About to turn 50 and am too tired to continue

[Hood26]

I don’t know what to say right now. I’m numb. The high highs and low lows are too much and I’m too overwhelmed. The doctor I saw was 100% useless.

Hang in there haus. The lows will end. I Am sorry the doc wasn’t good. I hope you have a chance to find another.

[byates1]

You got a good life w a good partner, kids, and tons of rad ppl that care.

Thx for reaching out. The collective is strong and here mister.

[Buzzworthy]

I got all of em. And reading this list I’ve felt this way for years. Nothing is getting better. There’s a temporary lull in these feelings but they don’t ever go away. I don’t want to continue being alive.

[Buzzworthy]

Yeah people care. But I don’t. It’s just constant pain all the time.


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[byates1]

Jeez man. Get yourself in some anti depressemts. Would change things heaps for the better

[Buzzworthy]

I’m fucking on them

[byates1]

Well, need to recalibrate. Let's ski the Beav next week

[cat in january]

Maybe check into a hospital so you can get some quality medical care.

[Buzzworthy]

I’m trying everything I can. I just keep becoming more and more like this. The thought of getting on a chairlift right now is terrifying. My fear of heights has become panic inducing.

[Buzzworthy]

Maybe check into a hospital so you can get some quality medical care.

I will lose my job. That is also terrifying

[byates1]

I also like shuffling along Nordic xc just chilling. Peaceful

[Buzzworthy]

I literally will not help myself. I want to inside but somehow I can’t actually get things to go better. My brain is too fucked up. I don’t know anymore, this isn’t who I used to be or ever wanted. It’s impossible to help yourself when you hate yourself.

[byates1]

Bro are you w your wife now? Obviously a little worried.

Prob need to switch up meds to help correct the feeling of not wanting to be alive anymore. Objectively that's not right and different meds will give you a different path.

Hang in there man. It's going to work out for the better. You'll be ok.

[Hood26]

I will lose my job. That is also terrifying

Losing a job is terrifying no doubt. You are more valuable than the job.

Have you tried texting 988 yet? They are much better than us jongs. We are all going to stick hear and happy to talk with you too. Just saying that the folks on the end of 988 have a specific skill set.

If on medications already, can you get into them pronto? Or even just a trip to the ER if it is a current emergency.

[gaijin]

PM sent. Give me a call. I have some stories that are better told live.


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[Hood26]

PM sent. Give me a call. I have some stories that are better told live.


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Solid.

Buzz, I hear you. We hear you. We feel your pain with you.

I know someone who investigates suicides and it’s brutal on the families. Share your pain with your family now while they can still help you. You don’t have to help yourself right now. You need to let your loved ones, friends, random mags, doctors, and crisis experts help you.

Bro, if you find yourself on the brink. Call 911.

[Buzzworthy]

I’m on now with 988.

[Buzzworthy]

My wife knows I want to die.

[gaijin]

I’m on now with 988.

Awesome.

[Buzzworthy]

Awesome.

It’s clear she is working with other people as she asks a question and I answer and then nothing for several minutes. Like everything else in this world, it sucks.

[gaijin]

It’s clear she is working with other people as she asks a question and I answer and then nothing for several minutes. Like everything else in this world, it sucks.

She may be. You’re not alone.

I’ve used the support line. And now I often call them just to thank them for answering and I remind them of how important their job is.

In fact I just called now and no one answered.

I’m not a specialist, just empathetic. I’ll be here all night.

[hikesalot]

I’m so glad you called them. I hope it is helpful. I know a friend who it has helped immensely and they have called several times. Just know there are a lot of folks here who can relate and are pulling for you and want you to be alive. Sending all kinds of positive energy your way.

[AK47bp]

I will lose my job. That is also terrifying

You won’t lose your job. FMLA and ADA laws will protect you. You definitely qualify. Your company would have to be dumb as hell to fire someone seeking treatment for a serious medical condition.

[Hood26]

My wife knows I want to die.

Good on you for being honest. Thank you for talking to 988.

I like to watch birds when I am low. Hummingbirds, Robbins, ducks, ducks and more ducks. I love birds and they are proven to help. If there is a park where you can feed ducks or a refuge nearby? I know the Salt Lakes have lots of waterfowl. I also like to make plans. Short term and mid term are great. Maybe there’s something close to home you haven’t seen or done? Or maybe you can get to the beach? You intermountain folk need more beach in your lives. It’s totally ok that you don’t want to ski or get on a lift right now.

Again, I am proud of you for talking with your wife and 988.

[Buzzworthy]

How is this possibly helpful?

From 988

“I can imagine having thoughts like that on your mind everyday can be difficult. Would you feel comfortable sharing with me when, how and where would you plan to attempt suicide?”