Cats are gay dogs, and fuck us up

**BolognaPony** · 12-09-2005, 12:44 PM

I have always felt that something that shits inside your house and doesn't have the means or courtesy to flush it away should be smothered with a Kleenex and stuck in the toilet themselves. I'm just going to put it out there: FUCK CATS.

Fuck the way they act like little prissy bitches. Fuck the way they make me sneeze. Fuck the way I can never wear shorts around them or flips because they scratch the shit out of my legs and feet. But most of all, fuck the way they fuck US up!

I just read an article in Esquire that pinpoints cats as the leading cause of schizophrenia. House cats: those little bitches. I'm no scientist, and I know Esquire is the leading medical journal out there (insert sarcasm here), but seriously, do I really need another reason to hate these swabs of crap?

Here's my advice: If you or your girlfriend has a cat, kill it. If it's going to make your honey cry, then make it an accident. Pour Vodka or paint thinner on its fur and watch it lick it off. They hate being wet, and I hear fire. But...

Seriously, cats should make nice with pandas and take one for the team, and just go fucking extinct. Don't get me started on pandas though. Fucking bamboo pole smoking prudes.

http://nasw.org/users/skloot/FullerTorrey.htm

**wicked_sick** · 12-09-2005, 12:54 PM

too hell with animals in general. I don't see the point of having a housecat unless you've got a mouse problem, and I don't see the point of having a dog if you don't mush.

If the beast is for work purposes I don't have a problem feeding it and caring for it, but if all it wants is my attention, piss on it.

IE · 12-09-2005, 01:06 PM

May I recommend a movie?...

**Mr.Scruff** · 12-09-2005, 01:15 PM

My cat has never shit in my house ever. In 12 years. You're just scared of something shin height.

**TomK** · 12-09-2005, 02:05 PM

Get a pig.

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill

**Steven S. Dallas** · 12-09-2005, 03:40 PM

I like cats. But I hear you on pandas.

**RhymesWithOrange** · 12-09-2005, 03:43 PM

We were talking about getting a pig as a pet because we can't have a dog in our house, cats suck ass (one left a dead bird on our doorstep just now), and gerbils are for people like Richard Gere. Plus, if they are bad, you can always eat them. The pig that is...

**Tippster** · 12-09-2005, 04:44 PM

The dead bird is a gift (Seriously.) Obviously the cat likes you anyway.

**RhymesWithOrange** · 12-09-2005, 05:21 PM

Ya, I know. The cat sees it as a gift and that's sweet. But I guess I just miss the old times we had. I mean, after the accident and rehab, she just wasn't the same. She couldn't knit me sweaters anymore, we hardly talk, and now a dead bird on the doorstep is the best she can do to show her love. Like I said, I guess I just miss the old Friskers... sorry, I have to go cry now.