Obvious items I shoulda invented...

**Lumpy** · 02-02-2004, 07:37 PM

to make my life of toil go away forever.

1- Chip bag "Snack Clip". A stupid clothes pin to keep all us phat phucks from spilling our Doritos and keep the roaches from taking up abode in our chips when we pass out.

2- Hot beverge jacket- Corrugated carboard sleeve that made some enterprising jackass millions? I'm soooo blind!!!!!!

**iceman** · 02-02-2004, 07:57 PM

Originally posted by Lumpy
to make my life of toil go away forever.

1- Chip bag "Snack Clip". A stupid clothes pin to keep all us phat phucks from spilling our Doritos and keep the roaches from taking up abode in our chips when we pass out.

2- Hot beverge jacket- Corrugated carboard sleeve that made some enterprising jackass millions? I'm soooo blind!!!!!!

Doesn't being lazy suck?

I've come up with all kinds of stuff and let it slide. Some of it has made less stonered people rich.

.

**Samwich** · 02-02-2004, 08:03 PM

So what you're saying is that I should patent anything and everything i invent, no matter how stupid it is?

**Lumpy** · 02-02-2004, 08:03 PM

The schematics that make The Clapper a viable entity escape me...as does the engineering of the Chia Pet.

**iceman** · 02-02-2004, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by Samwich
So what you're saying is that I should patent anything and everything i invent, no matter how stupid it is?

Nah, patents are expensive...what you SHOULDN'T do is say, "ahhh never mind, somebody prolly already invented it, besides, I'm tired, hey, don't bogart that, dude".

Trust me I know.

G · 02-03-2004, 04:30 AM

Years ago, I actually came up with a working prototype for a flux capacitor, but somehow lost the plans and the prototype in a crazy drunk cycling accident.

oh well.

**funkendrenchman** · 02-03-2004, 09:06 AM

electric blanket mobile?

hamburger earmuffs?

**acostiga** · 02-03-2004, 09:10 AM

belt-buckle cigarette lighter, mounted on a retracting cord

**snow_slider** · 02-04-2004, 08:28 AM

Two words:

Pet Rock.

**up an down** · 02-04-2004, 08:36 AM

Originally posted by iceman
Doesn't being lazy suck?

I've come up with all kinds of stuff and let it slide. Some of it has made less stonered people rich.

.

i seriously think there would be a great demand for a low carb pizza dough..

**gincognito** · 02-04-2004, 08:43 AM

Originally posted by funkendrenchman
hamburger earmuffs?

Ha! I'll have those babies in the stores while you're still grappling with the pickle matrix bhay-gn-flay-vn.

Sick and ashamed and happy (and I can't believe I went to the trouble of finding that),
d.

**Honc** · 02-04-2004, 09:03 AM

Leather gloves with plastic cones in the tips of the fingers for operating cellular phones and other handheld devices without hinderance of "fat-finger syndrome."

Oh yeah, and nacho cheese breast implants.

**FreakofSnow** · 02-04-2004, 10:02 AM

Originally posted by up an down
i seriously think there would be a great demand for a low carb pizza dough..

already done

**Viva** · 02-04-2004, 10:05 AM

Originally posted by Honc
Oh yeah, and nacho cheese breast implants.

Or maybe beer-flavored douche? That oughta make both sides happy, eh?

**Canuk** · 02-04-2004, 10:28 AM

I have a really good idea, that I think will make me millions. You see, I have this mat, with all sorts of conclusions written on it. I like to call it the "Jump to Conclusions Mat"

**acostiga** · 02-04-2004, 10:34 AM

i like nachos.
i like wings.

hmm, why haven't i ever seen a nacho-cheese flavored wing? i've google searched this and don't think it exists. considering how unhealthy some of the things people eat seem, cheese wings wouldn't be that bad. mmm, cheesy wings.

**iceman** · 02-04-2004, 10:38 AM

You could do Buffalo Dogs with the cheesy wings.

**bad_roo** · 02-04-2004, 10:44 AM

How about a website that sends you a dartboard printed with your boss's face on it when you mail in a picture of him.

(bad day at the orifice).

**snow_slider** · 02-05-2004, 08:13 AM

Way back in the day, I used to work for an invention company - more accurately, a company that worked with inventors to help them market their ideas to manufacturers.

You would not believe some of the ideas that came across my desk. Shower massage dildos, vented toilet seats (we got about 2 of these submissions per day), life size blow up sex doll (the "inventor" sent a stack of nude photos along with the submission - DAMN! I wish I still had them. She was STACKED).

Simply amazing what folks can think up.

**vinzclortho** · 02-05-2004, 10:16 AM

one of my ideas was a re-usable plastic mold shaped like a swan or whatever that you'd fill with water then put in the walk-in freezer overnight then remove the mold the next day and place it in the middle of your buffet table so you wouldn't have to hire one a them ice sculpture tv magic queers for your fancy pants brunch or dinner or whatever..... but some dink had already thought of that. and I wasn't that dink.

I think Homer probably had the right idea with "take an existing product and put a clock in it."

**InspectorGadget** · 02-05-2004, 11:47 AM

Originally posted by vinzclortho
...shaped like a swan or whatever that you'd fill with water then put in the walk-in freezer overnight then remove the mold the next day and place it in the middle of your buffet table so you wouldn't have to hire one a them ice sculpture tv magic queers for your fancy pants brunch or dinner or whatever...

I had one of those fancy-pants guys do a swan ice sculpture at my wedding. As time passed it started to melt - the neck, head and beak began to take on a dripping phallus appearance that was very funny.

**Benny Profane** · 02-05-2004, 11:48 AM

My favorite is a TV show about nothing. Larry David thinks he's worth about 200 mil today.

**Karl Stall** · 02-05-2004, 02:01 PM

I’ve never driven so fast in my life. This speed is taking me into another dimension. It’s fantastic!
-- Speed Racer
At midnight in a cemetery, the GRX racecar engine is unearthed. The following day Spritle and Chim are trapped inside a truck. It takes them to Oriana Flub’s house, where Chim Chim is tied to a motorized go-cart. When the chimp comes to a stop, one of Oriana’s men sprays a “formula” at him. As he takes off again, Oriana announces that “they’ll win the Grand Prix of the Orient.”
At the track, a new racecar comes on the scene. Pops recognizes the sound of its engine. High in the stands, Oriana and her right-hand man, Omar watch while a thug sprays the driver of the mysterious car with the formula. At Oriana’s house, Pops accuses her of stealing the engine “out of the tomb of Bent Cranium,” the engine’s inventor. Pops adds that five test drivers and Cranium died because of the GRX. Oriana knocks him out with “sleeper gas.”
Meanwhile, Speed in the Mach 5, along with Trixie and Sparky, follows a flatbed truck carrying the GRX racecar. Inside the truck’s cab, the man on the passenger side is desperate for water. After he gulps several mouthfuls, he becomes delusional and begs the driver to slow down. The truck pulls into Oriana’s garage. Spritle and Chim Chim, who have been lurking in the bushes, spot Speed on the truck. In another room, Pops is being beaten.
In the garage, Speed discovers the famous GRX engine. A man named Curly appears. A fight ensues. Meanwhile, Spritle and Chim Chim rescue Pops, who’s tied to a chair. Speed knocks out Curly. As if hypnotized by the car, Speed gets inside to “try it just once.” The high speed takes Speed into another dimension and he passes out.

Episode 21: “The Fastest Car on Earth (Part 2)”
Speed has passed out behind the wheel of the GRX. Eventually, the car comes to a half at the edge of an aqueduct. Spritle and Chim Chim drag Speed out of the racecar. One of Oriana’s thugs gets in the GRX and drives away.
At the Racer homestead Pops sets out to “cure” Speed of his delusions. Later at the racetrack, the final trials for the Oriental Grand Prix are about to begin. Oriana’s thug squirts the formula at Louis Towcar so that he can “stand the speed of the GRX.” Further, he warns the driver that if he drinks water while he is driving, “you’ll get so scared, you’ll lose control of the car and smash into smithereens.
The race begins. Towcar tries to quench his insatiable thirst. A chemical reaction takes effect and Towcar passes out. Speed autojacks over the GRX, which blows up. Later, in her helicopter, Oriana asks Speed to drive the GRX in the upcoming race.
Speed gets into the repaired GRX racecar. The thug gives him the formula. He takes off. Upon spotting Speed in the GRX, Trixie lands her helicopter in Speed’s path. Pops rushes over to Speed. At home, Pops once again tries to deprogram his son. Dr. Skuller reports to Pops that his son has inhaled V gas.
On race day, Speed is “scared and can’t help it.” Pops tells him to be a man. Curly, driving the GRX, vows to win. The race begins. Speed races ahead, Pops’ advice ringing in his ears. Curly goes into the pit and runs for water. As he resumes the race, he becomes delusional. The GRX spins out of control, bursting into flames. Speed pulls into the lead and wins the race. We then learn that Curly was the son of the GRX’s inventor.

I wish I'd invented the GRX engine...

**dbldmnd** · 02-05-2004, 02:28 PM

Wasn't that episode on the other day?

... Speed gets inside to “try it just once.” ...

Sure, try it just once, ha. And then the GRX is not enough, main-lining the GRX power just doesn't do it anymore. I need more, say a GRX turbo. That might be good enough. Then I'll quit. Yea right...

**SponsoredByDuctTape** · 02-05-2004, 05:07 PM

I always think of the guy that decided pipe insulation (i.e., that piece of grey foam you put around pipes) would make a good pool toy. Great - a six-foot piece of foam that costs $3.50. You (the consumer) are thinking, "$3.50 so my kids can float around the pool and hit each other without damage? Where do I sign up?" The guy that invented the thing is thinking, "Charge people $3.50 for a colored piece of foam that I can make for about a penny per hundred feet? Where do I sign up?"