NSR - How should I mess with the new employees?

**Ubersheist** · 03-22-2006, 12:43 PM

Since I just got back from the PNW Summit, my schedule at work's been fairly empty. As such, I've been given the task of training the new guys. One's been here for 2-3 days now, the other starts on Monday. I'm trying to come up with little things to mess with them. Here's what I've come up with so far:

Tell 'em to get something from the 2nd Floor - our office is big, but in a one story building. "Newbie - do you have your security code yet? No? Go up to the 2nd Floor and ask Stacey in Human Resources to set you up. The stairs are sort of around the corner by the front desk. Just ask Lindsey if you can't find the stairs." Then, comedy ensues.
Tell 'em that Lumburg likes a smiley face on the upper right corner of the TPS Cover Sheet if you think the TPS report is well written, or a sad face if it potentially has mistakes.
Um... I dunno. I'm not even very happy with the 2nd one. I'm not feeling very creative these days.

Suggestions?

**Woodsy** · 03-22-2006, 12:49 PM

ask emquestions that will riddle them with doubt but provide no answers.

"didn't anyone talk to you about the dress code?"

"who told you you could park there?"

"you are aware this company takes sexual harrassment very seriously?"

"you might want tobe a bit morecareful what you look at on the internet"

**seanyob** · 03-22-2006, 01:05 PM

If you can get a hold of their car keys, go down and move it to another parking spot. Then adjust the seat differently and crank the music up. This will spin them out.

Fill their office drawers with pennies.

Tell them to go find something that doesn't exist. Kinda like your second story deal. I work in construction and the newbies are always told to go find the "stud stretcher".

If they work with a calculator, swap the top and bottom row of numbers. Usually, the number buttons pop out easily and pop right back in.

Adjust their chair when they hit the restroom.....lower, higher, etc.

That's it for now...I'm sure I can think of more later

**ptavv** · 03-22-2006, 01:07 PM

ask them to do you personal favors

like pick up your dry cleaning and whatnot

if they accept you win

if not you can say, "haha i was just messing with you"

**bigtrubs** · 03-22-2006, 01:11 PM

Ask them if they are familiar with the WENIS and comfortable using it. (Chandler's job on Friends)

**El Chupacabra** · 03-22-2006, 01:14 PM

Tape the receiver pickup button down on their phone (the part that pops up when you pick up the handset). Then go to a nearby office and buzz them on the intercom.

**cmsummit** · 03-22-2006, 01:34 PM

make 'em buy beer on friday- a tradition for the "new guy" in my office(small ~15 employees).

tell them about the casual "shorts & flip-flops" day(bogus of course) and that everybody is encouraged to participate.

set up their office outlook to send them annoying messages every 5 minutes("REMINDER: TODAY IS TUESDAY"), but have HR put a lock on it.

fucking with the adjustments on their chair everytime they go to the bathroom is a great one though.

page them over the intercom system everytime they go to the bathroom.

start hiding the stuff on their desk everytime they're away from it- see how long it takes for them to think they're loosing it.

**addict** · 03-22-2006, 01:39 PM

I like taking the ball out of the mouse.

From "the office" set their belongings (pens, staplers, etc.) in jello.

Put a big smiling picture of a coworker or even yourself on their computer desktop, then act shocked and unimpressed, making them feel like a stalker.

**ak_telemike** · 03-22-2006, 01:47 PM

tape the little ball down on their mouse

**Yeti** · 03-22-2006, 01:50 PM

Print off photos of your boss(es) -- ideally from the company website -- and post them prominently in the newbies' offices.

Re-record them inappropriate internal voicemail greetings. Watch as they pick up their messages: "Umm, hi Leroy, I guess this is your voicemail... kind of a strange message..."

Subtly unplug their phone handset, so that when they answer the phone, no one can hear them. (Took one coworker a while to figure that one out.)

If they get their own offices, throw the door lock (if applicable). This way when they close the door, it will be locked from the inside. When you or a boss-type comes around, knocks, and is told to enter, they will get worried comments about "what's going on behind closed doors".

Tell the noobs that one of their coworkers (a prepared plant) has an odd personality trait -- he can't stand hearing anyone talk about ____. Then set up awkward situations with the plant where the noobs dance around that subject.

We had a corporate softball league at one place I worked. Coworker thought he was being swift and dumped the bag of bats and balls in the doorway to my office. Annoying, but obviously I didn't do it. Revenge consisted of doing the same, to his house (an hour away; fortunately on the way to where I was paddling).

Tell them that the new guy always has to ____ (buy coffee, beers, whatever). Insist it's a corporate tradition. Insist that he follow the tradition until a new recruit comes along. Voila -- instant tradition.

Office pranks are lame, but so are offices, eh?

**OldLarry** · 03-22-2006, 01:51 PM

Along the lines of the "Stud Stretcher"m make sure to send them all over town looking for it and that nothign can be doen without it. Call friends at places you'll send them to send them on to the next place.

For the NYC mags or those who know the area:

We sent a kid from jersey City to the NYSE to the AMEX to Brooklyn to Midtown and back looking for a bag of "upticks".

"Oh yeah, they're always long upticks at Bear, go up there and ask my buddy Aldo for a bag. Say I sent you."

Aldo: "Sorry kid, I gave my last bag to Merrill. Try the cage at Spear... tell em Aldo sent you"

**edg** · 03-22-2006, 01:51 PM

Oh, I like cmsummit's Dress Down Friday trick!

edg

**scoober** · 03-22-2006, 01:52 PM

another one from "The Office": put all their stuff in the vending machine.

**cmsummit** · 03-22-2006, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by scoober

another one from "The Office": put all their stuff in the vending machine.

BWAAA!

**El Chupacabra** · 03-22-2006, 02:05 PM

We convinced a new guy that a day (near Halloween) was office dress-up day, and talked about what each of our costumes would be, etc., that it was long-standing office tradition.

That day arrived, and the new guy showed up for work dressed as a pirate.

He was the only one in costume.

**Viva** · 03-22-2006, 02:08 PM

Take all of AKPM's posts from his car wreck thread and have the newbie develop a powerpoint out of them. Tell then that they'll have to do a presentation in order to demonstrate their ability to translate complex thought processes into lay terms or something of the sort.

**RootSkier** · 03-22-2006, 02:13 PM

Be Michael Scott.

**Joey Bag O' Donuts** · 03-22-2006, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by El Chupacabra

We convinced a new guy that a day (near Halloween) was office dress-up day, and talked about what each of our costumes would be, etc., that it was long-standing office tradition.

That day arrived, and the new guy showed up for work dressed as a pirate.

He was the only one in costume.

I would have beat your ass silly in the parking lot after work, for pulling that one..... However, that's some funny shiite, might have to use that sometime

**AbsolutStoli** · 03-22-2006, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by El Chupacabra

We convinced a new guy that a day (near Halloween) was office dress-up day, and talked about what each of our costumes would be, etc., that it was long-standing office tradition.

That day arrived, and the new guy showed up for work dressed as a pirate.

He was the only one in costume.

HAHAHAHA! that is great!

of course, it all depends on where you work.

refer to the company as "the firm".
april 1st is coming, tell them that they did not pass the probationary period and are expected to vacate the premises as soon as they come into the office. HAHA have security come to their desk with some boxes.

**soul_skier** · 03-22-2006, 02:28 PM

my personal favorite, switch the "M" and "N" buttons on their keyboard, you can pop them off real easily with a flathead screwdriver or a key

It took me about a month to figure it out, now it's my turn to pass it on.

**seanyob** · 03-22-2006, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by soul_skier

my personal favorite, switch the "M" and "N" buttons on their keyboard, you can pop them off real easily with a flathead screwdriver or a key

It took me about a month to figure it out, now it's my turn to pass it on.

Swap out the top and bottom rows of #'s on their number pad (put 1,2,3 where 7,8,9 are and vise versa) on their keyboard....just like how I mentioned for a calculator. People are used to the # configuration of a telephone and it takes a while to figure out what is wrong because it looks normal. Just be careful if it's an accounting job....might screw up the financial reports really bad.....

**good4nothing** · 03-22-2006, 05:21 PM

get some cans of old-style foam shaving cream and put them in your freezer. after a day or so, cut the frozen cans in half and keep them frozen in a cooler for the trip to work. at the end of the day after they've left, put the frozen can halves into their desk drawers. shaving cream thaws, expands, you get the picture. it wont fill up big spaces, but it will ravage a desk drawer. the smell NEVER goes away.

**good4nothing** · 03-22-2006, 05:26 PM

P.S.

I work nights for a company that employs 2000 employees on site, and all but 20 or so of the cubicle types are day-shifters. This leaves us night folk plenty of times to fuck around while they're sleeping (2 weeks ago I epoxied all of my day shift counterpart's personal desk items into a neat modern art sculpture). You guys have just SERIOUSLY ruined some peoples days with all these little suggestions.

**cmsummit** · 03-22-2006, 05:28 PM

Originally Posted by seanyob

Swap out the top and bottom rows of #'s on their number pad (put 1,2,3 where 7,8,9 are and vise versa) on their keyboard....just like how I mentioned for a calculator. People are used to the # configuration of a telephone and it takes a while to figure out what is wrong because it looks normal. Just be careful if it's an accounting job....might screw up the financial reports really bad.....

I like this one so much, I just tried it. We'll see what happens tomorrow.................