work bathrooms = SLAY3D

[irul&ublo]

I'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Just took the pills and soon the two liters of liquid gunk that follows. I WILL SHORTLY CLAIM THE TITLE OF BATHROOM SLAYER. TR TO FOLLOW. YOUR CALL, PICS OR NOT?

[irul&ublo]

Slayed, slayed, slayed, slayed, slayed and finally....slayed.

[Stone-Free]

^^^^^^ ok, ok....I'll bite. That post is useless without pics....












Actually, I think I'm good....

[MonkeyBear]

Bathroom being slayed as we speak, wi fi + ibook + tiolet= happiness

[bc]

Bathroom being slayed as we speak, wi fi + ibook + tiolet= happiness

no. definitely not. laptop in the pisser.... no way.

it's like how you keep skiing on the porcelain but never powder.

well, I guess it's mac, so that's kinda like the former.

[Squatch]

just posting to inform that i took the dump of the century.

[Danno]

work bathroom question:

We all know the stall rule where you choose the most remote stall possible for uninterrupted slaying. But last week I walked in to the bathroom, a 2-stall job, and the stall closest to the urinal and sinks had the blue stuff in the bowl, while the further one had a clear bowl. So, that means that the closer one had not been used since it was cleaned the night before, while the remote one had been used. Does that create an exception to the normal stall decision calculus? Was I wrong to choose the blue bowl?

[Brock Landers]

I dont think you could go wrong- if the one closer wasnt blue, you wouldnt be worried about the toilet being cleaned anyway, right?


BTW if there is one thing I can do well, it is shit. No joke. I have clogged powerflushers. Twice. I have to plunge every time I crap at home. Icebergs...floaters...you name it. 4 flushes is pretty average, actually. Thought Id get that out there...

[Stone-Free]

I am coming off the worst stomach flu I've ever had. For 3 days, its been a puking and shitting hell. People were telling me its the 24 hr type, you'll be fine. Really? Thats horsepiss. I lost 11 lbs. But, I've been eating a little, drinking lots of fluids trying to get my strength back.

Today, while still mending, my co-workers next door bring a breakfast burrito smothered in green chile. I love a good breakfast burrito and thought this was very cool of my neighbors. I really didnt want to eat it because I was worried about my stomach. Yet this burrito called to me, but I was ignoring it. I had other things to do. But the smell. I could smell the bacon in it. I caved. I ate like a ravaged animal.

This was the best tasting green chile ever. The bacon had come from the heavens, as only bacon does. Tons of cheese, potatos, and egg. I had a half-master the entire time.

Then, 10 minutes later, out of nowhere, my ass explodes. This is the type of shat where you throw out the underwear. There was no indication of a bowel problem, not a warning fart, a belly rumbling, nothing. I couldnt even make it to the crapper. I made a very bad call today...

[Schmear]

work bathroom question:

We all know the stall rule where you choose the most remote stall possible for uninterrupted slaying. But last week I walked in to the bathroom, a 2-stall job, and the stall closest to the urinal and sinks had the blue stuff in the bowl, while the further one had a clear bowl. So, that means that the closer one had not been used since it was cleaned the night before, while the remote one had been used. Does that create an exception to the normal stall decision calculus? Was I wrong to choose the blue bowl?

Not wrong, but if the slaying is a DEFCON 5 event, you run the risk of getting blue stuff splashed all over your nether regions.

[Orange Julius]

I love dropping a rumsfeld in a freshly-cleaned bowl. It's like christmas.

[Danno]

Not wrong, but if the slaying is a DEFCON 5 event, you run the risk of getting blue stuff splashed all over your nether regions.

I like a fresh bowl. The blue stuff gets preemptively flushed.

[nhtele]

Had to plunge. Twice.

Oh, and we are out of air-freshener.

[creaker]

The Holy Grail of poops = 1 push, no wipe. Gotta have goals.

[Brock Landers]

The Holy Grail of poops = 1 push, no wipe. Gotta have goals.

Happens once, maybe twice a year.

[Franz Klammer]

The bathroom of my room at Baron's Hotel in Aleppo, Syria, was slayed in a manner not seen since the crusades.

Deus lo vult!

[gg8983]

Master equation

German dinner of schnitzel, potatos and cabbage + 5L beer + double hot pockets late night + large coffee + amazing thread bump = slay3D

[ElCidWill]

Evan Williams until late last night, 3 x 16oz dark roast this morning with Kodiak Wintergreen. Homemade lasagna.

It began like chocolate soft serve out of the machine and ended with a 10 second staccato burst of sharts. People in the hallway paused to comment.

[pappag]

Summer camp 1991, cabin #10 bathroom:

It was such a spectacle that the kids living in the cabin were charging $1 admission to view the monstrosity. The line wrapped around 3/4 of the 30x30 wooden haven. What we saw was unlike anything a 10 y/o was ever subjected to. The toilet was American Standard, the flush strength was above average. The turd had the girth and length of an 8-foot long boa constrictor and wrapped around several times as if forming the shape of seashell. Upon flushing, the turd sat there in its sanctuary unharmed. Oh yes, we spent a day flushing nearly non-stop in an effort to unearth this humanly beast of a waste product but were unsuccessful in all attempts. Alas, we decided to leave the turd alone and let it rejoice in its heaven for the remainder of the summer (or until the stench became terribly overwhelming and plumbing was called in to dismantle the prized possession - we were not there to physically see the destruction take place out of respect for the turd). Sadly no pictures were taken, but I think the turd would have wanted it that way.

[mindthegap]

The Holy Grail of poops = 1 push, no wipe. Gotta have goals.

thats a mighty feat...
let me know when i happens for you

[Right Coaster]

Then, 10 minutes later, out of nowhere, my ass explodes. This is the type of shat where you throw out the underwear. There was no indication of a bowel problem, not a warning fart, a belly rumbling, nothing. I couldnt even make it to the crapper. I made a very bad call today...

At work? Holy shit. Literally. I think the thread just transitioned from work bathroom slay3d to office/cubicle slay3d.

We have single person bathrooms in my office, which are surrounded by paralegal work stations. For some reason, I get the worst looks when I walk out of the bathroom on Friday mornings after a thirsty Thursday.

[BOOZEPIMP]

Used to fuck with the janitor at my old JOB, this guy makes Corky look like Don Juan De La Nuech. Anyway, I used to leave shall we say "Presents" for him. (only trophy class mind you) It's very gratifing knowing that everybodys gag reflexes are diffrent. Dano's (janitors handle) gag reflex was very light. I could clog the poop recipticle very easily and Dano would have to get the pluger out. This later was refferd to as the"Plung and Puke". After unclogging a very hairy terd He would gag and sometimes puke doing the deed. It turned into a game, almost every sinister employee would leave brown gifts for him. Thus the "Plunge and Puke"!! It got so bad management held a meeting and said "Whoever is stopping up the toilets to stop" Fuck that we didn't, some of the best laughs I've ever experienced were from making huge poop. I look back now and don't really feel bad, in fact I still chuckle when thinking about it. That janitor is probably the most worthless waste of oxygen I've ever encountered. See you guy's in hell!!!

[klaxed]

Summer camp 1991, cabin #10 bathroom:

It was such a spectacle that the kids living in the cabin were charging $1 admission to view the monstrosity. The line wrapped around 3/4 of the 30x30 wooden haven. What we saw was unlike anything a 10 y/o was ever subjected to. The toilet was American Standard, the flush strength was above average. The turd had the girth and length of an 8-foot long boa constrictor and wrapped around several times as if forming the shape of seashell. Upon flushing, the turd sat there in its sanctuary unharmed. Oh yes, we spent a day flushing nearly non-stop in an effort to unearth this humanly beast of a waste product but were unsuccessful in all attempts. Alas, we decided to leave the turd alone and let it rejoice in its heaven for the remainder of the summer (or until the stench became terribly overwhelming and plumbing was called in to dismantle the prized possession - we were not there to physically see the destruction take place out of respect for the turd). Sadly no pictures were taken, but I think the turd would have wanted it that way.

that was hilarious.

edit: I slayed a bathroom at my house so bad that after 20 mins of plunging, it's still plugged.

[mrryde]

i just ate corned beef and cabbage, lots of cabbage. I am going to a neighbors to slay his bathroom

[Venus Flytrap]

'Shit Boy's typical day involved eating a super huge breakfast burrito from a convenience store and blasting it out an hour later. He spent every morning in the centrally located john at work (one of two) with the newspaper and was usually in there for anywhere from 10-25 minutes.
Does he care about the people who get coffee in the kitchen next to it? Not really.

Does he care that other people might want to use the bathroom? Not really.

Does he leave a smell like a vanilla scented candle or a rotting vulture on a dead rhino? Hmmm.

Burrito Boy also parked his car in the same space every day. I parked there one day and he barked at me about parking in 'his' space. I don't see a name on it, Mr. Hanky, so excuuuuuse me.

About this time I also discovered that the trash men won't pick up toilets when you do a little home remodeling, and while pondering what to do with the old crapper, I decided to do a little rough justice.

Under stealth of darkness on a Sunday night, the stool was placed directly in the middle of Shit Boy's parking spot.

Everyone knows who parks there (small company), and it sat there till about noon till the office secretary could get the refuse company to come out and haul it off.

So here's to Shit Boy, who could also be the one (dubbed The Speckler) who orange peels the only other restroom toilet on a weekly basis. It has to be him: one company shouldn't have two asshats.