Wiping ass

[DrRy]

I personally do the "one cheek sneek" - lean left and forward and go back to front. This requires a courtesy wipe of the ball sack. If all else fails just buy brown bath towells and do the lumberjack.

You get shit on you sac?

[BOOMTOWN58]

Well.....sometimes.

[AKA]

edit: I never knew people stood up until 10:40am today. Seriously. Why would you bother?
.

I wish had never found out. It sounds icky.

[A-wreck]

Well.....sometimes.

That is not normal.

[G]

Stand. But only because I have to. Usually after I have a good shit, I end up running around the house with my pants down to the ankles, dingleberries flapping in the wind, looking for an old sock or something to wipe with, Yelling "Which one of you assholes used the last of the toilet paper"

[G]

I've also pioneered a new method, which I call "the buff"

This is how it works:

1. after the kids are out, grab a fistful of paper, but DON'T RIP IT FROM THE ROLL
2. Throw the wad into the bowl, leaving a ribbon of paper connecting your floaters and the roll hanging on the wall
3. straddle the ribbon
4. flush
5. allow the paper to spool out across your ass and into the bowl (you might have to hold your junk out of the way here)
6. flush a few more times to make sure you're clean.
7. walk away happy and fresh.

[Obstruction]

Stand
In the end you'll still be you
One that's done all the things you set out to do
Stand
There's a cross for you to bear
Things to go through if you're going anywhere
Stand
For the things you know are right
It s the truth that the truth makes them so uptight
Stand
All the things you want are real
You have you to complete and there is no deal
Stand. stand, stand
Stand. stand, stand
Stand
You've been sitting much too long
There's a permanent crease in your right and wrong
Stand
There's a midget standing tall
And the giant beside him about to fall
Stand. stand, stand
Stand. stand, stand
Stand
They will try to make you crawl
And they know what you're saying makes sense and all
Stand
Don't you know that you are free
Well at least in your mind if you want to be

Everybody
Stand, stand, stand

[XtrPickels]

It's all about the lean. Just shift your weight to a side, lift the opposite leg, and you get all the benefit of extra seat and water clearance for your hand and tp, extra cheek seperation for maximum cleaning, and the ability to continue reading powder, playboy, or lesbian whelk weekly.

I concur, do you concur?

[Art Shirk]

Thi sis truly amazing...I did not know this schism in the shit-wiping world actually existed. This whole standing up thing is ludicrous. It is not like the sitters are bobbing around in there. It doesn't require surgical precision to wipe your ass while sitting. I am gonna have to kick my own ass for wasting 20 seconds of my life actually chiming in.

[Spats]

It depends on the water level in the bowl. I prefer to sit -- but if there is any risk of the back of my hand nudging a log, I'll stand.

[MrZach]

Damn, it was hard finding a thread to stuff this gem into:

[Cliff Huckable]

My left hand and a jug of water don't cut it, and bidets are...... interesting.

If, by "interesting", you mean "so much cleaner" then you're right.

Think about this:

You come in from a run, or a day skiing, whatever.
You can do one of the following:
.
.
.

• clean yourself up with paper towels
  OR
• have a shower

What are you goinng to do? Which will get you (much) cleaner?

A bidet is localized shower. Toilet paper is a thinner paper towel.

Winner

.

[RootSkier]

When you lay a truly massive dome, sometimes there is no choice but to stand.

[irul&ublo]

I clicked stand but I sit.
I prefer the 3rd but have yet to find the right partner

Just wait for about 60 years.

[rideit]

I generally just let Alpine Junkies mom lick my anus clean.
She's very thorough.

[SkiEvil]

Sit and reach around. No bowl entry at all.

[timvwcom]

I have more dignity than to talk about this online! (lean left and wipe with right hand)

[ass-to-mouth]

i don't wipe. I usually punch mud 10 minutes after the first cup of coffee and then take a shower. toilet paper aggravates my hemroids.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

How appropriate, I'm on the shitter as I read this!

I like Geoff's technique. ill give it a spin

I used 2 be a stander, don't know why, sitting is better.

this thread reminds me, how do u get peanut butter out of shag carpet-ish?

[Tippster]

Muslim bathrooms have little shower handles next to the toilet. I wipe.

[Lonnie]

STAND AND DELIVER!

Stand in the place where you live

Get Up Stand up!

Stand by your man

and for those that are really adventurers

Standing in the shower thinking...

[squatch]

Damn, it was hard finding a thread to stuff this gem into:

Somebody took the effort to draw in a little carton cat penis.

That is incredibly disturbing.

[Chainsaw_Willie]

That many people stand!? This is mind-blowing. I had no idea that people did such a thing. I'm actually going through a mental list of people I know and trying to guess what their technique is now... So thanks for that.

My thoughts exactly!

Also, I've never encountered a toilet so shallow that even the most voluminous dumpage could come anywhere near touching me or my hand as I wipe. Is this something you find often in foreign countries?

[A-wreck]

I can't believe this thread came back.

That said, I have moved on to baby wipes.
A couple swipes with tp, a baby wipe or 2, then a final wipe, it really makes life quite enjoyable.

P.S. they are nice to have around for the ladies after you are done destroying their vaginas. They appreciate the extra attention to the box area.

[mtsprings]

I was a stander but switched to sitting.

The first day at a summer camp, 8th grade, the bathroom had a line of 5 stools with no barriers. It was a full house, I stood to complete the paper work and was humiliated when there were several comments about me being a stander. I never stood again at camp and have just continued.

I was really scarred……………. but not nearly as bad as the young catholic boys.