Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

**Vitamin I** · 04-15-2010, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by horizon

Verbier, Easter weekend.

Guy "We were skiing this amazing powder in a nature reserve and saw these Chamonix."

Girl with annoying voice: "What are Chamonix?"

Guy "I think they're those goat thing."

Girl "Oh so that's what Chamonix means, never knew that"

So the guy meant chamois, right? I guess if I have to ask, then I'm the gaper.

.

**grrrr** · 04-15-2010, 02:36 PM

I think he meant cham-wow.

**jonesy** · 04-15-2010, 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by Wunderkind

Snowbird last weekend at the base of Gadzoom - Michael (6yo kid who looks exactly like the kid from A Christmas Story) is boarding the chair with his dad and sister. They all sit down but Michael doesn't quite make it. Instead of letting him get brushed aside, Dad grabs Michael and hold him on the chair until it is about 3 feet in the air, at which point he can't hold any longer and Michael falls (sister hops off - she's clearly smarter than dad or Michael). Dad flips forward and tries to save himself by hanging onto the bench, but he gets his glove stuck under the seat as he falls (now from about 8 feet). Everyone is just fine. Michael is stunned, but he's fine - he only fell 3 feet.

Meanwhile, Mom is on the chair behind this mess and loses her fucking mind. She runs up to Michael and asks if he's ok - he nods yes - and Mom says "NO YOU"RE NOT OK - YOU FELL OFF THE LIFT". She then goes after the liftie accusing him of not having the seat flipped down (it was) blah blah - Michael finally agrees with his mom and begins to cry hysterically. Once everything had settled down and they got the chairs moving again - Mom turns to the crowd and demands that everyone cheer for Michael.

We booed him and told him that his mom was trying to make him a pussy. Someone needed to let him know.

What a clusterfuck. Jesus nothing every happens that funny at our hill. I need to get out more.

Helldawg · 04-15-2010, 05:05 PM

You did not boo the kid. Nice try, but no.

**donkeykong** · 07-22-2010, 02:35 PM

nothing to contribute here since it's summer, but i'm bored since it's summer, so bump for my favorite thread...

**Slaag Master** · 07-22-2010, 03:44 PM

i'm in:

This guy walks into a bar at Snowbird and says "Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?" The bartender says, "I'm a snowboarder, the guy on your right is a snowboarder, same with the guy on your left, and the guy behind you is a snowboarder." So he says, "OK. I'll tell it a little more slowly then..."

**digitaldeath** · 07-22-2010, 03:49 PM

^^^hahahahhahhahahahahaha LOL

**thedrew55** · 07-27-2010, 11:11 AM

I'm game too.

I worked at Deer Valley one season. Thought I would take a break from LCC (yeah, not such a great idea). Talk about a gaper fest.

One day, while working the ski check, they got 8" overnight and it was still coming down at about .5"/hour. Gaper after gaper handed me their rental powder boards and said that they had to call it a day. "This snow is just too deep" was the common phrase. A few comments about how nice it'll be when they groom it.

Meanwhile I'm stuck putting their skis in their stupid little cubby so none of the other rich people steel their top of the line boards that never get used properly.

**Slaag Master** · 07-27-2010, 11:31 AM

how do you get a ski bum off your porch?
pay him for the pizza

**Meadow Skipper** · 07-27-2010, 04:10 PM

Last May we hiked into at the Taggart Lake trailhead parking lot after an attempt on the Grand, skis and boots on our packs, guy in shirtsleeves asks us "How did you ski here from the ski area?" Maybe it wasn't that stupid a question - the TH is about 9 miles from the village as the crow flies - but we were seriously worked and it seemed totally moronic at the time.

**old goat** · 07-27-2010, 10:06 PM

I'm one of the gapers in this one. Many years ago Michael and I and his never-been-out-of- the-city friend Snead go to climb the Grand--Snead planning to stop at the lower saddle. Due to Snead's abyssmal condition it takes us 2 days to make the lower saddle. Day 3 we have a go at the Exum but due to my abyssmal condition I get a bad headache and we turn around. Day 4 we do the Exum uneventfully. Day 5 we get up too late, screw around too much and wind up doing nothing. Day 6 we head down--by the time we get our asses moving the snow below the lower saddle is totally rotten and plunge steps just break out. I sitting glissade--despite heels and ax dug in I'm going WAY too fast--there's a 20 foot rooster tail going back over my head from my feet and I can't see the house size boulder I miss by 5 feet. Michael comes down standing glissade-no problem. Snead comes down inch by inch in ice ax arrest position--takes about half an hour. Finally stands up on the glacier--maybe 5 degree slope, but his pack is top heavy and starts pushing him forward, he starts going faster to catch up to it and pretty soon is taking 10 foot gazelle like leaps until he flips over, does a couple of sommersaults, cuts his face with his ice ax and comes to a halt. He makes us rope him down the rest of the way--including on the trail. Finally the trail is level and he lets us take him off the rope. As we come around a bend 3 guys coming up the trail see us. Their eyes bug out. We look pretty core, not too mention Snead's covered in blood.
"What did you guys climb", said one guy, voice filled with awe.
"North Face super direct" said I.
"What's that rated in the guide book?"
"Son, that's not in the guidebook."
I thought Michael would asphyxiate himself trying not to explode before we got out of earshot.

Another gaper move--friend of mine was rapelling the owen spalding. He decided the dozens of old slings that thousands of people had safely used were not safe. He placed his own sling, the sling came off when he was about fifteen feet above the upper saddle and he broke his arm. Had to be helicoptered off the upper saddle--highest heli rescue in the Rockies up til then--or something like that.

**BoatBound** · 07-28-2010, 09:57 AM

Summer gaper quote:

a couple of weeks back while mtn biking up Mt werner (steamboat) we are about a 1/3 of the way up this dude from Dallas (yes, I asked) in sneakers on a rented Dh bike shows up and asks if there's any water fountains around, he needs to fill up his water bottle.........

**k-lux** · 07-28-2010, 11:24 AM

"can't they just burn all those pesky alders?" heard while poaching a hot tub in fernie

**Slaag Master** · 07-28-2010, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by BoatBound

this dude from Dallas (yes, I asked) in sneakers on a rented Dh bike shows up and asks if there's any water fountains around, he needs to fill up his water bottle.........

when i am out in the bush and pass others i always like to ask if there is a 7-11 nearby - as i am usually burritoed up with an army duffel bag with skis poking out there is laughter all around.

**nicolaib211v** · 07-28-2010, 01:40 PM

Not a quote, but this past winter in Fernie...

Riding up White Pass, you can see Knot Chutes on your right. Patrol JUST opened it up after a huge dump and these 2 snowboarders were going to put the second and third track down it. I crested the hill riding the chair just in time to see them start their run, put in one quick sketchy turn at the top, and then sideslip down 90% of the rest of it. One down the right half, the other down the left. I about fucking cried.

They high-fived when they stopped at the bottom.

**Ccard257** · 07-28-2010, 02:00 PM

We skied whats left of the tyndall glacier on saturday. While we are putting our skis on after a long slog up the basin, some bitch with a thick guido accent yells over from the flat top trail

"did you read the sign?"
is she talking to us?
"did you read the sign?"
"the sign says danger!" (don't forget the horrible guido accent)
dumbfounded stares from us. She then procedes to ask all sorts of questions, which my partner does his best to polietely answer while I do my best to ignore
"do you know there's boulders down there?"
"have you done this before"
After this, we can hear her explaining to whoever is listening on the trail excatly what we are doing and what our eperience is and what the dangers are like she's now an expert.

we ski over to the edge and stop to discuss our lines, etc. While we are talking this bitch starts screaming shit like "go for it!" "do it!" So let me get this straight, lady, 10 minutes ago you were so sure we were about to kill ourselves that you felt compelled to warn us about the danger sign, but now that its apparent we aren't kidding you want us to hurry up about it? you got somewhere else to be?

**TurxSki** · 07-28-2010, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by nicolaib211v

...Patrol JUST opened it up after a huge dump and these 2 snowboarders...sideslip down 90% of it. One down the right half, the other down the left. I about fucking cried.
They high-fived when they stopped at the bottom.

I think that "sideslip" is called a Heel-slide, or a Revert??
"Make a fucking turn!"
It is The Suck.

Jla415 told us a similar sad board-tale:

At Alpine Meadows, Scott Chute, a girl on a snowboard heel-slides the whole way down.
Maybe her dude was videotaping her from the bottom?
Anyhow, she heads over to him, and says "That was awesome!"

Indeed!

**snapt** · 10-20-2010, 11:19 PM

Light the Wick premier in Chico tonight...I'd venture a guess that %25 of the attendees have ever skied. 'Officer' of the ski club (We have a ski club?!) to the dude from Alpine Meadows "Do you guys have good boarding terrain?"
Alpine dude responds "Yah we have sick terrain with a lot of traverses to get to the goods"
Ski club person "What's a traverse?"
Alpine guy explains what a traverse is and goes on the BS with some other people.
Ski club dude "Meh I'll just get a Boreal pass again I think it's probably better"
And I realized why I'm not in the ski club.

**stoepstyle** · 10-20-2010, 11:23 PM

^^ Hahah thats awesome

**Slaag Master** · 10-21-2010, 01:44 PM

cool to see this thread back - be even cooler to be standin in lift line with the ipod in one ear listinin to all this years fresh bs. aaaahhhhhh.

**Skirotica** · 10-21-2010, 03:12 PM

I have to share this one though it clearly betrays my gaper status.

Said by me, several years back, at Jackson... after a 14 year hiatus from skiing.

"I just go so fast.. My skis are longer so they just accelerate faster than I'm comfortable with."

Said while sporting 174 Atomic Izors.

I know.... I should've just quit right there.

**arewolfe** · 10-21-2010, 03:17 PM

Fuck yeah. This thread rocks. Thanks for bumping.

**ski school graduate** · 10-21-2010, 03:29 PM

Not the best one, but it's a slow day at work so i'll go ahead share one.

few years back working in a rental shop I hand a guy a pair of boots to try on and he snaps back "wait a minute I need to put on my high performace socks first"

Speachless I just set the boots down next to him and helped the next person

**guroo270** · 10-22-2010, 09:44 AM

Guy walking to first lift of the day sees gaper mumbling profanities and slamming his boots on his bindings. Guy notices that ski is backwards and says, "you should turn that around. You're trying to put your toe into the heel."
gaper says, "These are twin tips. You can ski them backwards or forwards."
Guy continues his day.

**digitaldeath** · 10-22-2010, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by ski school graduate

Not the best one, but it's a slow day at work so i'll go ahead share one.

few years back working in a rental shop I hand a guy a pair of boots to try on and he snaps back "wait a minute I need to put on my high performace socks first"

Speachless I just set the boots down next to him and helped the next person

you are a ski school grad and you didnt know that we require special socks for skiing?

FKN JONG