chasing a high

[meatdrink9]

At what point can you no longer be trusted with your own life? At what point do you step back and quit looking for your limit? Do you then just sit aside, watching life rather than partaking? But once you're responsible for others does it make you a bad person to take these risks? But does that mean you can no longer really live life to the fullest? Will you ever know what you're capable of? The things that used to scare you no longer give you the rush they once did. You pushed through those things then, you lived, you're fine and now you're looking to the next step...that's just normal right? I mean, years ago the stuff you were doing had people very concerned and maybe even had yourself concerned. Then you go and hit those same airs twice this week and don't really even twitch. And then today comes. You can't stop shaking. You wonder why on earth you're even considering this? How did you get this idea? Why did you need to do it? Why can't you just walk away? And then a man tumbles down a cliff band just to the side of your take-off between laps. A helicopter lands to fly him away and you continue to pack your freeway to space. Focused on the task. Not allowing yourself to read anything into any other external influences. Stay focused on the ramp. Pack the snow on those rocks. You probed the landing 3 times. Find your angle of trajectory. How high will you need to hike? The landing looks so far away. Don't think about it. That patroller won't stop watching me. Just keep packing.

Today was an epic day. The gates opened and the sun came out. I skied 2 lines for the first time. Both had nice airs and then put tracks down another clean chute (less for the rush and more for the photos). The first untracked line is an entry to Demoisy I've never skied. With the new snow it would be possible to air into the chute from above (about a 20 footer) to a mandatory stuck landing. You need to sweep to the right immediately to avoid the daggers below. I look from a ways up the hill (far enough back that I plan this to be my start point to get enough speed to clear the rock into the chute). I get the all clear. It looks good. I point the 10 feet to the lip of the cliff....oh shit...I snag rocks as I get to the lip. It's slowing me down....I'm airborn....oh shit...I'm not going to clear the cliff...My skis drag across the last 3 feet of the cliff. By pure luck I'm saved. Somehow the cliff is stomped and I'm arching my turn at high speed away from the rocks. Wow. That got the heart pumping. But that wasn't the line that had been tormenting me.

Another nice line goes down in the sisters. A solid 30 foot air. Great chute. GT called the line and it was a little bit rowdy, but a nice relief from the madness in my head.

The main idea for the day that had my insides spinning and my brain sweating was this: I wanted to launch basically the largest cliff into Demoisy. The cliff slopes (see the above chute entry story) and would require a serious run in to be built and a squared lip on the take-off. The cliff would be 70-90 feet. The thing that put the idea in my head was that just a few days ago there was a 6 foot crown at the base of this cliff. At the base of the crown was snow. Today all but 6 inches of that crown had been filled in by the wind. In other words there was 6 feet of pow to land in and snow beneath that. I probed the general landing area 3 or 4 times and always sunk my pole and never made contact with anything. I then went up top and packed an in-run twice as long as Boss Hog to clear the sloping cliffs. It basically looked like ramp into space. I was at the top ready to go when patrol arrived to help a victim that had apparently tumbled down the cliffs entering Demoisy on another line. I tried to keep it out of my head, but it did worry me. Before long a patroller up top came by. He knew what I was up to and asked me not to do it. There was a heli down below with most of the patrol on the mountain keeping people back for a landing area and attending to the man who tumbled down the cliffs. He told me to go ski a run and come back once everything was cleared so he'd have some patrol left for me if something went wrong. I took his advice. I didn't jump the monster. On our next lift ride up I noticed that patrol went ahead and closed the gate. Not today. We may look at this beast again tomorrow, but I'd never say I was going to jump this thing without being there and testing about 20 things. Maybe this is the one that got away? I am going to take my pack and probe tomorrow. I may ski another entry into Demoisy and use my full length probe to check the landing and toss my pack off the cliff as well to see just how much speed is needed, but no promises to anything. It's been years since I've been this mentally worked. I did launch Hog twice this week and it didn't really do what it used to. I didn't really get freaked or excited. I just did it. I think skiing is like drugs and you just have to keep pushing more and more trying to chase that high. And you just have to keep risking more and more to get the high. It's also about the idea that your best is still ahead of you. Anyway, just thought I'd share some skiing thinking that was spinning through my head today. Despite not having aired the monster it was the biggest rush I've had skiing in quite some time. I probably would've just skied directly down to the car after the air and shook like the a leaf the entire drive home. My nerves were shot.

[Z]

fuckin yeah! good read!!!

Check your last three sentences....DID you actually launch it??

ahh you got me with the edit , go git that sucker....

[Blurred]

Good lord dude. Good luck sleeping tonight.

Your recount made me nervous. Pics not needed. Well said.

Just make sure it's worth it. Good luck amigo.

[hop]

I've felt the same way sometimes. It's there, you're there, and it'll be no problem. You know your abilities, and you've checked out the inrun and LZ and everything's a go...

Those butterflies are fucking cool.

(and then that little voice says "but....")

[Hutch]

I think skiing is like drugs and you just have to keep pushing more and more trying to chase that high.

This is definitely true. Its like after you get used to partying with blow then it's not a party unless you have coke. Skiing on a pow day without huge air after you're used to pushing your limits isn't as fun as it used to be.
As for me, I have a kid now, so when I get that tingly balls feeling while looking at an air, I usually back off. This is also one of the reasons I switched to tele. Started scaring myself with my huck-focus.
thanks for the thought-provoking post.

[BLOODSWEATSTEEL]

Wow. Epic.

[The Reverend Floater]

This is the best post I've read here in quite a while.

To answer your question, Meaty, I think that while logic tells us that these things are exactly what should slow us down, it's these things that keep us devoted.

It doesn't matter what your particular envelope is--For Meaty it's a 70 -90 foot huck. For the Pope, it's presumably high speed bomb runs on Tele Skis. For me, it has become the motion of achieving of absolute fluidity in any terrain. For someone else, it might be merely linking powder turns.

All of these are only relative to the skier involved and the location of that envelope. And the envelope is what keeps enthrawled, focused and devoted.

Again, great post!

[shirk]

(and then that little voice says "but...did I remember to unplug the iron this moring after getting that crease out of my boxers")

fixed

The high will be chased until you feel the limits. God speed MD

[pointedem]

im going up tommarrow.

gotta take a look....

[13]

J,

You have a wife and now a baby girl. Has that changed your jonesing at all?

[str8line]

Nice read Meat.

Interesting dilemna. Only you know the answer. Just the fact that you are being cerebral about it is a good thing. Using your brain will prolong your health and your love for skiing will evolve. When you are done pushing your limits with hucks and risk taking you will start to focus on improving in other ways. Improvements should not only be looked at in a linear fashion but in a situational one as well. For example, sometimes breakthrough days while recovering after an injury can be almost as satisfying as those days when you are at your peak and have a breakthrough.

Stressing yourself out too much about a big huck or gnarly line can be a bummer. If it feels right, do it, otherwise don't sweat it.

[meatdrink9]

J,

You have a wife and now a baby girl. Has that changed your jonesing at all?

Absolutely. Although, I've had friends say simlar things airing little things that I thought weren't anything. It may just be a matter of perspective. I've been working to line up a babysitter for tomorrow and never once mentioned what I was about to do today. It may never happen. I just wanted to share a story.

[Powdurr]

I have 3 pair of big daddies. I have an older '03/'04 pair mounted with 1018's, and then I have two pairs '05/'06 ones. One with fritschis, another with 1018's. I was just going to go with one pair, but I really want one with 1018's for hauling ass and hardcore shit, and also, I love taking them up in the backcountry for crazy ass straighlines and other types of lines...I ski them all with my tecnica race pro 130's. I used to also ski them in my tornado's and denali's, but I don't use them at all any more in the backcountry. I now just ski my m11 boots with virbam sole or the race pro's in the backcountry, i'm fine with the extra weight, its worth it on the downhill.

[Villiage Idiot]

I have 3 pair of big daddies. I have an older '03/'04 pair mounted with 1018's, and then I have two pairs '05/'06 ones. One with fritschis, another with 1018's. I was just going to go with one pair, but I really want one with 1018's for hauling ass and hardcore shit, and also, I love taking them up in the backcountry for crazy ass straighlines and other types of lines...I ski them all with my tecnica race pro 130's. I used to also ski them in my tornado's and denali's, but I don't use them at all any more in the backcountry. I now just ski my m11 boots with virbam sole or the race pro's in the backcountry, i'm fine with the extra weight, its worth it on the downhill.

That's awesome!

I ate a bag of shrooms one time and I saw God.

[Lone Star]

good words. we need more posts like this.

hope it works out well for ya.

[ak_powder_monkey]

physics is your friend

[13]

Absolutely. Although, I've had friends say simlar things airing little things that I thought weren't anything. It may just be a matter of perspective. I've been working to line up a babysitter for tomorrow and never once mentioned what I was about to do today. It may never happen. I just wanted to share a story.

I thoroughly enjoyed it, homie.

I feel bad for asking, I guess because I don't have a family of my own yet I was curious although the answer is pretty damn obvious. Apologies for the retarded question.

[frozenwater]

Your thoughts mirror mine in many ways. These days it is the powder chase - am I wiling to take some calculated risks in the BC to bag that fresh line I have been eyeing. For you it's the big ass air.

However I think the solution I have come upon can also help you in your dilema. You need to take all of that tension, all of that stress and focus it on hitting the ULTIMATE masterbation session. Not the I have a few seconds lets get it done shit. Rather, the take no prisoners, scream like your being tortured, declairing a jihad on your penis type of jerk Off. Take that to the top of your line, punish the little mD9 for a good 45-50 minutes and if you still feel like you need to push the limit - and you still have the strength to stand, then go for it.

It's really the only logical solution.

[Seldom Seen]

Hell of a post, MD9. We all face different dilemas. Weighing, or at least thinking about concequences is a huge part of every action. I used to huck big cliffs, used to throw big backflips, but now that i make my living as a professional musician, a broken wrist would really fuck things up for me.
Last year, i backed off of a lot of lines/hucks that i knew i could probably stick. IMy inner-skibum told myself i was a pussy, but somehow knew that it was the right thing to do at the time. Who knows what would have happened? Who ever really does? Do what feels right.
Thanks for a great post, your pics are always inspiring.... SS

[slippy]

Less chat, more splat!

[Toby]

As for me, I have a kid now ...

Is the church aware of this?

Same for me. The older my kids get, the more aware of my own mortality I become. Not that I'm scared of dying, but I'm definitely scared of leaving my wife and kids to look after themselves. I toned down a lot due to the whole responsibility thing, in all aspects of life.

[truth]

I could feel your twitch over the phone this evening. We both know you're gonna drop that bomb in the morning. Call me when your hands stop shaking long enough to dial, I'm ripping the vicarious shit out of things this season.

[Chainsaw_Willie]

fuckin-A meatdrink. Excellent post. Got the skin on my bawls all crawly just readin' it.

[gonzo]

word to the mummyfucker.

[kush1]

J, you know you are going to hit this thing clean tomorrow........I know had someone else not been hurt just before you got to hit it GT40 would be posting sick pics of it right now! GO GIT SOME