work bathrooms = SLAY3D

[givethepigeye]

this is a shit that starts in the Mariana Trench of the crapper, forms a solid coiled foundation, and extends out of the water into the airy climes, doming out Dairy Queen-like; a curled over whispy top of chocolate ass mousse.

so what's that called?

I dont know about that one, but we had somebody leave a log on the front part of the toilet today (like on the bowl) - we called it "dry-docked".

[Blizzard7763]

I'm not much of a slayer, but the other day I was being really quiet so know one knew it was me in there. And as the anonymous pisser left, he turned out the lights, allowing me to finish my shit in complete and udder darkness.

It's not so much finishing the shit that gets to be a problem, it's finding your way to the light switch when you're done. Or better yet, when someone walks in as you're staggering around in the "Crouching Tiger" position, fending off urinals and automatic hand-dryers.

[CountryFunk]

We've got a conference room that shares a wall with a one-hole shitter. I know there's very little sound protection because I've been in a meeting and heard a guy pissing next door, plain as if there was no wall. So, ...

My boss and two other management types are in the conference room interviewing a job applicant - luckily, too many beers and a couple bowls of spicy jambalaya last night set me up perfectly for the kill - Rocked the bowl with an explosive thunderclap followed by a rapid discharge of a solid/gaseous mixture.

If only the interview was being videoed ...

[bsideindy]

this is a shit that starts in the Mariana Trench of the crapper, forms a solid coiled foundation, and extends out of the water into the airy climes, doming out Dairy Queen-like; a curled over whispy top of chocolate ass mousse.

so what's that called?

impressive. you should have taken a picture and submitted to www.ratemypoo.com

[fez]

[iceclimb]

I work at a University... so we have an abundance of places in which to shit. Particularly over Spring Break. Still, this morning I chose the oft overlooked toilet in the basement because coming off of 5 solid days of flu things in my system are still a bit shifty and untrusted.

I roll into the empty stall and start my business, when in comes someone. Now.. who the hell is even around this week? I think to myself. The guy proceeds to wash his hands, and then what I can only assume is his face, his ears, his back, probably brushed his teeth and just about everything short of a full shower. Took him about 5 minutes.

Some of that time, I'm holding back, figuring I'll be nice.

He heads to the urinal. Does his thing, and just walks out the door.

No washy wash hands.... Of course before he's able to get out I figure I've had enough and release a LOUD stream of gaseous nastyness, only to hear him mutter "Jesus", under his breath.

I am also equally certain he heard me say "Nope, Jesus would've washed his damn hands" as the door was closing.

[timvwcom]

...He heads to the urinal. Does his thing, and just walks out the door.

No washy wash hands.... Of course before he's able to get out I figure I've had enough and release a LOUD stream of gaseous nastyness, only to hear him mutter "Jesus", under his breath.

I am also equally certain he heard me say "Nope, Jesus would've washed his damn hands" as the door was closing.

LOL...

[Nanuq]

Sprite - years ago (many) at Pine Knob (winter = pimple sized pseudo ski hill, summer = killer outdoor concert venue) for a Bob Segar Show (told you it was MANY years) some random chica with the floating eyeballs pulled an even better assault on the mens room: She walked in, dropped trow, and hopped up on to the sink and let fly.

The guys were all VERY impressed.

That wasn't a chick, that was Bob Seger. I heard he had just shaved the beard off.

[SkiingBear]

There's a guy a work that take no less than 4 shits per day (it's not so much that I follow him, we just work in openish cubes and everyone knows where he's going...that and everytime I'm in the restroom, he's in there). Anyway, this guy just blasts away. There's no regard for anyone else in the bathroom, he just goes to town...and he's in there for no less than 20 minutes at a shot. Anyone else have a chronic shitter in their office? I can't imagine over an hour a day in the bathroom is normal...is it?

[oZzmith]

I did a shameful stint in Dominoes while I was in college; they have a single holer in the back that for some reason doesn't have a fan (presumably to curb drug use?). Beer gives me the most god awful shites the next day and I had pulled a Saturday morning shift with the boss. Friday is for partying, period. We killed a thirty rock or three, and I passed out early and got some zZz. Next morning I wake up 20 to work, roll through the shower, throw on the uniform and run to my pickup and make it in the door 5 minutes late. We fold boxes for most of the morning and I am feeling my gut most of this time. I get a free minute just before lunch and do the deed. I scared myself with this sucker, flushing at half time nearly wet my nuts as the turd fought the John. It all vanished thankfully but an unholy stench remained. I just washed up, walked out, and left the timebomb. I am eating lunch and my boss comes to the front and looks me straight in the eye and says: Your fired. I stammered at him and he started grinning for what you did to the bathroom, he says. Obviously I kept my job but it really feels good when your reeking ass violates your boss.

[PearlJam09]

Walked in this morning and my stomach decided that it wanted to evacuate the system. Had to squeeze the cheeks as I dashed from my desk to the can. Total slayage. Kinda feel bad for the cleaning lady.

[flatNshallow]

Older dude with sketchy health...

A week ago he didn't quite make it... and I was unforetuneate enough to visit this particular washroom shortly after his colonic ji'had...

I distinctly remember thinking "Damn, its a long way from the outside door for there to be muddy foot prints in here...."

Apparently he'd been suffering from an exotic strain of "explosive diarhea" and didn't quite make it to the seated position... He manged to hit both side walls and the back of the stall. Needless to say the throne itself and the floor were utterly slain. Surprisingly the stench was not all that bad but the visual was near puke inducing... You'd think he would have at least closed the fucking stall door!

2 days later = repeat.

[Rontele]

Good god did some absolute disrespectful carnage just go down.

I had full on colon blow, smell like a baby's diaper slayage.

I feel better now!

[Skijunkie]

Can't you shit at home before work? Moderate your schedule, man!

Boss gets a dollar I get a dime thats why I shit on company time

[WWCD]

Boss gets a dollar I get a dime thats why I shit on company time

And the TP is free.

[Lonnie]

Anasazi Beans, Onions and Sweet Hot Chili sauce for dinner last night.

My work here is done.....

[ikkin]

And the TP is free.

you know, i was just thinking that this morning! helps with the budget.

[somegeek]

You do realize that you are shattering the conception that millions upon millions of males have that women do not pass gas,

I was told this was due to them not closing their mouths long enough to build up pressure.


/me dons flame suit and hides

[somegeek]

I worked at a theater a while back. Keeping the bathroom clean was part of the duties when you were on door(ripping tickets and cleaning theaters was the other part). Check the bathroom to see that someone with issues in the handicap stall had sprayed shit behind the thunderbucket and on the wall to the side. It was brutal. Went and got my manager and asked if I needed to clean *points to jackson pollock copy* that. He helped hold the door shut so I could reach over the top and latch it closed for the janitorial staff to clean later on.

Another one was when someone dropped a fat deuce in one of the urinals. That was a gem.

[somegeek]

what do you call it when the shit piles up out of the water?

You crater laked....

[Skijunkie]

^^^ naw naw he merely "broke water"

[irul&ublo]

Another one was when someone dropped a fat deuce in one of the urinals. That was a gem.

It was Rontele.

[SchralphMacchio]

... in Las Vegas for a major convention right now ... last nights beers, tequila shots, and gin & tonics after an oily spicy plate of chinese noodles ....

Hilton lobby bathroom = p0ached and slay3ed

good god there were some avy bombs and slides set off in there :

[coreshot-tourettes]

I have a pretty iron stomach and GI tract, and I've never had any food-related ignominy down there despite eating in some of the worst sanitary conditions in restaurants all over the world.

There was one place in China that had a whole yak leg (hair still on) nailed to the wall. I was so hungry but it was the only place to eat in town. Ate there anyway, no problems.

[snowsprite]

Shralph, I'm particularly impressed with the fact you did this to the Hilton lobby bathroom and during a convention. You're a slayer with standards and also chutzpah, man.

Sprite