work bathrooms = SLAY3D

**snowsprite** · 07-11-2006, 10:02 AM

On the outer banks where I just returned from vacationing, there are portapotties all over the place.

Well, one time I really had to go and was too far from the only restaurant I knew had a bathroom. So I opened the door, took a look, went "OH MY GOD!" and spun right around and walked back out and proceeded to go pee-pee in the bushes.

I should have known better. Nature's latrine is always clean!

Sprite

**Stone-Free** · 07-11-2006, 10:10 AM

Anyone ever go into a portapottie on a hot summer day, on a wicked Jager hangover? Just in case anyone had the thought, DONT do it, as you will paint your shoes a new color.

**slippy** · 07-11-2006, 10:15 AM

This thread is annoying. Sure, back in the day, I may have enjoyed a thread like this. But unfortunately my office has a bathroom. When I first moved in I was psyched. I mean, I had my own bathroom and shower in my office, how can that be a bad thing? Not being much of a thinker, I didn't realize it was the only bathroom on the floor. And that there is NO FAN. Or window in it. So my office has a constant burnt-match/poopy smell.

People have to walk within a foot of me to get to the bathroom. That's what really sucks. The ones with smiles on their faces are the ones I really hate. They enjoy smelling my whole office up. And the ones that put music on before going on scare me. Then there is Mr. Irritable Bowel Syndrome Man, who I clearly hear blowing his colon clean everytime he eats something a little off, which can be once a week. He also pisses every hour with his little girly-bladder. I tried making him run-the-gauntlet every time he came in, by punching him in the thigh if he tried to shit down here. But I missed once and spilled water all over my laptop. This made the fan on my laptop permanently on now, so I gave up the punching. I paid the price, but at least my laptop eventually turned on again.

My only solace is in a month or two we move into new offices, where I will pick the farthest office from the shitter. So basically I hate all you pleasure-seeking shitters everywhere. You suck. I was once one of you....

**Stone-Free** · 07-11-2006, 10:24 AM

Captain Butt-Trumpet is MIA, and that is good. Not sure if its vacation related, but no sight/smell of him for a while. If he should return, I have the solution to him slay3ing my dunny.

I sought counsel in my dad and ran by him the maggots suggestions. The elder Stone is the ultimate prankster, and he said the most effective method is to soak the TP roll, or vasilene the top of the seat. If the infractions continue, put a padlock on the shitter door.

Now, I wait.... watching...hoping....

**Orange Julius** · 07-11-2006, 10:25 AM

no fan?? You could probably bust them for not complying with some OSHA safety req.

The stalls at my work have a well-placed gap between the panels so I get to be the unwilling voyeur when walking into the bathroom

**irul&ublo** · 07-11-2006, 11:06 AM

I just took a dump so big its been assigned its own zip code.

**Hombre215** · 07-11-2006, 11:14 AM

When I was a reporter for Florida State’s student paper, I wrote a piece critiquing the campus bathrooms. I opened the article with a rundown of every slang phrase I knew for floating a hogan. Figured this would be a good place to share my list and maybe learn a few new terms.

So, here’s what I had:

Drop a deuce, pinch a loaf, lay a cable, drop the kids off at the pool, take the Browns to the Super Bowl, back the big brown caddy out of the garage, clip a biscuit, dispatch a Yankee, fire rear thruster, float a log, free the legless dog to sea, murder a mud bunny, release the chocolate hostage or just plain poop.

**irul&ublo** · 07-11-2006, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by Hombre215

When I was a reporter for Florida State’s student paper, I wrote a piece critiquing the campus bathrooms. I opened the article with a rundown of every slang phrase I knew for floating a hogan. Figured this would be a good place to share my list and maybe learn a few new terms.

So, here’s what I had:

Drop a deuce, pinch a loaf, lay a cable, drop the kids off at the pool, take the Browns to the Super Bowl, back the big brown caddy out of the garage, clip a biscuit, dispatch a Yankee, fire rear thruster, float a log, free the legless dog to sea, murder a mud bunny, release the chocolate hostage or just plain poop.

You forgot "giving birth to a Texan".

**snowsprite** · 07-11-2006, 12:35 PM

Floating a Hogan???

BWA!!!

Sprite

**Orange Julius** · 07-11-2006, 12:37 PM

dropping a rumsfeld

**Andy_B** · 07-11-2006, 01:15 PM

I feel much better now....

**Orange Julius** · 07-11-2006, 01:17 PM

There needs to be a word for that hollow sensation you feel after dropping coils.

**irul&ublo** · 07-11-2006, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by Orange Julius

There needs to be a word for that hollow sensation you feel after dropping coils.

"buttgasm"

**Jackie Treehorn** · 07-11-2006, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by Stone-Free

Captain Butt-Trumpet is MIA, and that is good. Not sure if its vacation related, but no sight/smell of him for a while. If he should return, I have the solution to him slay3ing my dunny.

I sought counsel in my dad and ran by him the maggots suggestions. The elder Stone is the ultimate prankster, and he said the most effective method is to soak the TP roll, or vasilene the top of the seat. If the infractions continue, put a padlock on the shitter door.

Now, I wait.... watching...hoping....

Put a couple of ketchup packets under the seat.

**justcuz** · 07-11-2006, 02:35 PM

I may as well tell my shit story.

So a year ago I wasn't very keen on shitting in public, at work, etc.....until I realized the beauty of getting paid to take a shit. It can't be beat. Grab a mag, take a nice big gulp of water, sit down, lock the door, and read away....and get paid. Sweet, right?

Well here's my problem with the atmosphere in which I have the opportunity to partake in this beautiful opportunity. I work in a small office (9 people total). There's a men's and women's bathroom, each is a single-up...meaning only one occupant at a time. The bathroom is large, always cool, ventilates well due to the 20 horse fan sucking the poo smelling air out. A totally sweet set up.

Problem with a single up #1:
Someone ALWAYS high marks the fucker. Under the seat, around the bowl, you name it. So when I lift the seat up to take a leak, all I see is this dude's cherios from that morning. Makes me wanna puke and I lose my appetite. I don't know who the culprite is, but this is regular......like 2 or 3 times a week. And the fuckin toilet doesn't get cleaned till Friday night. I've even tried to high pressure spray the stuff with a hard push when I'm pissin'. Nothing. Once it's there, it's there.

Problem with a single up #2:
People trying to open the door when you're enjoying your time on the throne. You think "it's locked, no biggy". Still, when someone grabs that handle and tries to pull the door open your ass cheeks tighten right up and pinch whatever goodness you had going. Totally ruins it....... That kind of bliss can't be repeatedly achieved in one poo adventure, thus having to wait until the next one. Not fun having to go back and try and take care of business after you were almost there once. It's a lot like sex, really.

**lemon boy** · 07-11-2006, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by justcuz

Problem with a single up #2:
People trying to open the door when you're enjoying your time on the throne. You think "it's locked, no biggy". Still, when someone grabs that handle and tries to pull the door open your ass cheeks tighten right up and pinch whatever goodness you had going. Totally ruins it....... That kind of bliss can't be repeatedly achieved in one poo adventure, thus having to wait until the next one. Not fun having to go back and try and take care of business after you were almost there once. It's a lot like sex, really.

Ours has a light in the hall that goes on when you throw the lock.

You just need a tie on the door like in kolije.

**snowsprite** · 07-11-2006, 02:52 PM

Shittus interruptus.

Man, only day two back on the job and I've already degenerated to multiple postings in the poop thread. Lord have mercy!

Sprite

**irul&ublo** · 07-11-2006, 02:57 PM

Originally Posted by snowsprite

Shittus interruptus.

Man, only day two back on the job and I've already degenerated to multiple postings in the poop thread. Lord have mercy!

Sprite

You're kids' toilet training must have been real interesting.

**snowsprite** · 07-11-2006, 03:08 PM

No way man! Toilet training is no laughing matter...or interesting either

Sprite

**FartBag Commando** · 07-12-2006, 02:09 PM

Originally Posted by Hombre215

When I was a reporter for Florida State’s student paper, I wrote a piece critiquing the campus bathrooms. I opened the article with a rundown of every slang phrase I knew for floating a hogan. Figured this would be a good place to share my list and maybe learn a few new terms.

So, here’s what I had:

Drop a deuce, pinch a loaf, lay a cable, drop the kids off at the pool, take the Browns to the Super Bowl, back the big brown caddy out of the garage, clip a biscuit, dispatch a Yankee, fire rear thruster, float a log, free the legless dog to sea, murder a mud bunny, release the chocolate hostage or just plain poop.

A few more: Droppin' dirt, slinging mud, release the brown trout, taking a smash, heave a havana...

**TeleHoar** · 07-12-2006, 02:55 PM

I blame fiber!
Damn bran muffins are stinkin up the joint.

I eat so much fibre I clogged up an outhouse!
I can shit a sweater, seriously.
I am wearing it right now!

**Incompetent Boob** · 07-13-2006, 10:53 AM

Going with my everyday is a school-day motto, I learnt a lesson. Don't do an hour of interval training right after a very well catered work bbq. I thought I'd worked it all out last night, but it came back at me today. Had a meeting with the boss and was starting to get the cold sweats. Got to the dunny and let rip. A most fullfilling (if you can call it that) dump.

For the list:
AGB - After Grog Bog (Grog = alcohol, bog = shit) alt. Beer Bog
Lay some tracks var. Lay some fresh tracks (only for the first use of the toilet after cleaning)
Muddy the waters
Damage the Dulton (Dulton make toilets)