A Few La Grave Pics...

[bad_roo]

Mulletizer let himself into the chalet. Although we’d already plundered the pow up on La Meije on Monday, this was the first day of his season and his enthusiasm was infectious. We’d been exposed as a bunch of phlegmatic dossers who rarely saw the light of day before 9am, each relieved that there were no crack-of-dawn gunnery sergeants in the chalet. Nevertheless we rolled down to the lift station, a mere 200m down the hill. Mulletizer’s zero camber AK Enemies caused almost as much wonderment as Glisseur’s beautiful Drakeboinay Tabla Rasas. These weren’t seen too often the rest of the day, Glisseur usually being a distant speck on the far horizon. “He doesn’t carve at all” intoned Mulletizer mutinously as if this was the answer to warp speed ripping. “Few skiers here do.” It took me a while to get to grips with that pearl of wisdom.

But it was true. I asked Glisseur and Mulletizer to show me the entrance to Le Grand Couloir des Trifides and sure enough G just slipped, slid and vanished while I was still pondering quite how they’d get my body home if I messed up my first turn and hop over a dagger of rock. I resolved the issue by going in switch – or possibly fakie – thankful for the stunted tail rise of my Motherships. The chute was fun – not too steep at around 42 degrees – and with plenty of elbow room on the surprisingly silky snow.

We met the others down at the mid station and tried a couple of beacon drills while Mulletizer attempted to establish whether his Ortovox M1 had been adequately repaired. BrownMonkey was muttering darkly about his helmet camera, having torn the wires out of the control unit. Couple that with my self destructing Ramer pole baskets as least durable items of the trip. After a prolonged lunch of chocolate and coke, we headed back up to the top station and dropped down on the Chancel side above the lake chutes.

Ripzalot seemed a little less than happy about the entrance to the Couloir Banane. Viewed from above this sliver of snow just seems to arc into nothingness, bounded on one side by a mighty pillar of rock, the innocuous flatness of the lake visible some 500 feet below. Stories of how this chute had slid and entombed unlucky skiers below the ice of the Lac du Puyvachier had been bandied about and the big bumps on the entrance ramp didn’t look snowboard friendly. After sliding down a little way he was able to see the rest of the way down the chute and then felt a good deal happier. Glisseur did a small slip here, a smear there and was then looking up at us from the outfall at the far side of the lake. Mulletizer’s tele turns weren’t always to his liking but were astonishingly good given that it was his first day of the season. Colour me impressed. The Banane was actually a lot of fun and requires a mandatory straightline to clear the flat lake. If I was in resort for a season it would be interesting to start my straightline ever higher in an attempt to one day leave elevens down the entire thing.

The reason we were taking the lake chutes was to line us up for a run at Couloir Freaux.. This run deserves a little perspective. I don’t know how many of you have seen the TGR movie ‘High Life’ but there’s a segment in it where Micah Black and Jeremy Nobis ski the Canale Holzer, a monster chute in the Italian Dolomites. Halfway through Black can be heard grunting that this is the biggest chute he’s ever skied. Now treble that amount of vertical.and you get some idea of the size of the Freaux. No, it doesn’t require a rappel halfway down, but if you fancy that the chute next door (the Faux Freaux) does. There are as many rowdy entrance ways as you like if you want severe slope angles. Best of all you have nigh-on 3000 feet of sheltered, grippy , perfect couloir snow to play on, the Romanche valley road but a distant ribbon below. It seems endless and you’ll need to observe proper chute discipline, a point driven home when I almost bury BrownMonkey under a sizeable sluff as he lines up for a photo. In places there’s a slight lateral ridge in the centre of the chute which, as your confidence grows, allows you to air off into the deeper fluff nestling up to the rock walls. The exit traverse involves a whole bunch of bushwhacking, eventually bringing us out at a bridge over the Romanche at Les Freaux, a ramshackle hamlet a few miles down the valley from La Grave. Ripzalot had a tough time negotiating this rather flat traverse and managed to lose his Oakley A-frames somewhere along the route. The Couloir Freaux had to rate as one of the best runs I’ve ever skied. “Never again”, vowed the big man from Florida as he took a seat by the roadside.

That evening we met a couple of nineteen year old Swedish medical students in a local bar. Truth looked pretty hopped up on a combination of Walgreen’s finest and a few glasses of Seize Cent Soixante Quatre. They were rather curious about the TGR board and wondered if they could join. I told them they needn’t bother as nobody would believe they weren’t phUnk. Intent on improving our grasp of Swedish over pizza, the conversation got round to soothing aches and pains. “How do you say in English, to take it in the bottom?” one of them asked quite innocuously. I ventured “Greek” before we lost it, Monica mentioning that she meant a ‘Stuhlpille’ (suppository). I then proceeded to muse how that was an apt name and was caught making some vaguely inappropriate hand gestures as to what a stool was.

Feeling rather broken after his experience in the Freaux, Ripzalot bailed for Lausanne that evening. BrownMonkey and I headed out to Alpe d’Huez the next day for one of the silliest day’s skiing I’ve ever encountered. You need to try this. Ski somewhere where EVERYBODY is a ripper – such as La Grave – and then head to a resort with a suitably chunky gomer count – like Alpe d’Huez. Suddenly you’re the King Of The Hill. Women prostrate themselves at your feet in willing supplication, people will allow you to walk straight to the front of the lift lines in sheer appreciation and all the drinks are on the house. I made that last sentence up, but you get my drift.

Every single pisted run became a straightline, prodding tourons left chewing our roostertails. Rock drops that demanded maximum attention last year were now being sailed off bigger and faster with flips and grabs. The front face of the Signal peak was straightlined, the 900m long surface lift length detaining us for 32 seconds. Do the math. That’s an average speed of 65mph. On fat twins! What if I told you our peak speed was nearly 80mph. Well I’m saying it. Sorry, Matt! My rabid overconfidence was punctured by a replica Sailing Kush off a small jump on the backside of Signal but otherwise it was full steam ahead. The south face of the mountain looked very slabby and the Couloir Fleur – a run we had our eye on – was patently not in condition. A 200metre long crown line had been exposed by a GazEx high on the front face of the hill, sending avy debris smashing through the ice and into the Lac Blanc.

We lucked into the last tram of the day to the top station. Plan was to hike up to the Col de l’Herpie, a V-shaped indentation in the summit ridge and ski the face below. Unfortunately our access path crossed a very nasty forty five degree slope that seemed determined to slab off about eight inches down – enough to do some damage. We joined the Sarenne run instead, being mopped up by the guy who does the sweep at the end of the day. This 16km monster was just the thing required after a day spent notching up over 8,500m vert and my legs felt utterly bollocksed by the end. I emerged from the gorge on the chair at 4:45pm good for little more than a crepe and a crap.

BrownMonkey had other ideas, however. On the way home he juiced up the car in Freney les Oisans. In a Matrix-like moment he plumped for the green pump instead of the black pump our diesel Vectra required. There was an “Oh Shit” moment of realisation as the penny dropped. We enquired at the cash desk about a mechanic but it transpired the local mechanic was currently doing a tank drain somewhere else and wouldn’t come out. Arsefish. The girl in the petrol station was otherwise very helpful, saying we should phone Avis whilst at the same time wearing a top that was about eight sizes too small and out of which bulged tits, belly and a generous helping of ferret. Class.

BrownMonkey has some history here. A couple of years ago he ran out of petrol on the way to the Channel ports. One of the guys we ski with, Chas, is a motorway recovery man and he has called Monkey ‘Petrolhead’ ever since. The joke never seems to wear thin for him. It was through gritted teeth that BrownMonkey had to turn to Chas for advice. And yes, he did get called Petrolhead again. Chas figured that if we’d put a quarter of a tank of 95RON in, we could top the rest off with diesel and try our luck. Preferring this to the option of staying in Freney with the bulging pterodactyl woman we gave it a go. She looked disappointed to see us leave but I have to take my hat off to General Motors. The Vectra made it back to La Grave with nary a hiccup. The next day the car didn’t seem quite so clever…

To be continued…

[brownmonkey]

I'm back online at last! Just to keep you all salivating - currently sorting through the photos I have - I should be able to post them in a couple of hours.

[truth]

Originally posted by bad_roo
These weren’t seen too often the rest of the day, Glisseur usually being a distant speck on the far horizon. “He doesn’t carve at all” intoned Mulletizer mutinously as if this was the answer to warp speed ripping. “Few skiers here do.” It took me a while to get to grips with that pearl of wisdom.

A mild understatement as to the skilz these boys ride with.

That evening we met a couple of nineteen year old Swedish medical students in a local bar. Truth looked pretty hopped up on a combination of Walgreen’s finest and a few glasses of Seize Cent Soixante Quatre. They were rather curious about the TGR board and wondered if they could join. I told them they needn’t bother as nobody would believe they weren’t phUnk. Intent on improving our grasp of Swedish over pizza, the conversation got round to soothing aches and pains. “How do you say in English, to take it in the bottom?” one of them asked quite innocuously. I ventured “Greek” before we lost it, Monica mentioning that she meant a ‘Stuhlpille’ (suppository). I then proceeded to muse how that was an apt name and was caught making some vaguely inappropriate hand gestures as to what a stool was.

One of the funniest conversations I've ever had the honor to partake in.


Well said Roo, very well said indeed.

Now about Brownmonkey and his pics....WTF mate? You're killing me! Click my sig for another TR bro.

[snorkeldeep]

awesome pics - thanks for the stoke... im going nuts here @ work with all this snow today.

[brownmonkey]

Originally posted by truth
Now about Brownmonkey and his pics....WTF mate? You're killing me! Click my sig for another TR bro.

Latest update - all the pics are re-sized, now the ones with me in just need a little photoshop action to make me look good

[Mulletizer]

This gets better and better Roo - I'm loving every word of it!

Had some great pow yesterday and now almost up to full steam. Loving it all!

[brownmonkey]

bad_roo, truth and ripzalot have stolen most of the thunder with their TR's so far - there's not a lot I can really add to the excellent stuff they've already written, so I figure the best thing I can do is add some more porn for you all to gaze longingly at.


Day 2 - THE Day of the season (Day one wasn't photogenic enough!)...

Roo tries to stab yours truly with his ski pole
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2493.jpg

Ripzalot carving just below 3200m
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2507.jpg

Ripzalot blowing chunks
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2510.jpg

Ripzalot in the powder - La Meije Side
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag.../IMG_2516a.jpg

The peak of La Meije
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2549.jpg

No Roo, you cannot huck that...
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2556.jpg

Roo impresses his Audi sponsors
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag.../IMG_2570a.jpg


to be continued...

[bad_roo]

Post the zoomed out pic of 'You cannot huck that' too. It's sweeeet.

[brownmonkey]

Originally posted by bad_roo
Post the zoomed out pic of 'You cannot huck that' too. It's sweeeet.

Your wish is my command...
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2555.jpg

[bad_roo]

Thank you, kind sir.

[truth]

Brownmonkey's photos are teh best! Worth the wait.

[brownmonkey]

Here's a nice shot of our chalet at night. Look carefully at the roof...
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2639.jpg

Safety expert, Mr. Weasel, inspects La Grave roofing for defects...
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2644.jpg

...and as suspected, finds a loose bolt which could cause an unsuspecting skier to trip (of course, he sticks his landing )
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2648.jpg

Mr. Weasel flies through the air at 1am with surprising ease (well, I was surprised - he sailed onto the road in front of a car - which then drove over his ski pole....)
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2659.jpg

One of my favourate shots - soulful, as Roo gazes towards the Col Du Lautret as he waits for me to get ready for a shot of him dropping off this disused avalanche tunnel
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2664.jpg

And here Roo's second drop is captured from inside the tunnel (I say second drop - check out the TR for the full details
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2668.jpg

Here's our ride for the trip - the trusty Opel Vectra, fitted with super non-grippy non-snow tyres. Just don't get me started on those Shylocks from Hertz
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2681.jpg

Here, Roo hangs out by the 'Benji' jump - takers anyone? Before you volunteer, you should know that the establishment had a freshly deserted look, and there were two bunches of flowers ties to the middle of the bridge, where you'd expect the Benji jumpers to leap from - I leave you to make your own conclusions....
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2683.jpg

Here we are, just hanging around, waiting for our flight our of Marseille
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2689.jpg

Roo - it's dark. There's no-one around to see. You're not famous. You don't need shades to abseil...
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2741.jpg

Our last sunset in France
http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2747.jpg

[sick.bird]

CAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Endlessseason]

Just found this thread. Great stuff, but I can tell I'm going to need a few hours to read it all later in the week.

[bad_roo]

I was wearing the sunglasses because those last-pair-at-the-end-of-the-week socks are just TOO DAMN BRIGHT.

[Ripzalot]

nice pics, brownmonkey! great rez with your camera. i like the "chunks".

roo- did you really think that mask is going to distract from your boy racer audi outfit?

[bad_roo]

You're right. I think the Dainese gear was maybe a little conspicuous. I'll take a low-key outfit for moonlight gimping next time.

[Ripzalot]

Originally posted by bad_roo
You're right. I think the Dainese gear was maybe a little conspicuous. I'll take a low-key outfit for moonlight gimping next time.

just don't try that stunt at a stateside summit! that mask is grounds for "shoot first, ask questions later".

[brownmonkey]

Originally posted by Ripzalot
just don't try that stunt at a stateside summit! that mask is grounds for "shoot first, ask questions later".

It sounds like a gauntlet has been thrown down...

How's that Dianese body armour hold up against a .45 Magnum?

[Mulletizer]

Originally posted by brownmonkey
It sounds like a gauntlet has been thrown down...

How's that Dianese body armour hold up against a .45 Magnum?

Just make sure you use your kev gloves to block the bullet and you'll be fine

[brownmonkey]

Ripzalot demanded more ski porn featuring himself so.....

http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2501.jpg

http://www.brownmonkey.com/snow/imag...4/IMG_2575.jpg

[Ripzalot]

that's it! you are the mang...whatever that means, i hope it's good!

[Jiehkevarri]

That first shot of Ripzalot above makes me want to take out my B supermodel 168, after a few years hiatus on a snowboard...

Look at that rooster he´s spraying!

[brownmonkey]

Bump for roo - where's the final installment?

[bad_roo]

I'll have to do it tomorrow when I'm supposed to be at work. That should keep me occupied for a while.