Question for the maggettes...

BLOODSWEATSTEEL · 01-23-2006, 07:25 PM

So this woman I've been seeing for a while [every few weeks, she lives about 3 hours away] and I get off the phone last night and before we hang up she says "talk to ya later; luv ya."

...To which I did not respond. I just said "Okay, TTYL" or whatever.

Now notice she didn't quite say.... yeah. But; it was a helluva lot more than just "have a nice night."

Kinda freaked me out a little I guess. Is it just a "chick thing," like a term of endearment..... Or is she testing the waters? Feeling me out?

She seems like the kind of person who would be quite straightforward with something like that, and prolly in person. I guess that' why I was kind of surprised/shocked. This is the second time she's done this, also.. The first being about a month or so ago.

**bklyn** · 01-23-2006, 07:36 PM

you're screwed!

**Viva** · 01-23-2006, 07:50 PM

Three hours away and you only see her every few weeks? Why are you wasting your time? Were she special, you'd be there at least every weekend.

Next time she says "luv ya", you say "vice versa". That'll do the trick.

BLOODSWEATSTEEL · 01-23-2006, 07:57 PM

No, it's cool. We're both just busy people. She's a special person and we have a blast together. I'm not wasting my time, I don't think.... It's just not really realistic to expect a serious relaionship to develop just considering the points where we both are at in life right now. I think she knows this. She's a pretty smart chick who's got her shit wired tight.

Besides, every few weeks is about all I can take being away from the mountain. She can't ski the gnar and Tahoe is shaping up into a pretty good year.

**Viva** · 01-23-2006, 08:08 PM

Okay. So do you luv her?

BLOODSWEATSTEEL · 01-23-2006, 08:15 PM

Do I "luv" her?

Okay, I see where you're going with this......

**girlski0912** · 01-23-2006, 09:04 PM

Youch...even the smartest woman with her shit together knows that any form of the L word phrase is NOT something that you just put out there. I am a little afraid for you because she clearly does not think that things are nearly as casual as you seem to perceive them to be.

Have you guys had the "what are we" convo yet? Has there been any discussion of expectations or the like? If not, you might want to consider bringing up where you stand lest you become "the asshole".

**mtnbikerskierchick** · 01-23-2006, 09:18 PM

You need to have the "what are we" talk like girlski said. The girl is probably trying to feel you out, honestly. Most girls don't throw words around like that with guys. If you don't feel like you are wasting your time with her and you have a blast, have the talk and figure out what you guys want out of this for now. Tell her that it did kind of catch you off-guard and that you didn't want to lead her on into something that might move too fast.

BLOODSWEATSTEEL · 01-23-2006, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by girlski0912

Youch...even the smartest woman with her shit together knows that any form of the L word phrase is NOT something that you just put out there. I am a little afraid for you because she clearly does not think that things are nearly as casual as you seem to perceive them to be.

Have you guys had the "what are we" convo yet? Has there been any discussion of expectations or the like? If not, you might want to consider bringing up where you stand lest you become "the asshole".

No, we haven't had "the talk" yet. Which is why I'm so confused about this. I haven't put any expectations out there, and niether has she. That's why I think my "perception" stands, as far as it being a healthy, mutual, casual relationship. And that's why I'm confused about her throwing that out there. Maybe she didn't realize it.... like that's how she talks to her friends? I know some chicks are like this, but OTOH she should be smart enough to know when/when not to use this kind of rhetoric. On New Years she did ask me flat out if I had been sleeping with anyone else, though. I told her no [and I'm not,] and she said she hadn't been either. Like I said, she's a pretty straightforward person. I don't have any reason not to believe her. Although, I did get the impression this was more of a health concern than an exclusivity issue. We were on the way into the store for some astroglide.

**Tyrone Shoelaces** · 01-23-2006, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by mtnbikerskierchick

The girl is probably trying to feel you out, honestly.

I might just be getting back into dating...but one thing I do know is that this^^ is usually best done in person.

BLOODSWEATSTEEL · 01-23-2006, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by Tyrone Shoelaces

I might just be getting back into dating...but one thing I do know is that this^^ is usually best done in person.

K; good. So it's NOT just me.

**MeatPuppet** · 01-24-2006, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by girlski0912

Youch...even the smartest woman with her shit together knows that any form of the L word phrase is NOT something that you just put out there.

^^^ Yeah.^^^

So...

Originally Posted by bklyntrayc

you're screwed!

Sounds like you have a few reservations about moving forward right now. Might be time to have that "Where do we want this to go?" talk. Then again, it might just be a matter of where you want it to go, sounds like she has already made up her mind.

Good luck dude!

**A-wreck** · 01-24-2006, 10:05 AM

Originally Posted by girlski0912

"what are we" convo yet? ".

I try to not have this conversation. Instead, after we have sex for the 3rd or 4th time, I simply ask "fling? or thing?" It's a three word question with a one word answer. Much less complicated that way.

Just thought I'd share.

**bklyn** · 01-24-2006, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by A-wreck

I try to not have this conversation. Instead, after we have sex for the 3rd or 4th time, I simply ask "fling? or thing?" It's a three word question with a one word answer. Much less complicated that way.

Just thought I'd share.

You ask that question on the first night?

**A-wreck** · 01-24-2006, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by bklyntrayc

You ask that question on the first night?

Heh, more like right before we leave for dinner.

**altagirl** · 01-24-2006, 10:29 AM

Originally Posted by BLOODSWEATSTEEL

No, we haven't had "the talk" yet. Which is why I'm so confused about this. I haven't put any expectations out there, and niether has she. That's why I think my "perception" stands, as far as it being a healthy, mutual, casual relationship.

You know what not discussing it means? She thinks it's going how she wants it to go (you told her you're not with anyone else) and you think it's going how you want it to go (totally casual because you haven't specifically discussed it being any other way) and you two could quite possibly/probably have totally different perceptions of what your relationship is.

**MeatPuppet** · 01-24-2006, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by altagirl

You know what not discussing it means? She thinks it's going how she wants it to go (you told her you're not with anyone else) and you think it's going how you want it to go (totally casual because you haven't specifically discussed it being any other way) and you two could quite possibly/probably have totally different perceptions of what your relationship is.

Ouch! altagirl nailed it. You better have that talk BLOOD. The longer you wait...well, time isn't going to make anything less complex.

**Kellie** · 01-24-2006, 12:00 PM

I'm probably the least qualified person alive to give relationship advice, but these girls have got it right, IMO. It amazes me how misunderstandings can develop and how what is unsaid becomes as important, or more, than what is said. It could be a casual greeting - I know a lot of girls who thow "luv ya" around, but generally to their girlfriends . . .

But, I can empathize . . . a similar thing happened to me recently at the end of a voice mail, and similarly freaked me out. Even if it is casual it's hard not to assign meaning to it.

Regardless, have the talk. If she's a cool girl and there's anything resembling a future for you two, it certainly can't hurt.

My $0.02

**Superstar Punani** · 01-24-2006, 12:15 PM

BSS:

RUN

**Darkside** · 01-24-2006, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by BLOODSWEATSTEEL

We were on the way into the store for some astroglide.

I can't believe no one picked up on this! If she's letting you put it in the pooperhausen, drop the L word, do whatever the hell you gotta do!

**Dirty Hoar** · 01-24-2006, 03:56 PM

Dude, don't sweat it. Just let it go and if it's something she really means then she will bring it up and then you can discuss it then. If you bring it up chances are you're going to get in a big fight and end up having a custody battle over the bottle of Astroglide.

**Stone-Free** · 01-24-2006, 05:53 PM

Its when I see shit like this that reminds me why I got married. BTW, don't do that either.

**Oarhead** · 01-24-2006, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by BLOODSWEATSTEEL

.... I think she knows this...

I am hardly a good person for advice but this stood out as a huge fucking red flag. Don't be making assumptions about what a girl thinks. Even when she tells you what she is thinking you probably only have a 50% chance of getting it right.

**LAN** · 01-24-2006, 11:08 PM

Be a man, sack it up, and have the talk! Be straightforward ... something such as "Um ... what did you mean by what you said the other night?" You obviously care for her, and while you're not ready to say "I love you," you definitely need to define the relationship. Is she just a fuck buddy or something more than that?

I think there's been some overreaction to the "Love ya" bit. She didn't look you in the eyes and say "Bloodsweatsteel, I LOVE YOU." She dropped the casual "love ya" bomb instead. This isn't something to overreact over, but rather figure out what she meant by it. Was she testing the waters to see how you'd react? Was she just saying that she cares about you? "Love ya" is about as cheesy and non-descript as that "+ vibes" shit.

Have the talk already!