Arranged Marriage

[grrrr]

Yes, those fucking liberal Republicans and their social engineering.

[Telephil]

Originally posted by seldon


I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for me. girls are what make life worth living.

Give it a few years. The skiing part you're right on though.

[Crinkle]

I have a friend (female) from college who's parents were insiting that she get an arranged marriage. I remember her showing me pics, when she was 21 of some of the guys that were being lined up by her parents. OMFG, some were 10+ years older than her and not attractive in her book whatsoever. Eventually once she finds one that is cute, lives in america and is rich, I am sure she will settle down, she didnt like to work much.

Relationships work folks. Everybody has their own way of making it work. Some of course are destined to fail.

[Odin]

Originally posted by seldon
girls are what makes life worth living.

Future nominee for the California Bar Association's Worst Divorce of the Year Award.

[Lumpy]

So I'm a little jaded...

Actually looking forward to being in a constructive, happy, relationship where there is respect, trust and adoration. Thus, I'm directing all my efforts into finding a golden retriever.

[Snow Dog]

Originally posted by divegirl
I just don't like the way marriage is shoved down our throats through the media or our own family, since the day we were born.

That's funny -- 50 or 100 years ago marriage was the only option for both sexes. You didn't get married for love, you married to survive and be sucessful.

Originally posted by divegirl
Because when you're a female approaching 30, you feel pressured or invalid if you're not on the way to the altar. Luckily for me, my parents aren't worried or pressuring me at all. But it's in the air. Friends who say, "Oh, don't worry, it will happen when you least expect it! You'll find him, he's out there!" And then I walk away, thinking, "Hey! Yes, I will find him! I have nothing to worry about!" But what if I *don't* find him? What if I am single for the majority of my life? And.....what's the big deal if I am??? Sure, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I just wish the idea of *not* being married was regarded as being just as healthy as those who are married.

That's all!

...Is it Friday yet? I can't wait to ski.

But happiness surveys find married people "happier" or more likely to be happy anyway. They live longer too.

So what's wrong with you? Why aren't you married?

I know why I'm not.

[divegirl]

Originally posted by Lumpy
So I'm a little jaded...

Actually looking forward to being in a constructive, happy, relationship where there is respect, trust and adoration. Thus, I'm directing all my efforts into finding a golden retriever.

[hijack-->dog talk] Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of a black or golden lab...but I think WSD has a mix between these two dogs, and I swear, if her dog had a sister/brother...I'd be all over that! [/h-->dt]

[grrrr]

Goldens are great companions, but they are dumb. d-u-b-m, dumb.

Of course, if it's an arranged dog adoption...

[seldon]

Originally posted by Odin
Future nominee for the California Bar Association's Worst Divorce of the Year Award.

for the record, its "girls AND skiing"

and im not planning on getting married for a loooong while. semi-serious dating/relationships (its high school, calling it anything else is retarded) is fun. i mean, obviously i really care about her, but its not like LIVING TOGETHER is anywhere in the future.

i guess maybe there is something to this less than serious shit based on all the shit u guys are saying

[Crinkle]

Originally posted by divegirl
I swear, if her dog had a sister/brother...I'd be all over that!

Uh oh, dog on girl action??

[divegirl]

Originally posted by Crinkle
Uh oh, dog on girl action??

hahahaha!! Um...no. I should have known someone was going to say something! However, if it's arranged.....hummm....

just kidding!

[SledNeck]

This redneck has white boy been married to indian girl for 5 years now, her parents were a little sore about it at first, but after we gave them a granddaughter they got over it.

From my wife's perspective arranged marriages are good and arranged marriages are bad.

On the one hand "parent's always know whats best", on the other, many girls(and guys) marry some real "winners"

The thing I find so appalling about the traditional hindu culture, is that, if a wife is made a widow, she is not to remarry, however, she is owned by her previous husbands family. Conversely, should a husband become a widower he is free to remarry.

My wife wasnt permitted to mary the guy of her dreams when she was 18, so she ran off to US to go to college, now 15 years later she's married to a red-neck white boy.....

[Telenater]

A little background here....

I'm not Greek, but I am Greek Orthodox, my father is a Greek Orthodox priest.

My father has fended off at least two attempts (that I'm aware of) by the Greek grandmothers to arrange a marriage with their granddaughters. This has always made me a little uncomfortable as I'm generally not intereted in the whole "Greek Princess" world that these women live in.

However, there have been times in my life (generally right after getting shot down again (and again...)), where I've wondered if arranged marriages might not have something going for them. I've known quite a few people in arranged marriages who've lived long and happy lives together largely because they knew from the beginning that the relationship would require hard work and dedication on both of their parts. Also, the Greeks don't tend to be quite as far into the arranging of marriages incredibly early in life.

[Lumpy]

Originally posted by grrrr
Goldens are great companions, but they are dumb. d-u-b-m, dumb.

Companions seem to mesh better when they are on similar planes of intelligence...therefore my choice of a golden.

[iceman]

Woodsy, I have a whole rant prepared on the topic of why I think the "copy me" (i.e. dna determinism) theory is bullshit, but it's way too long to type, and way too boring to read, unless you're hammered.

Next time we have drinks, I'll bore you to tears about it.

Something to look forward to!

[Sublime]

Goldens are smart at least my golden is.

Being around little Lebanon it is not uncommon for me to see girls in our high school married at 17 or 18 hell I know a girl that is 16 when she got married. They tend to love it since there husbands are 5 years older then them and loaded to the bone.


I don't have a prefrence. As long as your not getting forced to marry someone, it's ok.

[Blurred Elevens]

I think unsuccessful marriages, ESPECIALLY ones that involve kids, is the biggest overlooked problem in our society. However, from what I gather, the 1.5 billion is going to be there for education of keeping a marriage together before they're married. I'd agree if it was for marriage counseling, but it seems like it's simply out there to combat the whole gay marriage thing.
Anyone else have any info on this?

[The AD]

Everyone sees the "half the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce" as a sad statistic, but actually it has its positives, too. Part of the reason divorce rates were low in the past was because people would stay in piss-poor marriages because of the social stigma of divorce.

Yes, you should try your best to make a marriage work, and by all means don't leap in until you're ready, but if it ain't working get out.

[char]

Originally posted by Blurred Elevens
I think unsuccessful marriages, ESPECIALLY ones that involve kids, is the biggest overlooked problem in our society. However, from what I gather, the 1.5 billion is going to be there for education of keeping a marriage together before they're married. I'd agree if it was for marriage counseling, but it seems like it's simply out there to combat the whole gay marriage thing.
Anyone else have any info on this?

It's about promoting healthy marriages, IE hetro-marriages. It's fundy bullshit that is going to cost us 1.5 billion.

[Blurred Elevens]

Like I said, I think that it's a huge problem.(divorce w/ kids)

I'd be all for the money being spent on marriage counseling, but it being used to combat gay-marriage is messed up. I don't think that gay-marriage should be legal, but that's another story.

[Kellie]

Originally posted by The AD
Part of the reason divorce rates were low in the past was because people would stay in piss-poor marriages because of the social stigma of divorce.

Yeah, that's why the result of the perfect 50's family was an epidemic of housewife addiction to antidepressants.

I agree with Divegirl in a lot of respects . . . if you find someone that you could marry, that's great. But don't force it!

I think the disturbing thing about American culture and the 53% divorce rate is that our culture doesn't encourage working at it like others do. Oftentimes, it seems easier to let a relationship die rather than invest the energy to remedy it, and so divorce ensures. That's why I don't think it's worth pursuing something and getting married, etc. unless it's with somebody that's really got it all. Of course, this is from the perspective of a 23 year old - maybe at some point, companionship will be worth settling, but I'd like to think it never will. But then again, what do I know?!?

One interesting thing is the disparity in thoughts on marriage amongst my friends. Either they're all about it and can't wait to find "the one" (and so go to bars every weekend in said pursuit), or are all about avoiding marriage like the plague. Maybe it's cuz a lot of us were brought up by divorced parents and see what that causes. Or maybe it's something else . . . I don't profess to be any sort of expert :-)

[Lumpy]

Everyone should just wait till age 37. Get yer ya-ya's out, sow your oats, generally fack everything up that will be, learn your lessons, screw up other people's emotional state and get yours trashed a few times, go through rehab, spend a few stints in jail, try not to have too many illegitimate kids (they don't deserve to be in the middle of your crap)ski your ass off until you are generally satisfied with what you've accomplished then think about shackling up. Did I say "shackling"...I meant shacking.
At least if you get most of this type of sheeyat out of the way before marriage you can concentrate on the positives and building concrete foundations of a constructive relationship...rather than putting out fires from flame outs.

[road trip]

So I work with and am friends with numerous Indians...

Story 1) one of the ladies that I used to work with.. her daughter was getting married to a guy from India. She had always lived in the US. So, me being the inquisitive type asked an innocent question: "so, Gurmit, how did they meet?" She sorted smiled wriley and said, "well, my husband found him on his last trip to India." I said something like, "oh, I didn't know your daughter went with him to India." And she said, "oh, she didn't. My husband FOUND him..."

The lightbulb went off and I felt quite dumb for a minute or two...

Story 2) one of my better friends is Indian and just married (well, two summers ago) a caucasian girl.... they had been living together for about 8-months prior. Indian weddings are cool.. the ceremony is neat.. well, the groom kinda walks down the aisle and the bride is standing there behind a sheet. The minister guy was doing the whole ceremony in whatever ancient language of hindi it was, but doing play-by-play in English. At one point, there is the great unveiling, in which the sheet is brought down. The minister turns to the "white" side of the congregation and says... "hmmm... at this point... you have to understand that... ummmm... well, the husband really has never seen this woman before..." ...if only to get the point across that this moment is the crowning moment of the Hindu wedding ceremony. Everybody chuckled...

...and then, everybody ate Indian food and partied down!!!

[bad_roo]

That last bit sounds like my wedding.

[snowsprite]

I'm one of those unusual girls who growing up never dreamed of my wedding day, or fantasized about my future husband. I wanted to be single, good career, rich, maybe adopt a kid at some point, and travel a lot. And oddly, out of all my friends I was the first to get married. I was pretty young--just turned 23--and everybody said it would never last!

Well, 15 yrs later we are still together. It hasn't always been easy, but would I do it again? Absolutely! I think the reason it worked out is because my husband and I were friends first before we became involved on the next level. You know, the kind of situation where you really love to talk to each other and you never run out of things to say...You just seek out each other's company b/c you make each other generally feel good & happy. And once we started seeing each other as more than friends, we knew almost right away we wanted to get married. Nobody had to coerce or convince...it was just a logical discussion that came naturally.

There are certainly days when our good rapport is in very short shrift, but because it was the basis of our relationship I think that's why we always make it to the next and better day!
Sprite