lift line.

Folks - what do you see below lift lines in many resorts? MOGULS.

So, the kid launched off the mogul area. Fortunately it was the end of the moguls. He flew about 25 or more feet in the air. Hard to know, because of the pitch for the black slope. Of course, he lost control. He fell backward and slammed his head against the icy snowpack, and bounced a few times. He was limp immediately.

We knew he wasn't immediately paralyzed - that's because his arms and legs flapped loosely as he slid face down, and unconscious below us. He slid for a few hundred feet, and we turned to watch. When a person is paralyzed, they go stiff.

A guy stopped to grab the skis AND poles above the injured college student. As he did this, ANOTHER college kid flew in the air, and hit, sliding past the man. He slid into a small island of trees a couple hundred yards below.

ANOTHER college student then flew by and landed on his back. He slid down head first, LAUGHING as he slid. He was stoned out of his mind.

Three other college kids quickly wrecked and slid down the slopes. Two were laughing and the third was hurt.

We decided to ski the catwalk back and go home... As it turned out the Colorado School of Mines had a "ski deal" and brought three bus loads of STONED college kids to the resort that day. The word quickly got out among locals and parents, and it was quickly passed on to parents and responsible skiers.

Flat light, icy conditions and stoned college kids. Head home.

The "legalization" of marijuana in Colorado will be an EPIC disaster for ski resorts. I'm not sure how many paralyzed college stoners it will take to make changes, but one thing's for sure - you WILL know who is skiing stoned, and you will be very lucky if you avoid them. The resorts are running on fumes with labor because of the lack of snow and skier visits. They DO NOT take away passes, and you will find very few ski patrol folks monitoring the slopes right now.

Good luck and God Bless."

Hope this guy isn't an EMT.

You can't make this stuff up

Edit: Apparently you can make this stuff up. The second one was posted on five different threads. I believe I've been trolled. OTOH the guy has posted other non-trolly stuff, so maybe not, which is a scary thought.

[narc]

I want one in White.
That's some StormTrooper shit.

I call it 'the stig look'



EDIT: no idea if Top Gear is exported to you guys but anyway

[stuckathuntermtn]

It is. I think they made an american version too, which I've never watched.

[guroo270]

The American version is as bad as the UK version is good. With the exception of one episode where Tanner races two rad skiers up a mountain (they take the tram) and back down (Tanner takes the EVO down the slopes). Tanner is not funny at all, but can drive, and the other two schmucks bring absolutely nothing to the table. One is a fat, jolly guy that belongs on the boring narrative of Motor Week, and the other is a disgruntled, not funny Jersey guy who seems to know nothing at all.

Top Gear UK is one of the best shows of all time.

If douche nozzle ranting about supposedly stoned skiers is a troll, I got trolled, too.

[DickMerkin]

Today at Blackcomb my partner and I boarded a lift with a guy and girl. After the lift was past the last roller, I called out "bar down" and proceeded to slowly lower the bar.

Guy says "We don't do bar."

I replied "Well, we do."

After some struggle and arguing, the bar came down.

I have never encountered this in 51 years of skiing. What a douche.

Shit like this is why I keep getting arrested...

[old goat]

Couple brings the bar down on my head and the head of the guy next to me, who I don't know.
Me: "You hit me in the head."
Guy who brought the bar down: "Sorry"
Other guy who was hit: "What is this, retard day?"

It was a long ride up.

[guroo270]

"While the topic is a bit off-topic, please debate that and not what you think of each other. Posts deleted."

Waiting to be banned/trolled by Greg@AlpineZone.

[DropCliffsNotBombs]

Riding up the gondola at Telluride today, I was crammed in with a bunch of college aged skiers (all of them dressed like a someone threw up a bag of Skittles on them). It was one of the first cabins on a 12" powder morning and everyone was anxious and gunning for the goods up on the higher lifts.
One guy asks his buddy "Hey where should we go first?"
"Straight to the park, duh!" was his answer. "Do you think it's groomed?" "It BETTER be!" he replied.
Another rider asked where they were from and they all proudly answered at once "Phoenix!"
Oh I thought... It all makes sense now.

[itsnowjoke]

Talking to a couple of "hard core" skiers from Washington DC who have skied Whistler, and "all over Colorado" at a bar in Honolulu of all places.

Me: Mammoth is awesome. Have you ever been there?

DC Guy: We would never go to California. It never snows there.

So what would you do? Try to educate or just be polite? I was polite.

[TahoeJ]

A woman on the Funi at Squaw today learned that there are webcams at ski resorts and went on a rant to her friends about how dumb and useless that was. The rest of us just sat there smirking and shaking our heads.

[TitanneeNC]

Overheard at my small area in the south yesterday, "If you wanna learn how to ski you've got to go to the f@#king top"

[GrumpyPilot]

Funi at Squaw yesterday; some dude is giving a lesson on how to use ski poles to two tourist chicks he is trying to impress.

He spews out at bunch of nonsense, but the topper was when he told the girls that during big powder days to never use the straps on your ski poles. My buddy turns to him and says that is a great idea if you want to lose your ski pole on a powder day, otherwise use your straps. He says really?

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Funi at Squaw yesterday; some dude is giving a lesson on how to use ski poles to two tourist chicks he is trying to impress.

He spews out at bunch of nonsense, but the topper was when he told the girls that during big powder days to never use the straps on your ski poles. My buddy turns to him and says that is a great idea if you want to lose your ski pole on a powder day, otherwise use your straps. He says really?

who's the gaper here again?

[Timberridge]

Looking over at the two guys w the same rentals next to me on the chair.

"You guys realize that you have two different size skis on each foot?"

"Holy shit dude, you're right"

"Yeah, just switch 'em when you get to the top"

"Hey, thanks man"

"Anytime. You guys enjoy your day."