'Cheatin' Hearts' a poll of maggot infidelity

[DaveTV]

I am curious what spawned(pardon the pun) this poll..

[13]

Hate the sin, love the sinner(s).

[bklyn]

I am curious what spawned(pardon the pun) this poll..

Uncle Frank's Moral Dilemma which involves cheating and not being able to spell.

[Dumberer]

funny this post should come up. I would fall into the category of: "just found out she was cheated on."

My high school sweetheart broke up with me Tuesday. I found out on Wednesday that he has been seeing a girl for a couple of weeks.

(Well, I guess he's been doing it since the weekend of the Mammoth Mini! the bastard. )

I’ve felt pretty shitty the last couple of days. Our relationship lasted almost 9 years. Last night when I went to pick up his half of the rent, I asked him again if there was someone else, and he still lied to me. Didn’t have the guts to tell me. He cried like his life was over when we talked last night. It was really weird.

So Im moving off to Mammoth and trying to wipe the slate clean. I didnt deserve what happened to me. I was blindsided, and it sucks. But alot of nice people have told me that its not the end of the world, and Im generally an optimist, and I am going to believe them. This is just an opportunity for me to grow on my own and be the "captain of my own ship. "

I need to start this new chapter in my life and move on and hope that someday, he will get his come-uppance. Till then, I’ve got a lot of living to do.

As I am the "bastard" in question I feel the need to properly answer to everyone here. My cheating consisted of meeting up to surf on a Saturday. We split a pizza afterwards, and watched a movie. I'll remind you all that this was concurrent with Erica being in Mammoth, staying on a friend’s couch, hanging out skiing. For the last 6+ months I have known she would be leaving to go become a patroller or liftie or marketer or whatever she wants to succeed at. My "date/cheating" was only an attempt to find someone else that wanted to go surfing; btw she was with “you” skiing and having a great time. I was at home cleaning up the apartment and studying and trying to enjoy what little bit of surf is around. I didn’t have the time to drive from So-cal, the money for the skiing, the money for the gas, the money for the hotel (didn’t want to sleep on somebody’s floor), and the inclination to ski in late spring, or any real reason to go other than I wanted to be with Erica. I have always supported Erica’s dreams and I have tried to give her the freedom to go out and grab her dreams with both hands. She probably is in the hate me stage right now and I haven’t seen or heard from her since Thursday. I won’t bother her with weak explanations of why I didn’t tell her about surfing and watching a movie with some other girl which was not romantic but just fun. It’s a lot like skiing with your friends when they are mostly guys. I never kissed this girl and certainly never swapped fluids. Not to air out all the dirty laundry but let’s look at the relationship before you cast judgement:


1: I have been rejected for sex twice a week since January.
Not that this is a reason to go seek it elsewhere (I haven't) but it does tend to make an individual feel insecure.

2: The two of us have been on opposite schedules since January.
Our night classes are on opposite days and we never see each other on weekends as she is gone most of them or we are both too damn busy to connect with each other and talk. I think this was really what has hurt us the most. It’s really difficult to lose your best friend because you can’t, won’t, are afraid, are too busy, or any other of a thousand excuses not to talk

3. I tried several times the last month to spend some time with Erica where we would be unfettered by an activity and just spending time together. I HATE it but the first time we really talked in 6+ months was when I broke it off with her. I felt like she was no longer interested in me as much as the idea of me. She is better off without me and I see that you all told her as much. After this I realized that my ship was sinking and I had to find a way to rationalize what was happening (perceived anyway). I formed a plan that would force me to do what I thought was best for both of us. I would guilt myself into leaving her, she could spend the season or the rest of her life in Mammoth, and if she ever wanted to come back, we might be able to rekindle what we once had. I remember days in high school and college where it was fun to just be with Erica not doing anything just being together and I miss those days so much. I have never meant to hurt Erica or anyone else for that matter.

4. During this time of reflection I have also realized that my inability to face these emotional problems is part of what I hate about myself. I can't stand that I have trouble telling people when they are wrong. I bottle it up inside and never really let it out. I avoid conflict and bad feelings. I am sick and tired of this. I will no longer let others trample my own feelings. I know that Erica is a sweet girl and she deserves better. However, to make real changes in your own life sometimes you need to become a sort of ascetic. I have begun to renounce all things that have given me an identity in order to make it easier to change for the better. I know that Erica would have helped me to be better if she could have but I felt that this is a road I must walk alone. I am seeking therapy in my own way of running more and standing up for what is right and wrong. The solace and pain helps to keep the rest of my world in balance. There was NEVER any intent to cheat or see other people. All I wanted was to be by myself to become the man that most importantly I need myself to be. If I can’t be true to myself how can I ever hope to be true and good for her. I feel terrible for having put Erica in this position but at least I tried to be honest about my feelings w/ her.

5. For those of you that have made it this far I can only offer you all a warning. Please take care of the ones you love and make sure that you look them in the eye and tell them how much you love them. Go ski if you want to but make damn sure that you give them your full attention when you get back and demand there full attention if they blow you off. If they don't want to talk to you, you better make them talk to you or you might find yourself writing some weak ass apology to the internet and your ex. Communication or a lack thereof has been a failing point for me. Don't set yourself up and put other people’s feelings on the line.

I have apologized to Erica and I am apologizing to you all as well. I never ever wanted to hurt anyone and I want "you" to continue where I have failed. I hope that one day she will look back on this and remember the good times and not the stupid things I did to ruin it.

Erica, I am sorry.

[bklyn]

Oh Snap!
Erica_z = Max G as Dumberer = Renee

As I am the "bastard" in question I feel the need to properly answer to everyone here. My cheating consisted of meeting up to surf on a Saturday. We split a pizza afterwards, and watched a movie. I'll remind you all that this was concurrent with Erica being in Mammoth, staying on a friend’s couch, hanging out skiing. For the last 6+ months I have known she would be leaving to go become a patroller or liftie or marketer or whatever she wants to succeed at. My "date/cheating" was only an attempt to find someone else that wanted to go surfing; btw she was with “you” skiing and having a great time. I was at home cleaning up the apartment and studying and trying to enjoy what little bit of surf is around. I didn’t have the time to drive from So-cal, the money for the skiing, the money for the gas, the money for the hotel (didn’t want to sleep on somebody’s floor), and the inclination to ski in late spring, or any real reason to go other than I wanted to be with Erica. I have always supported Erica’s dreams and I have tried to give her the freedom to go out and grab her dreams with both hands. She probably is in the hate me stage right now and I haven’t seen or heard from her since Thursday. I won’t bother her with weak explanations of why I didn’t tell her about surfing and watching a movie with some other girl which was not romantic but just fun. It’s a lot like skiing with your friends when they are mostly guys. I never kissed this girl and certainly never swapped fluids. Not to air out all the dirty laundry but let’s look at the relationship before you cast judgement:


1: I have been rejected for sex twice a week since January.
Not that this is a reason to go seek it elsewhere (I haven't) but it does tend to make an individual feel insecure.

2: The two of us have been on opposite schedules since January.
Our night classes are on opposite days and we never see each other on weekends as she is gone most of them or we are both too damn busy to connect with each other and talk. I think this was really what has hurt us the most. It’s really difficult to lose your best friend because you can’t, won’t, are afraid, are too busy, or any other of a thousand excuses not to talk

3. I tried several times the last month to spend some time with Erica where we would be unfettered by an activity and just spending time together. I HATE it but the first time we really talked in 6+ months was when I broke it off with her. I felt like she was no longer interested in me as much as the idea of me. She is better off without me and I see that you all told her as much. After this I realized that my ship was sinking and I had to find a way to rationalize what was happening (perceived anyway). I formed a plan that would force me to do what I thought was best for both of us. I would guilt myself into leaving her, she could spend the season or the rest of her life in Mammoth, and if she ever wanted to come back, we might be able to rekindle what we once had. I remember days in high school and college where it was fun to just be with Erica not doing anything just being together and I miss those days so much. I have never meant to hurt Erica or anyone else for that matter.

4. During this time of reflection I have also realized that my inability to face these emotional problems is part of what I hate about myself. I can't stand that I have trouble telling people when they are wrong. I bottle it up inside and never really let it out. I avoid conflict and bad feelings. I am sick and tired of this. I will no longer let others trample my own feelings. I know that Erica is a sweet girl and she deserves better. However, to make real changes in your own life sometimes you need to become a sort of ascetic. I have begun to renounce all things that have given me an identity in order to make it easier to change for the better. I know that Erica would have helped me to be better if she could have but I felt that this is a road I must walk alone. I am seeking therapy in my own way of running more and standing up for what is right and wrong. The solace and pain helps to keep the rest of my world in balance. There was NEVER any intent to cheat or see other people. All I wanted was to be by myself to become the man that most importantly I need myself to be. If I can’t be true to myself how can I ever hope to be true and good for her. I feel terrible for having put Erica in this position but at least I tried to be honest about my feelings w/ her.

5. For those of you that have made it this far I can only offer you all a warning. Please take care of the ones you love and make sure that you look them in the eye and tell them how much you love them. Go ski if you want to but make damn sure that you give them your full attention when you get back and demand there full attention if they blow you off. If they don't want to talk to you, you better make them talk to you or you might find yourself writing some weak ass apology to the internet and your ex. Communication or a lack thereof has been a failing point for me. Don't set yourself up and put other people’s feelings on the line.

I have apologized to Erica and I am apologizing to you all as well. I never ever wanted to hurt anyone and I want "you" to continue where I have failed. I hope that one day she will look back on this and remember the good times and not the stupid things I did to ruin it.

Erica, I am sorry.

[LAN]

I dated a married girl for about 3 months back when I was 19. My first hint that everything was not kosher probably should have been when her 4 year old daughter was dropped off earlier than mommy expected by grandma and busted in on us.

Man, that shit will SCAR a 19 year old. (and probably wasn't really great for the 4 year old).

Daddy was a marine out fighting in the first gulf war at the time. MY BAD

And you have the balls to give me shit?

[LAN]

I was kind of wondering the same thing.

Cheaters suck. But so do self righteous dicks who feel it is their place to judge others.

This 'if you love someone enough, you would never cheat on them' stuff is a pretty pie in the sky, utopian idea as well. People make mistakes. Some people make little mistakes, and unfortunately, some other people make HUGE misakes. In my very humble opinion, the 'if you love someone enough' part comes into play after the fact - do you love them enough to fess up? Do you love them enough to take responsibility for your actions, and not pass the buck or make excuses? Do you love them enough to accept the concequences?

When everything is shit, and your world is falling apart, and the hardest work that you will ever face in your life is staring you in the face, that is where the 'love' for the other person comes into play.

Don't get me wrong, I hate cheating. HATE IT. But I don't hate cheaters. By my definition of cheating, I have cheated (some of you might agree that what I did is cheating, some might not as there was no sex, or happy endings or anything). I don't blame my actions on anything, or anyone, other than myself. I made a choice - a horrible, hurtfull, stupid choice, but a choice none the less. I take responsibility for it, and I have paid the price (although not as high a price as some) for it.

Leopards can, and do, change their spots. I did.

It's not all about "loving someone else enough" to do this-and-that. It's about loving yourself, loving the other person, honoring the commitment you've made, and having self respect.

[Monique]

First, let's get some definitions straight. If you're not married, you're not cheatin'. Period. You can call it a serious relationship or whatever, but if you're not willing to take it to the altar or the judge it's not....

If you agree to an exclusive relationship--dating, living together, marriage, whatever--and then you have sex with someone else, it's cheating. Pledge made + pledge broken = cheating. I know a lot of lifelong couples who have never felt the need for an altar or judge, but who have taken their commitment to monogamy a lot more seriously than you have.

Anything other than actual penetration somewhere (or a hand job) I wouldn't classify as cheating. If you start calling all those things cheating, from all the flirting, ass grabbing, and extended dirty hugs I've done; hell I've cheated about a million times...

My wife was ready to leave me....

Really? Why?

I took a new job and was over a whole department of women...

Lemme guess (cut and paste from Playboy notwithstanding): if they flirt with you it's not sexual harassment to have sex with your employees.

My wife accused me of cheating numerous times, but I denied it. Actually the specific times that she was accusing me of being out with one of them (I'm guessing that the threesome thing was probably beyond her even thinking of), I was actually just out with the guys partying. I was smarter than to be out with them and making it look suspicious in some way....After a while things started to get back to normal at home, we went to a marriage counselor for a while (I still denied everything), but the bottom line is my wife really decided that she wanted to work things out and once that happened, I decided that things were worth working on...

So you congratulated yourself on being so smart your wife was "wrong" about which specific night you were actually cheating and then you went to counseling and let her work with you through whatever other issues you had, presumably in good faith, while you held back on admitting your own substantial contribution to those issues. Nice work. I'm not saying she's perfect or that she didn't hold back on anything either, I'm just saying if she smothers you in your sleep one night she'll be acquitted.

Ever since a serious boyfriend cheated on me, I've felt like the lying part is almost worse. If someone is cheating, there's no way to avoid the relationship's being at least subtly altered by both people shifting their responses toward each other. The person who's cheating has to engage in some lying or covering up, and probably feels at least a little guilty; and the one who's cheated on is pretty likely to have at least a vague sense something's wrong and to start feeling defensive, whether he/she ever voices the worry or gives it specific form. In my situation, I didn't even dream infidelity was involved, I just knew something intangible was making me feel on edge about our relationship all the time. For a couple of months I'd try to approach it and my boyfriend would reassure me (in extravagant, not grudging, terms) of his love, say nothing was wrong, and generally try to convince me the problem was all in my head. I loved him, was young and naïve, and wanted to trust him, so I bought into his attempts to persuade me I was paranoid. I put a lot of energy into trying to figure out what I was doing wrong to cause all the emotional confusion. The uncertainty and self-questioning was terrible. I was like a child who imagines "It's my fault my parents fight." All the time he was fucking someone else and making specific plans to leave me. When I finally found out, the fact he'd been smugly disdainful of my worries was a far more devastating betrayal than his cheating. It showed he didn't have a shred of respect for me. He might as well have spat in my face. People are fallible, obviously (just check the poll results), but lying to cover cheating while your partner attempts to confront the problem is as cowardly as it comes. And if you have never been honest with your wife, she probably had to live with a terrible sick feeling in her stomach for years, maybe still does, although I'd rather hope she's found a way to make peace with the fact you'll never come clean.

Not that I have strong feelings about the topic.

I'm just glad some busybody didn't take it upon themselves to tell my wife about it. That would've been the last straw, it would have broken our family apart and two innocent children would now be from a divorced home...

No, it would not have been "some busybody" breaking your family apart, it would have been your cheating and lying breaking the family apart. You are the one who risked your two innocent children being from a divorced home. If there's a "bad guy" in this movie it's not the "busybody," it's you.

We just moved into a newerand bigger house like my wife has always wanted last year, and recently celebrated our eighteenth wedding anniversary.

Probably a good idea to move out of the old place before anyone found out what you'd swept under the rugs.

I'm not trying to trivialize the achievement of sticking with your marriage, and you obviously played a part in making it better again. I'm calling you out because your post contains a shitload of rationalization and blaming other people for your problems. Still married or not, faithful or not, it sounds as if you haven't gained much in the way of integrity, and that makes me sad for your family.

[yogachik]

Whoa. Erica's boyfriend = too much information. But, Erica, I don't think I've ever read such a sincere apology. Seems like a real opportunity to get even deeper in this relationship -

[XtrPickels]

My "date/cheating" was only an attempt to find someone else that wanted to go surfing;
I never kissed this girl and certainly never swapped fluids. Not to air out all the dirty laundry but let’s look at the relationship before you cast judgement:


4. I have begun to renounce all things that have given me an identity in order to make it easier to change for the better. I know that Erica would have helped me to be better if she could have but I felt that this is a road I must walk alone. I am seeking therapy in my own way of running more and standing up for what is right and wrong.

5. For those of you that have made it this far I can only offer you all a warning. Please take care of the ones you love and make sure that you look them in the eye and tell them how much you love them.

Dude, Some words for the future
There are things that are public and private.
I feel your pain, but some of what you said ought to be deleted asap.

You and erica weren't seeing eye to eye on apparently alot of issues. There is an order that ought to be followed.

1.realize the person you are with might be great, but not a great person for you.
2.break up
3.date.

You:
1.Date
2.Break up

have you realized that you are erica might not be right for each other?
Props on wanting to change... but are you wanting to change for the sake of it didn't work out?
Don't make yourself a martyr or blame shift. When you had problems you needed to deal with them.

Most importantly. Be yourself. Don't renounce things. Don't lose the person you are. Find the person that is right for you.
Don't try to be right for the other person. If you get caught up in that, you'll never be happy.

[Kiki]

After reading that novel... I feel drama free! Man I got it good!

I think that we should all remember there is always 2 sides to a story and sometimes not judging people with out all the facts is difficult, but we should listen and not judge (or judge as little as possable)

[slim]

Lemme guess (cut and paste from Playboy notwithstanding): if they flirt with you it's not sexual harassment to have sex with your employees.

Don't be such a prude. Everybody knows the girls that put out get promoted faster.

[splat]

Don't be such a prude. Everybody knows the girls that put out get promoted faster.

It's called piercing the glass ceiling - lips first.

[TWINS]

Jerry Springer: Well, folks, We've come to the end of our show, and it's time for my "Final Thought." We've learned something important here today, haven't we? Too many people refuse to let go of what they could no longer hold on to. Trying to travel back to the past just isn't possible. The support of those in the present who love you can help. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. See you next time!

[Monique]

Don't be such a prude. Everybody knows the girls that put out get promoted faster.

Shit! Now that I'm self-employed (and my boss is a straight female) I'll NEVER get a promotion!

[bklyn]

It's called piercing the glass ceiling - lips first.

Maybe I should apply for an internship at PMGear?
It can't be that hard to fetch the venti-soy-no-water-chai teas and wear too tight fkna t-shirts with short shorts. Hot enough to melt ptex candles!

Seriously, I hate the speculation on who women screwed to get their jobs, and the nasty old jabba-the-hut-bodied execs that were trying to "help me with my career" if I was willing to put out. Nasty.

The dandruff on the shoulders of your rumpled blue suit is so sexy, it's making me hot.

[splat]

I couldn't help but post that after my roommate was tellling me about a woman at her job who made a rapid advance to the upper echelons of her workplace by screwing every guy who could promote her. Once she got there, she was so out of her league, they fired her. So, I guess she blew it. In more ways than one.

We'll hold a spot for you in the making skis video we plan on producing with one of those German companies whose tool vids have been posted here from time to time, Tracy. Of course, that would be after we see how well you can fetch the chai tea!

[TWINS]

Erica this is Mrs. Twins. I'm so sorry to hear about the cheating. You are a beautiful girl and have a lot to offer a guy that is worthy. Good thoughts coming your way.

[LAN]

Maybe I should apply for an internship at PMGear?
It can't be that hard to fetch the venti-soy-no-water-chai teas and wear too tight fkna t-shirts with short shorts. Hot enough to melt ptex candles!

Perhaps you two should just screw and get it over with?

[splat]

Due to the overwhelming number of internet suitors pursuing Tracy, she said she might not be able to squeeze me in until next spring, LAN.

*fingers crossed*

In the meantime, I look forward to your breast and labia critiques in the padded room.

[bklyn]

Perhaps you two should just screw and get it over with?

LAN - I think people would be much more interested if you and I would just screw and get over the bickering. But that would be cheating, since you are married. Maybe you could ask your husband for a one time pass? I'm not really down for the girl on girl action, but sometimes you have to take one for the team.

Oh wait, are you going to critique my labia? I can withstand the boob commentary, but the labia thing might be too much for me to handle. Then again, the contrasting color scheme might be too much for you to handle.

[LAN]

In the meantime, I look forward to your breast and labia critiques in the padded room.

It's only the roast beef I have a problem with.

Good luck with the waiting list!

[Yet Another Alias]

Just for everyone's sake, this is what I was really trying to concentrate things on.

I'm just glad some busybody didn't take it upon themselves to tell my wife about it. That would've been the last straw, it would have broken our family apart and two innocent children would now be from a divorced home.

We just moved into a newerand bigger house like my wife has always wanted last year, and recently celebrated our eighteenth wedding anniversary.

Uncle Frank, no matter how well meaning you may be. It's Nunnaya Bizeness.

And Monique (and some others) except for your last point you are exactly right. I made mistakes. I truly do not think that admitting them to the offended party would have made any positive contirbution to things. Then or now. I am very far from perfect, I'm just doing the best I can.

Oh, and Snowdreamer; Karma has bitten me in the ass. She is my daughter, she has all the qualities that I don't like about myself, she will eventually be the death of me. She will always be my greatest treasure.

Peace everyone.

Edit: It has been over 5 years since I have been engaged in any extramarital activities. FWIW.

[schindlerpiste]

The only thing that is more stupid than cheating on someone is admitting it!


It ain't cheating if you're not married, and look how happy Mr. and Mrs. Schindler are together.

[rideit]

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