The Chronicles of Max and Cool Ethan (NSR)

[Max Gosey]

Summit laughed when he heard of this, so I figured I would share it in hopes you all would do the same. Those who have seen the movie Slackers will appreciate this particularly, as Cool Ethan was like a PERFECT description of this kid.

I met a kid on Facebook several weeks back who left me a funny comment, and I asked him about his skis. We became facebook buddies (bwa!) and had arranged to hang out and watch ski movies. I brought Sinners to Bear Creek and watched it with him (but he talked through most of it = ). Turns out that he is a transfer student from Maine and is probably as all about Sunday River as I am about skiing in general. The kid rants on and on about it to the point of annoyance, but being the tolerant person I am, I put up with it and smile.

His three roommates have moved out/been kicked out for a dispute with him and are living together somewhere else by the time I get to Bear Creek. The apartment is BARREN, as they have moved out within the past few days. Pretty eerie.

I hear his life story within about an hour of meeting the kid (which freaked me out a little, but I'm being tolerant). He used to be some high-ranking DH racer, so I figure I can probably profit from skiing with this kid and plan to do just that in the fall--despite the fact that I am the second or third guy this kid has met/hung out with since he has gotten to CO (~2-3 months). The fact that he overtly sings songs about his cat Tootsie, thinks he looks better with a popped collar, and apologizes about every 45 seconds for being annoying (which is much more annoying than what he's saying) may contribute to this.

My birthday is coming up as I'm at Bear Creek (this was saturday the 8th, my birthday was the 10th), so he orders me food and cake from Boulder Baked and pays for it. I give him money because it just feels too weird. He tells me he wants to take me to the Chophouse for my birthday and I agree somewhat hesitantly. After another hour of awkwardness and listening to various things, continuing to discover eccentricities (as we'll call them), I leave and tell him I'll hang later on.

Next weekend (this was last weekend) rolls around, and I can't find anything to do, so I call the kid and ask him if he wants to do the chophouse thing. He says ok, and we run some errands and dodge hanging with Marshal (you'll be glad we missed you last Sat., man) and get a 9 pm reservation. He pays eagerly for my prime rib (yes it was kind of a date, but it was free prime rib, so what can you do?) and we wait to catch the bus, which stopped running about 5 minutes before we got to the stop. After 30 minutes we realize this and go to the St. Julien and call a cab. Feeling very sophisticated by the premise of calling a cab from the St. Julien (he wouldn't shut up about how cool it was that they "like thought we were staying there), he pays, and we arrive at Sewall. I'm trying to get this kid out on the social scene away from hermitville so that he'll make friends. Nice gesture, but it failed. Badly.

After he's had a few beers, the kid sees a girl on TV and starts to show my friend in very detailed gestures what he would do to this girl (and probably never has) with his tongue and hands. It was worse than horrible. He stares at my other friend's earring for about 5 minutes and then heckles him. Then he turns to the girl in the room and harrasses her. Then before introducing himself, he talks to another friend of mine about his inoperable brain tumor. Then he proceeds to weird everyone out in ways I can't even remember because I felt compelled to chug vodka in order to tolerate the kid.

He leaves, and, very weirded out at this point by this kid having little intention to see him again, I get a text message from him saying "Max, you're my best friend in all of CO!!!"


Basically, I'm Angela.

I give credit to friends for sending him back "I love you" and "Don't you ever get urges?" It goes without saying that the kid is confused, and he leaves a voicemail saying "someone has your phone... call me later". It wa s just way too awkward at that point, so I ignored his 6 or so calls, hoping he would get the message without me having to explain that he was just way too off-color to tolerate.

But one of his voicemails says "I left my backpack there. Please give it to me." He comes to Sewall to collect it, and brings me bread pudding, looking very somber (I had said something about how I liked bread pudding and would eat it for dessert if the chophouse had it). I give him a confusing look, and he turns and goes back to Bear Creek.


Yesterday he calls about 6 more times, and I send him the text message "Look, I can't talk to you on the phone, it's just too awkward being your friend but wanting more. I should have told you sooner." Which I suppose perpetuates the confusion. He thinks I'm gay. And I honestly thought it would scare him off so that I wouldn't have to break it to him that he's just a really fucking creepy guy. Nope "Look if you're gay, it's ok. I still want to be your friend. Just tell me what the fuck's going on."

Damn! Foiled! So I tell the kid the truth (lightly as I can), and he asks for me to reimburse him for the food. But I can't paypal him. Have to go see him in person. Wonder if he'll take a swing at me...? I probably deserve it. Anyway, in order to maintain the slightest sliver of karma, I will be paying him more than half for the meal.

I know it's mean, but it doesn't mean it's not funny. This isn't about "oh, my God, how could you?!" because I realize how wrong it was. This thread is about meeting some kid who reminded me exactly of cool ethan after hanging out with him the second time and sharing the laugh with you guys.

This experience will make me look back and go . Particularly with respect to facebook. I see now why my mom was so concerned about skiing with maggots...

The end.

[lemon boy]

Dear Diary,

Today I got that POS unfriend Marshal to pay me back for the meal at the Chophouse that he conned me into paying for.



Sorry max, you hadta see it comin. I had one of those "friends" too... Leo. Its highly likely he has something like Asberger's.

[upallnight]

This is just freaking weird - both on your end and on his.

Can I ask you, though, if you have the opportunity to hang out with Marshal -- someone you know is actually cool and a talented skier/athlete -- then why are you dodging him in favor of having out with some weird/creepy ex-HS-DH-racer guy?

Max, you do realize that this incident + all the "no sex" stuff is going to make people ask the questions about you, not this other guy.

Seriously: Why not invest some time in people you know you can learn from rather than random folks....unless....

[danimal's dead]

Dude, that is worse than brokeback, more like "camelback mountain." Spring in a ski town, what a weird time of year. It's like the end of college, nobody really wants to leave, but there ain't no reason to stay. The only people left are the misfits and the people who have no money to go someplace else, last one out of town turn out the lights.

[Cyber Cop]

I met a kid on Facebook several weeks back (Squatch, check out Bryan in my skiers' group) who left me a funny comment, and I asked him about his skis. We became facebook buddies (bwa!) and had arranged to hang out and watch ski movies.

Ok, I should have stopped there, cause that was funny. And max, a man who will resort to saying he's gay to avoid telling someone they don't like them is, well, gay. Not in the gay way, just the lame and stupid kinda gay way. But I guess this is one of those, "guess you had to be there" moments.

P.S. I still wan't my bread pudding back too, asshole.

[mojorisin]

wait, so you led him on to get a free meal, and now you feel remorse?

[lemon boy]

Can I ask you, though, if you have the opportunity to hang out with Marshal -- someone you know is actually cool and a talented skier/athlete -- then why are you dodging him in favor of having out with some weird/creepy ex-HS-DH-racer guy?

Obviously you've not hung out with Marshal, that kids got BO to make cool Ethan seem like a breath of fresh air.

[acostiga]

this could be your most entertaining TR yet! keep it up, and take pictures next time to help bring more life to your narrative.

[lemon boy]

this could be your most entertaining TR yet! keep it up, and take pictures next time to help bring more life to your narrative.

obviously you haven't read the pantsuit effect.

[Max Gosey]

Can I ask you, though, if you have the opportunity to hang out with Marshal -- someone you know is actually cool and a talented skier/athlete -- then why are you dodging him in favor of having out with some weird/creepy ex-HS-DH-racer guy?

The "no sex" stuff is none of your concern.

I've been trying to hang with marshal for like 2 weeks now, it just doesn't work out. Got WAY too stoned last night (sorry, mang) and the week before, this kid was running late trying to figure out which collar looked the best on him, popped.

My parents have encouraged me to get the hell out of Sewall and continue to meet more fun people to hang out with. That's what I was trying to do, and it kinda backfired.

And in Marshal's defense, he doesn't smell THAT bad. I mean it's a little sobering, but nothing intolerable.

P.S. There was no "leading on". There was "giving him a chance" until I just couldn't take it anymore. The kid just turned out way too creepy. Like meeting a girl briefly and discovering she's a moron but tells funny jokes, taking her on a date, and realizing that try as you might to give her a chance to redeem herself as a person, you just CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE! Or maybe it's nothing like that.

Anyway, the gay tactic was something new and interesting I'd never thought of before. I thought it made sense because if he was gay and dug the fact that i said I was, I could be like "fuck you I'm joking," and he'd run away crying. Or it would just scare him off. Either way, there's less creeping.

[PNWbrit]

TGR = The Gosey Ramblings

AKPM - perhaps you can also post something about you adolescent fumblings - it's been a few weeks

[Cyber Cop]

Max, I think you should go out with this dude again and wear a headcam.

[lemon boy]

Max, I think you should go out with this dude again and wear a headcam.

That'd look sick mounted on Max's headgear

Max, are there really so few people in Sewell that your folks want you to expand your horizons? :shrug:

[El Chupacabra]

obviously you haven't read the pantsuit effect.

BWA!

Just walking down the hallway in our office a few minutes ago, and see one of our overweight cubicle dwellers on her way back from lunch. Today being Friday, it's even more casual than usual. What's she wearing? A purple VELOUR pantsuit. I start laughing, realize it's probably audible, and quickly leave.

[Cyber Cop]

That'd look sick mounted on Max's headgear

Oh shit, can't stop laughing.

[Max Gosey]

That'd look sick mounted on Max's headgear

Max, are there really so few people in Sewell that your folks want you to expand your horizons? :shrug:

Not just more people, but different KINDS of people. Sewall seems to be the same kinds of people over and over (read: potheads, some of whom are interesting people, and dickwaving sponsored skiers [2 of them]... not really any real skiers except for Bob, who's a cool guy, and not really any profound intellectuals.) That's been my experience anyway.

And if it's not funny, I'll delete it. Thought I might beget a chuckle or two.

Pantsuit effect = classic

[Cyber Cop]

Not just more people, but different KINDS of people. TGR seems to be the same kinds of people over and over (read: potheads, some of whom are interesting people, and dickwaving sponsored skiers [32 of them]... not really any real skiers except for Bob, who's a cool guy, and not really any profound intellectuals, except for Cyber Cop.) That's been my experience anyway.

fixed
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P.S. no deleting threads, it's out there, let it live.

[lemon boy]

Dude, don't bother deleting it I've already saved it in the "possibly deletable but funny file" so it'll only be even worse for you if you try such a stunt.

And what's wrong with potheads, when I was in school all of my best friends were potheads.

[Max Gosey]

And what's wrong with potheads, when I was in school all of my best friends were potheads.

That's all they do. They eat, smoke, sleep, and watch Family Guy. Which is fine, and they're fun to hang out with, but that's not me. It would be nice to find people motivated to go out and DO shit.

I'm not saying they're bad people. They're just typically inactive.

Cyber Cop, you're an alum/student?

[Cyber Cop]

wait, so you led him on to get a free meal, and now you feel remorse?

Max would never cut it as a chick.

[lemon boy]

I'm not saying they're bad people. They're just typically inactive.

kolidge shure has chanjed sinc i were their. They're were a tyme while you culdn't go with any skirs but pot heads.

[homerjay]

I'd be pissed too if I took a date to the Chophouse and didn't get any!

[Max Gosey]

I'd be pissed too if I took a date to the Chophouse and didn't get any!

I'm just not that easy.



LB: the average number of skier days per person who owns skis is about 7 or 8 (in Sewall). The ones who are good and who like to ski like themselves even more (the mail boy who's a photog major/spancered and some kid upstairs who's spancered). There's a kid who used to race for Squaw's team and was like 70-pt FIS but has been up like 10 days this year. It's just really saddening. Annoying even. Kids here just don't really leave except to go to the Hill once a week for food. And sadly enough, it's rubbed off on me. I'm trying to break that habit. I'm trying to GET OUT OF SEWALL. Usually takes hanging with people who don't live in Sewall (i.e. Marshall) for that.

[Blurred]

So Max> if youre not gay< WHY ARE YOU DATING DUDES?

[lemon boy]

Bwa! solid.

Max, I gotta hand it to you this is easily the most entertaining thread today. Certainly not the best one but certainly entertaining.