NSR: JOTD thread

[Lumpy]

Whaddaya call a deer with no eyes?
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Whaadaya call a deer with no eys and no legs?.
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Still no eye deer.


Whaddaya call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no dick?

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Still no fucking eye deer.

[rip]

So...a baby seal walks into a club
















badda-bing

[char]

Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. First penguin asks the second penguin to hand him the soap.

The second penguin says, "What do you think I am? A radio?"

[778skier]

Joe was fat and was getting tired of it. After trying several diets he spotted one in a local paper that said he was garanteed to lose weight. He calls the number and the receptionist asks which program he'd like to try, the 10lb, the 30 or the 60. A little cautious Joe decides to start off with the 10lb program. The next day there's a knock at the door, when he opens it he sees a beautiful woman who tells him if he can catch her he can have his way with her, then takes off running. After a full day of running, Joe checks his scale and sees he lost exactly 10lbs so he calls up the service again and asks for the 30lb program. The next day he gets a knock at the door and when he opens it there's a super hot, naked, woman who tells him if he can catch her, he can have his way with her, and takes off running. Again at the end of the day he checks his scale and he lost another 30lbs. Very happy with the program he calls up again and asks for the 60lb program and waits to see how gorgeous his next prey will be. The next day the door bell rings and when he answers it he sees a 500lb gorrila with a sign around its' neck that says "If i catch you i get my way with you"




a priest, a rabii, and a monk walk into a bar...






























ow.

[L8APX]

Have you heard Michael Jackson's new Elton John cover.
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[Jakson's voice] Don't let your sun go down on me"[/Jakson's voice]

[Grange]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it's dead.

[Viva]

What name do you give a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen


What name do you give a Japanese woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Irean

[Spats]

Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.

Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"

Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"

To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"

So the second old man rushed to the store.

The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?'

"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.

"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.

Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"

[Vets]

Stroker's young son approaches him one day and asks, "Dad, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"


"Nope," Stroker replies. "A whole bunch of 'em start with, "If elected, I promise...."

[mrw]

A fat,sweaty,hairy ugly women walks into a dive bar, looks around at all the half tanked guys sitting at the bar and waves her arm pointing at all of them. "Which of you fine men will buy me a drink?" she asks. As she does so, everyone could see the sweat dripping from her arm pit hair. No one says a word. Finally, from the far end of the bar, a drunk lifts his head from the bar and says "bartender, give the ballerina a drink". She looks down the bar thanks him, drinks up and leaves. The guy next to the drunk asks "why did you call that pig a ballerina?" The drunk say
"any broad that can lift her leg up that high has to be a ballerina"

[alpine89]

Did you hear that David Copperfeild has AIDS


































He has been doing Magic too much!

[Spicoli]

What's the perfect gift for a dead baby?





















A dead puppy.