Did you know beer makes you smarter?

[str8line]

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

Jack Handy



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

Frank Sinatra



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.



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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Henny Youngman



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

Stephen Wright



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

Brian O'Rourke



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.


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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."



Benjamin Franklin



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

Dave Barry



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.


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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!


Dave Howell



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.



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And saving the best for last...



One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."



Cliff Clavin, of Cheers



WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

[Buzzworthy]

Yes, I did, of course!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm smarter right now actually.

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

Good stuff, especially the last one.

"If you can still lay on the floor without holding on, then you're not drunk" --Dean Martin

[StormRider]

"The whole world is three drinks behind."
Humphrey Bogart

[mavrick]

"all women are 2 drinks away from a girl-on-girl encounter" -- college budy

[skiing-in-jackson]

Whenever somebody mentions alcohol I remember ( / fondly) this great quote:

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Winston Churchill

Attachment 22931

[advres]

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. ~Ernest Hemingway

[powderchick]

I just thought Kristan was dancing funny, then i realized she couldnt walk- my friend felix, about me....

[Fellin34]

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.

Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk,)
At home as in the tavern.

Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer,
The bitter, and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Barmen.

[willywhit]

Good stuff, especially the last one.

"If you can still lay on the floor without holding on, then you're not drunk" --Dean Martin

[mtsprings]

I spent 90% of my money on wine, women and song, the other 10% I just wasted. ~ Ronnie Hawkins

[dfinn]

I've got too much blood in my alcohol system.

[Liberal Genius]

Most alcohol companies are owned and ran by republican/conservatives who are special interest groups who pay the president handsomely.

Drinking only helps promote the right wing. Smoke some weed to help Obama.

[hafilax]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy- Dorothy Parker (?)

[Lev]

Gordy, you been drinking a lot lately, huh?

[powderhound100]

whats an irish seven course meal??

a six pack and a potato


Dont drink and drive, you might hit a rock and spill your beer.

[Double Planker]

well, all I know is that it definitely made Bud wiser

[Bodhi]

"Sometimes you just have to drink."

--Sam Kinison

[willywhit]

"Sometimes you just have to drink."

--Sam Kinison

word