Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

[skier25]

Seriously? I have never ever heard it before...

That's because you must be poor. Ha! Lol

[Moralkaka]

I went to mount my Praxis pows the other day this is what went down when he was filling out the form and asked for my boot brand..
"Fulltilt"
"No what boots do you have?"
*confused look*
"Fulltilt, thats the brand of the boot."
"Oh I was confused cause salomon makes the ski boots."
It only got worse when he asked if I would be using my 136mm waist, reverse reverse, 195cm Powder Boards for park...

And you left your new skis with that guy?!?

[PowderHound93]

Nope, not a chance

[Parvo]

Just returned from Chicago Ski Show where it was mostly dour, pasty Russians asking stupid questions at my booth. Questions like (in thick Russian accent):

What is tallest mountain?
How long it take to ski there?
What is hotel with skiing?
What is best mountain?
What is airport?
Is sticker free?

If I never hear another Boris again it won’t be too soon.

[stuckathuntermtn]

Just returned from Chicago Ski Show where it was mostly dour, pasty Russians asking stupid questions at my booth. Questions like (in thick Russian accent):

What is tallest mountain?
How long it take to ski there?
What is hotel with skiing?
What is best mountain?
What is airport?
Is sticker free?

If I never hear another Boris again it won’t be too soon.

Selling stuff to them is worse. Eastern Europe must be a bargaining culture, or something. Nothing's worse than Asian customers, though. Not being bigoted, this is from my direct experience. As a group, Asians are terrible customers.

[Migue1]

My goal this year is to talk it up with everyone on the lift, saying the stupidest gaper shit I can think of, and hope that I something I say gets posted here!!

[Alyeska_Skibum]

so in other words, your going to be yourself......JONG!!!!!

[Andy_T]

While working in a rental store a few years back fitting crew for snowboards and boots. A guy comes in and gets fitted out, after I have filled his paperwork and he is about to head out for they day he opens his jacket and asks if he will need his wetsuit.

No shit full steamer on underneath his outerwear....
SURFS up BRA

[Migue1]

so in other words, your going to be yourself......JONG!!!!!

More than you know, assmonkey!

[skier666]

Whenever I used to ski with my Uncle at Heavenly, he'd go up to random people with the lake at his back, with a serious face, and ask "can you tell me how I get to Lake Tahoe?" Lame? Yes, but you don't know my Uncle Steve.

[TurxSki]

My goal this year is to talk it up with everyone on the lift, saying the stupidest gaper shit I can think of, and hope that something I say gets posted here!!

Yeah, aim high Junior, aim high.
Don't worry, we'll all get a laugh when we see you downloading on the lift...

[bornincolorado]

great thread, looking forward to the season out here in gaperland. too bad my music is always too loud to hear 'em, keep it up TGR!

[jm2e]

Overheard.......

I was on the lift and this total idiot from like Texas or Florida or something was all, "Wow, can you really ski on those things? They're like, pretty damn wide!" and I was all, "Bra.......these aren't even my powder boards! You know, like, nothing about skiing."

.....in here, over and over again.

[Signed In White]

Last sunday at Abasin.
Girl on the lift: "Are there even any terrrian parks in Colorado?"
Me: "Did you just move here?"
Girl: "Yes, I used to live in Kansas."
Me: "No, only Kansas has terrain parks. Are they fun?"

She went on explaining to me what a terrain park was as I laughed to myself the whole ride up.

[ConHelado]

I saw almost the exact same thing two years ago at WP. He got the whole sneaker in there too.

I was working at the information kiosk at Loveland a few years ago. A lady in street clothes came up and asked where she caught the shuttle bus to the top of the ski area. I explained that the shuttle bus ran between the Valley and the Basin. She said she didn't want that shuttle - she wanted to go to the highest part of Loveland and pointed up at The Ridge.

I said the only way to get up there was by chairlift. She didn't want to take the lift to the top as it seemed scary and instead wanted to ride the bus. I said the bus didn't drive up there. She insisted that there was a bus that went to The Ridge and got upset. Her friends told her that the shuttle bus drove up up there. I mentioned perhaps her friends meant the top of Loveland Pass. She could drive her own car up there just fine. No, she wanted to take the shuttle bus to the top of the ski area.

She must have confused Loveland with Fairbanks, Alaska.

[stoepstyle]

Not skiing but still very funny


I live in Santa Cruz which is in the Monterey Bay. On a clear day/evening you can see the other side of the bay, as shown here



I seriously cannot count how many times I have heard people say

"Oh is that HAWAII??!?" or I swear to god I even heard a "Is that Japan?!?!"

No, its just the other end of the bay you fucking idiot, go back to San Jose

[bendtheski]

Not skiing but still very funny


I live in Santa Cruz which is in the Monterey Bay. On a clear day/evening you can see the other side of the bay, as shown here



I seriously cannot count how many times I have heard people say

"Oh is that HAWAII??!?" or I swear to god I even heard a "Is that Japan?!?!"

No, its just the other end of the bay you fucking idiot, go back to San Jose

E'ry one knows that's Russia, duh! Can you say "hot New Jersey Russian babes"?

[karpiel]

I just got beat by Dexter Rutecki. FML.

[leroy jenkins]

While working in a rental store a few years back fitting crew for snowboards and boots. A guy comes in and gets fitted out, after I have filled his paperwork and he is about to head out for they day he opens his jacket and asks if he will need his wetsuit.

No shit full steamer on underneath his outerwear....
SURFS up BRA

Last spring at snowbird I saw some chick boarding in a wetsuit and hoody. Wierd.

[Shadam]

back in the day, when touring at rogers pass we all needed to check in/register at the visitors center, I would roll in early, announce (in a thick aussie accent) and register (cheops or where ever) as a solo snowboarder, regardless of how may were in my group. the looks from others were priceless. needless to say we/me had the entire area to ourselves.
or they would send the rest of the nut cases up my skin track!
"where's the best powder?"
"here's the map, just follow this skin track" Were they trying to test my rescue skills???

[wardog]

One time my pard and I did an early season skin/boot up through the woods northwest of Cannon Mountain NH. We had left one car at the Cannon Mt ski area parking lot, and another car at the trailhead, so we could ski down either way depending on conditions. There wasn't much snow and going up turned out to be a ludicrous thrash, so we went up and across the ridge to the Cannon groomers and skied down to the lodge for a beer. As I was putting my skis on the rack a guy was literally GAPING at my skis (with Dynafit bindings). I looked at him with a friendly expression. He pointed at my Dynafits and said, "Are those bindings?"

I could have said a lot of things if I was more quick-witted and less soft-hearted. But I just told him they were alpine touring bindings, and explained alpine touring. I later worked out this answer, too late:

"Are those bindings?"

"No, these are self-propelled skis. The top skins are solar panels. They power a motor in the rear unit here with a rubber track, like a snow machine, through the base. The front unit is an antenna and GPS system. These skis go anywhere, downhill or up, snow or no snow. I bought these from a guy in Big Sky and I didn't have to pay for shipping because the guy just programmed in my address in Boston and the skis made their way to my house on their own. It took them a month. The manufacturer is perfecting the skating option for next year, which will speed them up some. Anyway it worked out fine because I was out shoveling the first snowfall of the season when they came up the sidewalk to my house."

[pfluffenmeister]

i saw a gaper unsuccessfully attempt to check their speed with a heel side stop and run into a ski patroller (who was in motion!).




i think the guy just ran into the patroller's ski tails/bindings (from the noise it made) and the patroller was okay.

didn't get to hear the conversation the that followed (hmmm, somehow i just don't get the impression that you were under control).

pretty early in the season to be getting your pass pulled though.

[Endlessseason]

"No, these are self-propelled skis. The top skins are solar panels. They power a motor in the rear unit here with a rubber track, like a snow machine, through the base. The front unit is an antenna and GPS system. These skis go anywhere, downhill or up, snow or no snow. I bought these from a guy in Big Sky and I didn't have to pay for shipping because the guy just programmed in my address in Boston and the skis made their way to my house on their own. It took them a month. The manufacturer is perfecting the skating option for next year, which will speed them up some. Anyway it worked out fine because I was out shoveling the first snowfall of the season when they came up the sidewalk to my house."

LOL ! ! !

Love it. I think I could make it sound convincing, maybe, up to the antenna/gps bit, but, there's no way I could get past "programmed in my address" without completely cracking.....
If anyone ever memorizes this and successfully pulls off the whole enchilada it would make a great TR.

[guroo270]

Don't any of you A/T guys tell people you're too poor to afford heel pieces, so you just buy the toe pieces and call it good?

[farmer]

cross posted from the worst chair in the US thread