India TR -NSR - Part The Second-To-Last, I think. (And you hope, yeah, I get it)

[iceman]

Well, we didn't see anyone else get caned (as they say) on our trip. Sorry if you were waiting for that.

We were only in Mumbai (Bombay) for the one night, essentialy because it made our flights cheaper. Romantic, I know.

We flew out of Mumbai nine hours after we had arrived there, headed for Delhi. The arrival in Delhi was much like that in Mumbai, but it was daytime, and since the bar had been closed the night before I was not hungover, so it went fairly smoothly.

By the time we were set in our hotel it was approaching dusk, and despite my pleas, we went for a short walk. We were at a quite nice hotel in the center of Delhi, and the Sikhs were managing the gates at either end of the drive.

One of the Sikhs mumbled a subdued caution to us as we proceeded out the gate, onto the street, out of the West, into the East, one step at a time.

It only took a hundred yards before we were the center of attention. And why not? Big beefy white guy, wife and kids in tow, let's sell them something! If I was them, that's what I would do.

But soon the crush of hawkers, snake-charmers and scammers became too much, particularly for the intelligent-and-interested-but-basically-whitebread-suburban kids we have. And we retreated to the hotel.

Fortunately for my sanity, my wife was exhausted and the place had satellite TV. Two problems solved at once.

Oh yeah, and the bar was open.

So I plugged the kids into the videoweb, shut down the wife for service, went to the bar for a coupla cocktails, and went out.

Perhaps not the wisest choice, considering I was jetlagged, half-drunk, and completely unaware of my location. I mean, I knew the name of the hotel, and the road it is on, but that's it. Still, I forged on.

(disapointing part of the story coming)

Nothing really happened. I went to about five different clubs, I had thugs and hooligans eyeing me up and down, debating what would be the most elegant and stylish way to take my money, I had guys following me from place to place, waiting for me, offering me whatever I wanted.

If you've ever lived in a city, you know that this is not unique to India. Everybody everywhere wants the money in your pocket.

But if there was something special about it, it would be how cheerful everyone was. They wanted your money, but they still wanted you to have fun in the process. They wanted you to be happy or at least not "discomfitted" - a very Indian word.

Better than my home town, I'll say that much.

But what I wanted, at that place, at that time, was bed. So I walked home, leader of a little parade, a parade of pimps and dealers and the rest, and let the Sikhs at the gate scare my crew away.

[Blurred Elevens]

You could have saved some typing by posting:

I put the wife and kids to bed, went to the club. Did'nt score, but I also did'nt get mugged. I went back to the hotel.-The End

[iceman]

Originally posted by Blurred Elevens
You could have saved some typing by posting:

I put the wife and kids to bed, went to the club. Did'nt score, but I also did'nt get mugged. I went back to the hotel.-The End

Yeah, I could have, but I'm a much better writer than you are.

[Blurred Elevens]

Don't flatter yourself.

[iceman]

I don't need to.

Your attention is flattery enough, sweetie.

[Blurred Elevens]

So what was so scary about your trip? The McDonalds commercial, the smell, or your trip to the Hyatt?

[iceman]

I don't know why so many people have you on their "ignore" lists, man.

You funny.

[gonzo]

http://www.humanrightsandtolerance.o...--Goteborg.jpg

"...and we very sad to see you go Mr. Iceman!"

edit: fuggin picture. and blurred, you're not funny.

[Blurred Elevens]

Actually, none of them do. They just can't come up with an original comeback, and fall back on that crock of shit.

I enjoy fucking with ya Ice, you take it well...

[iceman]

BTW, I didn't get near as far along with the trip report today as I'd hoped, but I can't edit the thread title, so buy some lotion and settle in, Brett, this is gonna go a few more days.

[Blurred Elevens]

Thanks dawg...I'll revive those pics you posted of your sister way back when..

[Dexter Rutecki]

It's pretty great, actually--I'm pretty sure that just about anything worth reading from Brett is quoted by iceman, so even with 'ignore' on I can still get the best parts (iceman and select Blurred idiocy) of the argument.

[Snow Dog]

Interesting tale mr. iceman. You get in my taxi; I take you to fun place; ok?

[Blurred Elevens]

Yup, if you just skip his initial post, and then read my quote, you'll save yourself some time and a headache....

[Snow Dog]

Originally posted by Blurred Elevens
Yup, if you just skip his initial post, and then read my quote, you'll save yourself some time and a headache....

Reading doesn't give me a headache. Try not moving your lips.

[board]

Originally posted by Blurred Elevens
You could have saved some typing by posting:

I put the wife and kids to bed, went to the club. Did'nt score, but I also did'nt get mugged. I went back to the hotel.-The End

Brett you could save us all some time by just shutting the fuck up !

[shamrockpow]

Originally posted by iceman
They wanted your money, but they still wanted you to have fun in the process. They wanted you to be happy or at least not "discomfitted" - a very Indian word.

Better than my home town, I'll say that much.

Wassat kid? You trying ta step ta me? Ya wanna staht somethin?

[Benny Profane]

Originally posted by iceman


Better than my home town, I'll say that much.

Yeah, but nobody's trying to steal your water, gringo. And it smells better back home, too. Well, maybe not in August.

So why India? Not exactly your typical family vacation package.

[The Reverend Floater]

Originally posted by board
Brett you could save us all some time by just shutting the fuck up !

Agreed. Even with you on my ignore list (the only person, mind you), I still have to see your name constantly interrupting this thread.

And what's a videoweb?

[iceman]

Originally posted by The Reverend Floater

And what's a videoweb?

Just something I made up. All I really did was put them in front of the TV.

Benny, we had a wedding to go to, it seemed like too good of an oppurtunity to see another part of the world to pass up.

Plus, jibij was gonna kick my ass if I didn't go, so I didn't have much choice.

[Aldo]

"Perhaps not the wisest choice, considering I was jetlagged, half-drunk, and completely unaware of my location. I mean, I knew the name of the hotel, and the road it is on, but that's it. Still, I forged on. "


I'd expect nothing less from a free range expert like yourself.

[meatdrink9]

Good stuff Ice. I've been enjoying all of these. A nice perspective.

[Cornholio]

I dig this stuff Ice.

I've had lots (2, really, but that's a pretty significant proportion) of friends travel in India in a hostel-seeking, dirt-craving, yoga-learning sort of way. One of them had a boyfriend named Hyatt (seriously) at the time, and I'm pretty sure thats the only context in which they ever formed that word.

Their reports always scared the heck out of me. I know I'd learn a lot, but I've never been enticed to travel to a country where there are 1 billion people, and almost half live below the poverty line. I *am* suburban whitebread.

Anyway, your reports make me imagine that I could chip away at my fortress of ignorance without constantly risking dysentry and death by mugging.

Sign me: interested and curious in Cleveland.

[iceman]

Four of us went for almost two weeks and none of us got sick. But we never drank the water, (even brushed our teeth with bottled water), never ate a salad or any unpeeled fruit, never used ice (made from the water, duh) and we had tour guides that recommended restaurants, etc.

The places we stayed were all extremely clean and well-kept, and the service everywhere is amazing and friendly to a degree you won't believe. So, it can be done.

My brother- and sister-in-law did the dirtbag thing for six months, they were laughing at us for all the precautions we took. But they both got dysentery. Go figure.

[JR]

Originally posted by iceman
Yeah, I could have, but I'm a much better writer than you are.

Oh so true, and more interesting too.