Most fun I've had in a while; damn it!

**shmerham** · 10-22-2006, 09:26 AM

I had a business trip this past week in Connecticut, which was quite convenient, since I got to stay in New England over this weekend to visit family and friends.

I went to a friend's party friday night, and last night I went out for drinks with some other friends. Both nights were fucking awesome. I'm totally pumped up from having such a fun time. ...but I'm a little confused too, becuase it's the most fun I've had since I moved.

Moving was absolutely the right decision. It was something I really had to do. ...but I wish it wasn't. ...or I wish I could've brought my east coast friends with me. I've met a lot of cool and interesting people since I've moved, but none I feel as comfortable around as the ones I got to see this past weekend. One could say it's just a time issue, but I knew almost immediately that these would be great friends that enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed theirs. My gut was right. Despite having met a lot of people, I haven't had that feeling since I moved and that's dissapointing, frustrating and scary.

I get the feeling that a lot of people on this board are the types that can just pick up and move with no regrets. ...but for those that can't, what sort of advice do you have? How long did it take you to find a new posse? ...and where's the fucking snow already?

**Anxious Mo-Fo** · 10-22-2006, 10:56 AM

That's why they call it home. Some people can have only one, others can have several. Whenever I go back to revisit the places I've lived in (Colorado, New Mexico, Chicago, Berlin, Nice, Montreal), it's kinda like going home. There's an expression in German "Ich habe noch einen Koffer in Berlin" (I still have a suitcase in Berlin).

I lived in the Rockies for almost ten years... had a great time for all of the usual reasons, but eventually moved back east because culturally, it was never a fit for me.

In any case, it's always good to try out new places to live.

**Monique** · 10-22-2006, 11:25 AM

Across the country = a different culture and Seattle is a notoriously tough place for newcomers to find their way inside. People seem friendly enough on the surface but the community feels really closed. When I first lived in the city I was heavily involved in the business and arts communities, and I was doing a lot of road riding. I developed a lot of individual close friends from those in-city circles but never really found a posse until I started skiing and then mountainbiking.

Keep in mind you moved here right when everybody sort of scattered for the summer. The kind of people you may have hoped to meet have probably been out riding, hiking or whatever most evenings/weekends...in a couple of weeks it should be a little easier to stumble across like-minded folks in the city, and you'll be skiing and meeting a ton of new people. Also keep in mind you've hung out with the PNW crew during times we've all been more focused on catching up with our close friends than on reaching out to new ones. Last spring a bunch of people we knew were in from out of town, and since you moved here the parties have been in the off season when we all don't get to see each other enough. You're on the quieter end of the spectrum and people surrounded by their good friends won't automatically go looking for the quiet guy in the corner, so it might be worth reminding those of us who have met you a few times to do a better job of bridging you into new groups when we have a chance. (Note to self.)

You're doing all the right things as far as I can tell, showing up every chance you can and throwing a party of your own (sorry I'll be in San Francisco on the 31st). The snow's on its way...I'm going to visit some fluffy white stuff in a few minutes...and it will bring a lot of new energy and people with it.

**Buster Highmen** · 10-22-2006, 12:23 PM

It takes time to get used to a place. And even the same place can have different rhythms depending on what your current activities or goals are and that can put a whole different light on the day to day things.

There's a lot of great people around here, so just give yourself time.

**Mulletizer** · 10-22-2006, 03:25 PM

I know what you mean. We moved to London a couple of months ago and it's been well, lame. Unfortunately more or less what I expected, not what I hoped for at all. On top of that, next weekend will be the first big party of the winter for a bunch of really good friends in the mountains who I'll have very little opportunity to see from here on in. Sucks not to be able to go.

I am not sure what to say, really, but I sympathise. Actually, I really empathise. And Buster, he speaks wise words. My experience is that it takes a long time to make good friends and it always happens by itself without me even realising it is happening. In my case that's normally (almost always) in the mountains. I hope winter will be a good time for you.

And remember, if you make any more roadtrips to Canuckistan: stop behind that yellow line until the Nazi calls you forward.

**nutcase** · 10-22-2006, 03:55 PM

We moved to the Puget sound area about 2 years ago and have had the same problem. Everytime we go back "home" we have such an awesome time it makes us wonder whether it was the right decision. But once it starts snowing those feelings go away for the most part.

**MeatPuppet** · 10-22-2006, 06:19 PM

You will always feel closer to your old friends than to your new ones. It's only after several years, when you are making new friends again, that you will look back on the friends you have now and think about how much you enjoyed their company. It just takes time.

**cloudpeak** · 10-22-2006, 06:50 PM

I've been living in the Seattle area now for eleven years, and I have to say that for me this area has been the hardest place to develop a friend group of anywhere I've ever lived. Nonetheless, the friends I have made here are truly wonderful, and the area offers many advantages, especially for outdoor activities.

It's weird, though, that people here are outwardly so polite and friendly, but it takes a long time before you feel comfortable just dropping by someone's house.

**Franz Klammer** · 10-22-2006, 06:53 PM

Whenever I go home to Austria the parties are off the hook and I often think: "Damn, maybe I should just go back home?"

But then, when I come back to Boston, I get trollied 3 nights in a row and I forget about it ...

**Chainsaw_Willie** · 10-23-2006, 12:42 AM

What you guys say about making friends here in Seattle is true. I've lived here all my life and have a close circle of friends, but as the years have gone by our interests have diverged some and I'd really like to make some new friends who are more into the outdoors. Part of the reason I joined this forum, but it hasn't been easy. I climbed Teanaway peak by myself today (well, my dog was with me) because I don't know anyone else who'd be interested that I could call on short notice and they'd be ready to go.

shmerham, if that kind of thing interests you, let me know and I'll let you know the next time I head out for a day hike. As long as the weather's decent and the snow isn't falling, I'll be hiking. (wish it would hurry up and snow so we could go skiing!)

**shmerham** · 10-23-2006, 07:55 AM

Thanks everyone for your input. I wasn't trying to knock Seattle (or the maggots in particular, with whom I've gotten to hang out with a few times already and it's not even ski season!) I'm mostly just frustrated with the "Did I make the right decision?" voice, which stems from seeing the friends that I left behind - not from the people in Seattle that I've met (or haven't met)... and I'm not the most patient person in the world either - I want to be totally settled in NOW, not three or six or twelve months later, and I want it to snow NOW, not one or two months later.

I feel incredibly lucky to have the friends I have and the opportunity to see them after moving across the country, even if seeing them makes me wonder if I made the right decision.

Usually something like this might make for a hard week, but I don't think that will be true, because we've got the Anomaly showing in Seattle coming up on Sunday - awwww yeah!!

**Buster Highmen** · 10-23-2006, 08:35 AM

Regarding the Eastcoast/Westcoast dichotomy: there's an old New Yorker cartoon with an east coast guy dressed in a suit and a west coast guy in a goatee and jeans. They each have a thought bubble and a speech bubble.

East coast Speech bubble: Fuck you!
East Coast Thought bubble: Have a nice day!

West Coast Speech bubble: Have a nice day!
West Coast Thought bubble: Fuck you!

And on another tangent, in the swamps of time that pass, I've noticed that as I get older, friendships become harder to maintain. It's like my personal inertia or momentum is gaining and it gets harder to steer back into the circles of loony pals. And I've got the crazy friends who put on Trolloween, the Moisture Festival and Cirque de Flambe'.

Moving out into a rural area has had a lot to do with it and building a house and then there's kids who need all the love and attention I can muster. And for all the unbounded ski fanaticism I've had over the years, only lately have I forgone a day skiing because of the beaming blue eyed whirly tops who'd miss me at home.

If anything, it reminds me that we really need to have a ski party. I've got a 5 foot high pile of brush that needs to be burned and we're nearly done with the kitchen lights. Expect an invite, PNWnerds, soon.

**PeachesN'Cream** · 10-23-2006, 09:22 AM

this seems to be a hard time for all of us — weathered PNW vets and newbies alike. we are all itching for snow and its just around the corner. when it comes we all re-group and start getting tight again. i think you really get to know each other best on the hill and then those friendships cary over into the summer with biking camping etc...

anyway... did ya get a pass up here? which hill ya at?

**Stikki** · 10-23-2006, 10:51 AM

I posted Seattle Times article about the Seattle cold shoulder once before but I'll post it again.

I understand why us natives are bitter, this place without the traffic, overpriced homes, and Californians was undiscovered moss-covered perfection. What I don't get is the 60% of Seattle residents that are non-native, it seems like they'd all befriend each other and alter the city persona but instead they assimilate and form little cliques just like the rest of us.

**shamrockpow** · 10-23-2006, 10:55 AM

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?

**The AD** · 10-23-2006, 11:20 AM

I think there are two things going on here that are conspiring against you. One, it's inevitable that you're going to drift apart from your friends after you're out of college a few years an everyone starts doing their own thing. That just happens. Two, moving across the country just helps speed up that process. My advice on this is to try to stay in touch with these friends and get together with them whenever you can.

The best way to make friends in a new place is to get involved in things like sports leagues or interest groups. You'll meet lots of people with common interests...and maybe even a hot chick or two

**justcuz** · 10-23-2006, 11:25 AM

I am not from Seattle, but I went through a similar phase this weekend. I went home to Ohio and stood in a friends wedding, we just had a rediculous time. I live about 13 hours from them on a good day, probably more like 15, and since there is no close airport to where I live now I pretty much have to drive it.

That being said, I got really involved in other sports in the summer and my wife got involved in the things she is intersted in, and we've made some great friends. NOTHING will ever compare to the friendships you've had, and it only makes it that much more enjoyable when you finally get to see your old comrades.

On my way home yesterday I was actually sad.... I never really get too sad but I just couldn't stop thinking about how much I miss those guys. And I am NOT like that usually.

I'll add one thing. As you and your friends age, times change a little bit. You will always be best friends but often times "other" things happen like marriage, kids, houses, jobs, etc. So there is a good chance that you will never have the kind of time you once had to hang with your friends. I moved back for a year and was very close (location wise) to my friends for that time period, but we STILL Never got to really see eachother because we were all so damn busy with new phases of life.

My .02 cents.

**divegirl** · 10-23-2006, 01:33 PM

Wow that's great you had an awesome time Ryan - I wonder if you could convince them to move to Seattle?

I know this doesn't really relate too well to your cross-country experiences, but when I moved 1.5 hours to Truckee I felt the same way...and finally picked up a posse through work in about 6 months. But those first ~6 months sucked, except for the fact that I had Lego with me so that made the transition much nicer. Now we just went back up to Truckee this past weekend for one of our friend's birthday parties...so needless to say the posse is outlasting the time I was there, which is nice.

Good luck.....give it around 6 months to a year before you think about moving back...or just host a bunch of maggot parties at your house and that will get you some crazy experiences real fast.