Positive Vibes Please: Worst Day of my Life

[El Chupacabra]

Kids can be really resilient if they are given the chance. A person I know that went through a divorce with kids involved said "as long as you and your wife keep your kid's welfare as a priority through this difficult time they will turn out alright." Good luck and positive vibes sent.

<< Exactly this.

My wife has 2 kids from her prior marriage; we share custody with her ex 50/50. It was a relatively amicable divorce, and the kids have pulled through fine -- they're 6 and 8 now, and just think of themselves as having 2 sets of parents.

Best of luck to you -- stay strong H-man.

[Schmear]

Wow, Endless. You and your wife beat the odds. Amazing.

H-Man, kids bounce back from this stuff--I should know. Give your kids lots of love and always treat their mom with respect. Those are the golden rules. Hopefully you guys can work things out, but if not, you and your boys will have a lot to talk about over the tuning bench.

[Kya]

So sorry man. I'm sure everything will work out for the best.

[Cono Este]

If you stay active in the kids lives it will be fine.

My parents stayed married longer than they should have, that was a mistake as far as the kids go. You have to consider that.

Good luck.

[schindlerpiste]

Soo sorry...especially for the children. I have always thought that it's ok for adults to hate each other, and fuck up each other's lives, as much as they want. It's another thing to fuck with the lives and well-being of their children. In these situations, you owe it to your kids to put them first. Do whatever it takes to take care of them, and place their interests ahead of your own.


+++VIBES+++






GOOD LUCK! THINK HARD!!

[iskibc]

Sad news Hannes. So sorry to hear about this. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. Not much you can do now but keep your head up and move forward. Do the best you can for your kids and just be there for them.

[iceman]

Ya know, I've been married 15 years and I've never once thought of divorce.

Murder, yes. Divorce, no.

Thank you, Henny Youngman

Keep your chin up mang, there will be a brighter day.

[Buzzworthy]

H, I am very sorry to hear your news. I am sending prayers your way.


You are a warm person and maybe you can work it out, maybe not. One thing that will stay the same is how good of a dad you are to those little ones. Please do not forget that. A good dad is a good dad, regardless of what is happening around them.


I have only met you once, but I know people and you are one of the real deals. Your generosity to me alone when I was out that way was amazing.

Keep your chin up, as hard as it may be.

[ak_powder_monkey]

that sucks man, best of luck. Your kids will be fine.

[cl1953]

Hannes, my heart aches for you and the family. You are still their Dad and always will be. Love them as hard as you can. Talk to them, alot. Just listen to what they have to say. Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and even professionals.

Be very strong, they need you.

[grrrr]

I know this is a hard subject to broach - we all tend to believe that our kids are coping better than they often are with these things. Kids will tend to hide their feelings about divorce from their parents. After the intial shock they often will begin to act "noramlly" again, but often have issues that come in in peer interactions or school problems. Get them some counseling. It's something you as a parent can't take care of for them, and they will need it.

[Dside11-11]

Very sorry, H-man. You sound like one hell of a caring father, and I am sure that will shine through these tough times. +++++++++++++

[erica_z]

good luck H-man. Divorce sucks, but you need to be strong for the kiddos.

+++++

lots of good advice from everyone

[schuss]

sorry to hear man. As the child of a nasty divorce, I suggest you both try to stay nice to each other and above all, be honest to your kids.

[gforce]

That's hard but it sounds like you have the right attitude to shower your kids with the love they deserve.
+++++++vibes

[flatNshallow]

H- very sad news. My daughter was 9 when I divorced... I'll just offer you this consolation: Your kids would have reacted the same regardless of when they found out, and no, you probably could not have made it easier on them had you been able to "tell" them... The truth is whatever "damage" you may think you've done, letting them grow up with the example of a bad marriage would have been far worse. I know that does not make it any easier and my heart goes out to you and you family.

[stomp]

++++vibes to you and yours h-

[beaterdit]

Oh man, I'm sorry. That's gotta be the most difficult thing in the world to go through. I know from experience it's hard on the kids but it's better than living a lie. They may see this as an example to be true to your self in time. Bottom line, life goes on, the kids will be all right as long as they know that you both still love them and that nothing will ever change that.
Here's to you and your kids, stay strong.

[SPREAD EAGLE]

I've been divorced for almost one year now and everything is good. I am not able to relate though since I didn't have any children with the ex. Divorce is terrible and I pray no one has to go through such an unpleasant and sometimes heartbreaking dilemma. Prayers are always good as God always opens a new door where ever and old one was closed. Keep moving forward and progressing with your kids and don't make an enemy of the ex-wifey.

This may sound strange but I have been able to push myself more physically lately than ever, be it endurance or long distance, pain inducing, whatever since the divorce. Anything physical can not compare with the pains we feel inside. KEEP CHARGING no matter what my friend.

[GT40]

Hey H, Sorry to hear about the hard times.

My wife and I have had marriage counselors tell us it was over and to just get a divorce. We both wanted to make it work for the kid's benefit. So we keep learning new things that make it work for us.

The latest book that has really helped is "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. The author is an egotist, but has good info. He gets you to focus on all the good things about your relationship. Focus on the reasons you got married in the first place. It helped me a lot to quit looking for the negatives.

Best of luck to you and your family. And as others have said, just still spend lots of time with the kids.

[Tyrone Shoelaces]

I struggled with even posting it, but I needed to say something since it is eating me up inside. I appreciate your understanding.

I can definitely understand all of this.

Best of luck to you h-man.

posi vibes to you.

[MOHSHSIHd]

You and your children will get through this. As far as I can tell just from your first post on this thread you are a very loving father and you have your head on straight.

My parents separated when I was only 5 and divorced when I was 8, so I have been there....the kids will pull through

[bcrider]

Hang in there H-man!

As a father of two (7, 10) and after being married for 11 years I can definitely relate. This shit aint easy.

Stay positive and things will work out fine which ever road you go down.

Its good to talk about this stuff too…we’re here for you.

[gonzo]

The bright side is you are both alive, healthy and willing to be good parents for your kids as they grow up. A friend of a friend of a friend was hit by a bus in Chicago over the weekend - she died yesterday and left her husband, a 3 month old, and a 3 year old behind. Her funeral was yesterday. So things could be worse! Stay strong!

[Marshall Tucker]

Marshall Tucker Jr. is 9. He’s been playing little league for two months. First day of practice he asks to pitch and his first throw goes over the back stop. 2nd one pegged the batter in the leg. For The next month he stood in right field for six innings a game and watched the ball go by at bat. He was the worst player on a good team batting dead last. I was chained to my desk crankin out tax returns April 16 I started pitching 50 balls a night. Late april he cracks two triples in one game and has gotten at least a double since. Now he bats clean up.

Here’s the really funny part. He never gave up pitching. Every afternoon I was at work he was in the back yard throwing anything he could at the fence. Damn thing is bent all to hell now. Two weeks ago they let him try pitching again in practice and he didn’t kill anyone. A week ago they let him pitch in a game and in two innings he got four strikeouts and no hits against #5 team in the league. The next game he started pitcher and got 5 strikeouts in 3 innings and nobody got past 2nd base. Against the #2 team. And as the kids are high fiving him in the dugout, doin that thing where you jump and hit bellys together...it occurred to me…he just hasn’t gotten the memo yet. The one that says when an organization, whether its high school, or your job, or whatever, tells you you’re fucking nothing you’re supposed to listen. He’s nine and has this clean blackboard between his ears…and he really believes he can do anything.

So that memo about how divorce is supposted to fuck kids up…I’d bet dollars to donuts your sons havent’ gotten that one yet either.

You watch.