Good News on Global Warming (Pirate Related)

[Tippster]

BRITONS UNDETERRED BY BRUSH WITH PIRATES
By Nicola Boden, PA
British passengers who were aboard a luxury liner attacked by pirates brandishing guns and rocket-launchers today vowed the experience would not put them off travelling.
Two British men spoke of the moment they realised their cruiseship the Seabourn Spirit, now docked in the Seychelles, was being bombarded.
Rather than sounding traumatised at the memory of gunfire and grenades, however, it was more a show of the traditional stiff upper lip as they maintained they had not been deterred from cruises.
James Canter, speaking from the Seychelles, told ITV News: "We heard in our room, when we were still asleep, the captain saying `Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, we are in trouble, we have something I do not like, stay in your rooms'."
Mr Canter said the captain, Sven Erik Pedersen, did not want to sound the alarm because this would have called the passengers to the lifeboats on deck, where they would have been in even more danger.
"The captain was very clever," he said.
Another passenger from Jersey told how he had spotted a pirate just before he fired at the liner.
He said: "A chap in the front of the boat wearing a red shirt pulled up his gun and held it over his shoulder.
"I thought `What the hell is this?' There was a flash of red and I heard something go crash up above."
A group of passengers, including the two men interviewed, were then asked if the attack had put them off travelling.
They laughed and replied: "Oh no, we haven't been put off. We're British."
Pirates in various small boats began to bombard the liner in the early hours of Saturday morning, some 100 miles off the coast of Somalia in Africa.
The ship, carrying 302 passengers and crew including 18 Britons, was en route to Mombasa in Kenya as part of a 16-day cruise out of Alexandria in Egypt.
But the trip of a lifetime was interrupted at 5.30am when a message from the captain on the PA system told people to stay inside because they were under attack.
Terrified passengers were told to go to the restaurant as the sound of the grenade and gunfire from two 25ft rigid inflatable boats filled the air.
Solicitor Norman Fisher, 55, from north London, said on Saturday: "The atmosphere in the restaurant was a little tense. People were pretty good and they weren't panicking, but one or two were certainly looking nervous."
They had every right to be as the pirates, barely 20 yards away, were loading a rocket-launcher right before their eyes. The rocket was later said not to have hit the ship, although it was peppered with small-arms fire.
Seabourn Spirit eventually managed to outrun the pirates but never made its scheduled stop in Mombasa, proceeding instead to the Seychelles where it is now docked.
No passengers were injured during the attack, it was reported, although a crew member was being treated in hospital for gunshot wounds.

[bakers_dozen]

I don't get it, how is this related to global warming

[Tippster]

I don't get it, how is this related to global warming

Sadly, you have not yet been touched by his noodly appendage.

[altagirl]

Yeah, I read about that in the newspaper this weekend, but with interviews from several Americans.

And I have no idea what the link to global warming is either.

[Buster Highmen]

Firing from inflatibles. Now that's smahrt.

[jump]

And I have no idea what the link to global warming is either.

For those of you who do not know, this is why pirates are directly related to global warming!

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD:

CC:

* DOVER SCHOOL BOARD (PENNSYLVANIA)
* OHIO STATE SCHOOL BOARD
* RIO RANCHO SCHOOL BOARD (NEW MEXICO)
* GRANTSBURG SCHOOL BOARD (WISCONSIN)
* COBB COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(GEORGIA)
* SHELBY COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(TENNESSEE)
* CHARLES COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(MARYLAND)
* NAPERVILLE SCHOOL BOARD(ILLINOIS)
* DARBY SCHOOL BOARD (MONTANA)
* BLUFFTON-HARRISON SCHOOL BOARD (INDIANA)
(note -- who am I missing?)
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

[Tippster]

Thanks, Jump. For more information go to:

www.venganza.org

[mr_gyptian]

Firing from inflatibles. Now that's smahrt.

shark infested waters, to boot.

[Buster Highmen]

shark infested waters, to boot.

Oh c'mon, it's just a few Republican's out for a swim.

[Will]

Sadly, you have not yet been touched by his noodly appendage.

As a follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and a true pastafarian I shall lay out the tenents of our great faith to the masses.

(and Yarrrr... matey, fear not, for I be appropriately attired.. har har har....)

1) An invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe, starting with a mountain, trees and a "midgit" (sic). All evidence pointing towards evolution was intentionally planted by this being.

2) Global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct consequence of the decline in numbers of pirates since the 1800s. A graph showing the inverse correlation between the pirates and global temperatures was also provided.

3) It is disrespectful to teach their beliefs without wearing "His" chosen outfit, full pirate regalia.

4) The monster continues to guide human affairs with his "noodly appendage".

5) Prayers to "Him" are typically ended by "Ramen", instead of "Amen".

6) Heaven has a stripper factory and a beer volcano.

7) Bobby Henderson is the "prophet" of this religion.

8) Every Friday is a religious holiday.

[Big E]

So does the Flying Spaghetti Monster wear pirate regalia? And if so, how?

[mr_gyptian]

Oh c'mon, it's just a few Republican's out for a swim.

It's Somalia, not Jupiter Island. sheesh.

[Will]

So does the Flying Spaghetti Monster wear pirate regalia? And if so, how?

Good Grief man! What sort of slip-shod heathenistic religious upbringing have you had? We wear the pirate regalia, not Him!

As for "why", the letter to the Kansas city school board lays it out quite simply: "The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t."


*Ramen*

[bakers_dozen]

Haha okay I've missed out on all of this, got some good laughs, and the science seems correct

[midget]

Hey Jump. Thanks for including the midget in your wonderful artistic rendition.

[backpack]

Oh c'mon, it's just a few Republican's out for a swim.

You're just doing this to taunt me, aren't you?