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Thread: Why Does My Stuff Grow So Fast?

  1. 04-19-2007, 08:58 AM #1
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    Why Does My Stuff Grow So Fast?

    Yeah...hair, beard, fingernails, toenails....it all grows really, really fast. Creepily so. The girl that cuts my hair is always amazed when I go in for a trim... "weren't you just here a few weeks ago?" I can pretty much watch my fingernails grow. I've got a 5 o'clock shadow by noon (everywhere except my mustachio, which makes beards look retarded on me...).

    What's the deal? Did I eat too many lead paint chips as a kid? Maybe I shouldn't have played by the local nuclear reactor when I was younger? Does this mean I'll look 60 when I'm 40?

    Does this mean I'm super duper virile? You'd certainly think so, what with my wife getting pregnant every time I give her a kiss on the forehead (cue mail/milk/post man joke)....

    It actually freaks me out a little bit when I start to obsess about it.....
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  2. 04-19-2007, 09:00 AM #2
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    My hair grows way faster in the summertime. I'm totally solar, man.
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  3. 04-19-2007, 09:13 AM #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by focus View Post
    "weren't you just here a few weeks ago?"
    Wait a minute. Don't most people get their hair cut every few weeks?

    Does this mean I'm super duper virile? You'd certainly think so, what with my wife getting pregnant every time I give her a kiss on the forehead
    Maybe you're not aware of this, but they make a variety of products to prevent this...
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  4. 04-19-2007, 09:15 AM #4
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    She isn't surprised that I'm there, she's surprised by the mop that's grown in the interim.

    Products that prevent pregnancy? No shit? Tell me more....
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  5. 04-19-2007, 09:21 AM #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by focus View Post
    Products that prevent pregnancy? No shit? Tell me more....
    Abstinence, dude. It's all about abstinence.
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  6. 04-19-2007, 11:01 AM #6
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    Step 1: Go to video store
    Step 2: Rent TeenWolf
    Step 3: Watch, take notes
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    Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
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  7. 04-19-2007, 11:05 AM #7
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    My hair grows fast also. However, just when I start to have that thought, I always remember the alternative. We have no right to complain.
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."
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  8. 04-19-2007, 02:18 PM #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arty50 View Post
    My hair grows fast also. However, just when I start to have that thought, I always remember the alternative. We have no right to complain.
    Ding Ding, I have to get my hair cut every week but my uncle lost all his at like 28 so it could be worse
    You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
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  9. 04-19-2007, 06:26 PM #9
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    Stop eating...problem solved.

    Don't worry, someday you will be old, fat and bald like a lot of men, and it won't be a problem. Youth is wasted on the young.
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  10. 04-19-2007, 06:30 PM #10
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    Protien. You are not a vegetarian, I imagine.
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  11. 04-19-2007, 08:59 PM #11
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    I have the opposite problem I still have a face like a two year old minus the hispanic looking stasch that makes me look like a child molester
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  12. 04-19-2007, 11:04 PM #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arty50 View Post
    We have no right to complain.
    And don't forget it.

    I think the answer is, you're healthy. If you weren't healthy, you would be suffering from a completely different group of um, maladies.

    Stud muffin.
    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
    Science-fiction author Robert Heinlein
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  13. 04-19-2007, 11:15 PM #13
    advres Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by focus View Post
    Yeah...hair, beard, fingernails, toenails....it all grows really, really fast. Creepily so. The girl that cuts my hair is always amazed when I go in for a trim... "weren't you just here a few weeks ago?" I can pretty much watch my fingernails grow. I've got a 5 o'clock shadow by noon (everywhere except my mustachio, which makes beards look retarded on me...).

    What's the deal? Did I eat too many lead paint chips as a kid? Maybe I shouldn't have played by the local nuclear reactor when I was younger? Does this mean I'll look 60 when I'm 40?

    Does this mean I'm super duper virile? You'd certainly think so, what with my wife getting pregnant every time I give her a kiss on the forehead (cue mail/milk/post man joke)....

    It actually freaks me out a little bit when I start to obsess about it.....
    Well our ancestors were hairy creatures, maybe evolution passed you by.

    *coming from a hairy bastard*
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