6 months ago today.... a TR of sorts (warning, long and heavy)

[watersnowdirt]

6 months ago today - February 1 - I got the call that no one wants to get. "You have cancer". In my case, it was breast cancer - Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

There are a lot of you here who know this, so it's not a surprise. For those who know me and didn't know, I know this comes as a surprise. It's taken me a while to work up the nerve to share this here, but after the amazing support at the Relay, both with people contributing and people coming out to walk, I knew it was time.

The last 6 months have been a roller coaster, as you can imagine. I've had some of the worst moments in my life (will I live? will I lose my hair (yes ), will I get to keep my breasts (so far - yes!), will I ever had kids?). But I've also had some of the best moments of my life. I've never in my life been closer to my friends. I feel a community of people literally lifting me up, taking care of me, and keeping me smiling.

I've been through a surgery - a lumpectomy and an axillary node dissection. I woke up to my cousin telling me, "it's in your lymph nodes. you have to have chemotherapy". I promptly went right back to sleep in the recovery room. Not the news I wanted to hear.

I've undergone nasty, gnarly chemotherapy for the last 4 months. I've puked, I've lost my hair (ALL my hair, everywhere ), I've gotten softy and puffy from all the steroids, I've had neuropathy in my fingers, I've had aches that have had me in tears at night unable to sleep. OOh - did I mention I've had hot flashes? Good times.

BUT, I've also seen more of my friends than I have in years. I've become closer to almost everyone in my life. I've reconnected with friends I hadn't talked to in ages. I've actually laughed more in the last 6 months than I have in a while. Gut wrenching, teary eyed laughter. There has been a bright, neon silver lining that I never would have expected.

And, I've mountain biked, I've wakeboarded, I've continued to work, and most days I feel like, "Ok, I can handle this, it's not so bad".

What still lies ahead for me: Another surgery to clean up a "dirty margin" in the area they did the lumpectomy. 7 weeks of daily radiation. I'm going to have a might sunburnt boob. And then 5 years of hormone therapy to ensure the beast is gone.

This is why the Relay for Life was so important to me, and why I cried about 10 times throughout the night. And why I cried again when I saw they'd quoted me in the SLT newspaper and labelled me a "survivor". I love that. It's so much better than cancer patient.

There's lots more to write, but I'll leave it here as my "coming out" post. I waited this long because I didn't think I could handle the "posi vibes" phase. I wanted to know that I was in the "congratulations - you're on your way" phase.

I think of others here on the board who are fighting - plake, mrs. bags, daily. it's gnarly fight - one you'd never think you're up for, but once it's in front of you, you put the damn gloves on and get to work

Here are some photos, since a proper TR has photos. For those who know me and haven't seen me, the photos may be a bit strange to see - I don't quite look like myself. They always shock me, too. I think of this as my phase in life where I'm learning to not be vain .

My cool pre-chemo haircut when I knew I'd lose my long hair that I'd had my whole life. I donated the hair to Locks of Love.

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Mountain biking through chemo has kept me sane, the days I've been well enough to do it. My oncologist laughs when she here's I'm still biking and wakeboarding.

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How Sophie feels about cancer. notice the head has been mauled and destroyed.

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And some Relay for Life pix -thank you so much to all who donated. See the names list for those honored by some of you...

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The maggots made a great showing for some late night laps.
Arty, Davep, skiergirl, snowtigress, wonderwoman, AKA, me, Mrs. Slim, Slim

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And because I love you all so much (most of you), I'm sharing a very vulnerable pic - my bald head.

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And when your bald, your head is a canvas .

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[MacDaddy]

you are an inspiration to all.

[iceman]

Wow, WSD, I had no idea. Here's all the luck in the world to you.

Love that last pic.

[skier666]

OMG! I had no idea. However, after reading that, and how positive you sound, you are now my idol.

[Roo]

You look pretty good bald. A bit like Ripley in Alien!

Total inspiration to me.

[The AD]

I think you're pretty hot bald!

edit: beat by Roo. Also thanks for sharing your story, and good luck!

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

Having watched my mom and my grandma battle breast cancer(both won that battle) and all my dads patients(he's an oncologist) I firmly believe that having a positive attitude like yours is the most important part of winning this fight. You have a lot to be proud of, keep your chin up.

[lemon boy]

Wow, I had no idea.

you look hot with no hair too

[G]

That is truly awesome that you are keeping such an excellent attitude. I am proud of you. There's a heck of a lot of beautiful smiles in those pictures above. ^

If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

And you look hot bald.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Damn M you are SO f-ing strong, inspirational, and courageous.

much love

[Mrs. 666]

So sorry to hear about this, but your positive attitude is truly inspiring! Hopefully we will run into you in SLT very soon!

xxoo

P.S. you do look hot with no hair!!

[lemon boy]

I think we may have uncovered a strikingly prevasive -hot-bald-chicks fetish here at TGR.

[Telenater]

I (heart) WSD

[grskier]

Well, congratulation, you are on your way

Thank you for sharing this with us, and good luck.

[Spark]

Wow...people just amaze me.

Awesome and inspiring TR watersnowdirt. Good luck with your journey ahead but seems like you have things better in perspective and an amazing circle of friends.

Laughing is great therapy! Glad you've gotten a whole lot it

[xboat]

Total inspiration to me.

me too.

stay positive WSD!

[EPSkis]

Congratulations, M ~ You're on your way!

[runethechamp]

CHAMP!!!

[StroupSkier]

Still look hot to me

Glad you haven't given up the passions of year heart!

[GBB]

Wow WSD, as has been stated before you are an inspiration to us all.

[The Reverend Floater]

WHAT?

How can we support you if we don't even know you need help? I thought you were just carrying on, kickin' ass on the bike and being WSD. Damn, Marika. I'm glad you're doing so well! /4

[Tri-Ungulate]

Glad to hear the poisoning is over M - I'd heard about your situation after going over things with D and his wife, but didn't want to bug you to ask how things were going unless you were OK with it, plus you have a doc in the fambly to bounce ideas off anyway. Are you at UCSF with Hope Rugo?

5 years of tamoxifen shouldn't be a problem, I imagine. Good for you for pulling through with toughness and making the best out of a bad situation.

--launce

[Jax]

Amazing. Tears in my eyes and fear in my mind. My grandmother died of it. My mom has fought it not once but twice. She's been in remission for 4 years now and everything seems ok thus far. I just had my 4th mammo screening this morning, and I'm only 33 years old. I feel like it's not 'if' i get it, but 'when'.

You are my new hero. Thank you for sharing your strength! I will show this to my husband to help ease his tensions as well. We are family planning right now, just in case.

[PNWbrit]

Inspirational and humbling.

There is absolutely no way I could deal with this kind of situation.

[watersnowdirt]

You guys are making me cry, and when I cry I rub my eyes, and when I rub my eyes, I lose even more eyelashes. I'm looking like a big alien more and more and it's your fault. Damn you !!

Thank you all for the amazing words and for reminding me of all the good parts of TGR and why I've stuck around these parts for so long .