[cowbell] HELLLO, saints & sinners

[Woodsy]

WHAT IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD A SPORTS IS GOIN ON HERE!

I dont care bout what drugs y'all do/don't do or what idol you choose to or not to worship, quit gettin defensive & judgemental, eh.

do whatchalike just dont fuk up anyone else's world.

I went skiin with two old friends from Aspen today & conditions sukked, no freeze last night, rained a bit, & I lost a shoe going entirely too fast. I (hopefully only just) bruised my rib in the fall.

It was fun, I loved it & as Jah as my witness I will do it again.

RELAX FRANCIS!
[/cowbell]

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

Hey that's cool with me...just don't use the term "cellie" and you and I are square

[Viva]

I was a little bitchy earlier today...but I'm better now. Going to Happy Hour now for some BBB (beer, burger, & b......).

Thx for the reality check!

[Viva]

Originally posted by Viva
I was a little bitchy earlier today...but I'm better now. Going to Happy Hour now for some BBB (beer, burger, & b......).

Thx for the reality check!

Edit- maybe I'll even hit some celly...

Whoa...that wasn't an edit...WTF??

[phUnk]

I'll consider myself a sinner if some snow would fall on me.

[Buster Highmen]

"Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACK-DOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, Lomita, Westchester, Playa Del Rey, Santa Monica, Tujunga, Sunland, San Fernando, Pacoima, Sylmar, Newhall, Canoga Park, Palmdale, Glendale, Irwindale, Rolling Hills, Granada Hills, Shadow Hills,Cheviot Hills, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE . . . "

WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ("Wah wah wah, nice lady!") to raise funds for the injured (injured . . . ) and homeless (homeless . . . ) in Glendale, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS (right near the 'Jack-In-The-Box' on Glenoaks) where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through . . .

Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( "Toto . . . !") just playing ( "Come on, Toto . . . !") and having a nice time with his little accordion ("Toto . . . !"), and this weird wind came up ("Toto . . . !"), direct from Glendale ("Toto . . . ! Toto . . . !"), blowing these terrible germs in his direction ("Come here, Toto . . . !"), and all of this caused ("Toto . . . !") by a huge mountain ("Aunty Em!")!

"Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly . . . "

. . . sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of WATTS!!!

Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when BILLY received his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, lemme tell ya, ETHELL said, now ETHELL, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go!

"I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!"

"THAT'S RIGHT! We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it is This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices (COVEN!) WITCH-CRAFT!"

It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'! (And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin) This one MAN was STUDEBAKER HOCH, fantastic new SUPER HERO of the CURRENT ECONOMIC SLUMP.

(Oh) Now, some folks say he looked like (he was like, he was like) ZUBIN MEHTA (Zubin Mehta); still others say (others say he), bullshit, honey (bullshit, man) he's just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the Frozen Beef Pies at BONEY'S MARKET. (Others say he was just a, just a) Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack! (crazy Italian) He's just a crazy Italian who drove a RED CAR. You see (nobody knows for sure 'cause he was so), nobody ever really knew for sure, because STUDEBAKER was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious (mysterious) . . .

HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!

HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!

'Cuz when a person gets to be
Such a HERO, folks,
And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE,
You can never REALLY TELL
About a GUY LIKE THAT
(Whether he's really a NICE PERSON
Or if he just SMILES A LOT),
(What?)
Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO',
Or what?

Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what?

Some men say he could FLY
Some men say he could SWIM
Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA),
And all the girls in FLUSHING
Would be AMAZED of HIM
(Two, Three!)
AMAZED of HIM!
(Amazed!)
(Amazed!)

Time passes . . .
January, February, March, July . . .
Wednesday . . .
August . . .
Irwindale . . .
. . . 2:30 in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday . . .
Funny Cars!
Walnut!
Friday
City of Industry . . .
Big John Mazmanian!

So when the phone rang
In the secret briefcase,
A strong masculine hand
With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch
And flexy bracelet
GRABBED IT
And answered
In a deep, calmly assured voice:

"So . . . ah . . . yeah, yeah, hello already . . . what? . . . Well, yeah? . . . Ah, are you kidding . . . ? You're not kidding . . . a mountain . . . ? With a tree growing off of its shoulder . . . ? Aw, you're fulla shit, man . . . ah, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front . . . ? Yeah . . . ? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we're having a lot of . . . listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head . . . and, ah, how's your wife's hemorrhoids? Oh, that's too bad . . . Listen . . . so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing . . . oh, my! Well, let me write this down . . . sorta take a few notes here . . . yeah . . . ? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION? (my baby, my baby) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? An expense account? And per diem, too?"

SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE!

They said he could DANCE, and, of course, THEY were right! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it!

Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly!
Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . . Hey!

RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER
TO THE HEART-Uh

Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . .

NOBODY can DANCE like STUDEBAKER HOCH! So many rumors have spread about STUDEBAKER HOCH! (A rumor . . . a rumor . . . ) Consider this rumor (a rumor . . . ), which was published (a rumor . . . ) about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE!

Oh, it's gotta be true!

STUDEBAKER HOCH can write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin!

"NO!"

Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO!
etc.

(I'm so HIP!)

BEEF PIES!

He was born next to the BEEF PIES,
Underneath JONI MITCHELL'S autographed picture,
Right beside ELLIOT ROBERTS' big Bank Book,
Next to the boat
Where CROSBY flushed away all his stash
And the cops
Got him in the boat and drove away
To THE CAN
Where Neil Young slipped another disc

FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!

(And that was the main influence on HIM!)

The influence of a Frozen Beef Pie!

Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON HE . . . yes, HE ran around the back of 'THE BROADWAY' at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, un-used cardboard boxes (no shit!)

After which, he hit up the RALPH'S on Sunset for some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey!

Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of RALPH'S, where "no prizes are lower prizes than RALPH'S," in the parking lot of RALPH'S (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out some really, really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered them thoroughly with foil!

Thorough-LY wi-TH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL-L-L!

Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth . . .

YES!! Yes! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA maple syrup all over the inside of his legs!

Soon the booth was filling with flies!

(Help me, help me, help me!)

He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in (Yes! Yeah!), and when each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, RON HUBBARD-type voice . . .

"NEW YORK!"

. . . and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky!

STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!

STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!

He's coating his legs
With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down!

His shorts'll be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around!

[Pinner]

good god...

[MacDaddy]

Originally posted by Pinner
good god...

classic Pinner

[Arty50]

Nothing like Mad Libs to help the summer pass by. Wait, it's only March. Hmmmm... Ullr, you're funny!

[grrrr]

cough cough

[mr_gyptian]

Originally posted by Buster Highmen
"Word just in to the KTTV News Service undeniably links THIS MOUNTAIN and HIS WIFE to drug abuse and pay-offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley SMUT RING! However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent NARCOTICS CRACK-DOWN, in Torrance, Hawthorne, Lomita, Westchester, Playa Del Rey, Santa Monica, Tujunga, Sunland, San Fernando, Pacoima, Sylmar, Newhall, Canoga Park, Palmdale, Glendale, Irwindale, Rolling Hills, Granada Hills, Shadow Hills,Cheviot Hills, will provide the SECRET EVIDENCE the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a CRIMINAL INDICTMENT, and pave the way for STIFFER LEGISLATION, increased FEDERAL AID, and AVERT A CRIPPLING STRIKE of Bartenders and Veterinarians throughout the INLAND EMPIRE . . . "

WITHIN THE WEEK, Jerry Lewis had hosted a Telethon ("Wah wah wah, nice lady!") to raise funds for the injured (injured . . . ) and homeless (homeless . . . ) in Glendale, as BILLY had just levelled it, and, a few miles right outside of town, BILLY caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the Earth's crust, right over the SECRET UNDERGROUND DUMPS (right near the 'Jack-In-The-Box' on Glenoaks) where they keep the POOLS OF OLD POISON GAS, and OBSOLETE GERM BOMBS, just as a FREAK TORNADO cruised through . . .

Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ( "Toto . . . !") just playing ( "Come on, Toto . . . !") and having a nice time with his little accordion ("Toto . . . !"), and this weird wind came up ("Toto . . . !"), direct from Glendale ("Toto . . . ! Toto . . . !"), blowing these terrible germs in his direction ("Come here, Toto . . . !"), and all of this caused ("Toto . . . !") by a huge mountain ("Aunty Em!")!

"Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly . . . "

. . . sucking up two thirds of it (SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!) for UNTIMELY DISPERSAL over VAST STRETCHES of WATTS!!!

Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when BILLY received his NOTICE TO REPORT for his INDUCTION PHYSICAL. Now, lemme tell ya, ETHELL said, now ETHELL, ETHELL said she wasn't gonna let him go!

"I'm not gonna let you go, BILLY!"

"THAT'S RIGHT! We now have CONFIRMED REPORTS from an INFORMED ORANGE COUNTY MINISTER, that ETHELL is still an ACTIVE COMMUNIST, and it is This Reporter's Opinion that she also practices (COVEN!) WITCH-CRAFT!"

It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the SECRET BRIEFCASE belonging to THE ONE MORTAL MAN who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'AMERICA HERSELF'! (And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Chief Reddin) This one MAN was STUDEBAKER HOCH, fantastic new SUPER HERO of the CURRENT ECONOMIC SLUMP.

(Oh) Now, some folks say he looked like (he was like, he was like) ZUBIN MEHTA (Zubin Mehta); still others say (others say he), bullshit, honey (bullshit, man) he's just another greasy guy who happened to be born next to the Frozen Beef Pies at BONEY'S MARKET. (Others say he was just a, just a) Still others say, John, piss on you, Jack! (crazy Italian) He's just a crazy Italian who drove a RED CAR. You see (nobody knows for sure 'cause he was so), nobody ever really knew for sure, because STUDEBAKER was so-o-o-o-o-o mysterious (mysterious) . . .

HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!

HE WAS SO
(He was so, he was so!)
MYSTERIOUS!

'Cuz when a person gets to be
Such a HERO, folks,
And MARVELOUS BEYOND COMPUTE,
You can never REALLY TELL
About a GUY LIKE THAT
(Whether he's really a NICE PERSON
Or if he just SMILES A LOT),
(What?)
Or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO',
Or what?

Whether he's really a NICE PERSON or if he has a son named 'PINOCCHIO' or what?

Some men say he could FLY
Some men say he could SWIM
Others say he could SING (like NEIL SEDAKA),
And all the girls in FLUSHING
Would be AMAZED of HIM
(Two, Three!)
AMAZED of HIM!
(Amazed!)
(Amazed!)

Time passes . . .
January, February, March, July . . .
Wednesday . . .
August . . .
Irwindale . . .
. . . 2:30 in the afternoon, Sunday, Monday . . .
Funny Cars!
Walnut!
Friday
City of Industry . . .
Big John Mazmanian!

So when the phone rang
In the secret briefcase,
A strong masculine hand
With a Dudley Do-Right wristwatch
And flexy bracelet
GRABBED IT
And answered
In a deep, calmly assured voice:

"So . . . ah . . . yeah, yeah, hello already . . . what? . . . Well, yeah? . . . Ah, are you kidding . . . ? You're not kidding . . . a mountain . . . ? With a tree growing off of its shoulder . . . ? Aw, you're fulla shit, man . . . ah, listen, by the way, before I go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the pencil on the front . . . ? Yeah . . . ? Yeah, you should move some of those for me, we're having a lot of . . . listen, so kiss little Jakee on the head . . . and, ah, how's your wife's hemorrhoids? Oh, that's too bad . . . Listen . . . so you've got a mountain, with a tree, listen, causing . . . oh, my! Well, let me write this down . . . sorta take a few notes here . . . yeah . . . ? To El Segundo, huh? Causing UNTOLD DESTRUCTION? (my baby, my baby) Wanted for DRAFT EVASION? An expense account? And per diem, too?"

SOME MEN SAY HE COULD DANCE!

They said he could DANCE, and, of course, THEY were right! Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it: THE STUDEBAKER HOCH DANCING LESSON & COSMIC PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE featuring Aynsley Dunbar, hit it!

Hey! Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly!
Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . . Hey!

RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
RIGHT HAND FROM THE HEART-UH
LEFT HAND FROM THE LEFT SHOULDER
TO THE HEART-Uh

Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore, Fillmore . . .

NOBODY can DANCE like STUDEBAKER HOCH! So many rumors have spread about STUDEBAKER HOCH! (A rumor . . . a rumor . . . ) Consider this rumor (a rumor . . . ), which was published (a rumor . . . ) about three weeks ago in ROLLING STONE!

Oh, it's gotta be true!

STUDEBAKER HOCH can write THE LORD'S Prayer on the head of a pin!

"NO!"

Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO DO DO!
Do-do-do-do-do,
Doot-doot-do DO!
etc.

(I'm so HIP!)

BEEF PIES!

He was born next to the BEEF PIES,
Underneath JONI MITCHELL'S autographed picture,
Right beside ELLIOT ROBERTS' big Bank Book,
Next to the boat
Where CROSBY flushed away all his stash
And the cops
Got him in the boat and drove away
To THE CAN
Where Neil Young slipped another disc

FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!
FROZE-ing by the PIES!

(And that was the main influence on HIM!)

The influence of a Frozen Beef Pie!

Boldly springing into action, he phoned his wife (who ran a modeling school), WHEREUPON HE . . . yes, HE ran around the back of 'THE BROADWAY' at Hollywood Boulevard and Vine to see if he could find himself some big large, un-used cardboard boxes (no shit!)

After which, he hit up the RALPH'S on Sunset for some 'AUNT JEMIMA SYRUP', some 'KAISER BROILER FOIL', and a pair of blunt scissors! Hey-hey!

Yes! Yes, and in the parking lot of RALPH'S, where "no prizes are lower prizes than RALPH'S," in the parking lot of RALPH'S (in between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking), he cut out some really, really, really NICE WINGS, and he covered them thoroughly with foil!

Thorough-LY wi-TH (e-e-e-e-e) FOIL-L-L!

Then he took those 'WINGS' and wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth . . .

YES!! Yes! And then he SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR! And he pulled down his blue denim policeman type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of AUNT JEMIMA maple syrup all over the inside of his legs!

Soon the booth was filling with flies!

(Help me, help me, help me!)

He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in (Yes! Yeah!), and when each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his pants, and they were lapping up all that maple syrup, he bent over and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very clear, impressive, RON HUBBARD-type voice . . .

"NEW YORK!"

. . . and the booth and everything lifted up, out of the parking lot, and into the sky!

STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!

STUDEBAKER HOCH
YEAH, YEAH
STUDEBAKER HOCH
STU-DE-BAKER HOCH!

He's coating his legs
With AUNT JEMIMA syrup up and down!

His shorts'll be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around!

did you somehow disable the character post limit?

[phUnk]

Originally posted by mr_gyptian
did you somehow disable the character post limit?

His post is 8585 chars. The limit is 10000 chars.

[truth]

Originally posted by phUnk
His post is 8585 chars. The limit is 10000 chars.

Nerd.

[Endlessseason]

...and with that, the first and only time I ever heard "Billy the Mountain," even at the tender young age that I was, I realized Frank Zappa had finally gone completely, utterly, stark-raving mad--MAD, I tell you.
I ran back home from my friends house and threw 'Apostrophe' onto my turntable to somehow try to erase the horror of what I'd just heard out of Zappa's head.
The years had almost smoothed the whole traumatic experience until today--accidentally stumbling upon it on a...[twitch] on a...[twitch] SKI forum! Thank you very much, Buster.

[Buster Highmen]

There was a man
A little ole man
Who lived in Montreal
With a wife and a kid
And a car and a house
And a teenage daughter
With a see-thru blouse
Who loved to grunt and ball--
And her name was Magdalena

Magdalena . . .

The little ole man
Came home one night
To his house in Montreal.
He caught his daughter
In the blouse by the light
And he said to himself:
"She looks all right!"
And he reached for a tit
And grabbed it tight
And threw her up
Against the wall
(BLUE CROSS!)
Magdalena . . .

My daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?

The little ole man
With the grubby little hand
Who lived in Montreal
Was drooling a bit
As he reached for her tit
And he said to himself:
"This is gonna be it!"
But the girl turned around
And said: "Go eat shit!"
And ran on down the hall.
Right on, Magdalena!

My daughter dear,
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
My daughter dear
Do not be concerned when your
Canadian daddy comes near.
I work so hard,
Don't you understand,
Making maple syrup
For the pancakes of our land.
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
Do you have any idea?
What that can do to a man?
What that can do to a man?
(Tell 'em!)

Magdalena, don't you tease me like this
Right in the hallway with your blouse and your tits
If your mommy ever finds us like this
She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed

DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH
DOODLE DOODLE DOODLE DUH-DUH DEE-UH-WAH . . .

Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena,
daughter of the smog-filled winds of Los Angeles,
I'd like to take you in the closet and take off your little clothes
until you are virtually stark raving nude,
spread mayonaise
and kaopectate all over your body
and take you down to Hollywood Boulevard
and we can,
we can walk down the streets
by the stars that say Jon Provost and Leo G. Carroll together, baby.
We can go dancing up at the Cinegrill
can't you see it: Frank Pernell and us, until dark,
don't you understand, my baby?
I didn't mean, I didn't need, I mean . . .
it was so hard for me . . .
I just . . .
I saw you standing under the Shell pest strip late last night,
in the light,
with your little nipples protruding through your little see-thru thingie,
and I just said:
'My god, my god, I gave my sperm to this thing!'
And now I just,
oh, you got me so hard, I just,
I don't know what to do, Magdalena, don't you understand?
So I grabbed you, but,
but don't hold it against me, I mean,
your mom will never know, baby,
and I wantcha to come back to me,
I mean . . . do you understand me? I want you to . . .
I'm down on my knees to ya, Magdalena!
I wantcha ta walk back to me, baby,
I wantcha to turn around by the Sparkletts machine.
That's it! That's it!
In the little chartreuse hallway with the little neon Jesus picture on the wall,
and I want you to step, baby,
I want you to walk back in your five inch spike heels that you got at Frederick's,
same time you and your mommy got that crotchless underwear last year for Christmas,
and I want you to stroll back to me, baby
Walk back, baby, don'tcha understand me, baby?
I want you to walk back
I'm down on bended knees, baby
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I wanna take off your little training bra
Don't you understand me?
I'm gonna take off you little maroon hot pants
I'm gonna get down on my knees, baby,
dont'cha understand what I'm saying to you?
Your mom will never know,
she's playing bridge with the girls,
and you and I . . .
you and I go sucking som'thing, baby,
it's just you and I, don'tcha understand?
We can make love all night long,
nobody will ever know,
come on, Magdalena!
Please, little girl,
walk back to your daddy,
what did I do that was so wrong?
My God, I was only following the sexual impulse like I heard on the Johnny Carson Show
from a book or something I wrote,
I didn't know what I was doing
I got carried away
What can I say like . . . like . . .
walk back, baby,
come on,
oh, please, you gotta walk back, baby, walk back,
walk back to your daddy!
Come on, Magdalena, to your daddy, baby,
you gotta walk back, baby, walk back,
walk back, baby, walk back,
your mom will never know,
your mom will never know,
walk back, baby, walk back,
walk back, baby, walk back,
Magdalena, come back,
come back to you daddy,
walk back, baby,
walk back, baby,
walk, walk, walk, walk,
WALK!
Walk to your daddy,
come on down, stroll it around of me,
I'm down on my knees, don't you understand?
Your mom will never know,
I told you so . . .
(I love you, Magdalena!)
You know what . . .
I said . . .

[Tippster]

Zappa just wasn't quite right in the head...








God, I miss him. RIP.

[grrrr]

...as are all true geniouses (genii?)

[Woodsy]

Originally posted by grrrr
...as are all true geniouses (genii?)

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)

Originally posted by Tippster
Zappa just wasn't quite right in the head...

There is no great genius without some touch of madness.
Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)

[el_jefe]

Frank Zappa 1940-1993

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the watah
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the morning
By your radio
Do the walls close in to suffocate, yah
You ain't got no friends
And all the others they hate, yah
Does the life you been leading gotta go? (HMMmm?)
(Well let me straighten you out)
About a place I know
(Get your shoes and socks on people, it's right around the corner)

Out through the night and the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases
Out through the night and the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep the imaginary diseases

(This has got to be the disease for you
Now scientists call this disease, Brohm-a-drosis
But us regular folks, who might wear tennis shoes
or an occasional python boot,
know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
STINK-FOOT)

You know
My python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by
And now it's July
I finally got it off
And my girlfriend cried, YOU GOT STINK-FOOT!
Stink-foot, darlin'

Your Stink-foot
Puts a hurt on my nose
Stink-foot, stink-foot, I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, do you suppose?
(Here Fido, Fido, mpt, mpt, mpt, come here little puppy
Bring the slippers
Arf, arf, arf
(C-R-A-S-H)
Huhm, HAH, HAH, HAH...hmhmhm)
STINK!

(Well then Fido got up off the floor, and he rolled over
and he looked me straight in the eye
And you know what he said?
"Once upon a time, somebody say to me"
This is the dog talkin' now
"What is your, conceptual, continuity?"
"Well I told 'em right then", Fido said
"It should be easy to see
"The crux of the biscuit
is the apostrophe"
Well you know, the man that was talking to the dog
looked at the dog, and he said
Sort of staring in disbelief
"You can't say that"
he said
"It doesn't, and you can't, I won't, and it don't
it hasn't, it isn't, it even ain't, and it shouldn't
it couldn't"
He told him, "No, no, no"
I told him, "Yes, yes, yes"
I said, "I do it all the time
Ain't this boogie a mess"?)

The poodle bites, the poodle chews it

[Viva]

Originally posted by Woodsy
There is no great genius without some touch of madness.
Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)

People say that I'm crazy
But I'm not that way inclined
I know what I know and I'll happily show
That madness is all in the mind