Much delayed - TSNR - India TR, Part the first.

[iceman]

So we flew and we flew, and we landed in London. And it being about ten o'clock in the morning, we chilled for a while, got some lunch, and went for a walk.

We stayed at the Capital Hotel, about a block from Harrod's, one of the finer small hotels I've visited. Upon check-in a bottle of chamapagne and a small bottle of whiskey was sent to both rooms (the kids' and ours). My wife still doesn't know about the whiskey to the kids' room, as I quickly pocketed it. She worries enough as it is.

Our hike through London was more or less uneventful, at least at first. We walked up to Buckingham Palace, watched that for about five minutes and then headed to Piccadilly.

We milled through the Holiday crowds, made our way to Charing Cross, and then began the trudge home (or at least hotel) - ward.

We stopped briefly in some sort of pharmacy, purely to check the map under brighter light. A woman came dashing up to us, calling "Are you Americans? Please, are you Americans?"

I was a bit depresssed that it was as obvious as that, and refused to answer her or to acknowledge her existence.

I might have been a bit more politic were it not for her spiel, which she began as soon as she caught up with us. "MY GOD, I'm, glad I've found you," she said. "We've need of an American family, TONIGHT, for a photo shoot for McDonald's, related to the Olympics. It will only take an hour or at the most two of your time, and we'll pay 3,000 pounds apiece (four of us, do the math) for your time.

The conversation (much abridged):

Iceman: Still or video photography?
Crazy English Chick: Still
IM: And you're going to pay us 12,000 pounds for two hours work?
CEC: Right!!
IM: Go away.
CEC: But why? It's easy money!!!
IM: There's no such thing, this stinks, go away.
IM'SW (Icemans's wife): Oh come on, Iceman, don't be such a grump.
CEC: She's right, it's easy money! Let's all get in the car and go shoot some pictures and make some money!
IM: Car?
CEC: It's right around the corner, I just have to call it.
IM: You said this was still photography?
CEC: YES!! Of course I did. Why?
IM: Well, why the fuck would you pay anybody twelve thousand pounds just because they're American, when there's loads of white people around here and there's a Gap store right over there? (it was within eyesight). Buy a hundred dollars worth of clothes and put then on some Norwegians. Who's gonna know the difference?
CEC: Because we need Americans!!!!
IM: If this was America, I would have already shot you. Fugoff.
IM'SW: Iceman, be nice.
IM: Then you get in the car. The kids and I are walking.
IM'SW: Twelve thousand pounds!!!
CEC: Easy money!!!
IM: I'm walking, I'm taking the kids, and if you (talking to CEC) come within a hundred yards of me, I'll have the cops (I may even have said "Bobbies") on you in a heartbeat.
IM'SW: Wait up, I'm, coming.
IM'SW: (seconds later) Twelve thousand pounds!!!!
IM: Shut it.
CEC: Yelled something, I wasn't listening.

So I may just be paranoid, or maybe we escaped getting robbed/kidnapped/whatever. Who knows.

Tomorrow: On to India. If I get a chance to write.

[meatdrink9]

Sounds like a scam to me. I think you made the right call.

Besides, I've seen your mug. The only way somebody's going to offer you that kind-of dough for a photoshoot is if you have to share the spotlight with a donkey but only the donkey get's to wear clothing (actually more like studded liederhosen).

[Lumpy]

Classic. You need to write travel guides for the jaded...myself, I would have fallen for it and now be drugged up, nekkid and tied down in a faux-dungeon in Amsterdam, the unwilling BDSM slave of some leather clad cro-magnon lookalike and his 450 lb. buttermilk swilling, funnel-fed bitch mistress Helga. Its hell living life as an ignorant dolt. Glad there are the Icemen of the world to guide the idiots as I!!


Look forward to next report.

[Sublime]

IM: If this was America, I would have already shot you. Fugoff.

IM'SW: Iceman, be nice.

Why do I get the feeling she says that a lot.

[Snow Dog]

Originally posted by meatdrink9
Sounds like a scam to me. I think you made the right call.

Besides, I've seen your mug. The only way somebody's going to offer you that kind-of dough for a photoshoot is if you have to share the spotlight with a donkey but only the donkey get's to wear clothing (actually more like studded liederhosen).

Maybe they want to highlight "the ugly American?"

[iceman]

Originally posted by Snow Dog
Maybe they want to highlight "the ugly American?"

heh, if that's the case, they came to the right guy.

I was looking around for the cameras when this started. "Stupid American Tourists!!!" On SkyTV at 8:00!!!

[splat]

Rueters - London

A family from Boston was nearly kidnapped and held hostage while anti-terrorism surveillance squads videotaped Taliban operatives as they approached the parents in an attempt to lure the group away from a crowded London tourist attraction with the promise of 'going to McDonalds'. The kidnapping attempt failed when, as a senior anti-terrorism official stated, " The Yank father, a miserable bloke, told the terrorists to go away or he'd shoot them." Shortly after the family went about seeing the sights, the Taliban operatives were detained and whisked away for questioning and torture at an undisclosed location. The Taliban agents were reported to have remarked in disbelief " But I thought McDonald's was the epitome of the American dining experience," and reportedly referred to the Americans as "heathen infidels" for refusing the generous offer.

[jibij]

i need your travel agent. i never get booze delivered to my room unless some hobo stumbles through the screen door.

[frozenwater]

wow, so that's what england is all about. Whiskey for kids, walking, and sex slave markets.

If it wasn't for the walking part I would SO be there.

[lemon boy]

Good job you cranky ugly Armenian... !

[Stikki]

That was a total scam. First, that rate of pay is reserved for Heidi Klum and Tyra Banks level of talent. Second, any legit ad agency books talent in advance, too much money is riding on shoots not to, especially if the client is a big corporation like McD’s. Third, scouts do pick people off the street but they are demur, often it’s a ‘here’s my card give me a call later and we’ll talk’ thing rather than the hard sell.

Can’t wait to hear how the rest of the trip was.

[Aldo]

"Buy a hundred dollars worth of clothes and put then on some Norwegians. Who's gonna know the difference?"


Grace under pressure, hilarious.

[Honc]

Originally posted by Sublime
IM: If this was America, I would have already shot you. Fugoff.

IM'SW: Iceman, be nice.

Why do I get the feeling she says that a lot.

Why do I get the feeling that Charlton Heston is Iceman's write-in every 4th year...