Tales of epic grandeur... Maggot of the Year Award

[single]

So, most people missed this story because it happened on a tuesday night back in the beginning of september. And once the deed was done, the thread quickly disappeared, and the topic was only to be spoken of in guised language for the next day or two following.

Here is the story.

So back in september someone who I know, who also has 26XX posts, lives in MT and has a polar bear vomiting rainbows as an avatar and happens to be the OP of this thread, sold a very expensive camera lens on Ebay.

That was too confusing.

My lens sold on egay monday night, and I received payment. The buyer messages me asking if I could ship the lens overnight, that he was out of town for work and needed the lens. I figured I would help the guy out and get the lens out ASAP. He sent me a prepaid shipping label, I figured it was cool, slapped it on the box, out it went.

That evening I get a paypal message informing me of fraudulent payment, and to NOT SHIP THE ITEM.

Fuck.

Its a school night, I have a math test later that week that I wanted to be studying for, but instead I start making some phone calls. After a chat with UPS, whose help number is incredibly hard to find, my case is deemed non-valid. I didn't actually pay for the shipment, I am not their customer. The package is not being shipped in my name, and I have no right to cancel the transaction.

Well the next stop is paypal. So I call them up.

Did you ship to a verified address?
Well, no, the buyer said he was out of town and gave me a different addy.
Well, if you didn't ship to a verified address, we won't be held liable.

Daang. What next? Local PD?

So I call up the police of the town (greater PDX area) to which the lens is being shipped. The detective will be in in the morning, I will forward this message to him. The lens is scheduled for an early AM drop. Expected before 8AM.

Sounds promising...

I am SOL. I have been had. I got screwed over falling for this guys scheme and have noone to blame but myself. I was just trying to help him out.

I realize that if I start driving right then, I will not make it to Oregon before 8am.

So I posted on TGR...


This story will be told in installments. I gotta get to class.

[single]

I started a thread on TGR looking for help from PDX area mags. I didnt feel like I had any other options at this point, and was going to try to get someone to intercept the package. I had the tracking number, the expected drop time, etc. I looked up the neighborhood/house on google maps and saw that it was actually a pretty decent area.

People are kinda speculating on the idea, saying stuff like "I hope it works out" or "yer fukt".

I get a PM from Ape_Natural PM'ed saying he was going to be in the area that next morning, and would be willing to head over to the house and try to intercept. I believe he offered to go out of his way to help me in exchange for some $$ for T-bell. Deal.

At this point, I really didnt want him to get into a situation where he could get hurt. But if he could avoid altercation, that would be rad to get the lens back. So he informs me that he is going to try to bring one of his bigger friends who was something like 6'5 and "has the ability to be pretty mean."

Sounds like TGR.

So that next morning I get a call from a detective at the local police department who was also trying to catch this guy at the drop, because apparently this was not the first scam to use this address. The cop tells me he just missed the package, and that noone was at the residence.

Oh shit. Wheres ape?

A little while later, I get a call from Ape that he also missed the drop. He said that there was noone at the house, and no package on the door. Luckily, there was no interaction between Ape and the Cop, as that might have been awkward. I was impressed that the detective had gotten there that quickly.

So ape calls me, tells me he doesnt know what else to do. He took some photos and was heading out. The detective didnt really have anything too positive to say either.

At this point, I was out a lens. All was lost, and it was just going to be life experience. Really really shitty life experience.

So I skipped my morning class, was moping around the house, pretty damn bummed.

Out of left field I get a call from Ape informing me he got the lens!

Wha?? FKNA!!!!!!

I quickly verify the serial# and find out that we have a winner.

Then he tells me how he got it. Ape, correct me if any of these details are wrong.

They decided that because they had already gone all the way out to the house, they may as well snoop around a bit to find some more evidence, or a way to get the lens back. They ended up walking around the property pretending to look for their cat, and wander into the backyard, saying something like "here buttermilk, where are you?".

Through the sliding glass door, they see a package sitting on a table that matches my description. They also see a little kid on a couch watching TV.

They walk up to the door, open it, sneak behind the kid and grab the lens. Then run out to the car, drive away, and proceed to call me.

FKNA!

Yet another reason I stay around here. This place continues to come through for everyone.

So Ape now has a brand new pair of Moment Night Trains coming to his door, the prize for kicking ass.


And the best part? Ape was on crutches.



Some of apes corrections...

And to clarify a couple of things:

1) The cats name was biscuit (not a big deal but whatever)

2) The "kid in question was around 3 years old, sitting at the same kitchen table that the lens was on. He was watching the whole thing go down, but for some crazy ass reason he kept his mouth shut. My friend just walked in and was like, "hey man, what's up" and the kid just sat there and watched the whole thing go down while eating his cereal. The parents were in the house, but I think they were in the shower or something. Needless to say we just hauled ass out of there... And when I say haul ass I'm pretty sure I set some kind of world record for crutch galloping top speed.


Other than that the details are pretty much right on... I just wish I could've been there to see the confusion when they tried to figure out what the fuck happened to there lens... "I could've sworn I left it right on the kitchen table..." Bitches.

[hutash]

In case you haven't figured it out, ebay is not gear swap. While I wouldn't hesitate to do what you did with a known maggot, ebay is a different kettle of fish. There are some pretty talented scam artists working ebay.

I hope it all turns out well, but I am not holding my breath...good luck.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

I was wondering exactly how this turned out. look forward to chapter 2

[jgb@etree]

From the thread title, I'm guessing that a local mag was able to step up and retrieve the lens.... Hence the nomination for MOTY.

[bmg97]

Pretty sure it turned out well if I remember correctly. I think this is the story with the happy ending all rolled into one.

[grrrr]

I hope there won't be any pictures of the happy ending with no "NSFW" tag.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Pretty sure it turned out well if I remember correctly. I think this is the story with the happy ending all rolled into one.

I know the basics, but I want to here the fun stuff...how long did you scope out the package? ...was perp anywhere around? You said at first the package was already gone, then came back and said situation was all good... late fedex shipment?

[mmmthmtskier]

Can I nominate bmg97 for an "Avatar of the Year" award?

-edit. What a let-down, no hail of bullets(Thankfully for Ape-dudeness/pal)...

[Eldo]

Unless this story involves a maggot snatching the UPS package off the doorstep of the thief, and fleeing in a hail of bullets, I pass on the movie rights.

x2 on what were you thinking, but lesson learned.

[JimmyCarter]

Unless this story involves a maggot snatching the UPS package off the doorstep of the thief, and fleeing in a hail of bullets, I pass on the movie rights.

x2 on what were you thinking, but lesson learned.

50% right, and poetic license will get you the other 50%

[splat]

50% right, and poetic license will get you the other 50%

True dat. It's possibly even better than Eldo's assumption.

[Huck_Schmuck]

TEASE!

789

[supermodel159]

Wow, a real TGR cliff-hanger...

[Pegleg]

Can I nominate bmg97 for an "Avatar of the Year" award?

That's exactly what i was thinking. Whenever he (she?) posts, I lose my place in the thread for a few seconds.

[supermodel159]

Wow...

...what kind of glass was in the box?

[single]

35L

45678

[Eldo]

50% right, and poetic license will get you the other 50%

Well then!

I'm already picturing Mel Gibson as the thief, psychotic, of course. His latest head shots look downright crazy. (Or maybe that was a mug shot I saw on TMZ?)

In any case, someone get my agent on the phone, stat. This calls for lunch.

[Lurch]

FKNA! A note to the robber about the kid might scare him straight.

[smmokan]

That's insane... and it doesn't surprise me one bit.

As a lesson to all maggots selling shit on Ebay- make sure the buyer is in a ski town, because otherwise you're not going to have access to this kind of justice.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Wow.
Who was the Kid? ...Any chance it was the actual owners of the house and didn't know what was in the package?

[Poop~Ghost]

Nicely done Ape and props for hooking him up w/ NTs!

[montanaskier]

did they ever find Buttermilk?

[single]

did they ever find Buttermilk?

yeah, but she didnt handle being shipped very well and we had to put her down.

[jgb@etree]

So Ape now has a brand new pair of Moment Night Trains coming to his door, the prize for kicking ass.

FKNA! Good on you for taking care of someone bending over backwards for you.

And the best part? Ape was on crutches.

/me bows. You are the fucking MAN, dude