SOMEONE CALL ME NOW!!!

**BigAirSkier1580** · 04-05-2007, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by shmoesmith

If I go, I will just be like my wife. Everyone will make a big deal over it for a few weeks, but that is it. Peopel will get over me. I will die and that will be the end of it. no more pain. No more suffering. I cry as I write this, but I can't help it. I just want to die. I just want to die.

Just remember man, there will always be someone that is so hurt that it will be remarkably hard for them to get over the loss. I don't know you, but it sounds like you have some real damn good friends. People who are there for you.

Just always remember that. Remember your friends when you are down.

**H-man** · 04-05-2007, 07:15 AM

Doug, I'm working from home today and should be here all day. Call me dude if you need to talk. I'll pm you my number. Use it man. Use all of us.

You can get through this. You are strong.

**smitchell333** · 04-05-2007, 07:25 AM

D,

Stay strong man.

As suggested by myself and some others I still think you should get out of the routine and away from the location of the tragedy. Fuck the job, fuck the bad memories, you need to move on and find ways to enjoy life. Ski, 4x4, travel whatever man. You, like all of us, will be cashing in your chips all too soon anyways, so fucking take advantage of the life you've got.

PS and if you're going to take meds, at least hit up a physician for a prescription for the right kind of stuff.

**BushwackerinPA** · 04-05-2007, 07:28 AM

Doug just caught this now. Sunday and monday are my days off. I will be skiing up at the bird. Come up and board I can get you a halfoff ticket.

**Blurred** · 04-05-2007, 07:50 AM

That which does not kill you, makes you stronger.

Don't let this kill you.

**spindrift** · 04-05-2007, 08:24 AM

Hang in there schmoe!

**hairy** · 04-05-2007, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by shmoesmith

That someone was the police. I guess one of the maggots called them. The police weren't convinced I was done with my emotional attack. They (against my wishes) ended up cuffing me and taking me to the emergency room. I just got released and back to my house(I live almost across the street from the hospital).

I am thoroughly humiliated..lI have never been handcuffed and taken away in a cop car before, however I am thankful to whoever called the police over to my home. While I don't think I would done anything because DK Alaskan did a good job of calming me down(thank you so much), I don't know what would have taken place otherwise. I am thankful that the collective took me seriously. If certain individuals had taken my wife seriously, and had taken the action that someone on here took, she might be alive today. That said, I may be alive because someone took action tonight. Thank you.

-Doug

ok, I don't know you, and it has been tough reading of all your tribulations....I understand the despair of loss.....I have but one suggestion....go to yosemite valley for a few days and regroup...all the familiar surroundings are flooding you with memories....you need some new fresh memories and the valley is always the best, most spiritual place I know for rejuvination....life goes on all the way through, and you will too......

**Lonnie** · 04-05-2007, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by hairy

ok, I don't know you, and it has been tough reading of all your tribulations....I understand the despair of loss.....I have but one suggestion....go to yosemite valley for a few days and regroup...all the familiar surroundings are flooding you with memories....you need some new fresh memories and the valley is always the best, most spiritual place I know for rejuvination....life goes on all the way through, and you will too......

Funny (wierd funny, not haha funny). When I talked to Doug earlier today, I was recounting some of my situation and how eerily similar it was to some of the things he is writing now. One thing I did during that time that REALLY helped was I took a solo backpacking trip along the Appalachian trail in southern Va. It was one of the best I ever had. One of many magic moments I had was sitting down eating dinner and watching the sun set over the ridges to the west turning around to walk back to camp and watching the full moon come up in the east right after. I'll never forget the power of that moment. Rebirth....

Doug spring has sprung here in SLC. Get away for a while. There is magic in the desert. Go find it. Go south young man...

**willywhit** · 04-05-2007, 08:54 AM

maybe this is cheesey, but many of us have been there brother.....

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

**Rontele** · 04-05-2007, 09:02 AM

Doug hang in there bro,

Take that pretty new ASX of yours out for a nice bike ride to clear you head. Stay strong, we support you.

**hutash** · 04-05-2007, 09:03 AM

Glad to here you better today Doug. Hang in there Mang, life is good, with many, many things worth living for. Sure it has its bad times, some much worse then others. You have taken a huge hit, got knock down, but you can still get up and go on. I don't know what in life gives you inspiration, for me it is being alone in the mountains, but what ever it is do it for awhile, it will fill you with good vibes, and give you a little glimpse of why life is worth living.

I am PM all my contact information. If you ever are in the space you were last night, call me at anytime day or night, do not even begin to think of it a an annoyance, et cetera, just do it. You are not a burden on your friends and family, that is why we have friends and family.

The Mammoth mini is coming up in a couple of weeks. It is going to be a good gathering of maggots, I highly recommend you attend. I can score you a plane ticket free of change from SLC to Reno if that will help you get out here.

I am serious about calling me anytime, and don't be surprised that you start getting random calls from me and other maggots. Don not hesitate to ask for help here as well. Last night shows how much everyone here cares. I only wish I knew how much Brit was hurting so I could have tried to help, but I try not to dwell on the past, but do what I can in the present, and that is to help you get through this. You will get through this, if the maggot collective has anything to do with it.

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings...and natures peace will flow into you, as cares drop like autumn leaves." J. Muir

**cloudpeak** · 04-05-2007, 09:21 AM

I'm glad you're here to see the morning! You're young and have a lot of life ahead of you, and you have the answer to one of the questions we all wonder about at one time or another. A lot of people would have missed you.

++++++++vibes++++++++coming your way.

**str8line** · 04-05-2007, 09:35 AM

Sorry if I missed it Doug, but are you currently undergoing counseling?

**ericchile** · 04-05-2007, 09:43 AM

Doug,
I lost a good friend, a cousin a couple years back in a similar situation. Remember that death is permanent solution to a temporary problem. We miss our cousin like there is no tomorrow. Find a solution to your problem by doing what you love best, and get outdoors quick with your friends/family.

If you need anything let me know, Im local.

**phUnk** · 04-05-2007, 09:51 AM

You need to get yourself MORE professional help.

Check yourself in somewhere if you are having strong thoughts of killing yourself.

Seriously. A huge cry for help on an internet forum is no way to cope with your situation. What happens if the TGR forums are down for a couple hours and you bottom out again?

All the people that care for you here should be doing their best to get you more professional help, not advising you go to the desert for a few days.

Check yourself in.

**PNWbrit** · 04-05-2007, 09:57 AM

phUnk just posted what I was about to.

Please take care of yourself Dug.

**fiddler** · 04-05-2007, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by shmoesmith

That someone was the police. I guess one of the maggots called them. The police weren't convinced I was done with my emotional attack. They (against my wishes) ended up cuffing me and taking me to the emergency room. I just got released and back to my house(I live almost across the street from the hospital).

I am thoroughly humiliated..lI have never been handcuffed and taken away in a cop car before, however I am thankful to whoever called the police over to my home. While I don't think I would done anything because DK Alaskan did a good job of calming me down(thank you so much), I don't know what would have taken place otherwise. I am thankful that the collective took me seriously. If certain individuals had taken my wife seriously, and had taken the action that someone on here took, she might be alive today. That said, I may be alive because someone took action tonight. Thank you.

-Doug

****************
****************
Banjobabe, Fiddler's wife here. ((Doug)) Just keep talking to ppl. ...it's the one best way for me & many others to get through the roughest times. I'm glad you posted...(you can still call us 24/7)! I think I can sleep a bit now. I am sorry you ended up cuffed...I hope at least you had a decent counselor at the er. One who really listens & doesn't/didn't say "uh huh" at the wrong places or too much!!! That's happened to me & I ended up getting a bk called "In & Out of the Garbage Pail", by (o, I can't remember...a German Dr.'s name), but it was about reality therapy & just starting w/moment to moment, reasons why weren't the most important...just dealing w/the moment. Anyway it was a good one for me at that time in my life. Another great book that I reread as a chronic pain pt. (fms/cmps/degen.disc dis./spinal stenosis thruout/& much more).is "On Death & Dying" by Elizabeth K'uebler(sp?)-Ross". I get depressed at the little losses & my poor sweetie gets to hear me. I send him to the mt.tops to get a break!

This group of pple have helped me soooooooo much emotionally when I went thru a dr change & they forced me off my humane pain meds & I got sooo sick for sooo long that I hit bottom, all these ppl reached out & offered Thank you group!! (I finally found a good doc out of town!)

Anyway, keep in touch ((Doug))...you helped me last night too cuz I was goin' thru a thing & my support group online has a severe troll prob. so I didn't use them, I just did what I do to get thru...talked. Keep talkin', Doug! I'm sorry about the personal info I just shared here but I haven't slept yet but here I go...zzzz!!! I'll have the phones next to me in case of u needing to talk. I prob. just embarrassed myself enuff here so thanks for your patience, help, caring, etc. & at that I hand it back to Fiddler!
Kindly,
Banjobabe
****************************************

**GoldMember** · 04-05-2007, 10:04 AM

Just read this thread and Phunk's right, get professional help pronto! Alcohol isn't the answer, it only masks the pain. You need professional counseling and fast.

I'm not religious but have used a priest for counseling in the past and it was very effective. I wasn't there to discuss religion (I'm not Catholic) and we didn't. We talked about my personal issues and he was very instrumental in my getting over a rough spot in my life. IT WILL GET BETTER WITH TIME!

One thing to remember; you say that if you die, no one will miss you and in a few weeks, it will all fade away. Take a good look at yourself and the pain you feel over the loss of your wife. Now project that same set of circumstances over others close to you like your parents, close friends, and others. There will be people who would feel the pain of losing you just as you are feeling the pain of having lost DW. I don't believe for a minute that this is what you want. There are people out there who love you very much and will be incredibly hurt by you making a very bad choice right now. Make the right choice and get help!

Someone wrote that suicide's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. First of all, it isn't a solution, it's an escape; one that you can never take back once it's done. Secondly, calling your current pain a temporary problem understates what you're going through. Don't think you can fix this yourself by being tough and self-medicating. Go meet with people trained and experienced in dealing with all the others who have experienced similar situations. You are not alone and you are NOT going to be able to heal yourself without their help. Get help now!

**Lonnie** · 04-05-2007, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by phUnk

All the people that care for you here should be doing their best to get you more professional help, not advising you go to the desert for a few days.

In my own defense, I think that first part goes without saying (EDIT: or maybe it really goes WITH saying), and the second part was ment as addition to the first part...

**phUnk** · 04-05-2007, 10:06 AM

(Again for page 2.)

You need to get yourself MORE professional help.

Check yourself in somewhere if you are having strong thoughts of killing yourself.

Seriously. A huge cry for help on an internet forum is no way to cope with your situation. What happens if the TGR forums are down for a couple hours and you bottom out again?

All the people that care for you here should be doing their best to get you more professional help, not advising you go to the desert for a few days. Advising you to do anything less than check yourself in is shortsighted and dangerous.

We love you, but you need to Check Yourself In NOW.

**tromano** · 04-05-2007, 10:14 AM

I don't feel like there is a reason to live. friends are not enough. Family is not enough. They will get over me if I die. I must find a reason on my own. I don't have a reason though. Nothing seems worth it. If I am gone, people will get over me. They will have to. Sure, it will piss them off. Yes, it will be emotionally hard, but they will get over me. They must live on. I am nothing special. I am not worth grieving over.

If I go, I will just be like my wife. Everyone will make a big deal over it for a few weeks, but that is it. Peopel will get over me. I will die and that will be the end of it.

I think you know more than anyone that it doesn't work that way. If it did you wouldn't have wrote this. If you are going to live you need to do it for your own reasons. It needs to be what you want to do. You could do alot of good in this world. Whatever you decide do it because its what you want to do.

Don't choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You might want to try talking to your Doc to get the right meds. It can take time to find something that works for you. Positive vibes sent. --Tim

Edited to Add +1 to Phunks post up top. Don't blame yourself it can take a long time to recover from a serious loss like you had. Talk to a Pro.

**snowsprite** · 04-05-2007, 10:14 AM

Doug, I don't think you should be living alone right now. Is it possible to be w/ family or find a friend to stay with? Or do what Phunk said and go somewhere that you can be taken care of, because you need constant care & support right now.

I had a bad experience w/ some med a few years back, got right off the stuff. The alternative worked, and pulled me out of a bad postpartum depression.

There's hope...please do not give up and please get the help you need right away!

Sprite

**komo** · 04-05-2007, 10:28 AM

stay strong D. good to read that many folks cared enough to call you (and at least one the cops). and to hear that you're thankful and glad about the intervention(s). i'd love it if this meant everything's cool...

but as a former crisis line staffer, I gotta second what phUnk said. go see a professional. i'm sure the UT peeps on here will be able to help you track down a good one.

**Odin** · 04-05-2007, 10:36 AM

You need:

PRO-fessional help

NOT

BRO-fessional help

Rely on they guys with degrees on their walls and MD's after their name, rather than guys with PBR cans stacked against their walls and PD's after their name.

**snowfire** · 04-05-2007, 10:38 AM

Hey Eric, I'm sorry I didn't get your sister's call last night. My phone was off. I got it this morning. I'll keep my phone on from now on.

Doug, FUCK man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen to Phunk. I'm not kidding. I had a great time with you the other night, and I really would like to have more good times with you while I'm here. You can call me anytime, but really, I'm not an expert on this shit. Hell, I couldn't even keep my best friend from committing suicide. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have dragged his ass to the ER in handcuffs too. Now he's dead and I have to live with that forever, and it FUCKED me up for a long time. Doug, we're all here for you, but we aren't professionals in this area. We really care about you and you need to get some help. Don't do this to the people who care about you, and don't do it to yourself. You're only 26, you have TONS of life ahead of you. You are not the only one to live through something like this. There are better ways out than death. You didn't like your last shrink- well, go find another one. There are millions of them out there and there has to be one that you click with. And seriously, maybe you need to move out of that house. I really wonder if the nightmares would start to go away if you didn't have to be in the place where Britt killed herself every day. I know it sucks financially, but some things are just more important than money.

My phone's on. I work until 7. Call if you want to talk.