Questions for shmoesmith.

[concerned maggots]

Maggot generosity has reached new heights in response to what is without question a horrible tragedy. The maggots' ability to raise funds is now at a level that is truly exceptional, and it has become a cherished tradition in the collective to step up and help a maggot in need.

However, with this newfound financial power comes a new set of concerns. It is of the utmost importance that the hard-earned money of all maggots be put to use toward efforts that are both noble and honest. If due diligence is not performed the good intentions of all those involved can and no doubt will at some point be abused. It is with the best interest of both this and future fundraising efforts in mind that certain questions must be addressed at this time.

Information from a variety of sources seems to point in the same direction. If the information is true then several statements made by shmoesmith might be construed as misleading or self-serving or worse. Hopefully he will be willing to address these questions and clear the air.

Below are the posts with the information in question.

02-07-2007, 09:11 PM

I recieved a phonecall from a mag saying that I needed to post that I was still here...Thank you everyone. James is right, I'm not doing well. Right now I just want to die. To be with my wife. My family and friends aren't leaving me alone. They are keeping me from doing anything stupid. The police led me to believe that she was having an affair with one of the maggots on here..this made it hurt worse.

I finally got ahold of him, and he says that she wasn't having an afair with him, but confiding in him...and that she was very depressed, and that she loved me deeply, and that she was unhappy with herself, and thats why she did what she did.

It made me feel better to know that my wife didn't cheat on me in the 7 1/2 years we were together. It makes me proud. I will always love her.

-Doug

I now know some of the reasons my wife did it, and although they are incredibly painful (she was leading a double life that goes against many of my values in more than one way and I don't want to go into it here.) at least I know that despite what she was doing to me behind my back, that she still loved me. It wasn't something I did wrong and it was because she loved me and didn't want to hurt me that she never came clean with what she was doing and how she was living. It hurts like hell knowing what she was doing, but at least it helps me make sense of it all.

I'm far from out of the woods...last night I was having thoughts of murder and feeling it just punishment to those individuals that were involved in influencing her to do the the things that she did that drove her to such pain and guilt that she would kill herself. There were also others that knew she was thinking about killing herself, but did nothing...they thought they could handle it themselves and didn't want to break her confidence. I know that revenge is not right and in the end it was her decision..there were other ways out of the mess she had put herself into. Still, I know that having thoughts like that mean that I'm still horribly messed up. I know that it wouldn't solve anything and would make matters worse. The scary part was that last night it felt perfectly reasonable.

1) Do you believe you have been upfront and honest about the circumstances surrounding your wife’s passing?

2) Were the two of you involved in a “swingers” lifestyle? In your post above you make it sound as though only she was, and that she was sneaking around to do so, and it was against your values.

2a) If so what effect did that have on her happiness and your relationship?

2b) If so is it possible that the dangerous nature of that relationship and the pressure to partake in it caused this end result?

3) Was she recently contemplating divorce?

4) Did the Police really notify you less than 18 hours after her death that they suspected she was involved with another maggot?

No one has any intention of making your situation any worse than it already is. However information from a number of sources seems to indicate that you have not been as honest and upfront as you could have been and that information leads me to ask this final question:

5) Do you really feel it’s ok to accept close to $10,000 from the maggots?

Know that this is written only to safeguard the friends I’ve made here. I’d hate to see the kindness and generosity of so many wonderful people abused. Please answer as honestly as possible. I’m withholding as much info as I can to allow you to speak for yourself, but I will divulge if needed.

[Squatch]

i'm pretty sure none of this is material

[altachic]

There is a reason for this post and I feel it's warranted.

I mean no disrespect to demo woman at all, whatsoever so please take this the right way....I too want to make sure we are donating to the truth, to the right cause. Just my $.02

[MTT]

My eyes were wide open when I donated.

People are usually less than perfect, the tragedy that befell Doug was beyond comprehension. It’s something no one deserves.

I think the person who hides behind an alias and posts something like this is a fucking tool!

You do not speak for me.

Get a life.

[concerned maggots]

My eyes were wide open when I donated.

People are usually less than perfect, the tragedy that befell Doug was beyond comprehension. It’s something no one deserves.

I think the person who hides behind an alias and posts something like this is a fucking tool!

You do not speak for me.

Get a life.

Your opinion has been heard. Thanks.

[Squatch]

Couple more questions for the people that want to use "honesty" and "truth" as a guise for their selfish, gossipy motives:

1. Even if the "worst" was true, does it matter? Would you feel differently if she died in a car accident?

2. Did anyone donate to schmoe with a caveat that they get to determine what he does with the money? Didn't think so.

3. If your S.O. committed suicide, would you put up all the details on the internet? I can tell you there's no fucking way I'd tell you gossipy fuckers.

[altachic]

This whole situation is so emotionally charged that this is offensive to some degree, so I agree. I do not know who posted this, but I hope there can be some resolution to the questions or to this post.

[twodogs]

This thread is very bad, and in very poor taste.

The fucking guy lost his reason for life.

Don't try and dig for the dirty details.

Fucking Tool.

[Pow4Brains]

Dood can do what ever he wants with the little cash I sent him. Whatever heals your pain…….


Edit 4 - After reading this again, this shit is waaaay to personal to be airing in a public forum and is none of your business.

[Rontele]

This whole situation is so emotionally charged that this is offensive to some degree, so I agree. I do not know who posted this, but I hope there can be some resolution to the questions or to this post.

My guess is that it is someone in Utah. But that is because I PWN deductive reasoning.

[Squatch]

My guess is that it is someone in Utah. But that is because I PWN deductive reasoning.

All I know is that I want to attend their next sewing circle. It sounds like a blast.

[slippy]

it's not too late to delete this thread

[brice618]

Know that this is written only to safeguard the friends I’ve made here. I’d hate to see the kindness and generosity of so many wonderful people abused. Please answer as honestly as possible. I’m withholding as much info as I can to allow you to speak for yourself, but I will divulge if needed.

What kind of BS bribery is that?! The man just lost his wife for God's sake, give him a damn break.

Edit:

What is considered right here anyways? I think Pow4brains got it right let him do whatever he feels is necessary.

[alberta_hoser]

I'm out of my place posting here since I didn't donate anything nor do I know shmoesmith but if you gave him the money shouldn't he be able to use it as he wishes? If you want to give it to a noble cause why not start a charity donation thread? The first thread was specifically for shmoesmith to spend.

[TyWebb]

If this concerned maggot has questions that need to be answered for them to sleep at night, those "questions" should be asked in person, over a beer. And then, if the answers are found to be so offensive and disrespectful to the maggot collective, they can be reported back here.

Personally, I don't give a fuck if every one of the above questions resulted in a worst case senario answer. That doesn't change what happened. The circustances around it maybe, but not the end result or the name of the person currently in need.

Either get out from behind the alias or delete the thread.

[ljm]

Not knowing shit about shit, other than what I've read on the board, this thread seems pretty weak. Give the guy a break, he lost his wife...

[mnflyfish]

I'm not entirely sure this is the place to air these concerns. Perhaps a phone call or a PM would have been in order prior to posting here. Of course what do I know from 1500 miles away. I do know Dougis answering PM's so that might have been a far better place to start.

Jay

[nick > jesus]

this thread is terrible, who ever the fuck made this alias should delete it now

none of the questions are of consequence in this situation

[workinforturns]

this is sad.
I had nothing to do with donations, but if you gave him money he can spend it how he wants. and i thought he made it clear he was going to use it on car payments, house payments, and the funeral.
if you gave him money he can do with it what he wants.
All of these questions are really none of your buisness!

[rideit]

I agree, this is absolutely immaterial, and in no way your business. There is no 'collective' to judge and guide generous gifts from an anonomous group. What, exactly, is your motivation here, I would really like to hear your reasoning behind questioning whatever Doug decides to do with the money.
I think a frank explanation of who you are, and how you are related to this tragedy, is in order here.
EDIT: I take it back, it is NOT in order, really. It is not this forum's business.

[altagirl]

I agree. If you need to know the details, ask him, don't post it.

The money was given with no restrictions on what it was to be used for. End of story.

[RootSkier]

I hope the fucktard who started this thread is prepared to deal with whatever may happen because of it.

[300hp]

people made their own decisions to give money. We operate on free will here. Whoever gave funds felt it was for a worthy cause. I still plan on donating, and will give more so to spite the very nature of this thread.

delete it and save some face

[Telenater]

I placed no restrictions on my donation and would not impose any now.

However these are good questions (or maybe these questions bring up more important "other" questions), they are not however, ones that should be debated in a public forum such as this. I would not wish Doug to even attempt to answer them in this environment or at this time.

Instead, we need to consider what to do should something like this happen again.

We've entered a new venue with the recent happenings. The incredible generosity of the community is apparent. However we do need to be careful to not let that generosity be abused. I will make no accusations (and do not wish to be accused of insinuating anything), but should there be any more similar outpourings for one of us, we should be careful, and maybe have the money committed to a trust or administered fund rather than donating a lump sum.

[sfotex]

I gave money because someone lost their wife, that's all I needed to know.