Cold hard ninja facts:

[truth]

• Ninja don't sweat.
• Bullets can't kill a ninja.
• Ninja invented skateboarding
• Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless.
• Ninja never wear headbands with the word "ninja" printed on them.
• Ninja can breath underwater anytime they want.
• Ninja can change clothes in less than 1 second.
• Ninja don't smoke, but they do use smoke bombs.
• Ninja always land on their feet. If they don't have feet they will land on their nubs.
• Ninja invented the internet.
• Ninja don't eat or drink very much, and they never have to go to the bathroom.
• Ninja always move to America when making a new start as a non-assassin.
• Ninja don't play sports. Unless killing is a sport.
• Ninja can crush golfballs with 2 fingers, any two fingers.
• Ninja have a bad temper when they lose at anything. They will usually cut off the winners head before they have time to gloat.
• Ninja lie all the time. Even when the truth serves better, ninja will lie anyway.
• Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for girls.
• Ninja never bring a gun to a sword fight. Ninja don't use guns. Ever.
• The only way to end a ninja clan is to break the head ninja's sword.
• Ninja never show their real face. If the need to show a face arises, it should be a very shiny mask. This is the only possible substitute.
• Bullets can't kill a ninja. Even 1 million bullets can not kill a ninja. (See the training video "Ninja 3: The Domination" for demonstration!)
• When attacking a single ninja with a clan of ninja (more than 4, less than that is only a posse), it is proper ninja etiquette to fight with only one ninja at a time. This makes for a much nicer fight to the death.
  
  NOTE: if you are planning to fight the mack daddy ninja, be sure to bring lots of lesser ninja to warm him up for your grand entrance.
• When fighting with bow and arrows, a proper ninja will always destroy his bow if one of his arrows is cought in mid-air, and then broken over one knee of another ninja.
• Ninja stars and sake are a perfectly good currency for ninja payments.
• Ninja always use 4 pointed ninja stars. The fancy stars with more than for points are for the lesser ninja.
• Ninja can only use their special dissapearing powers in combination with a smoke bomb. This is not negociable.
• When training with other ninja, it is proper to group off into different colors. Stay with your color at all times! Failure to keep with your color results in a circle kicking, where you are in the center of the circle.
• Ninja always wear tabi boots. Even when they sleep.
• When confronting other ninja, always try to wear a different color than that of the ninja you are attacking. It is proper ninja-ettiquette to give "home" color to the defending ninja.
• Ninja don't sleep. I know I said they do above, but I lied.
• It's expected that ninja will lie from time to time.
• When encountering large falls and leaps it is appropriate to always give the right-of-way to the first ninja to jump.
• With that said it is equally appropriate to give the needed time and space for the following ninja to jump and catch up.

[Crinkle]

you forgot:

• ninja's always shoot par or better
• and ninja's always ride it switch to the road

[truth]

Ninja should never enter the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

Never scream just before attacking another ninja from behind. This will only alarm the ninja that you are about to do something funky.

Always wear a mask. You never know when you will see someone that you don't want to see you. TIP: (read this over and over till it makes sense)

Always carry a spare ninja uniform. You never know when you will need to change into something less dirty in mid-battle.

Never store shuriken in your underwear.

Try to use the swords of your enemies whenever possible. This way you can throw them into other bad ninja without having to worry about retrieving it later.

When trying to stop a run-away golf cart its best to pick up the back end (with hand if possible) so the wheels just spin in the air while the occupants start to get scared.

When fighting on the golf course, crushed golf balls make a good blinding powder. Just grip the golfball firmly between thumb and for-fingers, and then squeeze!

When necessary, the ninja star can be thrown with ninja toes. For example, say you are trying to gain entry into an airborne helicopter. You are using both hands to hold on and you want to plant a shuriken in the eyeball of the pilot, what do you do? Shuriken with ninja feet!

Instead of forging your own calthrops, you can simply use the kids toy "jacks". If you are a evil ninja, you can just steal them from a child, or even a lesser-ninja.

Simple way to tell what time it is without a clock is to call the local phone operator and ask them. Simple, but effective. Don't tell them your name.

When preparing for battle, take some time to do all the hand signs of kuji-in. You will feel better and look cool at the same time.

Always run sideways when possible. With proper application you can run through walls.

When jumping far distances, always roll up into a ball. It will give an extra 50 feet of jumping height.

Want to jump higher? Plant a corn stalk. As it grows each day jump over it. Gradually you will increase your jumping height as the corn grows.

Always use your ninja names when speaking to each other in battle. Don't let sneaky golfers listen in to your conversations and wreck your plans.

Try to fight in mid-air whenever possible.

Try to keep your weapons on display, even in storage. You never know when you will need them to look pretty for a pre-revenge scene.

Wearing black eyeliner is good for blending in with the environments. Especially good for public missions where photo ops may arise. Don't forget to wear your mask.

[jump]

Well Played, well played, now huck it like a ninja!

[truth]

1. Maintain balance control by allowing your body weight to sink and be carried by deeply flexed knees.
   
2. Remember to breathe along with your movement. Unconsciously holding your breath can unknowingly produce unneeded muscle tension, and could result in gasping release of breathe if you are startled or accidentally unbalanced.
   
3. Stay alert to the entire scene. Do not become so engrossed in watching your feet that you do not notice other people an elements entering the surroundings.
   
4. Use all joints for movement, emphasizing fluidity through the engagement of the ankles, knees, and hips for stepping. Avoid the lazy and dangerous habit of stiffening knees and swinging the entire leg from the hip.
   
5. Maintain your weight and balance on your grounded leg while you move the other leg into position to bear the weight. When absolute silence is a must, avoid distributing your weight over both legs at the same time.
   
6. If practical, allow your hands to float lightly in front of and beside your torso, one arm higher and one arm lower, to detect possible obstructions before your committed body weight encounters them.
   
7. Pause and hold your position if you feel that you have accidentally caused too much noise. Listen for signs that you were heard, such as the movement of others or the immediate silencing of background noise following your slip. Sink a little lower on your knees to physically relax that could normally jump into your body with alarm. Take a deep breathe and release it slowly to further relax. Continue your pause for as long as you feel is necessary to regain composure and allow possible listeners to decide they did not hear anything after all.
   
8. Be as patient as possible. If speed of travel is not important, take as much time as you can. Impatience and the resultant hasty movement that it encourages are the greatest dangers to the person who must move silently without detection.
   
9. Keep your movement appropriate to your surroundings. Do not go to greater lengths than necessary to conceal your movement, while at the same being aware of what others entering the area may see if they cannot hear. Total silence may not be needed when moving through wooded or densely populated areas where scattered noise is a natural part of the environment. Also be aware that low profile crawling or sliding ma be the only way to move silently without being seen in some locations.
   
   

[mntlion]

totally sweet

[snowsprite]

For sure this is the best thread in a long time!

Sprite

[Below Zero]

LOL - NOTE: if you are planning to fight the mack daddy ninja, be sure to bring lots of lesser ninja to warm him up for your grand entrance.

So, do ninjas get laid? With all those skillz they better be getting some.

[Monique]

Ninja never wear so many bracelets that they clank together, nor do they risk a stray waft of patchouli alerting the enemy as they approach.

[truth]

Are you a good ninja?

[Camilo]

Ninjas are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Ninjas are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee).

http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm

[iceman]

http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm

Dude that's older than the intrawebs. When they first strung the webs together and turned them on, realultimatepower was the site that came up.

[jump]

Dude that's older than the intrawebs. When they first strung the webs together and turned them on, realultimatepower was the site that came up.

So very true.

[Camilo]

You bastards. How the hell was I supposed to know? I'm only 14.

[truth]

NINJA POISONS:

The ninja were very knowledgeable about poisons. Poisoning a victim was as effective as stabbing them, but with very little mess or chance of failure. Once the poison was ingested by the victim it was already to late. The poisons were mostly organic based, but some were taken from animals.

One method was to take the fungi poison out of the blowfish or puffer fish. This poison is very strong and can kill in small doses. Another animal based poison was the bufo marinus. The bufo marinus is a large toad with an extremely toxic poison behind its eyes. This poison was often used on darts, arrows and spear tips.

Spiders and scorpions were also used. Not always just the poison extracted from them, but sometimes it was just as easy to slip a couple of scorpions in the bed of the victim.

One of the organic poisons used was made from common fruit. Cyanide was extracted from a variety of sources, such as apple seeds, plum seeds, cherries seeds and many more. It was readily available to the ninja and was used often.

Tomato and rhubarb leaves also held a poison. Eating the leaves cause cardiac problems, ultimately resulting in cardiac arrest.

The amanita phalloides is a deadly mushroom. The poison in the mushroom was 10 times more powerful than that of cyanide. Eating the mushroom was certain death, and it was easy to slip a piece of the mushroom in almost any meal.

The poison could be used in various ways, depending on the situation. For example, if the ninja could slip it into the victims food while its being prepared. Without knowing what kind of danger he was in, the victim would eat the food infested with the poison. Not all the poisons used by the ninja were fatal, some of them were used to merely paralyze or cause blindness. It was not always necessary to kill.

Another thing the ninja did was dip their weapons, such as the shuriken or their sword, in the poison. This was so when it punctured the skin of their target, the fast acting poison would take its course, causing much more devastating than the blade itself.

[irul&ublo]

You bastards. How the hell was I supposed to know? I'm only 14.

Hey...show a little respect to your elders junior. Pirates are way cooler than ninjas anyway.

[Blurred]

[truth]

Every now and then, you are going to encounter an idiot. These guys are everywhere.... but for some reason they seem to congragate near coffee shops. You can usually spot an idiot by their poodle. Another dead give-away that you are dealing with an idiot - the medallion they wear on their bare chests.

Some idiots are pretty harmless and will keep to themselves. Some idiots must bother people, like it is their personal mission in life to piss people off. Well, be that as it may, even an idiot should know better than to fuck with a ninja.


The first thing you have to do when an idiot attacks is to block the attack. This particular idiot chose his beer bottle as his main weapon of choice, backed with a polka-dot poodle. This is a very dangerous combo. The bottle is easily blocked, but the poodle can be used as a throwing device, an explosive, a swinging-club-like weapon, or it may even fire projectiles! Nobody really knows for sure but the idiot wielding the poodle.

You must stop the idiot and his bitch by any means necessary. In this case, a swift kick to the pants does the trick. Make sure to kick hard enough to take the idiot up off the ground. If done properly the idiot should drop the poodle.


Now, most idiots would just give up after a swift kick in the pants, but not this one. This medallion wearing idiot pulls a gun and gives no choice but to use the poodle. The very polka-dot poodle that was used against you now makes a fine weapon. Beat him stupid with his very own bitch. (We do not advocate animal abuse in any form, but we are talking about poodles here. Do they even count as an animal?)


After giving the idiot a good beating make sure to place him in plain view for everyone to see. Make him a display for all other idiots. Take this opportunity to teach the idiots that you just DON'T FUCK WITH A NINJA!

This pretty much goes without saying, but make sure to strike a really cool pose and hold it for a while. Remember, you are representing all ninja out there, and it is your responsibility to look awesome!

[PaSucks]

Hey...show a little respect to your elders junior. Pirates are way cooler than ninjas anyway.

Pirates are cooler. Here's why!

[13]

It's come to my attention that many pirates and vikings are actually ninjas with excellent disguises designed to fool us all.

[Camilo]

You bastards. How the hell was I supposed to know? I'm only 14.

I heard boobs are even cooler, but I still haven't seen any in real life.