Positive Vibes Please: Worst Day of my Life

[Jim S]

+++++++++ V I B E S
Hang in there. I have a very amiable relationship with my ex wife. There can be 'good' divorces.

BTW, how much does your kid charge for a tune and wax?

[Obstruction]

Sorry to hear it man. Stay as positive as you can, kids feed off of your emotional energy.

[msnowmn]

Cancel the diviorce. You think things are bad now. Just wait till you are not tied anymore and things will be worse.

Your vows said for better or for worse. Your kids need you as a family do not give up.

Stay the course!

Positive vibes and prayers sent your way...

[horizon]

Loads of good advice above...Good luck, and I hope you'll manage to be happy again after the divorce and share that happiness with your kids...

[peterslovo]

++++ vibes ++++

good luck H-man.

[verbier61]

A L L
T H E
B E S T
!

[jackstraw]

positive vibes your way h-man...

i have two boys 8 & 10 and can absolutely relate to what you're going through. my wife and i have been very close to separating in the past. its extremely difficult to raise children and keep a marriage together as you know. this is the third break-up/ divorce i've heard about this week...very strange...kids involved in all cases.

stay possitive and obviously don't 'throw stones' as that will not help anyone involved.

good luck.

[Canuk]

Sorry to hear such sad news, H-Man. I can't immagine how much it must have hurt to have to answer your son's question. It would have killed me. My thoughs and prayers are going out to you, your kids, and your wife at this time. Make your kids your priority - let them know that you both love them very much, and they will be fine. Good luck dude!

[skiguide]

H-man,

I don't have much to say now, as I am in shock over this news. I'm so very sorry.

You and your wife have raised great kids, they have had a good life, and you all will figure out how to deal with this and make the adjustment.

best thoughts to everyone.

[Below Zero]

Stay Strong! Sorry to hear.

[girlski0912]

Positive vibes H-Man. The little guys are going to be upset, but talk to them and help them understand what is going on right now. Let them know how much you love them (your commitment to them could be what gets you through this). And remember that in the long run, this is all for the best.

Good luck.

[yentna]

That's rough, I can't imagine. ++++ VIBES +++

Stay strong and be there for your kids. I'm not one to really give advice on the topic, nor have this type of experience (and hope not to but who knows), but.....
....my only thought is that we all know how time flies and while it may not seem now that you'll get through this, before you know it you'll be settled into a new routine and your kids will have adjusted....good luck.

[comish]

H-man,

Wow, huge bummer. Sorry to hear man. Good luck with everything. There are plenty of kids that have been through this, and yours will make it fine. ++++ vibes sent.

[Max Gosey]

^^^ Definitely looks like you've been an awesome father. Way to go, H-man!

As far as your situation goes, I hope you come out of it strong. I wish all the best to your family, to you, and particularly to your kids. Many positive vibes sent to all.

[KANUTTEN]

Very sorry to hear that, H-man. Positive vibes to you.

I have only second hand experience, although pretty close to me (parents and sister).

Divorce is about the toughest and most traumatic one can go through in life. It is up there along losing a kid as the worst that can happen. So you have tough times ahead of you, no doubt. But eventually you will get through the tunnel. It is inevitable that you will get angry with your wife and vice versa. It is a very very good idea to try as hard as you can to make the brake up civil. You are going to have a relationship with her in the future, she is still the mother of your kids.

As for the kids, I am sure its going to be tough for them too. However, kids have an amazing ability to adapt to new circumstances. Kids of divorced parents are doing ok, generally speaking. You must just continue to be a good dad to them, and I think that part is going to work out ok.

Best wishes to you, your kids in tough times to come and happier times ahead of you, H-man.

[white]

Indeed you're in a tough situation. If my comments are unwanted, ignore them, call me a JONG andcontinue on with your life.

Having known many, many, many, people who've come from a divorced family, some 5 times over (yes 5 ), I've noticed some key aspects to these situations.

Indeed it is just plain shitty when a relationship falls apart. It's shitty on everybody involved and yes, i'm sorry, especially on any kids that are in the mix.

sounds like a great deal of you're feeling of overall shitiness is stemming from how this will affect your adorable kids (who look like badass little skiers BTW). As this shitty situation transpires, make sure of one thing and only one thing: You and your wife must make your love for children abundantly clear to them. They need to understand that no matter what happens, both of you will always love them and will always be there for them. They won't be able to understand why you have to get divorced for quite some time, however, If they know that both of you love them as much as ever, they'll be just fine.

There's no doubt that this will be difficult for all of you but as far as your kids are concerned, nothing is more important than love and support from both you and your wife, no matter how hard it is for the two of you.

Again, throw this away if i've been too presumtuous to assume that my advice is wanted, but nonetheless ++++++++++Vibes++++++++++

[XtrPickels]

H-man
++++Vibes

The sentiment that "this is for the betterment of you and your kids" echo'd by numerous people above is entirely true. My parents getting divorced was a wonderful thing, Although I am too you to remember what was going on during that time, now I am grateful that it happened.

The biggest thing, staying friends with your ex-wife... or at least on good terms... will be major for the kids. It taught me that even though people may not be right for marriage they can still be great people. It allowed me to be close with both parents.

+vibes

[The Dad]

++++++ vibes.

Although it will undoubtedly make parenthood more difficult, and parenthood is difficult enough as it is, it is doable.

My wife's parents got divorced when she was your kids' age, and though adolescence is no picnic in any event, she's remained close to both of them through the years.

And then there's my stepfather (more my mother's husband -- they didn't get together until I was in college, and he's a lot younger than she is, so it's not really a "dad" relationship). He split with his wife when his kids were even younger than yours, and then moved from Iowa to NYC. He was obsessive about staying involved with them, and when it came time for them to go to college, they both came to NY.

Oh, and what XtrP said about staying on good terms with the ex. My stepfather swears by email -- there are times when taking most of the emotion out of an interaction can be a very good thing.

Good luck.

[ljm]

++++++ Vibes

Sorry to hear it. Best wishes.

/levi

[Endlessseason]

Hman, very sorry to hear this. It hurts bad. I know. Our two boys were about the same age as yours when my wife and I separated ten years ago. It IS devastating on kids. When our youngest overheard that we were getting divorced he slept by the front door for weeks hoping to stop us from leaving in the middle of the night.

We went to several different counselors before finding one who wouldn't take a side. After a lot of very hard work and time, we finally realized that since we cannnot change one another we needed to focus on what we appreciated and loved instead of what we don't. We got back together after a few months and continued working on it. It took a couple of years, but we ended up stronger than ever before.

All these years later, wiser from the personal growth and depth of experience that only something like this can give, I have to throw in my 2 cents. I know you cannot believe this with what you are both presently going through, but, if your ultimate goal is to marry someone with whom you can have respect, happiness, peace, and complete mutual trust; then now is your chance to do it with the very person you've spent all these years with -- have children with.

If you fight FOR your marriage like you've never fought for anything before, it can happen. If not, it won't. Everyone told us it was too late. Too much damage had been done and the situation was irreversible. We're both very stubborn people. Once WE decided that we would try EVERYTHING we could before giving up, we made it happen.

I'm obviously not saying this road is for everyone, but for us it was the wisest thing we could have done. So worth it.

[EPSkis]

Sorry to hear about your pain, H.

I've been on both sides of this one myself. My parents split when I was 12 & to be honest ~ it was probably the best thing that could've happened to us. Sure, it took a couple years to figure that out, but it got easier with each day.

As far as your kids ~ you already know the answer. Continue to shower them with love, attention and reassure them at every opportunity that BOTH of you love them and will be there for them.

You & your kids will be fine.

Best of luck & hang tough, man.

[Blurred]

H-Man-with as much positive energy you give this place, I'm sure you give 100x more to your family. I have a feeling everything is going to work out fine for you.

[The AD]

Best wishes however this turns out. You already know it's going to be a rough road for a while. The important thing is you'll be there for the kids in the long run and it sure sounds like you will be.

[ICEHOCEY77]

++++++

Echo what the last guy said, make sure that the key thing is to make it as small a difficulty on your kids as you can. Make sure you keep the lines of communication with your ex-wife open in regards to your kids so that you're decision making is the same, and one doesn't grow to favor one over the other because one lets the kids get away with more. It's a tough road, but I have faith you'll make it through.

[grrrr]

I went through this last year. It was a rough year, but things are getting better all the time. Hang in there. Be friends with her, even if it kills you. Your kids will appreciate it their whole lives. Be strong for your kids, and they will be strong. Be happy in your new life, and they will learn to be happy too.