What to do with a life?

[filthyfrenchbum]

As of now, all is going well in my life, except for a personal dillemma. I just don't know what to do.

I graduated from high school about a year ago, went to UBC this year, and still have no idea where I am standing in regards to a career. I wasn't very motivated, studied poli-sci, economics, anthropology, philosophy and a bunch of random courses.
I thought a year of school and taking a variety of courses in different areas would have enlightened me, but no. In fact, even though I learned a lot about myself, I am even more confused, and a little bit worried, because although I'm in no rush with my life, I do really want to find out what will make me happy. It's not money, and that's all I know. All options are still available...

I'm not really looking for career suggestions, since it's entirely personal, but instead looking for what drove you to do what you do. Did you wake up one day with a driving passion for something?

Once again, I really don't care about the "job" itself, and I'm not even thinking of pursuing a single carreer during my whole life. But what happened? Did you have to leave home for a while? Did you pick what you were best at? All my friends have a carreer somewhat lined up, and at least know what they will major in.
Help me think! Is it even worth returning to school with no objectives?

[Obstruction]

As of now, all is going well in my life, except for a personal dillemma. I just don't know what to do.

I graduated from high school about a year ago, went to UBC this year, and still have no idea where I am standing in regards to a career. I wasn't very motivated, studied poli-sci, economics, anthropology, philosophy and a bunch of random courses.
I thought a year of school and taking a variety of courses in different areas would have enlightened me, but no. In fact, even though I learned a lot about myself, I am even more confused, and a little bit worried, because although I'm in no rush with my life, I do really want to find out what will make me happy. It's not money, and that's all I know. All options are still available...

I'm not really looking for career suggestions, since it's entirely personal, but instead looking for what drove you to do what you do. Did you wake up one day with a driving passion for something?

Once again, I really don't care about the "job" itself, and I'm not even thinking of pursuing a single carreer during my whole life. But what happened? Did you have to leave home for a while? Did you pick what you were best at? All my friends have a carreer somewhat lined up, and at least know what they will major in.
Help me think! Is it even worth returning to school with no objectives?

I went to University for an education not vocational training. If you are into it and learning something stay. After you graduate you'll be a smart guy with a future and four good years behind you.

I firmly believe too many kids your age get their stomachs in Knots over this stuff.

BTW -- It took me seven years to graduate with a BA (many side trips) I learned how to BS pretty well got an MA 10 years later and I'm doing pretty well career wise in PR and Advertising.

[wicked_sick]

I'm in the same boat, ffb. I didn't quite make it to UBC, but I did all the random courses and ended up in the same place you are.

I have friends, former classmates and relatives starting exciting careers, or getting impressive co-op jobs, or telling me their plans for the future and here I am living in the slow lane. I'm interested in what everyone has to say as well.

After talking to my old man (PHd in communication but plays piano for a living) an uncle (scientist for UNESCO) and various other old people I got the impression that nothing about their current situation was planned. They all said they went to school, took a job because they needed the money, and everything fell into place. All of them did say, however, that it's important to set goals for yourself and keep your brain working. They also mentioned that happiness and health are the greatest successes and neither should be sacrificed in the long term.

They've got wise things to say, but fuck are they long winded.

[haydukelives]

many studies have shown that people are most happy doing good things for other people

[valleygirl]

OK this made me heavy sigh first... but prob'ly cuz of what's going on here in the Valleygirl house... made me think of where I was at your age...

And I'll be honest -- I had not a freaking clue as to what I wanted to do... I took a year off... worked and tried to have an apt. and pay bills and do what grownups do... and failed miserably. My family still laughs about my not even knowing I needed to register my car and ending up leaving it by the side of the road and getting a ride to the police station where I then had to call my older brother to come get me and PROMISE TO NEVER EVER EVER TELL OUR MOTHER. (Not sure she knows even now)

I dabbled in college for a year as life on my own was kinda hard (I'm being sarcastic here about my own little pathetic self) and life on Dad was far easier... thought I wanted to be a special ed teacher but proved myself very wrong in that regard..

worked for my dad for a bit after that... then talked him into giving me riding lessons... which turned into college for a degree in science w/a horsey specialty which really meant I could muck stalls really well...

ok so the life story is about shit I was way too young to figure ANYTHING out then and it took til later to find out what I was good at. Numbers. Imagine? Me and an abacus... er... adding machine... making friends and then being inseparable... I don't even TRY to add in my head any more cuz why would I???

I firmly believe that going to school later than sooner gives one a degree of knowing what they want to do and a willingness to work for it (3.85 average and pres of honor society) -- makes the most of your education dollars... add to that an appreciation for just how freaking hard it is to just make a living and find something to make you happy at the same time... well... I'm an advocate for giving yourself a chance to figure yourself out. Don't get me wrong... I'm trying like hell to convince my son to go to college (I won't need it Mom -- I'm gonna be a Rock Star!!!!!) but if he needs to try things out first before he goes that way, I'll be OK w/that. I hope. It was hard lessons but good ones learned.

damn, there's that heavy sigh again... good luck... and lucky you, to have it all in front of you. go with that.

edit: and yeah... lol... fuck I'm long winded being one of them old people...

[NorCascader]

tired of hearing " hey internet people...what should I do.."

Follow you fucking heart if you have one, throw balls to the wind and fucking live goddammit! oh..and never post that bleeding heart shit again or prepare for the flame..oh yeah search funktion... JEEZUA

[Jer]

Is it even worth returning to school with no objectives?

Yeah. It's worth it.

But you should come up with an objective or two - like: learn a lot about something you enjoy learning about.

And: get a degree in something within four or five or six years (depending on the number of extended internships, research experiences, or years spend wandering the planet.)

'Course you may hit on something you really want to do in a couple of years & bail on the college thing.

Mucking stalls, on the other hand, will give you food & time for thought. Could be motivating ...

[valleygirl]

Mucking stalls, on the other hand, will give you food & time for thought. Could be motivating ...

Mucking stalls taught me a shitload... pun intended...

Showing up on time means something... horses get pissed off when their routines get messed with...

Thoroughness beats speed... horses don't care what time it's done, just get the stall clean so when they wanna lay down, it's not a shitty place...

Sometimes you gotta be smarter than the guy... had care of a "teaser" stallion who had the messiest stall I'd ever seen. (being a teaser, it's understandable) Just shit everywhere and once it was on the floor he stomped it and pushed it and messed with it so it'd be EVERYWHERE. Had to empty his freaking shavings daily which was expensive and a freaking pain in the ASS... so... one day... I applied a little school technique when nobody was looking...

And rubbed another stallion's poo in a corner of his stall... trying to cover that up, he never went anywhere but in that corner and by GOD left it alone in hope that time would cover that intruder's scent... cut my time HUGE!! sometimes boys need to be outsmarted.

Mares... are bitches. Got agendas. Got attitude. Got some feeling of entitlement that's just WRONG. Geldings... are at least easy to follow. They aren't smart. Just more predictable.

Hope you learn this stuff easier than I did.

[3pin]

It was not knowing what I wanted from school that put me on the path to where I am, but it was school that gave me the tools to adapt to it and ultimately wind up where I am now. I had changed majors from engineering to history, and while I liked history, I didn't have the slightest clue what I wanted to do with it. Sophomore year, I got burnt out on being in the city at school, and built my summer plan around getting out of the city. I fired off some long-shot letters about interning, and wound up working on some tele ski movies in Lake Tahoe, editing, filming, working on sponsor relationships, business materials, etc. I loved that it was the total opposite of time at school, but recognized that I still needed more tools.

I kept at it, working summers and breaks in Tahoe, and senior year sort of realized that the film stuff wasn't too certain, while my friends were definitely launching into their "careers" with consulting, finance, etc. Finally, the networking I had done while working on film popped up a great opportunity in print media. The salient lesson there for me was that the work provided that opportunity, but I definitely wouldn't have been ready for that media job out of school, nor been about to do it as well, without the skillset provided to me by my education. It didn't matter so much that I was studying history. What mattered was learning to juggle lots of deadlines, build a work ethic, hone my writing skills, and research. Three years later, and I've moved on again, over to marketing this time, and it applies just as much as before.

Good luck.

[Brock Landers]

GO back to school, youre doing a-ok. My 4 undergrad years gave me more questions than answers and I only really figured out some sort of direction after school, and thats where grad school comes. Even after school you may not know what youre doing- but school gives you a sort of foundation and vehicle to do things in the future. Without college, youre looking at the same shit youd be looking at after school anyway- without the degree and the opportunity to learn even more about yourself.
Stick with it- youll find youre way. Sounds cliche but its true.

[Lexi-Bell]

[QUOTE=filthyfrenchbum;1286755]what drove you to do what you do. Did you wake up one day with a driving passion for something?
QUOTE]

Skiing, living in the mountains, and generally having fun outside led me to do what I do.

I don't define my life by my carreer, but what I do when I'm NOT working.

What is YOUR passion? Make sure it is part of your plan, if not the plan itself.

[Camilo]

many studies have shown that people are most happy doing good things for other people

Definitely true for me. I work in the medical field and couldn't be happier, but there are an awful lot of depressed doctors and unhappy nurses out there.

And it doesn't seem like anybody has mentioned taking a year off to travel or bum around yet, but my reading comprehension sucks. You can learn a lot doing that, and a big trip can open your eyes to a whole world of possibilities out there.

I did the burn-out-four-years-of-college-straight thing and am doing just fine. I have friends who took time off and did just fine too. There are successes and failures at all ends of the spectrum.

[Tectonically_Neglected]

It is not the end goal but the path that leads you there...

[snowsprite]

For starters, don't compare yourself w/ your friends or look to what 'everybody else is doing.' Some people really are born with a vocation, but that's rare. Most of us have to muck around for a long time in order to find our groove.

I must say that I find it admirable that at this young age you are aware of how you feel and you are asking questions about it. That in itself is an indicator to me that you're going to follow the best path for yourself. Or at least an interesting one!

Keep asking questions and trust your instincts. I like what your dad and uncle said. Long-winded as they are, carry that bit of wisdom with you, and examine it often.

All the best to you.

Sprite

PS--My bit of wisdom: DO NOT under any circumstances accept a cubicle job. It will kill your soul. Trust me on that one! Cut people's lawns, wipe little kids noses, fry up a burger. But NO CUBES...please!

[bklyn]

Follow you fucking heart if you have one, throw balls to the wind and fucking live goddammit!

But you should come up with an objective or two - like: learn a lot about something you enjoy learning about.

What is YOUR passion? Make sure it is part of your plan, if not the plan itself.

For starters, don't compare yourself w/ your friends or look to what 'everybody else is doing.' Some people really are born with a vocation, but that's rare. Most of us have to muck around for a long time in order to find our groove....

Keep asking questions and trust your instincts....
My bit of wisdom: DO NOT under any circumstances accept a cubicle job. It will kill your soul. Trust me on that one! Cut people's lawns, wipe little kids noses, fry up a burger. But NO CUBES...please!

So... with all that good advice above... How do you like to pass the time? What interests you? What do you like to do now? What intrigues you? Is there anything that you'd like to try, but for some reason have not?

[Lonnie]

What to do with a life? Easy, enjoy it. You only get one shot. Don't waste it.

From my personal experience, what you want to do will find you, not the other way around. When it does, you'll know....

Rollins had a great quote on one of his spoken word albums, I was from a down on his luck homeless guy who said, "I always wanted to be a dancer, but I could never get the shit off my shoes." Damn, that's awesome. Long story short, the point is don't let all the negative stuff ("I can't do that") get in the way of your dreams....

[PassTheDutchie]

In the immortal words of Mary Schmich:

"The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't."

Try a bunch of things you are interested in. Stick to what you like; discard what you don't. Enjoy the ride.

[soylent green]

Go back to school, it's worth it. When you get there go to your school's counseling or career development center and get some free career counseling. Someone there will give you a battery of career aptitude/interest/skill tests that can give you a bump in the right direction. Hopefully they will have good counseling staff to interpret these tests. Don't take the test results as the final answer for what you should do. Just think of it as a direction. Btw, these are way more in depth than the tests you took in High School.

[AbsolutStoli]

I'm not really looking for career suggestions, since it's entirely personal, but instead looking for what drove you to do what you do. Did you wake up one day with a driving passion for something?

Once again, I really don't care about the "job" itself, and I'm not even thinking of pursuing a single carreer during my whole life. But what happened? Did you have to leave home for a while? Did you pick what you were best at? All my friends have a carreer somewhat lined up, and at least know what they will major in.
Help me think! Is it even worth returning to school with no objectives?

well, i always hung around the kitchen and helped my mom and grandma cook, so i knew from a young age that i wanted to cook for a living. when i grew up, and got closer to graduating HS, the idea of going to a culinary school was shot down by my parental unit. so, i decided that i will go into business, open a restaurant and pursue my passion by getting in another way. i was taking accounting classes in HS, and really liked them, so i went to a specialty business school for college. that was kind of a dumb move on my part because although the school was great as far as business, that is all that was available. so when i realized after frosh year that i didnt want to be an accountant, i couldnt switch my focus to lib arts. so now, i am a research analyst for an accounting firm. looking desperately to get out. thinking of how i can completely amputate myself from this job/paycheck and be able to afford culinary school and rent and expenses. when i figure that out, im out of here.

i think the key for you is to find out what you are passionate about, what you really love doing, and then figure out how to make that a career.

my sister went into speech therapy, she really loved it. then she discovered that she also likes and is good at theater production/directing, so shes going back to school for her 2nd masters to study that. its all about passion.

[snowsprite]

when i grew up, and got closer to graduating HS, the idea of going to a culinary school was shot down by my parental unit.

....so now, i am a research analyst for an accounting firm. looking desperately to get out. thinking of how i can completely amputate myself from this job/paycheck and be able to afford culinary school and rent and expenses. when i figure that out, im out of here.

As a parent, I see this as an enormous opportunity to "do it differently."

I've never allowed myself to foster any ideas about what my kid should do, save one thing: follow his dream, and if he has no dreams that he should simply be an honest, kind, and happy man.

I say now that I will take the "hands off" approach and morally (if not financially) support my son whether he announces he will be going to MIT to study biochemistry or spending a few years backpacking the globe. I know as a mother this may be easier said than done.

I'm up for the challenge though. That last paragraph above being the main reason. What I hope for my son is that he's not struggling, several years from now, to get out of a situation he put himself in just because he felt he needed to make me happy.

I fell into this trap too, and decided that the buck stops here, with me. The best thing I can do as a mom is to change this pattern.

FilthyFrench, another lesson for you: don't simply do what you think others want you to do. You can never really be happy living that way, and will always gravitate to what you wanted in the end anyway.

Save yourself the time and aggravation and be true to yourself from the get-go.

Sprite

[AbsolutStoli]

As a parent, I see this as an enormous opportunity to "do it differently."

I've never allowed myself to foster any ideas about what my kid should do, save one thing: follow his dream, and if he has no dreams that he should simply be an honest, kind, and happy man.

I say now that I will take the "hands off" approach and morally (if not financially) support my son whether he announces he will be going to MIT to study biochemistry or spending a few years backpacking the globe. I know as a mother this may be easier said than done.

I'm up for the challenge though. That last paragraph above being the main reason. What I hope for my son is that he's not struggling, several years from now, to get out of a situation he put himself in just because he felt he needed to make me happy.

I fell into this trap too, and decided that the buck stops here, with me. The best thing I can do as a mom is to change this pattern.

FilthyFrench, another lesson for you: don't simply do what you think others want you to do. You can never really be happy living that way, and will always gravitate to what you wanted in the end anyway.

Save yourself the time and aggravation and be true to yourself from the get-go.

Sprite

im glad youre gonna try to handle it that way. in defense of my dad, he just wanted me to have a good education. education is very important in our family, so i dont blame him for wanting me to go to college. im VERY glad i did, because i learned a lot. ***disclaimer, college isnt for everyone. some dont belong there. for me it was invaluable, even though now im not quite doing what i like, i learned a lot about business and am definitely better prepared for when i do get out and start my own restaurant/cafe.

im my defense, its tough to stand up to your parents when you are just finishing HS. not everyone is up to that task at that age. i didnt quite get that backbone until a few years in college. also, it also makes it tough to argue with someone whose paying for even a part of the tuition.

however, my dad also values $$ over loving what one does, so he doesnt understand the concept of working and liking what you do. (expats of soviet union, it was done differently there...) my sister and i are a bit more "romantic" in that respect, and although we value $$, we know its not the most important thing in life.

you are correct, it definitely is easier said than done, because when you see that your kids have potential, you want them to realize that potential, and not squander it by not doing anything at all. globe trotting and backpacking the world for a year is one thing, sitting around on your ass all day playing video games is a whole other, you know?

but you are right, the key is to not do what others tell you to do. listen to their advice and hear what theyre trying to say, but follow your heart in doing what it is you do.

an aside, sprite - im not really struggling to get out. lol maybe i was being melodramatic. i dont like my job, this is true, but that hasnt always been the case, its just where i am now sucks. i enjoy research itself. and i have no regrets about where i am, the pay is definitely not bad. haha but i just meant i want to switch careers and am in the process of figuring out how to make that change w/o struggling financially too much. i picked going into business because it was also something that interested me, just not as much as cooking.

so in the end, the takeaway message for FFB is to do what you like and what you can be passionate about.

[snowsprite]

Hey Stoli, I wasn't trying to dis your family (ugh, I think it came out that way though in re-reading what I wrote).

I believe most parents try to do what's best for their kids. Your post touched a nerve in me because there are certain things I did to make my parents happy that didn't end up making me happy. I've done a lot of thinking about this topic.

So yeah, do what you like to do and follow your heart--we're in agreement there.

Sprite

[Kevo]

I know exactly how you feel. I just finished up my junior year here at CU. I'm a marketing major in the business school, and I really dislike it. It is a long, long story of how I got here, but if I could do it all over again I sure as hell wouldn't be a business major. It took me 2 and half years to figure out that I really like environmental science, but by then it was too late to really pursue it. For me, it came down to the trade off of getting a different degree and taking more time and money, or getting out clean in 4 years with another degree. I decided to get out clean.

Most of this issue stems from the fact that I am an entirely different person now than when I entered college. I want different things out of life and I have a much different outlook. At this point, I think that I will still be able to do most of the things I want to do with my life regardless of the degree I receive, so I think it will all work out.

The best advice I can give is to not waste your time trying to fulfill other people bullshit standards of what success should or shouldn't be. I just want to be happy, have a family, and always look on to the next adventure.

[road trip]

Whatever you decide: DO NOT RACK UP DEBT LIKE 99% OF OTHER COLLEGE STUDENTS. THIS WILL SEVERELY LIMIT WHAT YOU CAN DO AFTER YOU GRADUATE.

(sorry... just wanted to say that loud and clear)

[advres]

I worked for 3 years+ after high school. I decided that I didn't want to pull cable and work construction anymore. I reflected back on my life and looked into what made me happy.

I knew I wasn't going pro skateboarding or snowboarding. So I looked deeper. I remembered when I was younger, my friends and I made crappy skate films using a hi8 camera dubbed the tapes to VHS and used 2 VCRs like a deck-to-deck setup. It was a long process and the outcome sucked but I enjoyed "editing" these movies so I thought about that.

That made me come to a descision and go to film school at the age of 21. If I went to college at 18, I wouldn't have made it because I didn't make the personal choice at the time. I came to my carreer descision after a lot of thinking. Maybe it isn't your time.

I don't suggest quiting, but continue to think about it. You have a lot of time left to make up your mind. This isn't the conventional way of thinking in America, but it is fact.

I knew I wasn't going to be a big rich star, but I was damned if I was going to wake up everymorning hating my life. So I chose poverty and fun. I am truely happy.

Just how my life has worked out. Your results may vary.