A Eulogy to My Dying Uncle, A Legend.

[EWG]

My uncle is dying right now.

He pretty much pre-dated the boards, and to my knowledge he was never a mag. But he was the inspiration for everyone who became one in Colorado. He was the goal, the predecessor, the path. Just like the beat poets for the Dead or the blues guys for the Stones, he was the aspiration, one of the people that set the standard and created the lifestyle from scratch.

As my life started he was living on a commune in Connecticut, pulling Merry Prankster shit all over the place, most famously by faking press credentials at various political events, culminating in a classic “interview” with George McGovern done with a home video camera, an unplugged microphone, and, no doubt, an array of perception altering chemicals. He moved from Connecticut to Colorado shortly after that in a pickup truck with a back cab made out of an old shower stall.

In Colorado he immediately became one of the legends who completely changed the rules of what could be done outdoors. He worked the Henderson mine swing shift so he could have his days free to ski and raft. They used to get off at 3am and ski down Berthoud Pass on wooden Nordic skis with no edges by moonlight. When they needed a break he’d overfill the train cars with the crane he ran, knock the car off the track, and take off early while it was fixed. He guided raft trips all through Colorado, where he had the habit of dropping out the back of the raft during the rapids, still shouting instructions to the clients about when and how to paddle, just to see the looks on their faces when he, post rapids, told them to back paddle to come pick him up. He and his buddies made a game of running the nastiest water they could find in the smallest floaties they could come up with, just to see how far they could push it. If it could be done on water or snow he did it, he did it big, and he did it with style.

I grew up outdoors and on snow, but with nordic stuff at first. When I was a kid and just starting out on downhill gear I came to visit him in Colorado. He was living in a cabin on Fall River Road outside Idaho Springs while teaching school. Only a woodstove for heat, and his old Jeep’s fabric roof had rotted out, so he built a replacement out of plywood, which was not exactly weathertight. He would joke that he was the only guy that took clothes OFF when he got to the resort. But it wasn’t really a joke.

First time out to Colorado, first season on downhill skis, as a kid, he immediately took me to the top of double black Avalanche Bowl at Loveland. I told him it looked steep, Which it is. He said “I’ll tell you what the guy who first took me here said when I asked how the hell I was gonna get down it.” He then turned around and said “Follow me” and took off. Fucking hell. Later that week I remember skiing an entire day of tree laps off of, I think Ptarmigan, with absolutely zero visibility, just following his never wavering, never faltering ghostly shadow right in front of me.

The guy was an outdoor legend. He skied like flowing water, he ran marathons on no notice, floated any rapid on any boat, and absolutely partied his ass off. I remember once he flipped his car on a mountain road, ending up hanging upside down by his seatbelt listening to Huey Lewis sing “sometimes bad is bad” but walked away unscathed. As usual.

At some point he started to party less, pretty much out of necessity and self-preservation. Then the unthinkable happened. This guy who could ski literally anything, anywhere, in bounds or out, with ease, got hurt on a “one more run” at the end of the day in bounds, on a groomer. Woke up in the hospital with no memory of what happened. He still doesn’t know. Took a shot to the neck but was getting feeling back in all limbs, and then all of a sudden started to get pain in his back. It took the doctors almost a day to respond to his complaints, and by then the damage was done. His legs were fully paralyzed, and he had limited use of his arms and hands. It never came back. Won a small malpractice suit but that doesn’t get you out of the chair.

But, as normal, he took to that with the same fearlessness he did everything else. Wrote a book to help other quads. Wrote a bunch of articles for magazines to do the same thing. Tried sit skis and didn’t like them but bought a hand crank bike and rode it constantly. Lifted weights, got real strong. Became a psychiatrist and a mediator. Totaled another vehicle. Recreated the fake news scheme when he and a buddy got into Coors field for the all-star game (I think it was) around 2000 with a home video camera and a microphone that wasn’t plugged into anything. Met the woman he’d be with for the rest of his life. Made it to his mid-70s as a quadriplegic in a chair, which is not that common I’m told. Drove his 400-pound chair into a pond while fully strapped in when a walkway crumbled, head underwater, and somehow made it out alive. Before his accident and after his accident it didn’t matter – he was an absolute badass.

It finally got too much for him. Too many health problems to keep fighting. Too much pain. He’s gracefully letting it end, at home. He’s dying. Right now. This guy I love that meant so much, that inspired me to do so much, is dying. It happened so suddenly.

In the end death never got to him, not through all the crap he pulled. Not the car wrecks, not the avie terrain, not the rapids. Not the pond or any of the shit he pulled in the chair. Not the mine work. Not the mountains. Death couldn’t catch him. Not until he finally decided to let himself be caught. Amazing.

If anyone recognizes him from this description, which would not be at all surprising, feel free to PM me. The guy is a myth, the original, the ideal all of us Colorado mags are chasing, the stories we heard, the person we want to be. The guy who did it all, and did it huge, and did it right. Legend.

I can’t believe he will never get the last email I sent him. I can’t believe that I will never talk to him again. It hurts so bad.

Chardo, I love you. God, I’ll miss you.

Goodbye.

[Buster Highmen]

++++

[Bunion 2020]

Nice tribute. Vibes, and here is to a life well lived.

[Cruiser]

Absolute legend! Glad you got to know him as well as you did! Blessed

[Danno]

Vibes, B. Here's to a life fully lived.

[gravitylover]

Good stuff

[hatchgreenchile]

A full send life. Thanks for the read, I’m sure your family will remember him for generations.

[Self Jupiter]

++vibes+++

[2FUNKY]

What a read, and what sounds like a guy larger than life.
Be easy Chardo. So sorry EWG.


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[teleee]

Thank you for the eulogy, what a life. Vibes!


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[BmillsSkier]

Incredible life; Godspeed, Chardo.

I’m sorry EWG, we’ll keep you and him in our thoughts.

[easyrdr]

He will always be remembered and be with you always. Hang in there.

[singlecross]

Sounds like he stomped mightily on the terra firma and is getting off the ride on his own terms. Respect.

[Core Shot]

Wow.
You should publish that in the local papers.

Old people buy papers. And read obits. I’m sure many of his old pals would enjoy your writing.

I’ll pour one out for uncle.

And happily send $37 to publish that in print.

RIP to a legend.

[hawkgt]

FKNA

to Chardo

[huckbucket]

Amazing tribute. He'd be proud to be known that way. Vibes EWG.

[MarsB]

Rock on, Chardo. Thanks for paving the way.

[rideit]

That was more inspiring than sad, makes me want to get after it harder and smarter.
Absolutely beautiful tribute.

[bennymac]

agreed. Inspiring is the word. thanks for sharing that.

[Brownski]

I’m sorry, man. Your uncle will be remembered. If you have it in you to share more, I’m sure I won’t be the only one here eager to read every word of it. Sounds like a life well lived

[The AD]

Then the unthinkable happened. This guy who could ski literally anything, anywhere, in bounds or out, with ease, got hurt on a “one more run” at the end of the day in bounds, on a groomer. Woke up in the hospital with no memory of what happened. He still doesn’t know. Took a shot to the neck but was getting feeling back in all limbs, and then all of a sudden started to get pain in his back. It took the doctors almost a day to respond to his complaints, and by then the damage was done. His legs were fully paralyzed, and he had limited use of his arms and hands.

Wow, seems like this is the way it works sometimes. Crazy.

Sounds like a true character and a life well lived. Nice tribute.

[riser4]

Sometimes you eat the bar and sometimes the bar eats you.

[EWG]

Thank you to everyone for responding. It means quite a lot. A lot.

Chardo has passed away.

A long time ago when my bother was maybe 14 he flew out to ski Colorado for the first time, and Chardo picked him up at the airport. This was back when Stapleton was still in operation. Chardo goes to meet him. He spies him across the crowded terminal, and in a huge, fake Texas drawl, at the top of his lungs, calls out across all those crowds "Hey there, nephew! Come over here and give your uncle a great big kiss!" All the activity stops and everybody stares, while my brother tries to crawl into a hole somewhere. Chardo is just standing there, curly red hair blazing, huge stupid grin on his face, loving the embarrassment and the scene he caused. Sowing chaos as usual.

I hope just now he showed up wherever the afterlife is and did the same thing, wild grin, rocking the crazy red hair, eyes flashing, throwing out the huge fake Texas accent, asking if everyone is having fun yet.

He had this saying that came from when he was a kid. Apparently he stopped to pick up a friend when they were out cruising in Cleveland. Friend said he couldn't come. Chardo was like what the hell you talking about, we're going out to cruise chicks, ya know? Friend says he has to stay home to help his mom fold towels. From that moment on, if he asked you to come do something and you couldn't he immediately accused you of staying home to fold towels. Was an excellent motivator. Still is.

Go on Chardo. Go create some chaos up there. I hope for their sake they weren't standing around folding towels when you showed up...

[bennymac]

I'm going to use that "folding towels" line often from now on

he's inspiring people who never met him

[Aldo]

Let it flow EWG, let it flow .

Celebrate him , he’s on his way.

RIP