Some Vibes Please

[I'm an Idiot]

Yes, I’m an alias. Sorry for the diary post.

My family is currently in need of some serious vibes. Three years ago my wife blew the lid off a secret life I had been living for much of my adolescent and adult years. I had been struggling with pornography addiction, and that struggle, combined a very low self esteem, led me to the brink of cheating.

Since my issues have come to light, I have worked very hard to understand my problems, as well as deal with them in a healthy, and positive manner. I’ve slipped up during this time, and have always been reluctant to share these instances out of fear that I will be rejected (one of the issues that I apparently have not dealt with in it’s entirety.)

Well yesterday, through some sort of techno glitch / karma shakedown, when my wife clicked a URL that I had sent her, a Craigslist reply address popped up instead. Rather than copping to the fact that I had sent an email to some broad off Craigslist (someone that I had no intent of EVER meeting, not that it makes it any less wrong), I tried to skirt the issue, until I realized that she had found the specific add, and that I was busted.

So here I sit, knowing that I have caused my wife an unimaginable amount of pain, now knowing if I will be welcomed into my home tonight, not knowing if I will even have a ‘wife’ next week. I am hoping and praying that my wife will be able to forgive me, and that I will have the strength to do the work necessary to make real change in my life. I’m tired of living the life I have led for the past 31 years….I want better than what I currently am for my wife, as well as my family.

If you are the praying kind, please keep my wife in your prayers. She needs them way more than I do right now.

[Eldo]

Okay, who's so bored that they came up with the idea for this thread?

[bad_roo]

Vibes.

We do some stupid things sometimes. Just as it's hard for us to understand the motivations of a woman, men aren't just beer and football either. Best of luck.

[I'm an Idiot]

I wish that I made this up because I was bored. Thanks for the concern.

[Tap]

From the "Best of Craigslist"

Married means MARRIED you moron

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2006-07-29, 4:17AM EDT


It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

I've got a few things to tell you:

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling CL for sluts, your marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.

2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage. First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every fucking time and they expect you to scream like a porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that fucking hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say. Think about it- way back when, when you were getting your brains fucked out on a regular basis- what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.

3. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired bullshit line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some cheap whore, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your dick ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world- your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of shit.

4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you. What are you, fucking 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a fucking riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

5. You're looking for someone "younger". Sure you are. Dickhead. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your asshole together because your just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can bitch about how she's not attractive anymore. Until then, shut the fuck up. You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. Asshole.

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU. If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think fucking some slut is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help. Affairs are disasters- not some of the time, not most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. You guilt will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

7. Here's what you can expect in the wake of your little fuck-fest:

Divorce- this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be fucking around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

Exposure- this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids' friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

Your Kids- this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your fucking pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/fuckbuddy, they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this shit hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up their family. They will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic bullshit about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now, you're going to need a lot of them. Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless bastard in the first place.

so ask yourself....Is it all worth it?

Hope you get help and that everything works out.

[Hutch]

tough situation. It sounds like you have been struggling for a long time, and that maybe your wife got to the point where she was past some prior issues, but this undercuts all the good work you've done in the interim. You're fortunate in that she must be the forgiving type. Time heals all wounds, but somehow you've got to convince her to stick around while time does its thang.

vibes sent.

I can relate to being frustrated about your own behavior as it relates to your spouse - why can't we always remember how we felt when we recited our vows? We're imperfect. And that is frustrating. Start by trying to forgive yourself. There's nothing you can do about the past.

can we please see the craigslist ad?

[iceman]

Well, since there's no way in hell she's gonna believe you that you never intended to meet the Craigslist chica, you're honestly a bit fucked.

Don't even try to explain, it won't work. Apologize, lay low, take the hits that are bound to come your way, and know that time has a way of healing most things if you don't repeat the mistake.

She probably doesn't want to be divorced either, so stay out of her way and don't give her any more reasons to think about it.

Good luck and don't be such a dumbass in the future.

[Eldo]

I wish that I made this up because I was bored. Thanks for the concern.

Okay, then you must be a Maggot who is married, has kids, is at least in his mid 40s (assuming 31 years of porn "addiction"), and lives in a community with a Craig's List.

A few more details and you won't need to use an alias.

(But still not buying it.)

[Dr. Gaper]

Yowser.

I remember, before I was married, that whenever I hooked up with a chick that I had lusted over, and finally had the opportunity to get with, I was usually very dissappointed. Lustful thoughts are fantasy. Strange does not equal good.

However, if your wife has slipped in the appearance department, you have to let her know in a SUBTLE way. You don't want your relationship to reach a point of irreversible complacency.

Sounds like a shitty situation. Maybe some professional help is in order?

[4matic]

The Kobe defense:

Diamonds are a girls best friend. Big expensive diamonds...

[Spicoli]

Hopefully the link didn't contain the words, big fat cock and glory hole.

[Greydon Clark]

Instead of being a wimp and begging for forgiveness like a naughty child, why don’t you show a little backbone and tell your wife that this is the kind of guy you are and she needs to deal. You’re still putting bread on the table, right?

[DBdude]

HAHAHAHAHAHA
If she excepts that one she is as a big a loser as he is. Not likely.
Beg dude. Beg for all you are worth.
A little advice. Jerk off more. It's easier and less of a hassle. Really.

[Superstar Punani]

In an attempt to address several PMs I had received, and to stave off future ones that will inevitably fill my box, this is not I. Mrs Punani and I are heading to Hawaii for a belated honeymoon in a couple days and I even talked her into coming (huh-huh) to Clubs Hubba Hubba & Femme Nu with me.

If this is real, then you have my vibes.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

In an attempt to address several PMs I had received, and to stave off future ones that will inevitably fill my box, this is not I. Mrs Punani and I are heading to Hawaii for a belated honeymoon in a couple days and I even talked her into coming (huh-huh) to Clubs Hubba Hubba & Femme Nu with me.
.

hahaha...that's funny.


Alias dude -- get counseling. If not along with your wife, at least for youself.

[lemon boy]

shit I was gonna PM Ty and see if it was him but...

he's right about the counselling.

[The AD]

Your alias seems well chosen. Yes, you're an idiot. It sounds like you've pulled this kind of shit before and you probably will again. Are we supposed to pray that your wife dumps you this time?

Sorry, just can't muster much sympathy for you.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

shit I was gonna PM Ty and see if it was him but...

he's right about the counselling.

I was worried some people might think that. Hell no, not me.

[lemon boy]

I was worried some people might think that. Hell no, not me.

I was only joking b/c you were right behind supu in mag's I'd crossed off my list of "whoisit"

I think its an easterner

[Shin-to-Win]

If this is all true then you're in need of major fixing dude. I'm guessing there's some history here, something from your past, driving your behavior. If you really want to make it work with the wifey and she feels the same (once you weather this storm), counseling is the only answer.

You have proven that you can't fix yourself. The question is, can anyone else help and are you willing to give it an honest try?

[Stymie]

Dude... you say you have done some self introspection to figure yourself out ("I have worked very hard to understand my problems, as well as deal with them in a healthy, and positive manner.") If you are truly committed to getting through this you really need professional help... You may be able to change (if you really want to) and it might help convince your wife that you're committed to making the marraige work (though it might not).

I do feel sorry for your wife and I am sending vibes her way...

[Spicoli]

Why not just let your wife hook up with AKPM or Max for a night and call it even?

[shmerham]

You can be addicted to porno?

[Woodsy]

You can be addicted to porno?

You aren't?

[shmerham]

You aren't?

Would you say you're addicted to air or water?